Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Robert123

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  • in reply to: First dates fail – advice needed #1095276
    Robert123
    Participant

    Sandra, your thread struck some chords with me, as I am experiencing the identical thing that you are, with the first dates and done.

    You did say that you hardly met men online in your previous city, and now you only use online. Online is the problem, not you. I am a little older than you, so have been doing the online thing for more years, and even online has changed, and not for the better. It’s the same with me with women, if there’s no instant spark then that’s it. It never used to be this way.

    The only thing I can see is your noticing that 30 is coming, and your feeling a little left out with your friends getting engaged. You don’t seem to be dwelling on it, but have simply noticed it, as I understand what you have said. Maybe that’s getting picked up on, and the guys are just making assumptions that you are in a hurry.

    There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, especially during the pandemic. A lot of quality people, both men and women, are waiting for coronavirus to get under control before coming back. I went invisible in June, 2020, and will stay there for the foreseeable future.

    I kept my profile up at the very start of the pandemic, thinking I’d get to have an extended communication with matches, then maybe date in the summer. Between March and June, 2020, when I went invisible, I did find that the women I communicated with were a little more needy, and that combined with the start of the second wave got me to hid my profile. I say this, to say that the same might be true of the guys. You may be doing everything right, but it could be that the best quality guys have not yet come back.

    Bottom line, don’t assume that you are doing something wrong when you likely do not have the best pool available to you.

    Question: Did you do much online dating prior to March, 2020?

    in reply to: Hello all from Robert #1095274
    Robert123
    Participant

    Kate:

    But for most women, mini-golf is an activity to do with someone you already know you enjoy being with. That’s what makes it fun, not the activity itself.

    Yes, it is more fun to share it with someone who also enjoys it herself, which is why I like to do that on a date. I’m wondering if I’m in a bit of a different place on this. I used to think that way in my 20s and even into my mid 30s, but somewhere along the line my perspective changed — I think. One (of many) thing I liked about dating was seeing and doing all these various things that we mutually enjoyed — together. When I took breaks from dating, or wasn’t dating anyone, or she was simply unavailable that day, I would feel down because I couldn’t be with *her*, but I would also feel down because I wasn’t doing this that or some other thing. Some time in my mid 30s, I realized that this aspect of life was passing me by. I started just doing things by myself, and I enjoyed them (and still do, obviously). At some point, can’t pinpoint when, I felt stupid when I realized that I was allowing my not having a girlfriend or even a date deciding that I wasn’t going to do whatever thing. *My* joy comes from the activity itself (watching fireworks, Christmas parades, etc.). My loneliness comes from not having a partner to *share* the joy I feel.

    Example, the other way. I’ve encountered women who enjoy horseback riding. I have zero interest in it. I would get no joy in it, even if I was doing it with my soulmate.

    Bottom line on this one, if I enjoy something, it’s because I like it from within, not from who I was doing it with. Rather, my joy with doing something with a partner is seeing that *she* is *also* enjoying the activity and is having a good time.

    TheLadyE:

    First dates should be meeting for a drink/coffee, informal, relaxed atmosphere, casual conversation, to see if you want to invest more time.

    I am approaching things that way; I think that miscommunication is bad semantics on my part. I think of that as a “first meet”. I do not consider something like that a date. A date, to me, is at least going out to dinner, or doing some activity if food is not involved.

    Basically, “first date” and “first meet”, may, or may not be, the same thing. At your suggestions, I have done the “first meet” thing a few times, but, one example is the last woman I met, she preferred to do a “date” rather than a “meet”, and I had no problem with that. So, we went out to dinner. Complete waste of time, as it was one and done, but I would have said the same of a “meet” that had the same result. But, that’s not what I am discussing here.

    Also, I don’t think you meant it that way, but the words you used made it sound like an interview. The frustrating thing is that I can’t seem to pass, but I’m working on starting therapy for that.

    Something like mini golf is best saved for those first weeks/months in a relationship, where you’re still getting to know each other but you want to have some experiences together now.

    This is a bit elementary, but what do you suggest, then, during the summer for a first date, not a first meet? There is always a festival or a fair somewhere, and there are places where we can go out on a lake in a pedalboat. Or perhaps hiking. Or the zoo. All things I think of for summer.

    Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never had an issue with mini golf, even on a first date. Yes, there are moments when we are concentrating on the ball, but it’s also a chance to laugh when the ball does something unexpected (like you unintentionally hit it a little too hard and it leaves the green when it bounces off something), or just a chance to be silly. There’s also time to talk when we’re waiting for the people in front of us to finish their turn at the next hole.

    For example, a couple years ago I once went to an art museum exhibit on a first date – one I had been wanting to go see for weeks. I knew within 30 seconds of meeting him in person that we probably weren’t going to go out again.

    I like those little examples. If I may ask, as I am genuinely curious, what did you see immediately upon seeing him that did not come out during the phone conversation? It seems so dramatic and sudden to me, the way you described it, that there *has* to be some indication beforehand.

    Kate:

    Do you realize that not once in this whole thing have you taken a break from complaining for 5 minutes to say, gosh, I hate to think I’m making women uncomfortable. How can I change that?

    I figured that out before I came here. It’s why I came here. It’s why I’ve asked for feedback from the women themselves. It’s why I’m trying to get into therapy.

    Prognostigator:
    You triggered a thought, is it *assumed* that the next date *automatically* involves coming to *their* residence and getting into my car?

    I thought about what you wrote, and — if I’m wrong in this thought, then feel free to say so — but if everything we’re doing is out in public with people around, or at places where cameras are recording, it’s hard to see a scenario where I *could* even do something nefarious and get away with it.

    But, with the above thought, then, yes, I can comprehend how they may feel in danger. If that is the case, then maybe I’m not communicating right, as I already came to that realization over 20 years ago. Even back then, I’ve always been up front that I would not be offended if they wanted to meet at the venue and bring their own car even after the first meet.

    Maybe I’m not doing a good job at communicating this to the women??????? It’s *been” obvious to me.

    since we all know that what people put out there (dating profiles, facebook, insta, etc) is a curated version of “the best you” and not an accurate picture.

    I seem to be putting ut negatives that are equally as false.

    Peggy:

    it appears you are/or want to be, grilling/interviewing woman/dates, instead of just “being” to see if there is a natural flow of conversation, connection etc.

    Not anymore. After communicating with all of you here, I realize that I *used to* go down a list and check off boxes without realizing it. Yes, I *was* interviewing them, but I did not do that on my most recent meets (late 2019, early 2020, before the pandemic).

    Honestly, if anything, I’m feeling as though the process has flipped, that *I’m* being interviewed. Maybe it’s karma.

    A few miscellaneous things I thought of:

    I read something on another thread on here (Sandra, who seems to be having the same issues I am having), that triggered something in the back of my mind that I never thought was relevant, but I’ll present it here. One woman did tell me that I was a gentleman and a pleasant person to talk to, but she felt that I showed no interest in her on the first meet. I honestly thought I did. I asked for an expansion, but never got one, so I’m still wondering.

    I will say that I never have been the “flirty” type. That other post brought up that thought, wondering if something I’m *not* doing might be an issue. That particular date, she couldn’t have felt unsafe, as she offered me a ride home (she lives just a few miles from me). I took the bus in, as it was in the city, and I can’t stand taking a car into the city — where do I put it once I’m there? Easier to take the bus. I wanted to take some more photographs, so I stayed. She just said “oh, wow, you’re a trooper”. Not sure what that meant, but I smiled and said I enjoyed meeting her and that I hoped I would get to see her again.

    —————-

    I did get one little piece of feedback I’ll present here, for what it’s worth. I was talking to my weight loss coach (I’m about to go back on the weight loss program, I keep gaining because I have a sugar addiction, so I’ve worked with her before). I know it’s a business relationship, she is a little younger than me, we had some extra time, and we have good rapport, and we communicate via phone, so I told her briefly what was happening. She did say that I have a bit of an “intense” personality. That’s the only thing she could see in me that could be intimidating.

    What do you think? Could that be misinterpreted?

    in reply to: Hello all from Robert #1093772
    Robert123
    Participant

    I forgot a few things:

    Kate:

    Someone could have never been jazzed about Christmas parades but still be happy to go to some of them with the right partner.

    I never thought of that scenario, specifically, I have to admit. I have met some who feels “dragged” to parades, not just Christmas. It’s just that those are the people who I would not be able to share that interest with, and why there could be a problem. Either I would still be lonely or she would be unhappy in being forced to go.

    LisForLeslie:

    Are you getting turned down or are you getting ghosted?

    Both

    Is one more preferable to you?

