Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 52 total)
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  • avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    Back in like March I was daydreaming that one day he would get Covid and I imagined I’d be like “serves him right.”

    But now this diagnosis brings none of the joy I thought it would.
    Why is that?

    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    I gotta say this article has tempered my enthusiasm for Mayor Pete a little bit.
    https://www.currentaffairs.org/2019/03/all-about-pete

    in reply to: Long term marital dispute threads #837018
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    Well thats it. This post was making me miss my old Tivo and thinking maybe when we cut cable we should get one. But if the bloop bloop is gone, I’m out.

    Does it still do the Tivolution on startup? That was my other favorite.

    in reply to: How to relax re engagement #836985
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    The subtext of your last post is this: He has doubts about marrying you.

    You don’t want to just drag a man to the altar. You want him to be excited to put that ring on your finger. He picked canoe season because its a long ways off. He’s stalling. Time to pump the brakes on selling your house, moving in together, and marriage while he deals with his concerns.

    in reply to: Long term marital dispute threads #836684
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    Also, recently I found myself wanting to re-watch a miniseries that aired in 2014 that I recorded, watched, and deleted back then. Only it turns out its not available on any of the streaming services, the only way to get it appears to be to pay $14.99 to purchase the digital video from Amazon.
    Now I’m mad I didn’t save it. I could have been junking up our DVR with this stuff all along!

    in reply to: Long term marital dispute threads #836682
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    If they deactivated the boxes then how did they still have the shows around to watch?

    I think its fascinating that the very first response is to upgrade the wife. Took the dude over 15 years but he eventually took that advice…

    in reply to: How to relax re engagement #836681
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    I think its time for another real conversation with your bf about why he needs this specific proposal, why he picked something that couldn’t be implemented until June (it may be subconscious but I don’t think its coincidence that he’s putting it off and blaming it on the temperature outside), and about how it makes you feel to sit on your hands so he can have his performative engagement. Are you a set piece or are you a partner?
    If you can’t have this kind of conversation, if he ridicules you or gaslights you or refuses to engage, that’s telling you something very important and not at all good about who he is and what kind of expectations he has for you as a girlfriend/wife.

    in reply to: Long term marital dispute threads #836616
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    I don’t have time to read that whole 67 page thread, did someone do the math as to how much this cost them? I had a Tivo many years ago and I remember it was a flat rate for each box plus a subscription service, if they charge a new subscription fee for each box then it could get really pricey.

    Dude should just delete them all now while she’s out of the house.

    in reply to: How to relax re engagement #836486
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    Gosh, its been 7 years since I got engaged but I can still remember the feeling of annoyance and insecurity involved in “waiting for a proposal.” In all other aspects of our relationship I was an equal partner and yet for some stupid antiquated reason I was forced to sit and wait for him to propose.

    It helps to have some conversations (which it seems like you’ve already done) to establish that you’re both on the same page regarding yes engagement is happening, this is the timeline for which it is happening, and so on.

    After that, just sit back, get a manicure, read some r/weddingshaming, and dream of overthrowing the patriarchy.

    P.S. My husband bought a lovely ring and proposed in a way that fits us and is a great story. In retrospect I wouldn’t trade that memory for getting engaged a few weeks or months sooner.

    P.P.S I say r/weddingshaming because reading real wedding blogs would be kind of presumptuous, but its never to early to read hilarious horror stories to make you feel better about things and/or convince you to elope.

    in reply to: Sleeping with the Dog #833084
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    You don’t say how big the bed is, but it would have to be a king sized bed to have remotely enough room for a dog that’s literally the size of an adult human. Can you get a king? Or is there another room– maybe you guys can sleep separately for awhile?

    Are you otherwise caring and nice to the dog? I think it’s a lot easier to make the argument that there isn’t room for the dog in bed if you are otherwise nice to his dog. If you’re not then this can come off like the latest crusade of a dog-hater. (For the record, I’m a dog lover but my dog doesn’t sleep in our bed because he’s big and rude and I also am a fan of quality sleep. But if he knows you don’t like the dog then it can seem like more of the same)

    I think its very reasonable to draw the line at quality sleep. Unfortunately, if he doesn’t want to listen to reason or buy a bigger bed then maybe this relationship isn’t for you.

    in reply to: Help #822451
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    You really think they will not show up to the same wedding? Or be in the audience for the same graduation ceremony?

    in reply to: Help #822414
    avatarSpaceySteph
    Participant

    Lol I hope your boyfriend decides to passive-aggressively become an overcommunicator about this like interrupting you in the middle of something to say “my ex said ‘k.'” and other mundane stuff like that.

    But seriously, either you trust him or you don’t. If you don’t, regardless of whether he has earned distrust or not, you should break up. If you do, then you won’t need to hear about every text from his child’s other parent and shouldnt have to show you his phone to prove everything is above board. Definitely don’t buy a house and for the love of god use birth control, until/unless you can trust him.

    And also, his ex is the mother of his child. They are literally family, tied together forever through their mutual child. One day, probably, they will both be invited to their son’s college graduation, wedding, and other big milestones. One day, maybe, they will become grandparents together, and share that moment of seeing their son become a father. You will need to get ok with their relationship always being there, and you should encourage it to be strong and caring and happy, because that is what’s best for their child and the child’s needs come first here.

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