Kate
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“I have thought of breaking up but I fear a life without him. He has brought so much into my life. So, when I think about ending things I almost always dismiss the thought quickly.”
That’s not a great way to feel about a guy you’re contemplating a long term future and family with. It’s how I felt about my exes, particularly my last ex-bf. We were really bad together, and your relationship sounds more functional, but still. I feared being alone and losing the friends and social stuff he’d brought into my life. I often thought about breaking up with him, and tbh I did actually break up with him a few times.
I didn’t ever feel that way about my husband. Like frequent thoughts of breaking up and feeling the appeal of being single.
I will say that from an outside perspective, the interactions and communication you have with you boyfriend sound problematic, and if your gut is saying that the future you want is far off or even unattainable with him, you’re probably right.
Everything he brought into your life would still be there with you if you were single, wouldn’t it? I mean, other than the physical companionship. Anything I was scared of losing, I didn’t, in the end, and I moved forward to be much happier.
He didn’t think you’d get close so fast? When he was sending you heart emojis and face timing you from the airport and asking you to be exclusive after a few dates? Ok guy. If your ambitions aren’t conducive to a relationship, why are you trying to have one? I would go no contact at this point, block and delete everywhere.
Seriously, this BS is kind of shocking. I was online dating as of 4 years ago, but that’s like ancient history. I don’t recall there being this prevalence of unacceptable ghosting and breakup-texting after 2 months of dating. Pulling back, starting to fade out so you’d ask what’s going on, sure, I guess. That 2-3 month mark was always kind of a make or break for relationships. But does it seem like we’re reaching a new low?
Well that… Doesn’t explain going silent for almost a week.
Did he say anything else??
I’m definitely not saying he’s a sociopath and everything was a lie. He just seems to be somewhat shady, even if the whole job thing is for real. To do a 180 in terms of communication and leave you hanging for the whole trip is not a stand-up move.
What a couple of dicks! With the pilot, it sounds like he made up the whole Middle East job thing, leaving you to wonder wtf was going on for almost a week while he was supposedly out of the country.
And then the other one, to abruptly break up via text early on a Monday morning after 2.5 months, rude AF. It does seem like the Tinder mentality has taken over online dating and really increased ghosting and flaking rates.
Good move. And this way he can’t say YOU didn’t reach out.
I think it’s weird because it’s out of character for this guy, who texts and face times throughout the day and calls almost daily.
Maybe do a little poking around to see if he is married?
Do nothing, IMO. Maybe a “hope you got there safe!”
Totally possible, and why I recommended not sending a ballistic text. Also totally possible: he’s in another relationship, the whole Middle East job offer thing is a made-up story because he needs to disappear for a bit.
But you’re going to learn a lot more if you stay calm, discuss, and observe, than if you freak out.