    Yes. Obviously, there is no clue that I’ve been ghosted until some time has passed. I’d rather be told “I did not find out about X that is a dealbreaker to me until we talked”, or “Y thing brought up haunts of a bad relationship I once had”, or whatever. It’s far more respectful. At least I would know that I did something wrong, and be mindful not to do it again, or that we have a gap that we cannot bridge, or whatever.

    Kate:

    Like, you even directly state this yourself, that even if you don’t feel the spark, you would keep hanging out because you could have fun together. Women are the same way.

    CurlyQue:

    I suggest looking at a first date as a chance to get out and have a drink/meal with someone and to feel them out.

    I actually do…or at least did…go in with that view, at least after I came here initially and that was suggested. It just seems that the women don’t share that view. At least that’s the perception I’m left with.

    I’ll expand.

    For example, I cannot think of a woman I have encountered who did not enjoy miniature golf or fireworks in the summer (I’m sure some don’t, but we can say for this specific example that that’s almost universal). Let’s say that I meet a woman with whom we don’t seem to *instantaneously* have a ton of things in common, but we both enjoy those two things. My thing is, why not go on a date to miniature golf, to feel each other out? Even if there is no “click” initially, if we both have a good time playing miniature golf by ourselves, how is it possible to have a bad time? The same with fireworks, may shows which are accompanied by a concert, so even worst case scenario if we had little to talk about, there would be no need to talk anyhow because we would have a concert/fireworks show to enjoy.

    In a nutshell, even if there are other women I would have *more* fun with, or other men *she* would have more fun with, if we both individually find X activity fun, then there is nothing wrong with an outing of that particular X activity, in my opinion.

    The women are not taking the same view, or so it seems.

    **************

    There is one thing that was brought up in my last thread, that is not playing out in real life — unless I am missing something, if I am I will consider. But, I can’t remember who, but someone (or several) said that quality women like guys with a full life. And I seem to be finding the opposite. The women (at least the ones I encounter) in reality want a guy to be available to write messages all day instead of having other responsibilities such as a job. They quit writing when the job keeps me away from messaging.

    I want to go on dates, not write messages. And not just first dates and done, that is equally as unfulfilling. I want to get to know someone (when it’s safe to do so after the pandemic)

    in reply to: Hello all from Robert #1093769
    Robert123
    Participant

    I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I wrote back last. My father was in the hospital for several weeks, and I guess I lost track of time. I did read your comments, though.

    Kate:

    And dismissing someone because she’s very into a sport?

    I don’t do that anymore. It’s what I *used* to do. You told me the rowing story, and it is one of the things I remembered. I just haven’t come across that situation yet recently, but will not be quick to write her off like i once was.

    KTFran:

    Lastly, if every woman is either mutually agreeing there is no chemistry or not giving you a second date, then the common variable is you.

    That’s my whole point. Multiple women are picking up on the same thing. I am doing something wrong on these dates or in these phone calls. I’ve known that on my own. I have enough to talk about in therapy, now on top of it she has to *guess* why the pattern is repeating. I know she’s an expert, but only the date knows for sure.

    Peggy:

    So, if there is not much in the compatibitilty and interaction on the date, to possibly/maybe create a spark, most people move on.

    Maybe it was your word choice, and you perhaps didn’t intend to convey this idea, but it sounds from that, that it is *her* who is doing the interviewing, not me. I don’t always feel a spark on a second date, but I’m not going to instantly move on just because it didn’t happen on the first date.

    But dating is not looking for a “friend”.

    I’m not *looking* for a “friend”, either. But if I make one, then how is that a bad thing? (rhetorical to make a point). I see that as nothing other than good.

    Ron:

    You don’t mention it in the last two posts (have you given up on that requirement), but in your first series of posts to this forum, you required a woman 15 years younger than yourself, so that you could have a child together.

    I never did “require” that she be 10-15 years younger. I was concentrating my search there, as you know for the purpose of having the ability to bear children, but I was never against dating a mid 40s woman who was still healthy enough to have a child. I still feel that way, but I’ve also come to the realization that I may be in a situation of my two choices being no kid with no life partner, or no kid with a great life partner. Wanting kids is actually blank on my profile, just because I may have to accept never having a child. But, then again, the whole profile is invisible because of coronavirus. I got my second shot, but the Delta variant seems to want to restart the pandemic all over again. I’ll just wait.

