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I gotta say my spidey sense tingled on this on day 1. I somehow knew this would end in “SJW” and “go kill yourself.” Thats how good my psycho detection ability is after 31 years of being a woman in the world.
“But please tone down in your feministic political views, pretty please.”
Hahh no thanks.
Careful, Kate, she might report you to the internet police!
So here’s my somewhat related take on this: there will be people at your wedding that when you look back 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc. you will realize the last time you saw them was at your wedding because after that you guys didn’t keep up the friendship. We all have them and a lot of times they are a suprise, as in you didn’t know that the friendship was on its last legs.
But then there are also people who, if you were really honest with yourself, you knew they weren’t going to be around for the long haul. And those are really the people who you will be kicking yourself for wasting an invite on when you could have invited someone you are still close with, or else saved money by inviting less people.
All of that to say, you don’t like this girl, you don’t want to be her friend. Don’t do it to yourself. Don’t have her in the background of your wedding pictures so you can kick yourself when you look at them 20 years from now.
Will there be drama? Yes, probably. But she lives out of town so you can control that drama pretty well. She’s not going to confront you in the bread aisle at the grocery store one random Thursday and make a scene. She’s going to call you and you don’t have to answer.
Also if you have any mutual friends, it would be a good idea to lay some groundwork so that she doesn’t give them all an exaggerated version of the story that paints you like a bitch and her like the victim.
Hah! Yes! Unfortunately I am just finishing up with my break when I saw it so I gotta go do work now, but I’ll be back!
Also from that TED talk linked at the bottom of that page I shared, here’s something very relevant to this discussion:
“Now, a few weeks before our vote [for most creative word of the year], Lake Superior State University issues its list of banished words for the year. What is striking about this is that there’s actually often quite a lot of overlap between their list and the list that we are considering for words of the year, and this is because we’re noticing the same thing. We’re noticing words that are coming into prominence. It’s really a question of attitude. Are you bothered by language fads and language change, or do you find it fun, interesting, something worthy of study as part of a living language?”
Language is ever changing. If you don’t like it, I suggest you start learning Middle English. Or German and french since English is just a fad derivative language entirely. Or maybe we should all go back to communicating in grunts and hoots so as not to ever evolve past our original language.
- This reply was modified 5 days, 10 hours ago by SpaceySteph.
I also am super white and have heart it before. Although I think it probably comes out better in spoken word because tone helps provide context.
But I mean its not really anything new to have a figure of speech mean its exact opposite. Think of how “literally” is the new “figuratively” or “ain’t never” is a double-negative but still means a negative.
There is no such thing as a definitive meaning for a word or phrase. Language is a living organism that evolves and changes through use. Insistence on an absolute correct form of grammar is both racist and ageist in that it punishes those who use racial and/or youthful slang for not conforming to the rules of those in power. Only the funny thing is all those middle aged white dudes insisting on “the right way” once were young and likely participated in developing their own generation’s slang that probably pissed off the previous generations just as much.
You just said your dad went all out for your older sisters’ first place, but this isn’t your first place! You already moved out 6 years ago. Are you still mad because they didn’t go all out back then and just projecting on the current move? Or did they actually help out back then but you kind of expected it again?
I don’t think Northern Star was saying you should get married. She was asking if that was your dad’s concern.
In general you seem to lack the ability to see this from anyone else’s POV (even those of us you are specifically asking for advice on the matter) and that kind of perspective would probably be helpful.
From your parents perspective this may not be a big deal since its just another apartment vs a house or marriage or kids, they may be preoccupied with other stuff like aging and moving their own selves, and they may be tired after having gone all out for their 2 older children.
- This reply was modified 5 days, 11 hours ago by SpaceySteph.
Sounds like you are only really pushing this because you feel like she spent too much on your bday and you have to reciprocate? That’s not a good reason. If the friendship fizzled, it fizzled. You wouldn’t expect your ex boyfriend to take you out to dinner on your bday after you broke up just because you took him out on his bday before you broke up, would you? So then why have that expectation with a (former) friend?
If you are trying to salvage the friendship then I suggest try one more time but actually do the work. You’re basically like “you do all the work to plan your bday and then I’ll swoop in and pay for it and take all the credit.” Planning is work. Emotional labor is work. If you want to take her out for her bday then you need to do the work not just be the financier. Propose a date and a time and a specific activity or restaurant and ask her if she wants to come.
And as an aside, perhaps consider if the relationship is fizzling because you expect her to do the emotional labor most of the time.
I would never tell you that you got friendzoned because there is no such thing, that’s a bullshit excuse for what is actually just a lack of chemistry or interest on the woman’s part. Dudebros like to interpret it as some mythological placement in a zone where she can’t be interested in you even though you’re definitely a catch, rather than realize that they are not god’s gift to women and there are plenty of reasons a woman might not want to have sex or a relationship with you.
What happened is that she is a person with opinions and desires and feelings and she decided that she doesn’t have the feelings she wants to have in order to continue a relationship with you. That’s it. Sorry, she’s just not that into you.
I love “sweet jesus on a skateboard.” That perfectly captures the level of WTF-ery going on here.
As for the OP, dude is using you but also lied to you because they don’t tax child support payments. (https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/child-support-taxes-30263.html) Unless what you mean is he didn’t pay his child support so he had to use his tax return to catch up on them. In that case, he’s even more of a winner than we already thought.
Regardless, AIM HIGHER.