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May 25, 2022 at 2:01 pm in reply to: Our daughter is refusing help and pushing us out of her car/apartment buying #1109842
My parents were like this OP. I wasn’t allowed to get my license til right before I graduated hs. I only could go to a college close enough to commute to and live at home, because they were not going to fund my “lifestyle” and pay for room/board and it was cheaper to buy me a car and pay for my gas/insurance. (It was a good school, to be fair, and I had a choice of local colleges, but still.) My father freaked out when, at 22, I told them I wanted to move out of the house. I *could* have told them, no, I don’t want your financial help, I’ll go to community college and then transfer wherever I want on my own dime. But I was young and wanted to get in/out of school and this seemed the path of least resistance. Once I was on my own I made plenty of mistakes, and meanwhile my parents backed way off and we have a good relationship.
My point is I guess… you have good intentions. I think we all agree on that. But you need to not push your daughter like this. Give your input, sure – I’m sure that’s hard not to do – but that’s it! Give her some space. She’s an adult. You can’t control the outcome but you can give advice and she can take it if she wants it. I feel like there’s a transition time in parent/child relationships where parents have to get used to their children being adults and not children, even though they’re still your child.
I live in a city with a large homeless population (SF) and the city has a homeless outreach team who will come and talk to the person and try to help them get services. It takes a lot of the responsibility away from the police and the outreach team is better equipped to get the person help. Otherwise if they’re having a mental problem they’d be taken to the ER, where, if the person doesn’t want to take their medication, there isn’t really much that can be done. Rinse, repeat.
In this situation, this is what I’d do. Text her a list of services that OP can find in her area- shelters, women’s services, social workers. Take the dog to a no-kill shelter and tell her where the dog is. That’s really all you can do. I don’t think the OP did a terrible thing, it just was more than they could handle and should not have gotten so involved. But here we are.
Ouch, I’m sorry this happened to you, LW. But I have to agree with the others, it really sounds like he was/is just not that into you. (A phrase that could sum up my dating life in my 20’s, so don’t feel too bad, you’re not the only one!)
You can’t force him to hang out with you or make you important in his life. It stinks, but that’s just how it is. And of course it hurts your feelings! All you can do now is mourn the end of the friendship/relationship, and move on.
Robert, I’m so sorry about your mom. The last year has totally thrown everything upside down, so I’m glad to hear you are doing ok and have stayed healthy.
Others have given you a lot of good advice. Please get back into therapy! It’s a process, and the sooner you get back into it and working on things the better you will feel. And it’s fine to take a break from dating. Things are so weird these days anyway (and better to be safe about it because of Covid). I recall being active on 3 or 4 different dating apps at the same time, and then realizing it was just exhausting. It’s fine to take a break. Also, it really is a numbers game, like casting a net of opportunity. But for now, I really think you need to get back into therapy and get vaccinated!
Yup, I saw. I’m not too worried, I guess I’ll find out soon enough!
@CurlyQue, have you had luck finding anything for your grandmother?
Eligibility for 16+ opens here on Thursday, and I was able to make an appointment for Friday morning in the next county over! The county sites are now open to anyone who lives or works there (my office is there). The website crashed last night but I tried again on a whim this morning and one location had availability! I don’t know which mfr. it is, but I’m just glad to finally be able to sign up.
I’m so sorry, Ktfran, for your loss. And I am hoping for the best for your niece. I also think you should get the vaccine if you can.
My parents actually ended up getting an appointment last week and got their second shot on Friday! I’m very relieved that they don’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m the only one left in my immediate family who hasn’t been vaccinated (my sister is a pharmacist and got hers in January). I have no idea when I’ll be eligible (not an essential worker and in good health) but hopefully it will be open for the general public by summer…
@Fyodor, they live in the SF bay area. I know that not all pharmacies around here have vaccines yet (CVS and Walgreens here) but I’m sure that will change once there is more supply. I do know that they would rather just go to the same place they went before, which I understand- it’s familiar, it’s close by- but I am going to have a conversation with them on where else they have looked (or been advised to look). There must be other options!
In other news, it came out yesterday that one mass vaccine site may have given 4,000 people the wrong dose amount. Oof!!!
I’m kinda bummed and frustrated because my parents have been trying to get their second vaccine scheduled since mid-February and haven’t had any luck. For the first, they were able to sign up through their doctor with a large heathcare company’s site at the county event center, and it was super easy. Apparently a different company is running that site now, and I *just* read today that that company has had to cancel 90,000 second dose appointments across many many sites (most of them large drive-in sites that cover a lot of people), because they can’t get enough doses from the state. Ugh!
I am very relieved to say that both of my parents got their first shot on Monday. Their doctor called last Thursday to say that he could get them on the list and to go fill out a form that he had emailed them, and *lo and behold* they got an appointment. The county fairgrounds has been turned into a mass vaccination space, in the hopes to vaccinate the entire county by summer (we’ll see how that goes). They said it was very well organized and they were in and out in about an hour. My sister also got vaccinated since she is an essential worker (pharmacist), so I’m very glad for that too!
My state was 50th for awhile I think but we’ve jumped up in ranks. I am really hoping the process gets smoother, especially in more populated areas.
Ktfran- I think I know what park you are talking about, I saw some photos yesterday of it as well. It is really popular and constantly packed under normal circumstances and this past weekend temps were in the 70’s… I agree, it’s SO ridiculous. Law enforcement only goes around and tells people to space out and nobody gets fined as far as I have heard. They basically announce these rules (like a 10pm curfew) but don’t actually enforce anything other than “recommending.”
My general observation is that everyone follows the rules, waiting in line to get into small shops, wearing masks everywhere… But also that people are still throwing private get-togethers and parties. So here we are. And I feel badly for salons- they can follow all the rules that regular shops can (masks, cleaning, limiting people inside) but they have to stay closed.
@Copa, thanks for the recommendation! I’ll have to check her out!
I, too, have always had long eyebrows that would curl down, and especially when I was a teen it was hard to keep them looking straight and brushed into a nice arch. I got religious about brushing them as soon as possible in the morning to train them to go the direction I wanted! I also remember when I was mid-late 20’s and I had a male friend who would tell me he was amazed at how perfectly even/symmetrical my eyebrows were. (Yesss, all that effort paid off!!)