    CurlyQue:

    I think you are putting WAY too much emotional investment into these first dates.

    …because they are women, human beings, with feelings, not used cars to be driven around the block only to be put back 10 minutes later, or an appliance to be looked at and put back up on the shelf. I will not treat another human being like that. Period.

    I’m not going to go on the first date to begin with unless that PERSON is worth a few more dates to begin with, and I am not going to have a phone conversation unless I’m willing to go on the first date. If I’m going to find out if something is off, I’m going to do it early on.

    I know you are going to say that you can’t always tell that early on, and that can be the truth, I do agree. I did encounter one weirdo (that I think I brought up on here) that it took a phone call to figure out, but beyond that if I move forward I do not stop unless the relationship has run its course.

    Lower your expectations of a second date and just see how the first one goes.

    I see what you are saying, and the spirit is great advice, actually. My dilemma is, it’s exactly what is getting me fatigued with the process. I cannot deal with the churning anymore. I’d rather have a steady, constant friend than single dates with multiple women. I’m not sure about what to do about the dilemma.

    Peggy:

    I likely went on at least 40 meet -ups/coffees. Of those, I had second dates with about 6 of them. I dated one for about 3 months, another for 5.

    Wow! That sounds exhausting! Even getting to date someone for a few months sounds okay, at least there’s even a small bit of constancy. Obviously, you weren’t the life partners for each other, but you obviously enjoyed each other to be able to date for a while.

    Copa:

    I really think Robert needs to first acknowledge there’s a good deal of inner work to be done

    I’ve known that from day 1, which is why hearing a negative is preferable to me than ghosting or a generic excuse.

    Just a few final thoughts on the auto repair thing. This is not an auto repair forum, so I don’t want to focus on that, but there are a few mistaken impressions of me that I want to correct.

    Years ago, probably closer to a decade ago (if not more), I added up my auto repair expenses for an entire year (I did that using THREE separate years), and budget 1/52 of that amount every week, though in reality I contribute more like 1/35 or so, as I have the income to contribute more, as a pad. The problem is, one single repair can be more than the sum of what i have contributed so far. The shop feels entitled to my rent money, so I have to hand it over immediately to get my car back. Now I have to put all of my next paycheck or whatever on only my rent and bills and nothing else whatsoever. Then, the bills have been paid, but now I missed 2, 3, or 4 weeks of contributions to the auto repair account. So, I cannot do anything else other than the car repair account. Now, the next month’s bills become due. I have to take from the auto repair account to pay rent, etc. I never can get back to a regular budget, because the shop keeps demanding money right then and there, and refuses to give me any notice. And the cycle repeats, wash rinse repeat.

    Even when I did my food delivery (which I will get back to after the pandemic is over), rental cars were almost as much as my rent. Yes, that was a big expense, and was not constant, but I can deal with that. First, they do give me some general broad idea — I do understand they cannot give me a price to the penny. I don’t need to be that precise to begin with. The first month might be $750, maybe the next month is $800, maybe the next one is close to $900. I can deal with all of that. But, I also know that it won’t be $5,000, either. And, they will not take it, under any circumstances whatsoever, until that month is up. The mechanics, on the other hand, give me no notice of either how much or when!!! The rental car agencies want to make money, too, but they are not out of control like the repair shops.

    No other industry has treated me like that. Literally none.

    Even when I had my landscaping business, lawn mowers broke down, but I never had that problem. I didn’t always have it right then and there. But they did not ransom my lawn mowers. If I didn’t have it all right then and there, I gave them what I had, and brought them the rest when I came back. Even a few instances it took me a while to get them fully paid, such as multiple repairs close together. They still did not ransom my lawn mowers. At times, when I got caught back up, I paid ahead, actually, as a way of maki9ng up for being behind.

    I only bring that up to illustrate that the mower people are in a nearly identical trade line, but it never once occurred to them to ransom my equipment like the car shops are doing. Appliance repair people have never done this to me. Computer repair people have never done this to me. No one!!

    I do not need months or weeks to adjust. It could be as simple as giving what i have today (which may be most of the bill to begin with) and squaring up on my next paycheck. No big deal.

    BTW, keep in mind, the shops are on terms of net 15 or net 30 usually, and technicians do not get paid until at least the following week, to boot. I would not be putting the shop in any bind whatsoever. They delay payment themselves yet will not give the same courtesy to the customer.

