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Yes, and I wouldn’t have done all those things if I wasn’t 100% sure that a proposal is coming! I’m not just sitting around hoping. It has been discussed and, unlike my last relationship, I feel secure, happy and confident that we’re on the same page.
LoL I am so sick of everybody asking when I’m getting engaged. Every 5 seconds someone is like “OMG do you think he’s gonna propose soon??” or if we talk about doing a weekend trip my friends are like “OMG is he gonna propose????”
It’s annoying because I don’t know the answer and if it were completely up to me, he’d just say “Hey do you want get married on X date?” and I’d say yes and then we’d go shop for a ring together and be done with it.
But I guess he wants to do things his own way, in his own time. We’ve talked about it enough that I know it’s coming. I’ve just told myself not to expect anything before Christmas.
TheLadyE, that guy is just going to keep pushing you for sex and when he realizes you won’t give in right, away he’ll ghost you. Don’t go out with him again.
Also, like two weeks ago you specifically wrote that you don’t want to date a guy with children. That it’s just not a good match for you and at your age you don’t need to make any concessions.
So… why would you go out again with a guy who can’t listen to no, who’s already asking you to come back to his apartment and who has 3 kids when you don’t even want to date a guy with kids?
Yeah, listen to Kate. You’ve gotta stop caring, gotta stop giving him any mental space or energy. He’s a loser who isn’t worth it.
I still feel oddly anxious that I might run into Pilot Jones whenever I’m at the airport boarding a flight for the UK. Which is stupid, because there are god only knows how many airports in this country, what are the odds he’d be in my city coming out of the gate I’m waiting at? I haven’t even seen or spoken to him in 2 years so I have no idea why this even crosses my mind.
@Ange I was literally just reading that as well and laughing haha. It really is crazy. Never say never, right?
Copa, I think NOT being infatuated with my partner has been what makes this relationship so different than all the others.
In the past, I would also become so quickly infatuated with guys I was seeing. And then that infatuation would in turn cause anxiety, cause me to overthink everything, cause me to rush into stuff, cause me to perhaps let the guy get away with not treating me well and just making up excuses for him.
I have always LIKED my partner very much from the start, but I was never infatuated. I was always able to clearly look at his pros and cons. I was clearly aware that I didn’t fully know him. When my mom started asking me, “Is this it? Is this guy the one?” I shrugged and said I dunno, it’s only been a few months, I’m still figuring this out.
It’s funny because even my friends noticed a difference. They were telling me that I seemed so difference with this guy. That I just seemed so chill about everything, which they’d never seen before.
Anyway… all that to say… if you are enjoying your time with the guy, keep going on dates. It’s ok if you’re not infatuated. In fact, it’s GREAT that you’re not. Of course, if you ever get to the point where you know you’re just not feelin it, or if you find yourself not really wanting to see him, then let it go. But if for now you’re having a good time, just roll with it 🙂
I can’t remember if that was the book… I THINK I bought that book when you recommended it… I also bought Is He Mr. Right on Kate’s recommendation and I read a lot of stuff by Evan Marc Katz (I was going through a hard time feeling like I would never ever meet anybody who would love me).
Anyway, I’m definitely glad that I didn’t pass on this guy just because he was moving. As much as long distance sucks, it hasn’t even been THAT hard. I think mostly because we just sort of fit together so well and because he made it clear to me that if we were going to do the long distance thing, it had to be with the goal of eventually living together.
TheLadyE, I completely understand what you’re saying about not wanting to date a guy with kids. I wouldn’t either. Perhaps if I was older I’d consider it, but at this time in my life, it’s just a complete no. I wouldn’t be able to handle somebody else’s kids.
In regards to looking outside the box… well funny enough, years ago I read a dating advice book. There was a worksheet exercise in the book that asked me to write down my ideal partner exactly as I imagined him. What does he look like? What does he do for a living? What is his personality like? What are his values?
I made these notes in my phone and then promptly forgot about them. Years later, I found the note while clearing space on my phone. I had been dating my current partner a few months already and I laughed as I read the note because he matched every single thing I had written down. So I suppose sticking to what you want has it’s benefits!
That being said, I did overlook one thing that I thought was a deal breaker. I thought I would never ever ever ever move away from my family or leave my city for anyone. I used to say that I would never ever even move 4 hours away to the big city.
Well… I really liked this guy and wanted to keep getting to know him. With Wendy’s and BGM’s encouragement, I decided to give it a shot and now, as you all know, I am moving to the UK (across a damn ocean) to be with him.
So… sticking to what I really wanted but being willing to overlook one thing for someone I already liked is what worked for me.
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