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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

kmtthat

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 136 total)
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  • in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #833840
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Sooooo update (since the very beginnings of this relationship and the demise of my last one exist in this thread!) I got engaged! It was 2.5 weeks ago and I am so happy :). It just the time since getting engaged we have found and begun booking our venue, I found a wedding dress, and we are talking to three photographers this weekend. My fiance made it very clear he wanted to get married this year ASAP, so we are getting married Aug 24, 2019. He had been playing it relaly cool the last few months as he planned things, but my comments on thinking about freezing my eggs this year put things into perspective (I’m 34 and he is 32, and we want 2 kids). It’s crazy to think in 6 months I’ll be married and sometime next year I could be pregnant!

    Though I am wildly happy, planning wedding fast is definitely not for those with anxiety disorders! I’ve popped a blood vessel in my eye twice and have had reccurring chest pain and racing thoughts. I feel like the whole thing opens me up to be judged, especially as I am among the very last of my friends to get married and people know we are financially very stable. I would be happy with a small shingig, but fiance wants to do the whole horse and pony show…which I am happy to do, but it’s still a lot. Just the thought of having everyone stare at me while I am emotional…aghhh. And what if I’m not a beautiful bride? What if people think my dress is tacky? It’s been a wild ride and I’m thankful I only have 6 months to stress about it ๐Ÿ™‚

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #788178
    kmtthat
    Participant

    MissD we are in exactly the same place. Bf is keen on doing it “the right way” so I know it will happen, but just mentally giving it space to happen (hoping by the end of the year). I will never bug a woman wanting to be married about when she is getting engaged ever again, even teasingly!

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #788176
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Ale – I would LOVE advice for what to do in CR! He’s wanting us to do something romantic on 11/20, the actual anniversary. I’m like um…horseback riding on the beach? I don’t know what would be romantic there? If you know any amazing restaurants/food tours /eco lodges or treehouses / off the beaten path things to do I am all ears ๐Ÿ™‚

    @Copa – that’s a bummer, especially in the beginning when it’s still super exciting. It is nice to be able to take your time and build up though, and helpful to see how you communicate while separated. Bf was gone for two weeks after 6 weeks of dating and wanted to call me every single day because that’s just how he is. It was sweet. Hoping you guys keep the chemistry bubbling while he is away!

    Yeah I don’t think it will happen in Paris since we will be with 4 other people (he did say more than once he wishes it was just us there). But Costa Rica, maybe? I’d be happy if he proposed over a bowl of Cheerios, so the anticipation is killing me.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #788075
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Hey everyone long time no talk! Just skimming the last few pages to catch up. Copa hope everything goes well with this new guy. And I hear you on caring that their place feels “adult”…no soap and hand towels is such a headscratcher (he just…rinsed and air dried? Or didn’t wash at all?!)

    Things are ok with me. Since January bf and I found and bought a place, moved and lived together for the first time, I spent 4 months interviewing for and ultimately started a new job, and went through the devastating loss of my father. It’s been…a lot. and harder since he travels Mon-Thur (and sometimes Sun-Thur), though he made a huge effort to be very present back home while my dad was declining in his last month. I’m just looking forward to things mellowing out, because all of that is so challenging for a relationship. We’re planning a trip to Costa Rica for our 2 year anniversary and it’s impossible NOT to wonder if that’s when we’ll get engaged (we’ve talked about marriage, he asked my father, we have a 3 year timeline on kids since I’m about to be 34).

    Anyone else go through weird vacation anxiety when hoping for/anticipating a proposal? I hate surprises and I feel like no matter how it happens I’ll know it’s about to happen, and he wants to make it a whole thing. Since he’s meeting me in London in three weeks (I’m there for work) and we are meeting friends in Paris over the weekend I already have friends saying TEE HEE maybe he’ll propose in Paris! Which man I don’t want ot get my hopes up and be unnecessarily sad if he doesn’t. It’s just people TELLING me “oh you’re going on a trip, he is sooo going to propose!”

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #741758
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Aw Copa glad you guys were able to reschedule and seem to have really good chemistry! I think you move at whatever pace makes sense with that specific person. My current bf and I slept together after three weeks (when my norm is more 3 months) and it felt super fast, but totally made sense for us. I’d text him like normal and just see where it goes!

    No updates with me, other than crazy issues closing on this place. I never have felt more adult than arguing through lawyers on what to do about a leak issue. BF and I are totally worn out by the process, but it’s been good to go through something so difficult together and feel like we are a team.

    Anyone have any cool date ideas for when it’s still cold out? I feel like we’ve been in a funk of just movies / dinner. And since he’s only home Thursday night to super early Monday morning, want to do more with our time together. I thought about doing a glass blowing class. Or one of those wine painting nights? WE once did a BYOB class where you made ROBOTS and it was super fun.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #740485
    kmtthat
    Participant

    You know you’re an adult when the first time you hear your city is on the short list for Amazon HQ you think “YES that would be amazing for my property value!!”

