Happy fucking Friday, everyone! In case you missed it, I started a new tradition last week in which I’ll begin each weekend with an open thread post where you can discuss whatever the hell you want — including whatever relationship drama you may have going on in your life you’d like some community feedback on. Or, you can talk about your favorite ice cream flavor. Or baseball. I don’t care! Here are a few conversation starters if you need ’em:
1. What’s the best thing about being single (or what you miss most about being single if you aren’t)?
2. How did you meet your significant other?
3. Are you satisfied with your adult friendships?
[photo via]
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Roman March 25, 2011, 5:28 pm
The best thing about being single right now is the 1st year professional/grad student party i’m going to…i’m hoping to meet some cute med students!
Yeehaw!
Marie March 25, 2011, 5:36 pm
Best thing about being single – never knowing when you might meet someone new and have all those giddy, first being “in love” feelings. I met my SO on e-harmony. Best website ever. I wish I had more female friends, I have switched coasts and countries a few times since leaving home for school/job and miss the friends I’ve made in other places. It’s an ongoing effort to build new and healthy friendships but I’m working on it.
Sarah M March 25, 2011, 5:38 pm
The best thing about being single is having the time and energy to really work on yourself and your issues. I’m newly single…so that’s how I’m spinning it! I think of it like – ok. I have a family – of 1. And it’s time to really focus on taking care of my family!
sesl March 26, 2011, 1:14 am
How can you disagree with this? This is legit! More power to you, Sarah M – work on your family!!
cdj0815 March 28, 2011, 10:13 am
Sarah your life sounds a lot like mine. It is tiresome so, but I have a sense of peace, and I thank God for it.
Heather Girl March 25, 2011, 5:41 pm
I love being with my boo boop a loop, but I do miss eating whatever the hell I want for dinner. Do I want Ramen and pickles, or do I want chicken fingers and peanut butter on a spoon? However, I ain’t complaining that my man cooks dinner 85% of the time, ya hear me?!
Desiree March 26, 2011, 8:04 am
I don’t really understand the “dislikes” on this comment and the comments above… What is so offensive?
Maracuya March 26, 2011, 8:59 am
Unhealthy food? I don’t know. The phrase ‘boo boop a loop’? I gave it a thumbs up, that’s the cutest phrase I’ve ever heard.
Christy March 26, 2011, 10:16 am
It’s definitely the thought of eating Ramen and pickles.
Marie March 26, 2011, 10:42 pm
I was thinking the same thing Desiree. Seems like there’s just some negative nelly going through comments and thumbs downing for no real reason. If you’ve ever visited other internet discussion boards etc., negativity among anonymous internet users is pretty rampant. I have been pleasantly surprised by the inclusive positivity in the comments on this site!
LTC039 March 28, 2011, 8:58 am
I think if people are going to dislike something you write they should reply why. There’s a good chance they are just trolling though…
Heather Girl March 28, 2011, 9:46 am
Maybe I should have added salad with no fat dressing or carrots and hummus to my list of foods I would like to eat some nights. Haters must not be liking my Ramen noodles and pickles! 🙂
Pinky March 28, 2011, 10:57 pm
I miss eating cereal for dinner.
MissDre March 25, 2011, 6:58 pm
#4. I was actually thinking about the very same thing this morning. I was thinking about how I’m lonely, and I wish I had more girlfriends. The two girls I am close with, I never see. One is 8 years older than me, has 3 kids and a husband. The other is still in school, working retail, which means she’s always at work in the evenings and on weekends.
I have never been good at making girlfriends, not even as a child. I’m very shy, and I find most women have their set “girl group” and don’t have much interest in including someone new. When I meet new ladies I often ask them if they’d like to go for coffee or I invite them to other things…. but they are always too busy or not interested.
So for the most part, I spend time with my mom. Or my boyfriend. Or my 2 cats. Life is happy enough. Just wish I had more girls to do things with.
Ladies, how do I go from being casual acquaintances with the women around me, to actually developing friendships with them? (ps I have no trouble meeting people… I go to dance class, I’ve been through night classes, the gym, etc. I’m just shy and can’t seem to find a way to turn a casual hello into ‘wanna be my friend’?)
sarita_f March 25, 2011, 7:13 pm
H MissDre – I moved 1,000 miles from my home state to a city where I knew NO ONE aside from one or two work colleagues. I found that it helped to kinda ‘latch on’ to others that may be new in your area. I also worked my network and openly asked if anyone knew of anyone else in my new area that they could introduce me to (even just via email).
And it sounds VERY out-there, particularly when you feel shy, but I found literally saying to other newbies – “hey, let’s be friends!” actually works. It’s disarming and if you say it in a playful/funny way it’s not weird or creepy.
You’re doing the right thing by putting yourself in more social situations, but it may even help to go to a few groups through meetup.org – those people are all typically looking for others to indulge in some common interest together, and they don’t already have a group of friends to do that with.
I know you said you don’t have trouble meeting people, but it may help to target others who may also need to meet new people as well. Also, when you do meet people, see if there’s something you can ask them to help you with. Show you around somewhere they’re familiar with, accompany you to an art show if your target’s into art, etc. Some kind of activity that has a focus other than just out-of-the-blue conversation. A coffee date with no particular focus can be awkward.
Anyways, I’m kind of all over the place in the above but I hope there’s something that makes sense up there… GOOD LUCK!
Ally March 26, 2011, 11:57 am
Totally agree! The girlfriends I had from high school have all moved away for uni, and I find it so hard to make new ones 🙁 I just don’t know how to go about it. I live in quite small town so there aren’t even that many social groups or classes I could join to meet people. Anyone have any suggestions?
I feel like a fool for not ‘getting’ how people make friends. It seems to come so easily to other people. Some women I’m sort of acquaintances with I’d like to be friends with but it’s like they’ve got all the spaces in their group filled!
Maracuya March 25, 2011, 7:24 pm
I totally agree with you, MissDre. I’m not that great at meeting new people, and while I ‘meet’ new people I don’t become great friends with them. I’m pretty crappy at it, I think 😛
On a semi-related note to this thread: PISTACHIO
Hana March 25, 2011, 8:34 pm
I have that problem because I am very shy. If you lived around me I’d say lets be friends! But I live in a very small town in California and it is unlikely lol. All my friendships were friends of friends or casual friends that would be doing something. I had to learn to invite myself along on group activities lol.
MissDre March 25, 2011, 9:30 pm
California would be beautiful 🙂 However, I am a Canadian gal. Up in the Nation’s Capital… battling the below freezing temperatures still. However, it’s been very sunny the past few days and the birds are back. So I’m cheerful that spring is on it’s way! Can’t wait to bust out my summer dresses and skirts! Woo hoo!
I must say though, I am very much a homebody. I don’t like going out a lot, unless it’s with one or two people at a time, so inviting myself along on group activities would not be so much fun for me… I have to kick myself in the butt just to make myself go to dance every week… The only reason I actually go is because my Sis-in-Law and my brother own the dance studio and I get to see them!
LennyBee March 25, 2011, 10:08 pm
I have a similar problem – I moved from Canada to the US for school, and although I met a ton of great people, I didn’t really have any close girlfriends until recently (partially because most of the people I’ve met are guys). But I’m getting there – I asked one girl out for coffee, and we’re slowly making coffee a regular event, so that’s drastically improving our friendship. It’s hard to make a close friendship with people you only see for classes or group outings. I think the coffee date, or the girl’s cooking night, or something similar is crucial.
LennyBee March 25, 2011, 10:12 pm
*Note for my above comment – going from group outings to coffee and friendship was a very long process – like, it took a year and a half. Getting invited into a girl group may take even longer.
Lanchik April 3, 2011, 6:55 pm
Hey! I’m from Ottawa too, although I’m currently in Kingston for my 3rd year of university. So, most of my friends are here and when I go back to Ottawa, it’s a bit lonely! (Although, my boyfriend lives there still, so I mostly hangout with him and his roommates during the summer months.) Want to be friends? Ahaha! 😉
DramaQueen224 March 27, 2011, 1:47 am
There’s a website called Meetup.com, that’s sort of like a dating site for friends. Groups of people arrange activities. If you’re searching for more friends, you might want to try a couple of those events. You know that everyone there is open to friendship so the “hey can I get your number conversation” might be less awkward.
