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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Kate

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Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 2,900 total)
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  • in reply to: Struggling and unclear #1099185
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Actually with those 3 majors / concentrations, you could have gone into market research.

    in reply to: Struggling and unclear #1099171
    Kate
    Keymaster

    So, this was years ago, but my husband majored in PR and Journalism and had no clue what to do. He joined a temp employment agency, and they found him a job setting up coffee stations at an insurance company. Totally menial and boring, but A) he had fun, and B) he did a great job at whatever they told him to do, and somehow he was able to then move into the actual insurance business and do sales, and now he’s using those sales skills in a field that’s completely his passion. I know other people too that started out in food service or event planning or admin jobs and got really far in high-paying positions. The key is doing an excellent job at whatever they tell you to do, and once they see that you can handle responsibility, they’ll often give you more, and higher-level responsibility.

    Of course if you’re in a job where there’s no advancement potential or the boss hates you, you should look elsewhere, but even a boring entry level job can be a jumping off point to something better.

    in reply to: Where do I go from here? #1099165
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Wait a second. He physically grabbed your legs and made you fall when you ran upstairs? You need to end this relationship and kick him out, now. He’s done something physical to you. If you continue the relationship you are actually giving him permission to escalate physical violence.

    Yes, you were wrong and inappropriate to look in his phone, and to try to take it from him, but that does not justify getting physical!

    As for your actual question, yes, this guy is hiding something, and it sounds like maybe he’s living with you out of convenience rather than true commitment to the relationship. A guy who’s happy to be in a relationship doesn’t tell people he’s staying with a friend. Also, you don’t trust him. Also, he got physical with you. This thing needs to end right now.

    in reply to: Struggling and unclear #1099156
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I really think you need to find a counselor to help you get sorted. I’m not sure you’re clear on what you want, even.

    What you describe doesn’t sound toxic. At any workplace, they just keep giving you more work. There are ways to push back without losing credibility, but you do kind of have to do your time first and eat a little of the shit sandwich.

    Also, you could absolutely be making friends at work so you wouldn’t be so lonely, but you’re not doing that, and I guarantee you it isn’t because everyone is out to get you.

    I think you need more help than we can give on an advice forum, but basically at any entry-level job you should do fine if you:

    —Show up, don’t take excessive sick days
    —Do what you’re told, take notes, ask questions
    —Be friendly and helpful to your co-workers
    —Ask for feeeback to help you improve
    Have the attitude of how can you help the company / the customer

    And sure, the pay might be bad to start, but the point is to stick around, gain experience, get promoted, move to a higher paying job.

    in reply to: Struggling and unclear #1099153
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I would strongly recommend you talk to some kind of psychologist who specializes in career stuff. Would your parents’ insurance cover that or would they pay for it? Something is wrong here. It sounds like your expectations are way off and you’re not able to handle normal workplace interactions. You also have a degree that you’re not using, and the older you get, the harder it’s going to be to get into that field at entry level. I think you need a counselor to work with you, identify what’s holding you back, give you coping mechanisms, and help you work out a plan to find a job in your degree area.

    Without detail I can’t give you any more specific advice, but people at work aren’t meant to treat you like a loving parent or something. They need to be direct with you. They need to tell you what to do and then give you feedback about how you’re doing. That is all normal and okay. It’s not okay to call you names, or use your personal characteristics against you. Are they doing that? Sexually harassing you or being racist or sexist?

    in reply to: Heartbroken over my ex best friend #1099069
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Like definitely look around and smile at the people in your classes, try to make small talk… compliment them on something they’re wearing or make a comment about something going on. Then if there are group projects you can try to get in a group with someone cool. Or grabbing pizza together or something. I ended up meeting friends in grad school that way and having an absolute blast.

    in reply to: Heartbroken over my ex best friend #1099067
    Kate
    Keymaster

    So a lot of it is probably that you’re going through this strange time and you’re lonely. You didn’t go to a live-away college, which I can relate to. I went to a college I could commute to, and chose not to live there because I just couldn’t handle the dorm situation, I needed a sleep schedule, and quiet, and just wasn’t ready for that. So as a result, I didn’t develop a social life at school, and kept hanging out with my high school friends. And my HS boyfriend, who I ended up marrying (it didn’t last).

    But I mean, you probably can make friends with other kids at your college. You would have to come out of your shell probably and make an effort to talk to people, maybe even join some clubs or something. It’s not the easiest thing to socialize if you have to drive back and forth, but it could be done. Have you tried? It could be there’s something I’m missing about the Covid situation, but it seems like you could meet people at school. What do you think?

    in reply to: Heartbroken over my ex best friend #1099053
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ok yeah, so this is definitely not about the reality of this friendship and what it was or wasn’t. It’s about your past and your emotional health. Something you’re trying to get back that you’re missing. And whatever’s going on with you that makes you give too much. If you’re not getting anywhere with your current therapist, think about switching.

    in reply to: Heartbroken over my ex best friend #1099043
    Kate
    Keymaster

    This was a toxic relationship, it was unbalanced, and it was actually so shaky that a stupid disagreement over money, or a low-quality guy, could come between you and wreck it.

    I think maybe your romanticization of this relationship reflects your desire to go back to a simpler time in your life, when maybe you felt a certain way. There’s some kind of hole in your life now that you’re trying to fill, and you are looking backward and thinking somehow if you could get this friendship back, it would make you feel better.

    So what do you think you REALLY want or need? It’s definitely not the reality of this friendship, which was super toxic, and it’s not really to go back to a time when you paid someone to do your homework (gross, btw) and were close to people who called you fat (also gross), and fought over cheating loser boys.

    It’s time to move on from all that, but you’re looking backward not forward. If you were really to try to rekindle this friendship, it would be just as toxic as before. I think you’re better off getting connected with a therapist at school and trying to figure out what you’re really missing in life and how to go after it.

    in reply to: Housewife #1098999
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Sometimes that’s how I feel about moderating 😭

    in reply to: Housewife #1098979
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I put her on a time out for a bit after that, and she started posting a new thread as Gracia, and then as “Kylie,” whose boyfriend isn’t into the sex. The answer is still MOA.

    in reply to: Housewife #1098953
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ok, take a break now.

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 2,900 total)
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