Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 2,571 total)
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  • in reply to: My mum is having an affair #892224
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I understand that she’s behaved badly, but she didn’t make that post with the word Family. And a lot of people use that term to mean things other than that it is their actual family.

    I’m sure it feels like your life is ruined, but it is not. I promise it’s not.

    You need to take a couple steps back from this. Your parent’s private business-(their marriage)is none of your business. Be angry at her for leaving. Be pissed she’s not making any moves to spend time with you, but her private life is her problem.

    Your father may have been happy, but she was not. Happy wives do not leave their husband and file for divorce.

    I would really encourage you and your sister to stop cyber stalking your mother and to ask your dad to make some appointments with therapists for each one of you. He should not be sharing his relationship woes with you.

    I’m sorry this is happening.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #892221
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    There is a long history of posts from this person about his affairs, specifically this one.

    in reply to: Ia he disgusted by me? #891633
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    There are probably many, many people out there who will really want to have sex with you. They’ll initiate, make out with you and go down on you. I promise. But this is not that guy. Stop blaming yourself and just move on and look for someone more compatible with what you ultimately want in a relationship.

    in reply to: Ia he disgusted by me? #891616
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I agree with what’s been written already. He’s had a ton going on. Maybe he’s rational (?) about the death of his father! But damn, that’s a huge loss in someone’s life, even if it was expected (like serious medical issues) and that could be a lot of what’s going on.

    However, I agree he seems like a dud in bed. He doesn’t want to touch you, make out with you, initiate sex. When you do have sex it hurts and he doesn’t care? When you bring this up, he says it’s all in your head. Now, it’s unclear exactly what you said- maybe you said something like, “I feel like you’re disgusted by me,” and him saying it’s all in your head makes sense in that case.

    I agree that you moved in way too fast and now it’s time to go back to your parents or find another place. People make hasty and often, bad decisions in time of great stress and upheaval. Maybe you can sit down and tell him in a non stressful time that you really need more sex and physical affection in a relationship. Don’t say want. Say need. If he calls you crazy or tells you it’s all in your head and nothings wrong, that’s your sign that this is not ever going to work.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #891568
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Staying has been mentioned, but it is not going to make her happy. She wants a family, he doesn’t. He’s not honest with her, he’s cheated and manipulated/gaslighted her and has said he wants a divorce. She snoops in his phone. There is no trust. I don’t know how you come back from him saying he wants a divorce especially since he will not prioritize her or her feelings over this girlfriend. False hope is probably not going to help.

    in reply to: Why was she pretending to like me when she wasn’t #891567
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You can’t say for sure what her motivation was. It sounds like a normal dating experience. You dated a little bit and she broke up and she wants to “stay friends” because maybe she does, or maybe because that’s a nice thing to say at the end of a relationship.

    Most people don’t meet their partners families that early. Months, years even seem more normal than right away.

    There’s very little detail of what your short relationship was like, but if these posts are any indication, maybe you were a little too intense for her?

    It’s normal to date for a short time. It’s actually more rare to have a long lasting relationship. Don’t get so hung up on the rejection. It doesn’t have to mean something is wrong with you or that she was lying about liking you- it just turns out she didn’t like you enough to keep dating you.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #891548
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Are you really 70% happy? It really does not sound like you are.

    Have you point blank asked your friends for their advice on your situation? Have they given the same advice ten times before and are tired of your inaction and feel unable to give you any advice anymore?

    It’s interesting to me that you say you don’t get anything out of therapy, yet you claim your friends and family don’t really listen to you, and we know your husband manipulates you. I wonder how much of a chance you’ve given any therapist.

    I don’t think your husband wants a chance to save this when he told you he wanted a divorce. That’s pretty clear to me that he’s thought about this and chooses her. I’m sorry you married a man who is more invested is his girlfriend than he is invested in you- bu why would you want to continue trying after he said that to you? It’s frankly shocking that you’re still sticking around after that considering the numerous affairs, that he’s an asshole to your family and doesn’t want kids- and you say you do.

    Yeah, breakups and divorces are scary but they happen everyday. They don’t have to break you. They don’t define you. You need to prioritize your mental health and happiness.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #891535
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    We have opened up and spent time with neighborhood families that have been very careful, as we have. We’ve have socially distanced hangouts and play dates and we go to our community pool almost daily. Not many people are going-if it was popular, I wouldn’t be going at all. Masks are required when not in the pool. That’s been really good for us.

    But I honestly feel like we vacillate between feeling as though we, personally have little to fear, assuming all of us were exposed when I was sick and worried we’re not being responsible enough. Don’t get me wrong- we’re still being careful, but I personally feel not afraid to catch it now. Even though the information we get about immunity conflicts and we don’t really know how that works, I feel not afraid. I’m still being responsible for the greater good, though. I wish everyone was.

    I am worried about school. I think even with measures in place, it’s going to be so hard for administration, teachers and students. I don’t want elementary school to be so regimented that the fun is gone. But I also can’t imagine trying to home school/learn remotely because even though my son is super bright and interested in learning, doing work via iPads was not exciting or even slightly fun for him. I don’t know what the right answer is. Socially distanced in person school? Skipping this year? I don’t know.

    I am happy to be in a school district where I do really respect and appreciate our superintendent and our principal. Everyone works so hard and is really invested. I’m sure they will make the best decision they can, but hopefully those that makes the laws do, too.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #891467
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    I think owe me a drink is a code for sex.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #891466
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You’re not okay with his relationship with her. When challenged he said, “I want a divorce.”

    You are still in pain and suffering because you are in a marriage with someone who doesn’t give a shit about how you feel. When asked to take it easy with his new friend, he told you she was more important to him than you.

    There’s no magic way you can phrase this story to make it sound any better than that.

    He doesn’t choose you. It’s time to go. You will continue to feel like shit until you finally see that for yourself and can leave.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #891360
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You don’t love him, either. He cheats and lies and gaslights you. You’re so unhappy. This is not the man to continue trying with.

    in reply to: Friends with the Opposite Gender #891359
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Consult a divorce lawyer and get out of there when he’s on one of his Friday full day dates. Just grab your stuff and go. Start planning now and you could be out.

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