XanderTaylor March 28, 2011, 2:07 pm
Yep, Meetup.com is a great place to meet people that want to meet other people & forge friendships. Now that we are adults we can’t go out onto the playground & ask the new girl if she wants to be friends. However, Meetup does give you that opportunity.
Joanna March 25, 2011, 7:37 pm
My boyfriend and I both worked at a particular grocery store from 2005-2008. Then the store we worked in closed and we were transferred to two different stores in the chain. One night in 2010, we randomly ran into each other at a nightclub, and after a couple of months began dating. He treats me like a princess and is the kindest, most understanding individual I have ever met.
Hana March 25, 2011, 8:32 pm
Aww. Thats a cute story! I met my boyfriend because my bff/roommate at the time was getting married in a few months. Her now-husband was also a really good friend of mine and he was graduating from the University we all went to. I should have graduated with him but I decided not to go to the graduation because I graduated 1 semester late and the school wouldn’t let me attend my ceremony due to 3 credits. But I still wanted to celebrate for her husband so I went to his celebratory lunch and there was his best friend from his home town. He and I didn’t say a lot to each other because he is really shy and his ex girlfriend was there (one of my friends, but we were not very close and they were long distance and only saw each other twice and had a horrible break-up), but I kept trying to engage him in conversations. I had a little crush lol. Anyways, he asked my friends now-husband for my phone number a few days later and sent me a text a week after that. Meanwhile, my bff was really talking him up to me, but didn’t tell me he had gotten my phone number in case he didn’t call. I got all defensive because I had gotten out of horrible relationship about a year before and was trying to stay single. It was so obvious I liked him lol. We went on our first date about two weeks after non-stop texting and I moved in with him 300 miles away to a very small town in November. He has a well-paying, stable job and I was a Pilates instructor so I made a lot when I worked but it was not very stable. We are planning on getting married in about 2 years and I can honestly say he is the best thing that has ever happened to me and the love of my life. It is not always easy living with him in a new town where I only know him, but all the struggles are worth it. To girls without a boyfriend right now I say love yourself and stay true to what you want and the right guy will come! nd also, just because he wasn’t right for someone else does not mean he isn’t right for you and vice versa!
PCue530 March 25, 2011, 9:07 pm
My bf and I met through his best friend. I had become friends with said best friend and we made plans to grab [a friendly] dinner one night. On my way there he called and asked if it was ok if his best friend tagged along. I didn’t care and said something along the lines of the more the merrier. His exact line was, “I just can’t shake this guy, has to follow me everywhere.”
Well, I’m glad he did. My bf and I started hanging out, still with the friend, then eventually alone. We’d grab lunch, run errands, or just go to movies. My friends constantly teased me telling me they could tell he liked me. I told them they were nuts. Another friend of his had set him up with a girl friend of hers. He went out with her twice, then when I’d ask about it he would just say, “Ehhh” On their second date, he even called me to apologize for not replying to my text…he did this while she was in the bathroom. I told him not to be a jerk and get off the phone 🙂 I had developed a crush on him, but honestly thought he just saw me as his “buddy”.
One night we were watching a movie and I noticed he was getting restless and fidgety. When the movie ended, I stared at him and asked, “What’s the matter with you?!”
Finally he broke down. Starting with, “I have to tell you something…” Telling me he loved our friendship and wouldn’t be taking the risk of telling me if he didn’t see it turning into something amazing. He said he hoped I felt the same way because he found that when I was around he was happy, and when I wasn’t around, he spent his time wishing I was.
I listened to everything he said (and felt myself blushing the whole time!) and then asked him if he was ever going to kiss me.
That was 2 years ago and I couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend or best friend.
I’m happy when he’s around and wishing he was around when he isn’t 🙂
Ally March 26, 2011, 12:04 pm
Aww! That’s so romantic and lovely. “Shut up and kiss me!” 🙂
jottino March 25, 2011, 9:34 pm
1) the best thing about being single? the freedom. it was a lot less stressful making plans when i only had myself to consider.
2) i met my bf on twitter. completely unexpected! i wasn’t looking, & neither was he. but it happened. he pursued me; i resisted for a few months. and now we’re approaching our 1yr anniversary. finally letting myself fall for him was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made 🙂
3) no 🙁 … i don’t have many close girlfriends who i can confide in, shop with, etc. i discovered a lot of one-sided friendships when my life started getting busier (as in, once i didn’t initiate everything, we stopped talking or seeing each other). i’m very close with my family and my boyfriend, but i don’t get to see my close friends as often as i’d like. i don’t want to be one of “those girls” who only socialize with their boyfriends/husbands. i’m still not sure if this is what it means to get older (as in, there’s just not enough time to see friends anymore because life gets in the way), or if i need to try a lot harder to initiate outings.
MissD March 25, 2011, 9:38 pm
3. Are you satisfied with your adult friendships?
I am answering out of order, but I think it makes more sense that way. =) I moved to my current city three years ago to be with my husband as he started school, and had no friends/family in the area. I made a point to be friendly with people at work, and i was fortunate that they reciprocated. I am always shy about asking people to hang out or go to events with me, but their open friendliness helped me get up the courage to say “let’s grab a drink after work,” or whatever applied in the situation. I ended up making a few great friends, who have really stuck by me during my current situation. I lucked out, but my biggest advice is be friendly, accept social invitations, and then reciprocate.
1. What’s the best thing about being single (or what you miss most about being single if you aren’t)?
I am currently separated and going through a divorce (I mentioned in another post that my husband cheated on me and apparently hasn’t really wanted to be married the whole year + 1/2 we’ve been married), so I am single again at 30. While it isn’t at all where I wanted to be in my life, I’m finding little silver linings everywhere I look:
-My apartment is much less cluttered. I am a neat person, and there is no one coming behind me and undoing my efforts.
-I can eat what I want, like fish (my husband hated fish and I really missed it)
-I don’t have to feel guilty for staying late at work to get things done
-I can be social as much as I want (my husband never seemed to want to socialize with my friends-I never realized just how much I was missing out on)
-I don’t have to worry about him keeping me up with the TV on (we-I-live in a loft and we used the upstairs bedroom)
-I can see my family when I want (my husband never wanted to make the drive to see them-2 hrs-and didn’t love have overnight guests)
I will admit I am having a hard time moving on since everything has happened so fast (finding out about the affair, then finding out my husband didn’t want to be married anymore, when I didn’t see that coming), but I am lucky to have a great support system, so the hard days aren’t quite as bad. The only thing that really stinks is trying to come to terms with the fact that my husband is not the person I thought he was. Any suggestions?
Relaxicab March 26, 2011, 12:39 pm
Having gone through something similar my only suggestions are to just keep being you, stay busy, and don’t get caught up in any of his drama. Letting go is really difficult but you’ll get there a lot faster if you do those things. I remember thinking the same thing as you – I struggled with how my ex-wife wasn’t who I thought she was. But eventually I realized that she was who she was, no more and no less. My expectations of who I thought she was weren’t really relevant. You sound like you’re doing great though and I’m sure you’ll get there. Good luck!
Amy March 26, 2011, 1:14 pm
It just takes time…. It’s such a shock to find out that your spouse has been keeping something big from you or has betrayed you. But it really does get easier with time. My friends that have been down this road say it takes 2 years to get over it. I can imagine that’s about right – based on my time table.
I’m glad you have a strong support network. I don’t know how people can get through a divorce without having people that can really help you along the way. Good Luck. And I’m very sorry you are going through this.
Heather March 25, 2011, 9:39 pm
Best thing about being single-being able to flirt and not feel guilty! I like having some freedom. I don’t sleep around (not saying there’s anything wrong with it!) but I do like to mingle for sure. Being independent.
LennyBee March 25, 2011, 10:22 pm
1. What I miss most about being single is being able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. I love cooking with my guy, but some nights, I just want a salad or some popcorn.
2. We met through friends. I had moved to the US for school, and didn’t have anything to do on Halloween, so a colleague mentioned he was going out with a group of other international students, and I was welcome to come along. I met my boyfriend that night, but it took us awhile to get together. Four months later, I was friends with the group when my favorite band came to town. Of course, they’re a Canadian group, and none of my friends knew them, so only one person was willing to go with me. We started dating shortly thereafter. It was a magical night.
