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So, I just went to order take out from a place we’ve been getting take out from regularly during covid with masks and gloves and social distancing and got told that the restaurant stopped doing take out at 5:00 pm now. After that, you have to come in and order at the bar. And we drove by earlier and the parking lot is packed. No masks. No gloves. No social
distancing. I just…I can’t with this shit… Are you fucking kidding me?
Break up with your boyfriend because your lives aren’t compatible. Either that or welcome the kids he considers as his into your life. But if you don’t want to do that – and it is obvious that you don’t – then you really do just have to break up.
You need a clean break. Even if you take out the fact that he lied to you about a very fundamental thing in his life for a year – a thing that, had you known, would have been a dealbreaker, right – he’s told you he doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you. That’s really the bottom line. He does not want you romantically. So, that should be that.
The friends thing is BS he’s using to keep you in the hook just in case his primary relationship – the one he wants to sort out – falls apart. You’re the fallback.
I’m sorry this happened to you, but you deserve so much better than this. Block, delete, whatever you have to do, but go no contact immediately.
Honestly, Robert, that you consider your auto mechanic to be holding your car for “ransom” because your car broke down, you chose to take it to that mechanic for repairs and they want to charge you for doing the work to make those repairs pretty much tells me all I need to know about why you’re having trouble with women (and I suspect, in other areas of life as well). You’re entitled, are unable to see anything from anyone else’s perspective and fancy yourself the victim when things don’t go your way, when in reality, the situation you find yourself in is the result of your own choices, priorities and actions.
Let’s break it down, shall we. How did you get here. Well, first, your car broke down. Sometimes shit happens and cars break down. Mine currently is going to get towed today because it won’t start. Why won’t it start? Because I left it sitting for a few weeks without driving it and now the battery won’t charge or jump start. That’s my fault. I didn’t properly maintain my car. And maybe that’s not what is happening with your car. Maybe it’s perfectly maintained and a well oiled and cared for machine (although your grousing about repeated mechanics ransoming your car and renting a car to do food deliveries may be a tell). Anyway, you and I are in the same boat, no? We both have cars that have to go to the mechanic. So now what?
Well, the mechanic I take it to is going to look at my car and tell me what is wrong with it. Since I’ve researched my mechanic and gotten recommendations from people I trust, I trust that what my mechanic is saying is wrong with my car is what is wrong with it. If I didn’t, I’d take it to someone else at this point.
Next, the mechanic is going to tell me what the cost is to fix my car. Like you, I also am probably going to wince at the price he quotes me because car repairs are generally not cheap. If I think he’s screwing with me, I, again, am going to take it to someone else. But I don’t think he’s screwing me over because (1) I researched him and (2) I understand that auto repair takes labor, parts and skills that I don’t have. So, I’m going to suck it up and pay the mechanic the price he quoted me for his time and labor and the parts to fix my car. The end.
Notice how I’m not accusing my mechanic of “ransoming” my car? That’s because he obviously is doing no such thing. “Ransoming” implies that it’s the mechanic and not you that got yourself into this situation, Robert. The mechanic has absolutely nothing to do with why you’re short on funds to pay for a car repair. He didn’t break your car. He didn’t make you choose to take the car to him. He isn’t making you use his services. And, he has no control over your finances. All of those things are on you, Robert. The mechanic simply quoted you a price for the services you needed and asked him to provide.
But you don’t see that. You see “Poor, Robert, being taken advantage of by the shyster mechanic who is screwing me over.” Same as you see yourself as “Poor Robert, being disrespected by women who keep politely rejecting my perfectly reasonable request for a date.” You’re acting like the mechanic owed you a deal and the women owe you a date just because you’re you and throwing yourself a pity party when that doesn’t happen because these people don’t owe you anything. The mechanic has a business to run, bills to pay and so he does not offer discounts to strangers. Women have their own lives, interests and wants for a partner and don’t go out with men who don’t fit into that. Neither of them owes you an explanation and neither of them is screwing you over. They’re just living their lives according to their own principles.
And if you were able to actually look at anything from someone else’s perspective, you’d get that. Hell, if you were even mildly interested in anything we’ve been telling you, you’d get that because it’s been said ad nauseam here. I don’t know whether you don’t want to hear that or simply cannot hear that, but until you are able to appreciate that everyone you interact with is a person, too, with motivations, desires, interests and thoughts, you’re not going to get anywhere. And honestly, I don’t even know if that is something you can even learn as an adult. That’s for your therapist to figure out. Printing this thread and taking it to her is a fantastic idea. I’m sure it’s save you both some time. Good luck to you both.May 8, 2020 at 8:39 am in reply to: Scrapbook birthday present, horrible idea for my fiancé? #885575
It’s cute, but his appreciation probably won’t be worth the effort, tbh. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it or it’ll embarrass him or anything like that.
@BGM: if you’re logged in, not just putting your info in the comment fields, I think the posts come up under your own user name instead of Anonymous.
So, my covid antibody test was negative. No idea what I had a few weeks ago, but apparently covid wasn’t it. Good thing Florida is opening right on up for tourists who can bring all their germs from everywhere. Yippee!!
Oh, Jesus H Christ. I just watched the John Oliver sketch featuring the clip of Alex Jones contemplating – and I am not making this up – killing and eating his neighbors. Fucking hell, is this the insanity red state America is watching?
We are so fucked.
“French translators have a really hard time translating anything he says, because he isn’t actually saying anything coherent or with a real meaning.”
LOL!!! I had kind of wondered how it was to try translate someone who just sort of talks in incoherent, vague, often bizarre and usually outrageously incorrect concepts! Like, how can you translate “we should nuke hurricanes!” or “maybe we could inject bleach to defeat COVID!” or “I have the best brain!” without it sounding like you’d obviously messed it up.
The only good news in this letter is that you’re not stuck having a kid with this loser. Make a clean break and do better next time.
What’s going on? You’re broken up. That generally sucks, but the good news is that the guy you were dating was an asshole, so you’re actually better off! Enjoy your freedom (from a responsible social distance) and forget about him.April 23, 2020 at 2:33 pm in reply to: My stepdaughter quit college, is home, doesn’t want to work, and is miserable #881286
This is complicated by the pandemic and quarantine, but you need to have a serious talk with your husband about developing an actual, concrete, step-by-step plan with reasonable metrics to get your stepdaughter out of your house and then implement it with her. Something that encourages her to develop responsibility for herself, not just paying for her to live somewhere else and something more than “well support whatever, but you have to vaguely earn money.” It’s great that you guys are able to be help her out but, giving her vague goals and free opportunities has been counterproductive to this point, and if she’s not going to take advantage of what she has been offered, then there’s not much point in throwing good money after bad until she’s ready and able to be productive with the generosity she’s been given. I honestly don’t know what that will look like, but you need to stop framing it as “forcing a choice” by making your husband choose between you and your stepdaughter and instead frame it as “helping stepdaughter develop financial independence and a viable career path,” i.e., growing the fuck up already. As for what you can do right now, you need to talk to your husband about setting ground rules for your stepdaughter and implement those, starting with the fact that your stepdaughter should be helping out around the house, treating you guys with respect and generally not acting like an entitled brat.