    Mott street is definitely on the list! And Schwa ๐Ÿ™‚ Now I am just secretly hoping to bf proposes sometime soon. Like this year ish. Just because I am so stinkin happy.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #740476
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Oh nice!! Can’t wait to see what they build there! I’m pretty excited to be able to walk to record and book stores and just experience the city in a new way. West Loop has gotten a bit stale for me, and we eat at the same places. We will be able to go to more new places for dates!

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #740473
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Thanks! And Wicker Park ish (just east of Ashland so technically not quite Wicker). Bf is super excited for all the breweries out that way haha.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #740444
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Aww Copa Mexican food and margaritas, love it! Let us know how it goes :)Being a little cautious makes sense, but I think that will mean regardless of how things work out you are both more likely to be mature and respectful.

    BF and I are closing on our house two weeks from today (hopefully)! It’s been an exhausting process, including having one place fall through due to a crazy neighbor (we couldn’t agree on dividing the roof). But we found an amazing place (with a private roof and city skyline view!)

    Since bf and I are not married and he is a Canadian citizen on a work visa, not a permanent resident, and only has a year and half old US credit score, getting approved on a mortgage together is HARD. We will find out by Wednesday or so if we got it, otherwise the entire mortgage will go in my name (thankfully I was able to get pre-approved based on my salary alone). If we have to do that, it’s complicated as he has most of the down payment and can’t gift more than 50% to me, so I would have to take a loan against my 401k (and have him pay it off right after we close). If we have to do that, we will literally be up to the minute getting the mortgage before closing. I am stressed as hell.

    Also, the new place had FOUR windows with water leaks so trying to get that sorted with the seller. Walked in for the inspection on a very rainy day and was like…..oh crap.

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #725493
    kmtthat
    Participant

    “Iโ€™m not sure how many people who read this thread have had success with online dating. Does anyone know roughly how many people they met before they met their match? Iโ€™m curious. My therapist told me she met a lot of people (like, close to 100). A lot of people keep telling me itโ€™s a numbers game.”

    I think it is, and it isn’t. I was on Tinder for a few months when I met my S.O. When swiping I said yes to maybe 1 out of 300 people (picky AF but I would go through everyday to swipe) and of those I probably matched with 75%. Of those I matched with, maybe 50% would actually message me and like once in a blue moon turn into a date. I went on dates with three people before meeting him and I am dumbfounded it worked out, and thought I had to date a ton of guys to find the right one. I think it’s a shit shoot, and I feel stupid lucky. So all I can say is keep trying, and one day statistically it will work out.

    Also, since we both live in the same city…if you ever want to meet up again grab a drink and just vent, I’m down! I get the not being from here and not 22, it can be hard to make friends in their 30s who aren’t married with kids and in the suburbs.

    For me, things are great. 1 year anniversary with Canadian bf is in a few weeks and we are going to NYC to celebrate. the transition to him working in consulting has been really hard as he’s been gone a minimum of 4 days a week and missed out on some major events. Last month my grandma, who was like a mother to me, passed away after a bad fall (we had to put her on life support and I was there when we took her off and she passed). I spent weeks there while she was in the hospital and it was really hard to not have him there. With his new job, he couldn’t come for the funeral either, or my best friends wedding (which was three days after the funeral….seriously was the worst timing to be a bridesmaid). We just hit every hard thing at once, but it’s made us value more the time we have together and hasn’t made us fight or distant. Love him like crazy, and we are talking very seriously about buying a place in the spring, so things are good!

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #698728
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Omg ktfran seriously is!!

    in reply to: Anyone going on awesome dates? #698726
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Glad I’m not the only one that feels a little crappy (even though I know I shouldn’t). I try not to compare myself to others, but it’s sometimes hard. My bf in the beginning talked about marriage and kids a lot, so now that its down to “ok, what does a timeline for that look like to you” it’s lot more real and he seems more hesitant (he says he definitely sees all that, but wants to do it the right way). I personally would rather NOT live together first, but for him, it’s a necessary step. He said live together for a year, then hopefully be engaged (all obviously depending on how well things are going) But I think he doesn’t want to be tied to specific timing. Whih I get, but man, part of me wants someone who is irrationally, head over heels, enthused about marrying me.

    For me, I don’t want to become more intimate/intertwined (e.g. live together) if it’s not for sure going to be marriage. So my compromise is a living together without being engaged time limit. I think after 2.5 years of being together and year of living together and in your mid thirties it’s fair to be like “are we doing this or what?” I don’t want to be a wife in everything but name, and it’s hard for me to do things like spend time with his family for the holidays and getting close with them….I’ve had a lot of bfs, been close to a lot of families, and it hurts when it doesn’t work out. I have a fear of intimacy without commitment I guess. And I…don’t think that’s wildly unreasonable? He wants me to be 100% confident in our relationship and I feel 85% confident, but won’t be 100% until we’re engaged.

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