3. I’m reasonably satisfied with my adult friendships – although I do with I could get together with my closest girlfriends more often than once a year. But we all live in different cities (and countries) now, so we’re left with just Christmas when we all go back to our families in our hometown.
Addie Pray March 25, 2011, 10:51 pm
Unrelated to all the above but I need some serious advice: I have a date tomorrow night and a big mountain of a stupid zit is about to pop out of my chin. Yes, I plan to not touch it. But what should I put on it tonight to it can *poof* disappear by tomorrow?
LennyBee March 25, 2011, 11:04 pm
No guarantee it’ll clear it up by tomorrow, but a hot compress to speed healing, and then apply toothpaste to dry it out might help. Good luck!
Addie Pray March 26, 2011, 3:37 am
I skipped the hot compress part because I’m not sure how to do that, but the toothpaste has been applied, thank you! We shall see.
b00f March 26, 2011, 10:41 am
I’m an acne expert- I promise!- and I highly suggest dabbing on either some tea tree oil or using a little sulfur (“Bye Bye Blemish” is great). I realize I’m a little late to reply to your comment, but these are my favorite zit busters!
crazyayeaye March 26, 2011, 4:23 pm
Clean and clear advantage acne spot treatment is a miracle worker. Last year I had a very painful zit on my nose and it took care of it in no time 🙂 Good luck, hope your date goes well!
Wendy March 26, 2011, 8:12 am
Put a dab of toothpaste on it. Even left on for a few minutes, the toothpaste will help dry out the zit.
Addie Pray March 28, 2011, 10:17 am
Update: the toothpaste worked miracles. Catastrophy *completely* avoided!
SpyGlassez March 26, 2011, 12:23 am
1. What’s the best thing about being single (or what you miss most about being single if you aren’t)?
I do miss being able to travel whenever and wherever I want, without having to explain it.
2. How did you meet your significant other?
I’ve already told this story, I know, but the short version: I started teaching an 8-week composition course at a community college. One of my students always laughed at my lame jokes and towards the last couple of times the course met he stopped to talk to me after class. He found me on Facebook and “friended” me at the end of the mini-semester, and then asked me out after grades had been submitted (so that there would be nothing unethical about it at all). We have been together for 16 months, have talked some about marriage (not right away, though, because he’s in his last semester of classes). FWIW he is 2 years younger than me, and had returned to school after being in the workforce for 7 years because he’d been laid off (very common story!). We’re very happy!
3. Are you satisfied with your adult friendships?
I’ve been very lucky; my best friend, my boyfriend, and I all share an apartment together. My best friend and I have known one another since we were in college; it’s been 8 years. They are really my closest friends, but I remain good friends with the gal who was my best friend in high school and I see her and her family sometimes. I also actually have a pretty good network on Facebook and keep in touch with far-flung friends that way. Finally, the BF is a gamer and a self-professed Geek, so once a week we have D&D at our apartment, and so anywhere from four to eight people come over to eat pizza, watch movies, tell dirty one-liners, throw some dice around, and so forth.
fallonthecity March 26, 2011, 1:04 am
The best thing about being single is being able to focus on yourself! My goals, my tastes, my habits. I don’t have to explain my choices to anybody or give a heads up. It’s… quite nice actually. I’ve been single for almost three years and I’m showing no signs of changing. Of course, I’m also in that whole what-the-hell-is-going-on stage of my life, where I’ve graduated college and I’m frantically trying to find an awesome entry level engineering job while living with my parents, applying to grad school, submitting abstracts to conferences, etc…. so it’s not as if I have time for dating or a relationship anyway 😉
Am I happy with my adult friendships? Yes and no. I have pretty awesome friends, but so many of them are planning weddings and having babies — it’s very hard to find someone to hang out with on the weekends any more, and I’m getting a little sick of hearing about the wedding plans, fights with in-laws, which baby names are best, etc. Like I said, I love my friends but I would also like to connect with some people I can relate to a little more. I would definitely like to spend less time with my friends at wedding and baby showers and more time on lunch dates/movie marathons/dog park afternoons/skydiving.
DeeJay March 26, 2011, 1:24 am
I met my DH at a BDSM (bondage/dominance/sado-masochism) party. At the time I was playing with/dating several people and he was with someone else. A friend encouraged me to go out with him. Once he finally asked me out, we went on a vanilla trip with his brother & SIL and have been inseparable ever since. Happily married 9 years this yr.
BDSM is the only thing I miss about being single. Ironically, we met there, but it was never really his scene and I respect that. 2 weeks ago I might have said that I miss alone time and having the house to myself, but he has been gone for 12 days and won’t be back for 5 months and I am finding that I miss him WAY more than I have ever missed being single. Doesn”t even compare 🙂
Laurel March 26, 2011, 2:01 am
Things I miss about being single:
-Going to bed with zit cream / green clay mask on my face.
-Being about to take 3 hour baths.
-Masturbating totally guilt free without the idea that I should be saving energy for my boyfriend.
-Total control of the remote
OT Question: Anybody got tips on giving your hair volume and/or curl? My hair is really, really determinedly straight and about shoulder length with layers. I tried blowdrying with with mousse at the roots, and then attempted to curl the ends under but I could only get it half-assed there. My lower layer of hair wouldn’t turn under and it’s still somewhat stubborn and flat.
Addie Pray March 26, 2011, 8:34 am
There’s one thing I do that definitely makes my hair more voluminous. I wish I could show you because I’m not very eloquent, but I’ll try to ‘splain it. It’s a trick a hairdresser taught me: Don’t blowdry your hair straight down or even straight down with your hair flipped over. Dry your hair so half of it is blown straight down and the other half is blown over the top of your head, like a combover … God I suck at this… So for example, you know that line around your head where you’d normally tease your hair to create that poof, around the crown of your head? From that line, blow the hair below strait down and the hair above over your head. It makes your hair messy while you’re blow drying it, but in the end it creates some space between the hairs along the crown and then when you’re down and you comb your hair back down, *poof* you’ll have more body there, as if you teased it a bit …. It’s too early for me to be talking, I am making no sense.
MissDre March 26, 2011, 8:56 am
I have very fine hair. I have to keep it somewhat short, around chin length, with lots of layers. Otherwise I cannot get any volume at all! I use mousse and I blowdry with a round brush. It’s tough to use both the blowdryer AND the round brush at the same time… so I got a blowdryer with a round brush attachment. It’s my saviour!
Also, I swear by Bumble and Bumble “de mode” hairspray. It’s perfect for fine/thin hair. I can push my hair up, make it look a little windblown and messy, spray it, play with it some more… the spray is fantastic!
Ally March 26, 2011, 12:48 pm
My hair is also very very straight, so I feel your pain! Layers are a great start. It may sound odd having such straight hair, but my straighteners are my hair savers. This would work equally well with straighteners or blow drying (according to my hairdresser cousin, as this is how she taught me!) If you section your layers – tie or clip the top ones up, and leave the longest lower layer of hair down, it’s then easier to work with. I use my straighteners to curl my ends under then let down the other layers and by doing it bit by bit you get a better result. It’s a very time consuming activity though. Similarly if I want to make my hair curly I start on the bottom, curl it with my straighteners and then hairspray the crap out of each layer. That way it stays put for more than half an hour.
SpaceySteph March 27, 2011, 6:53 pm
Oh man its so true the grass is always greener. All I do for bouncey, curly hair is wake up. But when I was in college, there wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for sleek, smooth hair! Love the hair you have, ladies! It’ll save you time and money.
Caroline March 26, 2011, 2:03 am
I met my boyfriend through a mutual friend of ours. Everybody was skeptical about it at first, especially since we seem very different on the surface and because he took things really slow physically. But it’s been over a year and I am still very, very happy.
I am not totally satisfied with my friendships or my life in general. A lot of my close friends are away at college or have jobs and are busy pretty much all the time so I don’t get to see my friends too much, and I really miss hanging out with groups of people. On a daily basis, that is, like in high school. I transferred to my current school from my last school and I haven’t really made good friends yet even though it’s been a while. I am shy when I meet new people and that is a huge hinderance when it comes to making friends. I have a fear that people don’t really want to be friends with me, so I never really make the first move and ask someone to get coffee or anything. But it’s getting to the point where my boyfriend is pretty much the only person I see, and I really don’t like the idea that I might become dependent on him, if I haven’t already. So, I really need to do something about that.
