I understand what it’s like to get really excited about a date that holds significance, but I agree with the others that, if you just want to get married, do it sooner. Have a lovely fall wedding in October.

@Kate I understand where you’re coming from, especially in our culture where women take on so much of the emotional labour.

But I think there’s just a completely different culture around gift-giving where my partner comes from. And it’s also probably much different for his mother’s generation as well.

The best way I can explain it is… you don’t just pick out something that you think someone would like. You give them something to be useful. And since she didn’t know what she would do with the spice box, she wanted me to keep it because she thought I must have a better use for it.

Anyway, I just wanted to send something nice for her 75th birthday. That’s just the kind of person I am… I love to give presents!

Especially since she and I have been trying to connect a bit across the distance. It’s hard when she’s on another continent.

Can anyone help me with ideas for a token gift I can send my partner’s mother for her birthday?

I’m feeling a bit stuck because our cultures are very different and she’s quite set in her ways from what I know of her.

Last year I got her a handmade wooden spice box because she loves to cook. But in her mind, she just thought that’s not how she stores her spices, so she gave it back to me.

A new cookbook will be useless because she only cooks Tamil food and she knows all her dishes from memory.

I know she likes to go to the temple.

I just want to send a token gift so she knows I’m thinking of her.

Any ideas?

Yes! I don’t think she has travelled beyond her own province in about 25 years… so this is a bit scary for her! My brother is helping her apply for a passport and I’m helping her book a flight that will avoid the big airports.

I’m super excited to show her my new city!

@Copa things are really good here but nothing exciting to share. I feel pretty settled in here. I can’t believe it’s been 10 months already!!

I love our neighbourhood! I love our flat. My mom is coming to visit me in September so I’m starting to get really really excited about that!

I’m still working hard at starting my own business, which is actually a lot harder than I thought, to be honest. But I’m still going!

This MUST be the same lady.