Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Kate

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 2,502 total)
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  • Kate
    Keymaster

    This is a serious question: What does “be in a relationship” mean? These days do young folks just go straight from “talking” to being in an exclusive boyfriend relationship? Skipping the part where you date to find out if you want to commit? Or how does that work?

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #1090595
    Kate
    Keymaster

    So I went to a webinar on the “connect week” pilot program they’re doing at work in July / August. Right now it’s voluntary, but I think it will become the new normal, going in one week a month to connect with cross-functional people you work with.

    So everyone had a chance to voluntarily report vaccine status through a link. If you’re fully vaccinated you’ll have an ID badge that marks you as such. If not, you will have to enter the building through the thermo scanner lane – walk through a body scanner. You’ll also wear a mask. If you’re vaccinated, you don’t have to mask or social distance when you’re on the floor you’re working on, but you do when you come off that floor, like to go to the cafe or leave the building.

    I was hoping not to have to go back until fall, and this is voluntary, but I’ll probably sign up to be a team player. If my boss does, I will. It’s only one week.

    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah but why jump right to being in a relationship though? Just try going on a date.

    Kate
    Keymaster

    I don’t think that age gap is too much if it’s legal and you don’t feel there’s a maturity gap.

    I dated a guy who was 20 when I was 17, my first boyfriend. The one thing I will say is that he pressured me for sex and I didn’t have the experience or maturity to not bend to the pressure. That might have been true with a guy my own age though, who knows.

    What’s a little weird is that your letter is all about what you want, like it’s a given that this guy would want to date you. Would he? Why not just ask him out and take it one step at a time. There’s no guarantee he’ll say yes, or that you’ll make it past a first date. Just see what happens.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #1090550
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ugh. I’m sorry, but what the hell with this guy making comments about your clothes.

    Fwiw I wear ripped jorts on the bottom every day in summer if I’m not wearing a rental dress.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #1090545
    Kate
    Keymaster

    That doesn’t seem like an issue at all. I wouldn’t blink an eye at leggings and I work at an investment company that’s dressy in normal times.

    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, you didn’t do anything wrong. My advice on what to say was to get your gf on board if that’s what you want. Don’t act like you did anything wrong either, just like you’re being respectful.

    Kate
    Keymaster

    You’re both extremely inexperienced / immature, and I think you need to take a huge step back from deciding you love and want to be with someone forever, who you dated for one month and then casually hooked up with for a few more.

    Like, whoa. You’re violently swinging like a pendulum between not being ready for a relationship and wanting to settle down for life. Within 3 months.

    Your biggest mistake was bringing up the thing with the neighbor AGAIN after having disclosed the information and it being settled. Why ever mention it again??

    Your (ex) gf will probably get over this. Ask her what you can do to regain her trust. Reiterate to her that you wanted to be 100% open and honest with her and that is why you disclosed that you fell asleep at your neighbor’s place, and that you will continue to be 100% open and honest. Ask her what you can do to make her more comfortable.

    Honestly though, lose the idea that you’re about to mate for life. That’s just going to mess you up. Take it a day at a time.

    in reply to: How to put weight back on? #1090493
    Kate
    Keymaster

    It does seem way off. Especially since you say you’re still a healthy weight. This sounds really complicated and even less like we should be giving advice.

    in reply to: How to put weight back on? #1090489
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I would see how much you can pack into a shake or smoothie, like yogurt, almond butter, protein powder, and bananas. Or just straight ice cream. You can take that on the go. You can buy ingredients in bulk and freeze them.

    Of course I don’t know what you can and can’t eat or what else is going on with you, but that’s the general idea.

    in reply to: My Partner loves his dog more than me. #1090478
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Your relationship is not healthy and your partner is an ass to you. There’s an imbalance here. There’s resentment. Theres a belittling of what you do. There are attacks on your character (selfish). There’s a feeling on his part that you’re trying to control him, and/or he’s trying to control you by saying things like that about you. Things like who makes coffee and tea or where the dog sleeps seem like small issues, but they are red flags of a deeper, unhealthy dynamic. A healthy relationship is a give and take that feels natural and supportive. One person does more of certain things at certain times depending on what’s going on, and vice versa. I used to make the coffee because I got out of bed first. Now I can relax in bed a bit longer and my husband makes the coffee because he gets up first. He makes me tea at night. I make him green smoothies during the day. If either of us felt we needed more help, we’d ask for it and have a conversation. It would not feel adversarial.

    These are not little things you can fix. There’s a bigger underlying problem and it would be foolish to get pregnant or married. Maybe consider some kind of hormonal birth control to get your menstrual symptoms under control. Counseling to address the resentment and frustration and anger. But I just don’t think this is working.

    in reply to: How to put weight back on? #1090473
    Kate
    Keymaster

    This is a question for your doctor. They should refer you to a nutritionist. We can’t answer questions like this because we’re not medically qualified to do that and don’t know enough about your physical situation. But generally if you’re trying to gain weight you want to go for foods that are low-volume but high calorie like nuts, nut butters, ice cream. If you want to lose weight, the opposite: high volume, low calorie, like vegetables, salads, broth-based soups, lean meats.

    But you need a doctor’s or nutritionist’s advice, not internet randos.

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