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  • April 12, 2024 at 5:18 am #1128812

    It seems like you are going to have to figure out how to let go of some negative beliefs about yourself before you’re going to be able to break free of this pattern.

    You are absolutely fixated on this narrative about yourself as being old, ugly, everyone’s crash test dummy, not worthy of love, continually abandoned and discarded, etc. And then you invite men into your life who aren’t that into you to begin with, so it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Like we said in your other post, this guy was just a neighbor who you slept with twice and he acted weird after both times. This wasn’t a loving romantic relationship.

    Please find out what access you have to therapy and start to do some work with a professional to repair your self-worth. I wish you well.

    April 9, 2024 at 11:35 am #1128785

    Also, weekly sex after 18 years of marriage is not bad at all, like not at all to the point that you’d be immersing yourself in men’s forums about not getting enough sex and researching to this extent. Something is off here.

    April 9, 2024 at 11:22 am #1128784

    I don’t think you’re in a happy marriage if these are your views on women. Not a mutually happy one anyway.

    How old are your kids btw?

    April 9, 2024 at 7:45 am #1128778

    Also wondering if you have any older siblings who have any independence, maybe a car, who would be sympathetic to you and help you? Maybe in exchange for some service you could provide them?

    I do see how an hour each way could be a no-go for your parents, that’s too long a commute even for adults choosing a job and a place to live. But a combo of something closer and maybe someone with a car? Could be more realistic.

    April 9, 2024 at 4:52 am #1128773

    You have to think about the long game too. If this summer you could get ANYONE to let you do some volunteer work, then suddenly you’ve got experience that you can use in your letters and applications for next year. And you’ve got contacts who could make introductions for you. I would also see if you can take any classes online or local community center that would help you as well. You know, like animal care. I’m thinking like how a kid that wants to babysit would take childcare and first aid/CPR classes.

    April 5, 2024 at 4:54 pm #1128724

    Yeah so, Shep, you’re in a bubble of like minded men like you, consisting of your friends and the type of guys who seek out forums to complain that they’re not getting sex from their wives. This is where you’re getting your information (I guess that is until you found your way here through googling the topic), and there’s a high level of bias going on there. It’s really sad that you’ve never heard of a guy having great regular sex with his wife, but it’s happening out there. Guys are having great regular sex with their wives, but apparently not in your social circle, or within the forums you’re seeking out.

    I’m sorry that you don’t understand. I’m sorry that you and your friends are not working with their life partner to figure out what they need and desire and strengthen their relationships and improve their sex lives. Your wives probably want to have sex, probably fantasize about sex, but not with you because it’s become a huge pain in their ass in reality. It’s not good. It’s not something they look forward to.

    I strongly recommend talking to your wives and having a state of the relationship conversation, not about sex but about her needs and yours and how you’re both feeling. Are the problems worth addressing with the help of a therapist? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe you’re better off going your separate ways.

    March 18, 2024 at 6:37 pm #1128570

    Yeah, what Daisy said.

    Truly, that kind of underwear you’re talking about, it’s for men. And like, teenage girls who don’t know any better and it’s their first boyfriend. It’s super uncomfortable to wear and it feels cliche and impersonal. There’s a lot of quality loungewear and lingerie out there that is made for real women to wear and feel good in. Kim Kardashian’s Skims, for example.

    But whatever, the underwear thing is the least of the issues here.

    February 28, 2024 at 6:49 pm #1128368

    Oh that’s interesting. And what’s been the biggest factor preventing you from having had relationships? And can you just say when you write in that you are the artist formerly known as taco Tuesday? Because we are always going to get there eventually.

    February 28, 2024 at 5:55 pm #1128366

    Also you said you’re a late bloomer. Any relationship experience or history of controlling and manipulative men in your life? Have you had healthy relationships?

    February 18, 2024 at 10:49 am #1128210

    Yeah, it is like addiction. If you can’t get help, at least read up on addiction, obsession, toxic relationship cycles, etc.

    I’m in a happy marriage now, btw, but before I met my husband I did cut off contact with my ex and have a solid year of taking care of myself, having fun, being ok being single, and letting go of limiting beliefs about myself.

    January 29, 2024 at 5:47 am #1127912

    His behavior strongly suggests that HE is not trustworthy. I, too, wondered if you had seen his living situation on video, seen / met his roommates. Even if that’s all true, I think you’re naive to think he couldn’t be entertaining other women. Multiple-male roommate situations are conducive to that, I know because I’ve heard wild stories about my husband’s college and post college living situation. And even if you’ve met his family.., I mean, again, it’s a red flag if you haven’t, but even if you have, it doesn’t matter. A lot of us have met, gone on vacation with, etc., the families of men who cheated on us. Finally, great point about why you would choose a boyfriend who lives 6 time zones away… what’s that, the US? Asia? … in a country you can’t visit. Right? You chose that for a reason, consciously or subconsciously. It makes a lot of sense to see if you can work with a therapist or coach on your social issues, whether that’s anxiety or something else.

    We’re not trying to be jerks here, but do want you to see that this isn’t a good situation for you.

    January 20, 2024 at 8:05 pm #1127791

    You’re very young, you were super young when you met him, and… I mean, you’re figuring out he’s actually a jerk and this is a bad relationship. That’s okay, everyone has bad relationships when they’re young, with the wrong people. You just have to recognize it and move on. You should move back in with your parents and make a plan. You could even move your stuff out while he’s gone.

    He sounds charismatic, maybe somewhat of a narcissist, someone who puts you down to build himself up, and you’ve seen him as this big-deal guy when in reality he’s a jerk.

    You do need to get out of this. You can do it. Dump him.

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