Being 21 kind of sucks for me. I feel very confused about everything in my life and very down. I feel very passive about everything and I’m not really sure where to go here. I was considering going to a church, since I’ve been thinking about religion more and more lately. I was wondering, do any of you ladies go to church, and which church? I was thinking a Protestant church, but not Baptist because I attended a very Southern Baptist church as a kid and hated it. I guess I would say I’m a moderate liberal, and I’d like to go to a church that is very welcoming and not overly preachy.
Random: I accidentally elbowed my boyfriend in the eye tonight. It wasn’t the first time either. It seems like every time we’re together getting ahem, physical, I always wind up accidentally hurting him! Like kicking him in the leg or elbowing him or pulling on his ear too hard….and then I laugh. I LAUGH. I’m a terrible girlfriend, obviously, but I honestly am not laughing at his pain, but at my continued clumsiness. The problem is, whenever I laugh, if someone imitates me laughing or comments on me laughing, I just laugh harder. So you can guess what happens when he comments on me laughing. It’s horrible! I feel so terrible!
Fairhaired Child March 26, 2011, 4:18 am
I laugh when I do that to my boyfriend as well (I was raised where most of my family members usually laugh at “dumb hurts” such as falling down etc as a way to draw attention away from pain and tears but towards “oh wow I’m such a goof I can laugh this off”). I move around a lot at night while sleeping and though I may feel bad about doing it I’ll be like “Oh I hit you again? I’m sorry” Hahahahaha. To some people the reaction is shocking, I’ll laugh when people fall off curbs, and help them out but then they think I’m poking fun at them but I’m really not its just a reaction I get (which is a great babysitting tool as well to get them to laugh to and show off “battle scars” instead of crying for over an hour) so I totally understand that!
Caroline March 26, 2011, 1:06 pm
Well, I’m such a clumsy person that I don’t let it bother me anymore. I am forever hitting things so I always have bruises everywhere on my body, lol. I even had a black eye last year because I let go of the handle bar a little too early when I was zip-lining, and it didn’t bother me at all! I thought it was actually pretty cool, and I was telling customers at my job that I had gotten into a bar fight to see what their reaction would be. Some of them even believed me, lol, even though I seem like the sweetest girl ever who would never do something like that.
SpaceySteph March 27, 2011, 6:58 pm
Hah my ex and I were like that. Super clumsy together. I had a stuffed animal named “ouch” and a friend saw it and said “is that because you hold him when you hurt?” and I said “no, its because right after he gave it to me, I accidentally elbowed him in the head for the millionth time.” We weren’t overly awkward individuals, but we definitely bumped each other a bunch.
Caroline March 27, 2011, 7:34 pm
Well, it wouldn’t be so bad if my boyfriend was also clumsy, but he isn’t, haha! I’m clumsy enough for the both of us, so maybe it’s better that he isn’t…
callmehobo March 27, 2011, 12:01 am
Hey Caroline,
I’m also a 21 year-old, who went through something similar. Have you ever thought of joining a student organization? By joining something you will automatically be surrounded by people with similar interests or goals, which definitely makes breaking the ice earlier.
If you are looking for a church that isn’t, to use your words, “preachy”, I would suggest seeking out a non-denominational congregation. They tend to go with a less strict interpretation and focus less on Old Testament law. However, every church is different- I consider myself liberal yet I attend a denomination that is often seen as very conservative.
I hope you start enjoying 21 more! I will also say, if you still feel like you can’t form relationships and feel down- don’t be afraid to find a counselor. Most colleges have free counseling services, take advantage of it!
Caroline March 27, 2011, 2:16 am
Yeah, I belong to two clubs, kind of, but haven’t really gotten very involved in them, so I should step up my game. I was thinking about also starting to do regular volunteer work for something else to do, something that I could feel good about.
I didn’t mean to offend you or anyone else with using the word “preachy,” by the way! I’ve just had a friend in the past who would argue with me about religion and try to make me feel like I was a bad person because I didn’t attend church. She was kind of judgmental then (she isn’t that way anymore) and it really turned me off. I know not all people are like that, though! But I will look into non-denominational churches, those would probably be the best for me. I just want a place that focuses on the good and doesn’t over emphasize the bad, you know what I mean?
I’m also going to start going to events with a local Meetup group, I think, that a good friend of mine is involved in, so hopefully that will help! Thanks 🙂
Fairhaired Child March 26, 2011, 4:15 am
1. One of the best things about being single is not having to worry about “what so and so is doing” and being able to make plans on the fly because you dont have to worry about accomidating anyone else but YOU. I do miss being able to be like “oh heck yeah lets travel for about 5 hours in the car, see where we end up, get a hotel and stay a couple of days there to explore”. Now its more like “sure let me let my boyfriend know that we have no idea where we are going or what we will do so he doesnt worry TOO much”. I like that I spent more time cultivating my own interests and friendships, and was an individual rather than one part of a couple.
2. I met him through one of our mutual best male friends, and though we never met up previously through this friend, he decided that I “have a terrible luck in men” and he’d pick the next one out for me. So far so good – over a year into the relationship and I have to give my friend props for the setup.
3. No. I recently moved as well for a Job and while it brought me closer to my boyfriend and his friends (he moved also to stay with me – but his friends are all within 30 minutes, mine are mostly over 2 hours away) I miss my old friends, and my schedule makes it harder and I find making friends that are very significant are hard to do (i have plenty of “causal female friends” but no new best buds that I spend a ton of time with). I also read a book called The Twisted Sisterhood (look it up its actually pretty good though sad) which shows how its harder(for some) to make “close knit” female friends as they grow older, and I have to agree – I feel like I need to speed date for friends and that work friendships dont carry very far past the workplace besides hanging out once or twice a month.
So anyone near the Baltimore MD area wanna be friend speed date? wink wink nudge nudge
caitie_didn't March 26, 2011, 8:10 am
1). The best thing about being fairly recently single is that I’m waiting to hear back from Grad schools and i have NO idea where I’ll be next year, but wherever I end up I don’t have to worry about leaving someone behind! I think there are a lot of “worst” things though……I miss having someone to call when I’m having a bad day and there is a serious lack of cuddling in my life right now.
3). Yes! I am very satisfied with my friendships although I don’t really think of myself as an adult yet. I guess I should because I just turned 23 and some of my friends have “real” jobs now! I’m incredibly lucky to have several wonderful girlfriends, all of whom I have been friends with for at least 4 years. When shit hit the fan for me in January and February of this year, I would not have survived had it not been for my amazing friends.
MissDre March 26, 2011, 8:57 am
Come do grad school in Ottawa 😉
Desiree March 26, 2011, 8:12 am
2. How did you meet your significant other?
We met on a double date…where we weren’t one another’s respective dates. His date was a mutual friend of ours–they weren’t romantically interested in one another, they were just having fun (this mutual friend was starting to flirt with her now-husband during the time period). My date was an unfortunate rebound that my mother continues to call “the mistake” (for a number of excellent reasons that don’t really need to be listed here). It was a very strange feeling to be out on the town and wanting to flirt with someone other than my date. I would like to say that I let go of rebound boy *before* seeing if something could work with my current SO.
Amy March 26, 2011, 11:09 am
I’m having a crappy start to the weekend. My darned ex husband has really gone off the deep end. He recently found out that he has some health problems – on top of alcoholism… he was really down in the dumps earlier this week and called me. I think I did a good job of trying to establish some boundaries by discussing that I couldn’t be a support for him as it would be unhealthy for both of us. I let a mutual friend know what was going on too. Well – to top it off the dang guy got a DUI the other day. I think he’s gone off his rocker… and it’s really sad to watch him speed down hill in high gear. From some of the things he’s sad – I’m afraid he might harm himself. I discussed this with his best friend too… the best friend made me feel better by letting me know that ex has lots of good days and then bad days and tends to call me on the bad days.
I’m really trying to move on (the divorce has only been final a few months but I moved out and started the process last summer) – and I am getting better and feeling better every week and month about the whole thing. But this drama from the last week is sure working to pull me down. I really wish he’d just go and have a happy life – I think I’ve accepted that he makes poor choices every chance he gets – so he’s unlikely to have a positive life… I am now trying really hard to not let that bring me down or think that’s my problem – but it’s hard to let someone that you loved for so long just throw everything away.
