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When I read this, this is what it sounded like to me:
like you’re mother is really anxious, and was maybe venting to you
like you did “go around behind her back” and speak to your aunt, your brother numerous times telling them what your mother was saying.
Sometimes people blurt out their worries and fears to vent it out, not because they really can’t see how they can accommodate anyone, but because it’s part of their process with planning and executing things outside of their normal wheelhouse. I could, of course be completely wrong about how I’m reading this. I don’t think you should have done so much intervention. You should have stayed out of it as much as possible (esp. when she was expressing her frustration with your efforts) and let your mom be in charge of communication with him, if it’s her house and she’s the host.
To me it does sound like you sort of scared them off and that’s why they called the trip off?
Wow, Phoebe, what a breach of trust.
I didn’t want anyone there but my husband and we took pictures of the baby, not my birth canal. I can’t even imagine what that felt like. I’m sorry.
It’s highly probable she’s not taking the car you paid half for already just because you’re being such a huge pain in the ass and treating her like a child.
Do you want your daughter to reach adulthood-I guess middle age, since she is already an adult-not knowing how to do a thing for herself? Not knowing how to decide?
She is not you. She is not struggling, praying for help at night. She’s asking you to respect her and you aren’t.
Good lord. I mean, what can you possibly say about this damn car that you haven’t already?
She said no.
If you respect her as an adult and want an adult relationship with her, you will stop pestering her and let her make her own decisions, whether you like them or agree with them. Only offer your opinion when she asks.
We understand, we just don’t agree with you.
Back off or get ready to have a lesser relationship than you have now with your daughter. She’s telling you explicitly she’s fed up by refusing your help with the car. It’s time to let up. You aren’t doing that, you’re still treating her like she’s a child and you know best. You don’t know best, you know best for YOU, not her. If you don’t start to consider what we’re saying, she will make greater boundaries with you.
I would go to the MOMA in a heartbeat. Because I’m dying to go and haven’t been in such a long time. And didn’t the Guggenheim do a huge renovation? I’m vicariously very excited for you.
Enjoy your trip, whatever you do!
That’s impressive, Copa! I never had much money when I first moved out. Even into my first apartment on my own, without roommates I didn’t have more than a few thousand extra.
I didn’t buy a car until I was 31!
She will be fine! You’re holding on to her too tightly.
I wish you could see how incorrectly you are thinking about this.
Most people hunt for an apartment for themselves at 25 without mommy with them. At 18 I was doing all of that myself with no help, and sure I’d have liked your money, but I would not have liked you assuming you know what’s best or what another person wants better than they do themselves. It should be what SHE wants, not you. It’s her life, not yours.
Do you want to be involved in her life? Invited into it? Or kept at arms length? Because if you keep this line that you know better and she’s a naive fool, you will succeed in totally pushing her away. I’m surprised that hasn’t happened yet, at 25.
You said you and your husband won’t let her make this bad choice, but she’s 25 and she can buy a car, a house, a jet if she wants to and you can stamp your feet and say you don’t like it but that’s about all you can do about it.
Why are you so worried she’ll make a mistake? What kind of mistake could she make that couldn’t be undone? You seem to have a financial cushion so what is the fear you have?
It’s time to let go, mom.
If your mother, who married quickly is telling you to slow down, you should slow down. I have condiments in my refrigerator that I’ve had longer than you’ve known him, and they are not out of date! That should tell you that this is really, really fast.
Let him take this once in a lifetime opportunity in Nigeria. Do long distance. If you are truly soulmates, this time will be great to build your bond. Then, after he’s made it better with your family, you could get engaged with their blessing.
I agree that you may feel you’re giving freely but it seems like there are a lot of strings you want attached. You want to okay her apartment. You want to okay her car. She’s 25, not a child anymore. If you keep pushing hard, you may push her away. Save the money for her and give it to her for her first house or the future.
I haven’t been diagnosed with long Covid but in my experience, both times I had Covid, I needed to use an inhaler for about two months after having it. I had it at the very beginning of the pandemic (I think) and we had omnicron over Christmas ‘21. I have mild asthma. Clearing the lungs out after Covid was long for me.
I think I may have long Covid because I’ve had a lot of the markers like reactivation of Epstein Barr, liver issues, endless fatigue. But it seems hard to find doctors versed in this and the potential for scam at a “long Covid clinic” seems high.
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