    Inability to budget or plan for routine expenses;

    Not true, as I explained in the first paragraph of this sub-topic

    Lack of respect for the skill, time and labor of others who would dare demand that they be paid fairly for the service you needed and asked them to provide;

    Also not true. They will not tell me up front a general amount and idea of when, and expect me to adjust sometimes $2,000 in ten seconds. NO OTHER INDUSTRY DOES THAT. I am not refusing to pay a fair rate.

    Entitlement in that you believe that the mechanic owes you their skill, time and labor;

    Never once have I asked a shop to do a repair for free. Ever!!!!! They are in the business of repairing cars, and that is the nature of the business I am bringing them.

    I hope you are able to find a therapist that offers a variety of payment options,

    An $80 therapy session does not need to go on a payment plan, especially when they have told me up front how much it is and when. There will be no fee due under any circumstances until X time. And, it’s not a backbreaking amount of money to begin with. I would never consider them to put on a payment plan.

    You actually made my point in a way, believe it or not. The therapist is willing to put a known amount and time on a payment plan, but the auto shop is not willing to do this when they WON’T tell me how much and when. That’s backwards.

    Like I said, I don’t want to talk about car repairs on this forum anymore, but just wanted to correct a few things, that I passed over in earlier discussions, because I didn’t want to talk about car repairs on a dating forum. I need to find a car repair forum to discuss this there.

    in reply to: Hello all from Robert #1090284
    Robert123
    Participant

    Kate:

    Robert, I’m genuinely curious, do you want to continue talking with, or go on a 2nd date with, every single woman?

    I actually like those questions 🙂

    Not with *every* woman. I have had instances in which we are opposites on everything, and we are in agreement that there is nothing there. That’s more common with speed dating than online dating, but happens occasionally in online dating, too.

    If there are some you don’t want to move forward with, do you tell them exactly why?

    In the case I just described, no, just because we are in agreement that we are way too opposite. But, if a dealbreaker comes up, I do mention it. My conscience will not let me ghost; way too ignorant. I do mention it, but also let them know that they did nothing wrong, since she is a human being with feelings, and deserves to know that she did nothing wrong, that there’s a gap that cannot be bridged.

    If you want to keep seeing all of them, why? Do you have a genuine connection with each of them? Some more than others?

    In the absence of an outright negative, then, yes, I do want to keep seeing that person. While connections *can* happen instantaneously, others are slower, and that is fine. It’s just infuriating that the women require it instantaneously, and won’t give us the chance to get to know each other.

    LisforLeslie:

    But honestly it could simply be that she wasn’t feeling it – nothing concrete.

    I’ve felt that myself at times. We have many things in common, but something seemed incomplete. Still, we had a nice time talking, share a number of interests, and the woman was a very nice person. She did nothing wrong to deserve being kicked to the curb. In my 20s and early 30s, I continued with second, third dates, etc. I’d be doing the same today, except *I’m* always the one to get kicked aside.

    I feel as though things have flipped. I used to have the checklist (that ( didn’t realize I had before I came here), but now, even if I don’t feel “it” instantaneously, I’m still interested in getting to know her, not knowing what may develop.

    Vathena:

    Women are not interchangeable and don’t all like the very same things – turns out they are ALSO unique human beings with feelings, and not just merchandise for you to browse!

    Correct!!

    Several of you have expressed this thought, I just pulled Vathena’s words for the quote.

    I’ve always gotten that. It’s actually why my checklist was so long before I came here, and the community here made me realize that I need to just pick out a few important things. I was looking for someone to fit every must have and every “nice to have” with none of the negatives, and I saw how unrealistic this was. I want to share things in life with the other person, and so does she. I get it. It’s why we exchange conversation very early on, to see if we are on the same page. If we want to share different things, it won’t work. If something is a dealbreaker, I’m not going to try to change her. If something doesn’t work on my side, she deserves to know why, and that she did nothing wrong, and that I genuinely value her as a person.

    In some of my soul searching, I always felt as though *I* am the one who is not treated like a human being. I wasn’t sure how to express it on here without an example, and now I finally thought of one. I’m not going to do a phone call or a first date if I was not interested in her on some level to begin with. Just because I do not “feel” something instantaneously does not mean she deserves to be thrown away. Again, she is a human being, with feelings; what was there to get me interested initially is still there. Even if there is no “spark” per se, she is a nice person, and we can have fun doing things together if nothing else.