Sigh – I feel better writing that all out. 🙂
Ally March 26, 2011, 1:02 pm
Sounds like a tough situation, but good on you for dealing with it in a healthy way! Try not to let him suck you into his negativity.
Skyblossom March 27, 2011, 11:04 am
I hope it all works out for you, it sounds like emotional havoc. It’s tough but good that you aren’t tied to someone who will have such a negative life because he would have made yours incredibly negative too.
MissDre March 26, 2011, 10:22 am
On a totally different note, I realize that there are a lot of students on here. Wendy, I’m not spamming I swear, but the company I work for actually caters to students. We distribute software to students, at discounts of like 80 to 90% off. Depending on what school you go to, you could even get Microsoft Office for FREE! I’m serious! If you have a .edu email address you most likely qualify. Faculty and staff actually qualify for some offers too.
We have stuff like Office, Adobe, SPSS, Parallels, Minitab, SYSTAT, Vmware, and tons of other stuff. And it’s direct download so you get it right away.
So ladies (and fellas) if you are a student, check out my company and you could save mad money! We are also running a contest right now where we are giving away an iPad 2!
To enter the contest go to:
To shop for heavily discounted software go to: and click on the eStore link.
To find out if you qualify for Microsoft Office for free go to: search.onthehub.com and search for your school.
We are also on Twitter, and on Facebook (www.onthehub.com/facebook) and we have an educational software blog: blog.onthehub.com
Again, I am not trying to spam! But I realize that this might help a lot of you students out there. You don’t have to pay retail prices!!!
MissDre March 26, 2011, 10:25 am
Some schools that I know for sure get Office for free are Ashland University, DeVry, Washington University, Rasmussen… can’t think of any others off the top of my head but there are more. And if it’s not free you can get it for like $50. Students, spread the love 🙂
WatersEdge March 28, 2011, 9:06 am
I got SPSS statistical software from on the hub. I got a 6 month rental for like $35. I recommend it!
Patrick Turner March 26, 2011, 11:37 am
Happy F*******G, I can’t believe Wendy would be so rude, so crass and so stupid as to post this. She is always talking about manners, what’s realistic in life and so forth and she has to publish that cute, so quaint phrase. I guess I like Dear Abby after all. TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR>>>>>>
Desiree March 26, 2011, 12:07 pm
WOW…I understand that everyone uses different language according to their preferences, but SERIOUSLY relax. It’s a curse word, sure, but it’s not like it’s a racial slur or something along those lines. Besides, I am a uptight Type A personality from a conservative family who wouldn’t even use spoken contractions for years of my life (I’m over that, by the way), and even *I* find there are times when nothing but “FUCK!” works. You may have different preferences, Patrick, but you needn’t be so unpleasant in your expression of them.
Addie Pray March 26, 2011, 2:57 pm
I would bet a lot of money that Patrick and Wendy are buds, and he was just being silly. Just a hunch.
Addie Pray March 26, 2011, 3:01 pm
And my next hunch is that she asked him to sign in and say something controversial so we can get some fighting going on. We are all too polite to each other. We should fix that.
Desiree March 26, 2011, 3:55 pm
I actually wondered about that, because the post is so over-the-top.
Wendy March 26, 2011, 4:06 pm
No.
Addie Pray March 26, 2011, 4:31 pm
Alrighty then, Patrick, don’t be a hater. Besides, no one said good manners and the F bomb are mutually exclusive.
Jess March 28, 2011, 5:28 am
was wendys post one of those times where nothing but “FUCK!” works?
Wendy March 28, 2011, 8:31 am
Here’s the deal: besides really liking the word and finding it fun to use, after writing for a site that was run by a major corporation that made several restrictions I felt were oppressive (including forbidding its bloggers to respond very often to reader comments, which is something you may notice I do a lot more often now than dropping an occasional f-bomb), I’m also enjoying my FREEDOM to use whatever words I want to use. It’s something that, for a writer, is a pretty huge deal … and if it offends people, well, so be it. Considering I address questions about porn usage, getting knocked up during threesomes, and when to tell a partner you’ve been raped, I’d say this site isn’t really meant for such delicate eyes and ears anyway.
RoyalEagle0408 March 28, 2011, 9:28 am
To be honest, I find it funny that certain words are forbidden on that site while others that I find to be more offensive are allowed in articles.
And I do appreciate the replies. 🙂
Maracuya March 26, 2011, 12:08 pm
But… this isn’t life. This is THE INTERNET.
Honestly, it’s just a cuss word.
sarolabelle March 26, 2011, 12:09 pm
you don’t like such a cute quaint phrase? You obviously have not read Wendy’s stuff for long. This is probably like the 3rd F-bomb…maybe 4th.
Amy March 26, 2011, 12:13 pm
If you don’t like it – there’s no need to view her site. Just go elsewhere… there’s no need to be so opinionated and rude.
Wendy March 26, 2011, 11:43 am
Someone could use a margarita.
TaraMonster March 26, 2011, 12:30 pm
Or ten margaritas for fuck’s sake. 😉
Jess March 28, 2011, 5:26 am
I dont feel nearly as strong as Patrick, but I admit I was surprised when I saw all the f-bombs too
SpyGlassez March 26, 2011, 2:30 pm
I know, Patrick! That Rebecca Black song “Friday” TOTALLY ruined it for me too and I wish people would stop using the word. It IS uncalled for. NO MORE FRIDAY~~ just call it Saturday part 1 and Saturday part 2!!
Golden_Key March 26, 2011, 6:26 pm
Your post was totally uncalled for Patrick, not Wendy’s word choice. I don’t know how you could think her words were so rude and yet think your comment was appropriate.
Golden_Key March 26, 2011, 6:27 pm
oops, sorry, @SpyGlassez. I hit reply to the wrong comment!
SpyGlassez March 27, 2011, 3:27 pm
@Golden_Key – it’s ok – I’ve done that before myself! 😀
Steelbird March 26, 2011, 9:26 pm
Just so you all know, this is a troll. Wendy, you should almost take this as a compliment, trolls generally only hit more popular sites where a lot of people comment to try to make people angry. The entire purpose is to get people yelling and screaming about what an awful person this must be so in general it’s better to ignore trolls. Like a child throwing a tantrum you can’t give trolls the attention they clearly desperately want.
Emsz March 26, 2011, 12:06 pm
Sometimes all of you make me feel a little sad, because I have no boyfriend. Not that it would be a good idea for me to have one right now, probably, since I’m not completely right in the head at the moment. Still, sometimes I would really like to have… someone.
Since I don’t have any good female friends, and my best friend is really busy, and he also lives quite a way away during the week. In the weekends he does jobs for his company, so we hardly ever get to see each other any more. Recently there’s also been some development of some conflicting feelings, which I have nobody to talk to about, so I’m telling you guys :).
So, no, I’m not happy with my adult friendships… For some reason I’m always the one who has to initiate stuff, and I feel that my very small year of students has already formed cliques and things… I’ve signed up for a university rowing club, so hopefully I’ll make some new friends there 🙂
Desiree March 26, 2011, 12:08 pm
Kudos for being willing to get out there and meet some people. I hope you have fun! : )
Maracuya March 26, 2011, 12:12 pm
Clubs are good for making friends. 🙂
Having moved into the real world, the only thing that makes me sad about my adult friendships is that I usually have to do most of the initiation. So I wonder what would happen if I just stopped calling the bulk of them…
TaraMonster March 26, 2011, 12:23 pm
My boyfriend and I met in creative writing class in college. Super cliche, but I fell in love with his poetry (somebody shoot me with a hipster irony arrow!). Anyway. We became best friends. We constantly got awkward comments about how long we had been together. We used to talk about how we just didn’t understand why people thought we were dating. Yeah. DENIAL. One of our professors put it this way, “Oh I don’t know. You show up to class finishing each others’ sentences and sharing a bagel, why would anyone think you two are dating?” Then one night we were dancing at a party and we kissed. That was over six years ago. 🙂
callmehobo March 26, 2011, 11:51 pm
Tara,
THAT IS ADORABLE. Funny how a lot of the good stories tend to be cliche…
Rachel March 26, 2011, 12:30 pm
My boyfriend and I met on Okcupid. I had been on it for a while after my last serious relationship and was actually at the point where I was about to delete my account. I became frustrated with the fact that the cool guys didn’t seem to want to return my emails and the creepy guys were all over the place. But, I noticed my bf’s profile and sent him a message. Luckily this cool guy did respond and we’ve been together for over a year and a half 🙂
3. I love my friends that I have here, but I know I’ll likely have to move in a year or so when I finish my phd. I get sad when I think about not seeing them, and which of them I’ll simply just lose touch with.
