Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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  • in reply to: Is this wrong? #890636
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Is it “wrong”: no.

    Could it affect your relationship with your friend even if a bunch of internet strangers say it isn’t wrong: yes.

    This is one of those “tread carefully” situations. You could feel you’re totally in the right, but it doesn’t mean it may not blow up a friendship. Should it, no, but that doesn’t mean it won’t. Only you really know your friend and how she’d take it and whether or not it’s worth it to you.

    in reply to: strange beliefs #890633
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Point of clarity: the U in UFO stands for “unidentified” (“Unidentified” Flying Object)

    It’s perfectly reasonable to see something in the sky and not know what it is. As soon as you label it aliens, it’s no longer “unidentified”, you’re identifying it as something specific.

    When you see something, not know what it is, and immediately presume it MUST be aliens, that’s when you’re stepping past the bounds of reality as supported by the evidence.

    I feel the same way about other supernatural things, like ghosts. Hearing a sound you don’t understand is odd, but things happen. Hearing a sound you don’t understand and coming to the inescapable conclusion that it is ABSOLUTELY the disembodied spirit of a 19th century peasant who wants you out of the house, too much.

    Sounds like you and your partner have wildly different takes on these matters that doesn’t speak well to long term compatibility. It’s one thing to disagree on minor things, but I’d find it hard to be with someone whose core beliefs I find ridiculous.

    in reply to: How can I trust my best friend? #876983
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Advice?
    Stop talking to Michael about Trevor.

    Simple.

    in reply to: Not enough proof of wife cheating #876857
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Technically, some states still have “alienation of affection” statutes which would allow such a thing. I would imagine many (less socially progressive) countries do as well. Not knowing where the LW is, it very well could be a thing.

    That said. Don’t.

    Listen to what everyone else is saying. This is not your business. It’s also very awful for your dad to be using his kids to do his detective work in his private matters.

    in reply to: BF is still friends with his ex wife #876275
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Nothing in what you wrote sounds bad.

    Do you have any examples of where you think it has gone too far?

    in reply to: How would you feel? #875469
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Is the person in the audience a mysterious, disfigured musical genius who lives in the subterranean labyrinth beneath the opera house and wears a white mask?

    If so, maybe go with Raoul instead.

    in reply to: True Love #875110
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Everything you describe sounds like your largest worry is how things impact yourself rather than your loved ones.

    You cheated
    (caring more about your desires rather than what your partner expected from a relationship)

    You didn’t tell him why you broke up with him
    (rather let him suffer a ghosting than risk he think badly of you)

    You still didn’t tell him after you had a baby with the other guy
    (sounds like a hedging your bets move, keep him in the dark in case you ever want him back)

    You still pine over this “lost love” and live in its memories
    (this is energy you could be directing toward, you know, your husband and family)

    in reply to: Apathetic Husband #874977
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    So, here you are, with your husband with all these problems about being unable to relate to others and push his problems onto them …

    … and you’re here asking how YOU can help fix this.

    Don’t you see, you’re just continuing the cycle? If he’s going to get better, HE needs to get better. This isn’t something you can fix for him.

    in reply to: “Are My Expectations About Love and Romance Too High?” #874965
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Everyone should listen to Tim Minchen’s “If I Didn’t Have You

    I’m not a “madly in love” kind of person. But if that’s what YOU want, then you won’t be happy without it. I’m happy with the “I like having you around and would rather have you around than not” kind of love, but I know that’s not what everyone wants. Maybe, someday, that’s what will work for you, but if it doesn’t NOW, then you need to find what makes you happy.

    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Have to say, using the term “friendzoned” in your initial post and putting “friendship” in quotes in one of your responses is really off-putting.

    So, now that you know she’s not interested in romance, have you lost all interest in being her friend? If so, you were only presenting a front in order to get what you want from her – if she picked up on that, no wonder she didn’t want to get in deeper with you.

    in reply to: Making the first move #874913
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    The band thing makes this fairly easy. Interested or not, he’s going to like compliments. You can message him and tell him you saw them play and thought they were great and you wanted to know if they had more gigs coming up. If he likes you he will definitely want to make sure you know when and where he’ll be playing.

    Now, can’t say whether he is actually interested in dating, or just spreading the word about his band without more data – but if he doesn’t respond or responds noncommittally, then he’s likely not interested at all.

    in reply to: “Should I Give Him Another Chance After he Ghosted Me?” #874486
    Prognosti-gatorPrognosti-gator
    Participant

    Do you honestly think this is what a worthwhile relationship looks like?

    If not, then why do you think you should put up with it?

    If you DO, then you need to know that you’re mistaken and it ISN’T. Hopefully you have role models of better relationships that you can work with to redefine what you should expect from one, because this isn’t it.

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