    In my prior thread, I forget who said to look upon the first meets as a nice outing. I actually do see it that way, even if I didn’t express myself correctly. What I’m tired of is the one outing and done. If we both mutually enjoy a particular activity, for example, I have no problem enjoying that activity with that person. I don’t necessarily need the “spark” to enjoy her company. The spark may come. It’s taken *me* a few dates (when I was able to *get* more than one date) myself sometimes to feel the spark. All I am asking is the same in return of the *women* in the present time, but I am not respected as a person with feelings. There always was *some* of that back in my 20s, but a number of meets would lead to multiple dates that it didn’t affect me as much, I suppose. Today, though, things with this are getting really bad, as far as the instant gratification. I’m just not sure if it is a societal change or the difference between dating in the 20s vs dating in the 40s. It’s why I cannot get excited anymore about a phone call of a first meet. No point whatsoever in the one and done.

    Vathena:

    You said in your previous thread that you’d rejected plenty of women who liked sports (because you don’t)

    Not that I rejected them, it’s myself stepping aside — keeping in mind what I said above. Most *people* — including most *women* — ARE interested in sports on some level. I completely get that. It’s just that, when I would meet someone who is totally die hard about (whatever sport), I felt as though I would be depriving them of sharing with their life partner something that is very important to them. I always saw that as her deserving something that I am not able to give. I never rejected the woman as a human being. I would step aside on my own, to make room for her to let someone in who can give her something that she deserves.

    Vathena:

    or weren’t into the holiday parade circuit

    …something that I very much want to share with a life partner. That’s why i can relate when someone else has an interest that *I* do not have in common. Like I said before, I am under no illusion that she will be able to come to *every* event, but I would like to share that (as one example) with my life partner on some level.

    Having said that, I did realize something at some point, that I did mishandle some of those situations, in not communicating properly. While I acted with the intention of wanting *her* to be happy, I probably should have communicated better rather than just moving on. I guess it never occurred to me until a number of you brought it up that it may have been irrelevant to some whether or not her life partner shared that particular interest, sports or otherwise, as several of you pointed out with personal examples. Nothing like that came up in the recent round of dating, but if it does I will talk about it rather than automatically moving on.

    ktfran:

    I’m curious as to why you stopped therapy and are waiting to date again to start it back up?

    Copa:

    I also found it curious that you stopped speaking to a therapist because you stopped dating.

    I didn’t stop seeing the therapist because I stopped dating, I had to put that on hold because my car got ransomed a few times in a row by auto shops, and they demanded the money that I had already set aside for therapy. What I had set aside for them wasn’t good enough. It never is. Then, with the pandemic, only one job is contactless and does not involve going inside any building, and it’s not the one that involves the rental cars, so my income took a hit. Now, as of right now, I got past a few regular expenses, and it’s been a little while since my car was ramsomed, so i do have some money set aside. I’ll be looking to re-start, actually, over the next few weeks.

    I get my first vaccine shot Friday, BTW.

    in reply to: Hello all from Robert #1089239
    Robert123
    Participant

    Thank you all for the kind words. It wasn’t the not dating in and of itself that I feel bad about, it was the idea of all the advice you offered, and especially Wendy’s assistance with the profile rewrite, then I took myself off the market before the intended results could be obtained. Though, I have to admit, this is the one time in my life when I am glad I am single, given all of the indirect contacts (via my girlfriend/wife) that could have happened.

    I plan to go back to the therapist I started with before the pandemic. She was still doing sessions by telephone, but I didn’t continue since I wouldn’t have been dating anyway. I’ll probably restart before the 4th sometime. The earliest I could see myself doing any kind of dating would be August, I’d basically have to see that the superspreader crowds of the 4th does not cause an outbreak, even if I am fully vaccinated.

    As of right now, I have not been vaccinated, not because I don’t want it, but I did not want to be a guinea pig in the first half of the year, but now enough people have gotten it that I feel it is safe. I do want the Moderna one, specifically, and that seems to be the least available in my area, and those have been the hardest appointments to get. I am registered in the portal, though, so I’ll be setting up an actual appointment this week.

    Robert, has the process of online dating or speed dating ever made you happy in any way?