Lydia March 27, 2011, 2:15 pm
Your story sounds a lot like mine! Only my boyfriend messaged me.
Marie March 26, 2011, 3:54 pm
It was the day of my last Final exam for the semester last May, and that night I went out and got totally wasted. I don’t make a habit of doing this, but it had been a very stressful week and I let loose. I woke up in a classmate’s house, gazed at my phone through crusty eyes to see what time it was (8 am!), and somehow forced myself to get up and walk a mile to my car because I had a job interview at 9 am for a Summer internship.
Besides being completely hungover, I didn’t want to go to this interview because I already had a job secured. But, my mom had always grilled into me, ‘don’t ever miss a job interview that you’ve already scheduled, you don’t want to burn bridges in your industry and you never know what connection you might make even if you don’t take the job!’. So, without really researching the company as I would for an interview I cared about, I found my way home, pulled on my suit, threw my hair into a bun and prayed that my interview would be unable to detect my beer breath.
I walked into the office building and asked for the man I was supposed to interview with, Mr. X. Turns out the person I was asking was Mr. X. My heart fluttered a little… he was really cute. And totally my type. Crap… I looked awful! But it was too late now. He led me down the corridor to an empty office.
The actual interview was surreal. I did my best to act professional, but he was clearly extremely nervous to be interviewing someone and ended up admitting as much. So it turned into a pretty casual conversation about our lives and how we ended up here. I left thinking he was cute and oddly compelling to me, but I had not prepared well enough to expect the job. Oh well.
Three weeks later, I was touring the Capital building in D.C. with my mom on vacation, and my phone buzzed with an email from Mr. X- I was hired! I told my mom that I thought I would accept this job instead of the one I had already accepted, and I casually threw in that my new boss was cute. She rolled her eyes.
From the first day on the job, I felt electricity between me and Mr. X. My desk was right next to his, and we talked back and forth as much as we could get away with. I still remember the shy way he first touched my shoulder to let me know we had a meeting. We both would get to work 15 minutes before everyone else… we just sort of started doing it to have a few moments alone in the morning, without even realizing we were doing it.
It was like going on an amazing date all day every day, with zero romantic pressure. Turns out, he was only a year older than me, we had a ridiculous amount of things in common, and the feelings were so mutual and obvious that even though I had moments of insecurity, I loved going to work every day and rarely worried about how things would turn out. We went on casual walks for lunch a couple days a week, nothing big.
This was a temporary internship- two months. In the final two weeks, Mr. X made his move. A coffee date here under the guise of helping him with a project, a more romantic date later, then a party at his house. We became an official couple the day after the last day of my internship.
Mr. X has since revealed that he interviewed dozens of people for 3 internship spots, and his bosses allowed him to fill one of the spots with whomever he picked. I was the intern he picked, because he just genuinely thought he’d get along the best with me. He was also responsible for seating me near him.
It’s been about 8 months being an official couple. I love our story.
princesspetticoat March 26, 2011, 5:48 pm
Aww, I like it. And you told the story really well.
Marie March 26, 2011, 9:50 pm
Thanks! I love when people ask how we met and I get to reply that “he was basically a sexual predator that thought I was hot and decided to hire me so I’d be forced to hang out with him.” He loves that. He’s my age and not at all sexual predator-y, obviously, so it’s ironic. He’s actually very sensitive and had confided in his friends whether it would be appropriate to date me, and even then he made sure to wait until the end of the internship. Ok I’ll stop grossing everyone out now with my gushing. Hey, I was single for a long time before this you guys!
Speaking of being single, I’ll answer the other two above questions.
1. What’s the best thing about being single (or what you miss most about being single if you aren’t)?
The best thing about the last three years I spent as a single lady, was feeling like I didn’t have to answer to anyone for my actions… you can basically be very selfish (in a good way!), and not feel like you owe anyone any explanations. And I wholeheartedly believe that the emotional progress you achieve as a single person is an absolutely necessary foundation for any relationship, whether romantic or platonic. Cliche, I know, but true to my experience. It’s lonely being single, but being in a relationship doesn’t iron out your personal emotional problems, at least not in the long run. In the long run, individual problems rear their ugly heads into whatever relationships you have, no matter how good they are.
3. Are you satisfied with your adult friendships?
I have a good group of friends still from high school, and what I refer to as pockets of friends from different experiences (one set from grad school, one set from study abroad, etc.) I don’t have one click, just more random people scattered about. This suits me just fine. I’m a low energy person so I can’t be around people constantly… this way I can pick and choose the individuals I truly connect with and spend my time with them.
SpyGlassez March 27, 2011, 3:31 pm
Kind of like I love telling people, “Oh, yeah, I was his teacher….” I get a lot of shocked statements. Of course, my mom ‘stole’ my dad from the priesthood (literally – he was in seminary when they met…..) so we’re a little wicked.
I LOVE your story, Marie!!!
Painted_lady March 26, 2011, 4:18 pm
1. I miss being able to just worry about me. I love my boyfriend, so he’s worth the sacrifice, but I’m really independent and sort of nomadic, and we’re stuck where we are till he’s finished with school in two years (possibly more if he gets a job offer here). We don’t live together yet – he’s in another city – but I know from his visits that I’ll also miss just being able to do my thing, grab sushi and drinks with the girls Friday night without taking him into consideration, staying at school working on my gradebook till all hours without having to call and say I won’t be home till later (not that I’m required, it’s just polite), and having to keep track of two people’s social commitments.
2. I met my boyfriend in middle school band. We were good friends, then in high school he developed this monster crush on me that I didn’t return but he became my best friend. We stayed in touch through college and a bunch of relationships between us, and then sometime after college when I was still in grad school he became my very best friend. Then a couple of years ago, I started developing a bit of a crush on him, but he was still dealing with his quarterlife crisis and I wasn’t going to be with someone who didn’t have his shit together, so I waited and didn’t say anything. We were both in relationships anyway, but we still talked every week or so (we live in different cities).
Then my relationship ended (his already had), and he listened to me cry on the phone and let me come visit for a few days, and somewhere between my breakup and the start of this school year, he finally decided he couldn’t work at his crappy job, constantly broke and miserable, any longer. He went back to school to get another degree, and he was suddenly this happy guy with some direction and some drive, and where I’d been sort of attracted to him I just couldn’t quit thinking about him. I told him, and it turned out he’d never really gotten over me in high school. And that was sort of it for both of us. He’s my best friend – how can I ask for more? He’s moving here in July and although all the things in #1 are still true, I’m mostly just thrilled he’s going to be here. It sounds so cheesy, but all the things you say you want when you’re young and idealistic and then you start compromising on when you get a little older, they were right in front of my face the whole time.
3. I am actually thrilled with my adult friendships – after my breakup last January I decided to throw myself into my friendships. I was always one of those girls who would ditch my friends for a boy whenever, and then when I started dating again, I all of a sudden started ditching some of the dates to hang out with friends. And then the new litmus test for a guy became that he had to be at least as much fun as my friends. My boyfriend was lucky – he had already passed the test years ago. Although now I keep telling him that if he doesn’t find friends quickly when he moves here, I’m setting up play dates with my friends’ husbands and boyfriends and brothers because I don’t want to feel guilty for ditching him for my friends one night a week.
SpyGlassez March 27, 2011, 3:33 pm
Love the story!!!!!
RoyalEagle0408 March 26, 2011, 4:54 pm
I like coffee ice cream and the Phillies.
Addie Pray March 26, 2011, 5:48 pm
Similarly, I like philly cheesesteak subs….
I also like to make my own coffee ice cream, by pouring hot coffee over my ice cream (any flavor, it’s all good) and then mixing it all together so it becomes like a shake. It’s delicious.
