Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Sleepless

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  • in reply to: Worried my partner isn’t fully over an old love. #991498
    avatarSleepless
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    I’m not actually obsessed with my future wedding. I have dreamed about having a wedding one day but hadn’t really thought about a wedding with him until I saw the pictures of his wedding with his ex I shouldn’t have looked as its what made me feel a little insecure. I was feeling fine about things before that. I didn’t go hunting for the pictures, his sister started following me and it didn’t take more than a quick look through her insta to see them.

    I did find it strange he did not mention he’d been married or talk about an ex sooner than 10 dates but I had not asked, although there were openings he could have used to bring it up. I’d casually referenced my ex but nothing more. That is true though that it would be a bad sign if he talked about her a lot. He doesn’t talk about her now. He did offer the information eventually and seemed a tad awkward talking about it. Maybe it still hurts to talk about her. He must have positive memories of her too though even if it ended so badly. Or maybe all the memories are tainted? I sometimes think back to my ex positively and I know thats normal. Sorry I know I’m going on now. I really do like him, this has all just popped into my head again in the past few days.

    in reply to: Worried my partner isn’t fully over an old love. #989429
    avatarSleepless
    Participant

    Thanks for the replies, they have made me feel better. My boyfriend is a good man, and his behaviour shows he does care about me. He has introduced me to friends and his sister (his parents live abroad). He rarely mentions his ex. He did not even tell me he’d been married until about the 10th date when I asked how long he’s lived alone, then who he used to live with. It surprised me as I thought he would have mentioned a marriage earlier. I was worried that he was not more forthcoming telling me this and I wonder if it had not come up how long til I found out? He has been quite open with other things. Anyways I did not like the idea of him previously committing to and loving someone else that much, and being with someone for years, but I accepted it.

    The other day I went back through his sisters insta and found wedding photos. He looked so happy with her and the wedding actually looked like what I’d imagined my wedding to like look, and really big, so now I feel like I would have to make our wedding (if this ever happened) different and like he wouldn’t want anything so fancy again. I had barely thought about his wedding before this and he has never mentioned it.

    I actually have no idea if he’s had another relationship since the divorce. But its been almost 3 years since his marriage ended so even if he hasn’t is that actually some sort of indication we are less likely to work out or I could still be a rebound? Also I’m not sure you would move on quicker after betrayal??

    Anonymousse is right that we have very different experiences with relationships and I think had I been in a past serious relationship, his past would not bother me as much. I prefer older men though and do know most people will have some sort of past.

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