    Partially yes, to the extent that I do enjoy getting to know a new match online, and the conversation during speed dating, especially if we have a few things in common. What discourages me is the revolving door, and the ghosting, and the wanting phone calls and dates when they have no interest in going past the first one (call or date). Then, my disgust (beyond the discouragement) comes from not being able to find out what I am doing wrong, only being told the lame and generic “I felt no connection”, instead of something that I can do something with to improve myself. It just takes out any initial joy I used to get, replaced with fear of when, not if, it will end.

    One thing that did occur to me, though, since the last time I was on here, was that I did run up against similar situations in my 20s, but I did get to actually date enough people, even if only for a couple of months (with the exception of my 20 month relationship), that perhaps it was part of the process. I’m under no illusion that there will be a second date with *every* woman, but I’m not sure what the point is in just getting first dates. I’m tired of being treated like a piece of merchandise that just keeps getting put back up on the shelf, instead of a human being with feelings.

    It just occurred to me, that you really do seem to have a love for these shows, do you think when the pandemic slowly draws to a close and these events begin again, it might be worthwhile looking into volunteering (I’m sure they need stewards and so forth,( or there may be a design committee seeking feedback from audiences) – could even be paid work,)

    LOL I have had a few thoughts in the fringes. Maybe not your idea directly. If I’m too involved behind the scenes, would it take away the joy I get as a spectator? (rhetorical). I don’t think I would mind being a part of a focus group of some sort, though; although, one thing that does perhaps interest me is assisting in programming one of those animated flashing lights shows that is set to music.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #886096
    Robert123
    Participant

    I know it’s been a little while since I checked in here, but Wendy I am happy that you are feeling better. Interesting that your test turned out negative, but I am glad you got rid of what you had.

    I’m getting tired of all the food shortages in the grocery stores. This week, no butter, and last week and the prior two it was no Greek yogurt.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #885295
    Robert123
    Participant

    There’s no supply issue yet in grocery stores, but I heard Sunday that there is the early stages of shortages at the very beginning of the supply chain, but once it gets to the stores people will be substituting turkey and chicken and other meat. I think it’s a labor shortage, as people are afraid to work in the plants because it’s impossible to distance. President Trump invoked the DPA to force plants to stay open.

    What a mess.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #885273
    Robert123
    Participant

    Oh, yes, the hair. I was behind myself to begin with when the hair salons closed, and now it’s terrible and quite irritating.

    The thing that is getting to me is the incessant food shortages. It’s as if we’re getting a snowstorm every day. Oh, yes, the wipes and hand sanitizer, too. And the toilet paper, still this late int he game ha ha.

    BTW, I heard that there are the beginnings of a supply shortage of beef. One regional chain (I can’t remember where or which one) has limited customers to one pack of ground beef.

    Having that secondary surge once things reopen is a rear of mine, as well. I hope it goes slowly enough that nothing happens, but I’m watching for the possibility.

    Wendy, I hope you get better.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #885199
    Robert123
    Participant

    Wendy, if I may make a suggestion, if you are on a z-pack, I’d take a probiotic as well. The z-pack is powerful and kills everything, including the good stomach bacteria needed for digestion. That happened to me a number of years ago, I was on a 5 day z-pack for a different reason, but then developed digestive issues. I found that suggestion on e medical site, and then confirmed it with the doctor at the urgent care center who prescribed it. I felt way better after that.

    KTFran, I agree with Kate’s suggestion about buying rather than leasing. I am a certified financial counselor (even though I am not doing any of that right now), that would be my advice. In addition, since you are only looking for a car for a few years, I’d go used, even in the $3000-$5000 range. Let someone other than you absorb the depreciation. Sounds as though you wouldn’t be using it much. There are a lot of cars that have fewer than 80,000 miles that were gently driven by elderly people, for which the remaining life of the vehicle exceeds the cost.

    in reply to: Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread #885181
    Robert123
    Participant

    Wow, this is really going around. I’d love for the people who call their state’s governor a dictator to see what’s going on with actual people.

    My state reopened a few counties on Friday effective 5/8, though there still isn’t much change, really. No hair care places (mine is driving me crazy, but I’ll live with it for now) dining rooms in restaurants, malls, or some box stores (like Best Buy). Everyone in my city is calling the talk shows crying foul because none of the counties around here were included.

    One thing that gets to me is that the same people who bitch that their job is shitty and about traffic also bitch about the break from it.

    I hope every one of you gets out of this okay.

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