Marie March 26, 2011, 9:38 pm
They serve “cafe con helado”, (coffee with ice cream) as a dessert at the McDonald’s restaurants in Spain. It was oddly addictive. Oh and plus, they serve beer there!
neuroticbeagle March 27, 2011, 12:53 am
Tastykakes rule! Also I like putting mint chocolate chip ice cream in my hot chocolate to make it minty.
RoyalEagle0408 March 27, 2011, 7:05 pm
Tastykakes and a cheesesteak would have been an amazing dinner. I do have Turkey Hill ice cream in the freezer though. Cannot wait to go home for Easter.
PinkPanther March 26, 2011, 6:18 pm
1. I’m going to agree with all of the people saying being able to eat whatever I want. Before I started dating my boyfriend, I ate very sporadically and I’m not sure if anything i ever ate would have really been considered a meal. While I do miss this, I must admit that I feel a lot better ever since I’ve started eating actual meals. 😉 I sometimes also miss being able to just do whatever I want without ever having to feel guilty about it. He never gives me grief about anything, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t feel guilty sometimes.
2. We met in college as we both originally had the same major. We were in a few classes together my sophomore year but never really talked until the following year. I ran into him and his roommate (a friend of mine) in the grocery store during fall break, as we were all still in town. His roommate asked me what I my plans were for the evening as they might be going into the city. I said I had no plans and he should give me a shout if they end up going. Imagine my surprise when I got home and my phone rings with an unknown number, it was my now boyfriend calling to invite me over to their place for dinner. I had a really nice time and he invited me to dinner again with a few more mutual friends a few days later and things just kind of went from there. It’s been 4 1/2 years! 🙂
3. I just moved across the country a few months ago and while my social life has been improving with time, I miss my friends from high school and college like there aren’t words to describe. I was very lucky to have a great group of friends in both high school and college and I’ve really been missing that sense of belonging and friendship for the past few years.
I didn’t share a joke last week, so I’ll share one today that I just heard. A man is sitting in the kitchen deep in thought when his wife walks over to him. She asks if something is bothering him and he tells her he’s just been thinking… She asks him what it is that he is thinking about. “You remember that time when we started datin and I brought you home the next day, and your daddy was out front waitin for us and he comes over and pulls me out of the pick-up and says I better marry you right then and there or he’s going to have me thrown in jail for twenty years?” “Yeah, I remember that…but, would you be thinking about that?” “Well, I was just thinkin… I’d be gettin out tomorrow!”
Susan March 26, 2011, 8:35 pm
My adult friendships are all falling apart again. They were the friends that I had in college that I stayed close with and physically near, but soon they’re leaving. One is following a boyfriend to another state, the other is going into the Peace Corps, and I am starting graduate school after a break. These women and I actually grew up together and they have been with me through everything. I suppose any future friendships I have will be my new “adult friendships,” but nothing will ever replace the friends that have been my childhood friends, teenage friends, and my adult friends.
Marie March 26, 2011, 9:55 pm
I love reading everyone’s real life get-together stories. They’re so much sweeter (and real, obviously) than stupid rom coms.
Dezzie March 26, 2011, 10:04 pm
1. I really don’t miss anything, because he gives me the freedom to do what I want when I want…I attribute this to me being overly open and honest about everything and anything…
2. We met at the bar…its actually a kind of cute story. I was out with a friend of mine and there is a bar right around the corner from our condos..we have always wanted to check it out but never had, so we went. As we walked in and sat down at the bar, a customer of mine from my employment at the time was there and recognized me and offered us drinks…then I noticed his friend…needless to say after a night of beers and bsing we were def into eachother…so we went to their house for a nightcap of more beer. At the end of the night he asked to kiss me and I said “maybe next time” and left. At the time my cell phone was shut off and I didnt know at the time when it was going to be turned back on…so I figured I’d never see him again. About a week later I was coming home from work and I walked a different way home than normal. I saw a guy driving by on a motorcycle that looked alot like him but I thought nothing of it. The man on the motorcycle turned around and pulled up next to me! It was him! We had our first official date that night and just got engaged at the end of Jan!
3. I am lucky enough to have friends that have lasted through the years even with being in AZ and they are in IN. I still talk to my bff from 1st grade on the regular! When I did move to AZ I did find it hard at first to make friends but now I have a great group of people that I know and love!
Addie Pray March 27, 2011, 7:42 am
Cute story. And good job saying no to that first kiss. I probably would have ended up sleeping with him and then never talking to him again. These are things I’m working on.
SpyGlassez March 27, 2011, 3:35 pm
I do love your story. It is really cute!!
Eden March 26, 2011, 10:10 pm
I have a random question for you guys;
I’ve had weight problems for nearly 6 years now; starting in 8th grade, when I binged in the summer because my anxieties about high school. (Let’s just say my classmates/ex-bullies told me I wouldn’t last in a ‘dangerous’ public high school.) Medically I’m in healthy weight but my BMI is high and could surpass if I’m not careful. I want to loose 30 pounds but every time I try, I’ll stay strong for a few weeks and then I stop exercising and gain the weight lost. I might bring it up to the professional I’m seeing with in the week, if he gains my trust.
I think the weight it another way I keep people at arms length, but I was hoping if you guys could share some of your own issues with weight loss and any ways you got over a challenging issue like mine.
Any advice is needed. :]
Skyblossom March 27, 2011, 10:32 am
I can tell you about my family and what we have done. I am prediabetic and have been for the last 10 years, since the birth of my daughter. A lot of weight problems have to do with insulin resistance, with the number of calories far less significant than the quantity of starch eaten. A major sign of insulin resistance is if your weight gain is on your waist. If most of your weight gain is on your hips then this probably doesn’t apply to you.
When a person eats their blood sugar runs up and so the body pumps insulin into the blood stream. In the average person the insulin binds to the blood sugar, carries it through the blood and leaves it in the cells of the body where it is burned. In the insulin resistant person the insulin may bind to the sugar and carry it through the blood but the cells won’t bind the insulin and won’t take up the sugar so the blood sugar remains elevated.
Insulin has several other important functions in the body. It causes the liver to convert blood sugar to fat and it also blocks release of fat from the fat cells. In the average person this causes them to convert blood sugar to fat and then store it in their fat cells. Along with directly burning the sugar in their cells the conversion of sugar to fat rapidly lowers the blood sugar and then the insulin level in the blood falls. When the insulin level falls the fat cells will begin releasing fat and the cells of the body will begin burning fat (except the brain cells which must have sugar.)
In an insulin resistant person the cells aren’t burning much sugar and so they are going hungry. The liver still converts sugar to fat and the fat is still stored in the fat cells so weight is being gained but because the blood sugar levels don’t drop enough the insulin levels remain elevated and fat can’t be released from the fat cells. The body gains weight while the cells of the body are going hungry and sending out signals demanding food. If an insulin resistant person keeps eating starchy foods their insulin levels will remain elevated all of the time and they will keep craving carbohydrates. The cells of the body are literally starving and they cut their functions to a minimal level even as the person is gaining weight.
To break this cycle if you are insulin resistant you need to stop eating starchy foods. Cutting out all grains, pasta, starchy vegetables like potatoes and tropical fruits which are very high in sugar. Foods that have been kept warm for long periods of time like pasta and soup at a restaurant are particularily bad because heat breaks down starches and all of the starch in the food will flow immediately into your blood and spike your blood sugar. If you cut out these foods it can take several days for your insulin level to drop to a normal level and then your body will begin burning fat. If you try this and you are insulin resistant you should see weight loss within a week or two. This is not a calorie restricted diet or a low fat diet. Once I quit worry about fat in my diet and concentrating on removing starches my cholesterol and lipid levels are the best that they have ever been and my blood sugar readings are excellent. My son began eating like this when he was a senior in high school and lost 60 pounds over the course of a year. He was eating far more calories than he had been and feeling much better and losing weight. My husband has lost 10 to 15 pounds eating this way and I lost about 15 pounds. My son can now eat most carbohydrates but has found that if he eats potatoes he always gains weight. I have trouble if I eat any grains at all.
Starch is just chains of sugar bound together so when you eat starches you are eating large quantities of sugar. Usually the starch in a food like bread or cake is far worse than the amount of sugar that may be in the food just because there is so much starch.
