anonymousse

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  • June 18, 2022 at 5:26 pm #1110531

    So Theo, have you talked to him?

    June 18, 2022 at 12:12 pm #1110516

    How much is a no fault divorce? I know we had lawyers in the group before. I guess I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t get one, unless there was a hope for something changing in the relationship, sometime? But admittedly, I hate ANY clutter in my life, let alone old forgotten husbands/marriages.

    June 17, 2022 at 11:18 am #1110478

    I’m going to be totally honest, the last man I was in a serious relationship before I met my husband was separated when we started dating. However, here’s the difference- he was in process of getting a divorce. I saw the paperwork, he was open and honest about it and he got the divorce. And he was in a state in which I’ve heard divorces take longer than average (NY) but it still was not that long. I had also met his parents who also echoed the acrimonious relationship and divorce they had. Have you met his parents or family?

    It’s the four years of no discussion? No progress at all, that makes me pretty certain you’re in for a little heartache. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m trying to prepare for the worst. Maybe your July 4th surprise is that he’s divorced and I’m a completely wrong asshole on the internet but I wouldn’t bet on it.

    June 17, 2022 at 6:51 am #1110471

    Peggy, I’m not judging you, I’m merely saying maybe don’t give her the hope it’ll work out. Based on this, you really think he’s being 100% honest with her?

    Leslie makes the point. He doesn’t prioritize or give a shit about how you feel, deep down. If you smack a smile on, it’s fine, but if not, he’ll make half hearted attempts until you settle down. Then it’s back to the status quo.

    Would you marry him? What’s stopping you from pressing the point?

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by anonymousse.
    June 16, 2022 at 8:11 pm #1110462

    Peggy, I get you married the guy but you’re the small percentage who married the already married guy. It’s great that happened but the odds are not in her favor.

    June 16, 2022 at 7:24 pm #1110460

    Also, just a typo in the first or second sentence…he is still married to his wife.

    June 16, 2022 at 5:31 pm #1110456

    Yes, it means he doesn’t give a shit. And, it IS, in fact, a big fucking deal to be dating a married man, especially long term like 4 years. I’m sorry, I don’t normally care about the sanctity of marriage (although I am married) but in general it is a shitty thing to do, date a married person whose partner does not know about you, does she?? You have an apartment together, pets and friends, I mean…Do they know he’s married? Do they know his wife?

    I say this as someone who didn’t always behave the best in relationships, dating a married person is a taboo for a reason. You have no idea what he’s told you about his wife is true, do you? Have you pressed, asked for evidence? Asked him why he hasn’t yet gotten a divorce? They are very easy to come by. A lot of people get them very easily in most cases.

    And the fact that you don’t speak up and accepted whatever he told you (what did he tell you?) from the beginning is why you’re here today. If four years ago, you’d said, “well, I won’t date you until you get divorced,” He would have known it was a hard line for you. But you didn’t. You were fine with dating him, even though he was still married.

    He isn’t the best guy ever if you haven’t in four years, broken through whatever it is that makes you not speak up. Does he know you want him to be divorced? Or does he know you were at one point uncomfortable but you just tiptoe around him? I am flabbergasted a bit, I have to admit.

    Men are not wild animals that will startle and run if you express needs. I’m curious but also worried why you’ve let this go for so long. Four years is a really long time. Do they file taxes together? Own property? Does she live nearby? Have you checked up on what he has said to you is true?

    I do think you really need to take a step away from him, like completely leave him and see a therapist. Not being able to question, or express your needs is a sign you need more help than this forum can give you. I’m shocked. I’m not easily shocked.

    Or go off the script and propose. See where you stand really quickly.

    June 4, 2022 at 9:15 am #1110114

    Wow, I love these stories, even though they are very wild. Kate, that is truly bonkers. Akeath…I have no words.

    I just can’t even imagine being pregnant like woman used to be, like 6 kids was a few back then, there were a lot in my ancestry with like 10 kids or more. I just can’t wrap my head around it. I’m not surprised so many women in my family were hospitalized for nervous exhaustion.

    June 3, 2022 at 6:11 pm #1110096

    My husband’s friend whose father did this abandoned them when they uncovered his duplicity. He just moved in with the other family.

    May grandfather’s whole excuse was he was trying to protect his first wife and kids.

    I think its a weird populate the earth thing. Maybe not the guys with two families but the guys donating 1,000 times.

    June 3, 2022 at 9:32 am #1110085

    Yeah I’m sure there have been many kids born from another man’s donation, but that’s different than fully furnishing and affording and having a second wife and children which is what I mean by second secret family.

    I read a disturbing article in the Atlantic or somewhere about super donors. Really, really creepy men out there who want to spread their seed as far and wide as possible.

    June 3, 2022 at 9:13 am #1110081

    I didn’t say it wasn’t partly Gina’s fault! But I do know my grandfather applied heavy pressure to her and in general behaved pretty terribly back then.
    But also, Fyodor you never hear about women having secret families! I would love to meet the woman who had energy for a second family. There just isn’t enough mental capacity in anyone for all those schedules and food likes and dislikes, clothing needed, lists, play dates.

    June 3, 2022 at 9:09 am #1110080

    Wendy, wow. That is shocking!

    I have found unfortunate things like, some of my family lived technically in Mexico before the purchase of Texas. I also had a GGGG (or something) grandfather who was a dentist/barber in Austin in the late 1800s and I have found a confederate soldier. I have found multiple women who were hospitalized for nerves and some who died of suicide. Women who had a baby a year for 13 years. Can you imagine!?!?

    All those insemination stories are so bonkers to me!

    I don’t really have much of a relationship with most of my family, so I don’t really know where the interest is. Just to place myself, I guess? My dad abandoned my brother and I at age 11 and I didn’t see that side of my family until I was 22 and then a decade later. So…there is a huge part of me that is curious but I don’t want closer relationships with them really.

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