If you cut out starches and see your weight dropping then check out glycemic load on the internet because this will help you know which foods you can easily eat and which will run up your blood sugar and cause you trouble.
SpyGlassez March 28, 2011, 5:52 pm
Out of curiosity, what do you replace the starches with in a meal? Or what might a sample meal consist of? I have been trying to come up with healthier ways to cook, but my boyfriend has a HUUUGE appetite and I feel like I cook for 4 even though there are just 3 of us living here. But I have gained about 20 lbs in the last year and a half, and he’s gained at least that if not more. I’ll never be the 125 I was in college again, but I’d rather not start my 30’s at over 200 (I’m only 5’3″).
Skyblossom March 28, 2011, 8:28 pm
I like to substitute fresh fruits and vegetables. I’m not a big salad eater but I do like grape tomatoes, baby carrots and cucmber slices. Both my husband and myself eat lots of berries. He pours fresh cream on his. Also I love melon and we all eat lots of it. My husband is eating salad two to three times per week for lunch. I’ve been eating fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts and homemade custard for lunch. I also like apples and peanut butter for lunch.
When we go out to dinner we make substitutions in the meal. If we order a hamburger we ask that it come without the bun and then substitute something like a house salad for the fries. I’ve gotten to the point where I order all types of sandwiches without the bread and have never had a restaurant mind. Restaurants are always willing to substitute for rice and potatoes on a plate. I replace them with things like salad and coleslaw. This past weekend my husband asked the restaurant to substitute sauteed mushrooms for the fries that came with his dinner and they were happy to do that. Sometimes you have to pay a small fee to make the change but I feel that our health is worth $1.50 each.
I’ll make things like stew with turnips and mushrooms in it rather than the usual starchy vegetables. I also make au gratin turnips in place of potatoes. Turnips are low starch but unforunately they will not brown like a french fry but you can substitute then into soups and stews. Sometimes I drizzle vegetables like asparagus or carrots with olive oil and bake them in the oven until they are browned, then salt them and eat them like french fries. You can make a “potato salad” by substituting cauliflower for potato. The key to doing this is to cook the cauliflower just until it is fork tender. If you cook it took long the sulfer compounds break down and give it a strong odor and flavor. Also, follow your usual recipe to make it taste like you think it should. Cauliflower potato salad tastes exactly like regular potato salad but the texture is different.
I make things like pie without the crust or you can make a crust using almond meal/almond flour but it is just so quick and easy to make it without. I use a sweetener called Sweetzfree which you can find at Sweetzfree.com It is Splenda without all of the starch that is added to the bag you can buy at the grocery store. I also use Truvia which is stevia and is tasty but it is tedious tearing open all the little packets to make something like pumpkin pie. I substitue almond and cream into pumpkin pie in place of the condensed milk that recipes usually call for. I also serve acorn squash as a vegetable. I bake it with butter and then sweeten it a bit and add cinnamon. The kids love it.
The hardest meal to change is breakfast if you’re used to eating cereal or bagels or other starchy foods. I’ve been eating fruit for breakfast recently, I like berries with whipped cream on top. Eggs, bacon and sausage are good and don’t take too long too cook, especially if you buy precooked bacon and sausage patties and just quickly heat them in the microwave.
Cheese, nuts and fresh fruits and vegetables are good for snacks. My husband buys cans of cashews and peanuts each weekend and dumps some in a sandwich bag everyday to eat as a snack at work. He also likes baby carrots and apples as a snack. My son and daughter both like Atkins Bars (Atkins Endulge) for snacks.
SpyGlassez March 29, 2011, 8:05 pm
All that sounds great to me, and I think my boyfriend would even like most of them (I know he’s not a squash person, but I am). My dad uses turnips and I have cooked with them, in addition to potatoes, but I never thought of substituting instead of potatoes!
(How does one eat a crustless pie?)
Over the winter I have gotten pretty lazy about buying fruits and veggies, but come summer my friend and I sell jewelry at farmers’ markets and so I will have to start actually shopping there more often — Thanks for the great ideas!
Skyblossom March 29, 2011, 8:31 pm
To make a crustless pie just make the filling and bake it, maybe sprinkle the top with any type of nut that you like.
I’ve also made lasagna without the pasta and it actually works well. If you make it in ramekins it’s easy to take a single serving to work, the same with the pie filling. We also eat the topping off a pizza and leave the crust. For spaghetti and meatballs eat the meatballs and sauce and skip the spaghetti. The more you try things the easier it is to think out of the box and come up with your own ideas.
Skyblossom March 28, 2011, 8:30 pm
I’m also 5’3″.
margblogger March 28, 2011, 10:20 am
Eden, I’ve been in your shoes. When I was in college my weight crept up to 213 pounds, and for my short frame, that was pretty heavy. It seems very daunting at first to try and lose weight, so I set about educating myself. I got a book about calories and looked up how many calories I should be eating and what the amounts were of my favorite foods. I was shocked to see that I was basically eating 2-3 times the calories I should have been. That’s not to say that you should count each and every calorie that goes into your mouth, that’s no way to live, but you need to make yourself aware of what you are eating and if it’s worth it to have that many calories.
You also have to be careful with exercise, start small and work your way up, don’t try to do too much too soon or you will give up and stop like in the past. I started by just walking and doing some light weights as many days a week as I could, and lost 63 pounds. I’ve kept most of it off for 4 years, give or take ten pounds.
You just have to remember not to set a goal that’s too high, instead of saying I have to lose 30 pounds, say “I need to lose five pounds”. After you lose the first five, set another goal to lose five more…and so on.
You can do this, you are stronger than you think you are. Do this for yourself and to get healthy. Good luck, I’ll keep you in my thoughts!
callmehobo March 26, 2011, 11:15 pm
2. So it’s a little cliche (ok, it’s ridiculously cliche), but this is how I met my SO
We went to the same high school, and generally ran around in the same circle of friends. He was always very quiet and reserved, and I was generally loud and outgoing. Well, senior year rolled around and he became class president, started a rugby league, and got really hot and I started crush on him a little bit.
Well, I never acted on my attraction to him because I thought that there was no way that he would be into me- and one of my friends had told me that she was interested in dating him, so I backed off. I just assumed that nothing would happen.
Fast forward to Valentine’s day. I was super bitter. I had complained all day about how it was a fake holiday created by Hallmark and Hershey..etc. At the very end of the day, I went to my locker and sitting on top of my books was a homemade card. On the front were two stick figures- the boy had a heart on his chest and the girl had a question mark on hers.
The card was from him! He wrote that he had been attracted to me for a long time, and he knew that if he graduated without telling me how he felt about me; he would regret it forever- he’d always wonder if we would have something together. On the back of the card he wrote one of my favorite quotes “Love is friendship set on fire” and taped a single unstruck match.
I was dumbstruck! I turned around and he was standing across the hallway. A week later, we went on our first date (he tried to teach me how to drive a stick shift) and almost three and a half years later, I’m still with the sweetest, kindest, most caring person I’ve met.
Ally March 28, 2011, 5:59 am
That’s just ridiculously sweet! 🙂
princesspetticoat March 26, 2011, 11:36 pm
1. I’ll have to agree with some other commenters and say that the thing I miss most about being single is being able to eat whatever I want for supper. Both my boyfriend and I love to cook and I love that we cook together and experiment and make some awesome stuff… but honestly, when he’s away, I look forward to not having to think about supper and to just go ahead and eat whatever the heck I feel like eating.
2. We met through mutual friends. A few of my friends were having a christmas party and we were both in attendance. We chatted a bit at the party and played drinking games way into the night. The next day, I received a friend request from him on facebook and he took me out to dinner later that week. At the time, I had actually been talking to another guy that I was interested in, but after the first date with my now bf, I cancelled the scheduled date the other guy. It just felt right. We’ve now been together for almost 2 and half years, living together for a year and half.
3. Well… I have one really close friend who I love dearly and can talk to about anything and everything. Then I also have a handful of friends who I love to hang out with when we get a group together or whatever. But, my boyfriend and I are actually relocating to another city in a couple of weeks so I’m not sure what my female friend situation will be like. There will always be email to keep in touch with my current friends but I’d like to make some new friends too. The bf has some old friends living in our new city and I have met their girlfriends before. I think they could potentially be some great new friends 🙂
SGMcG March 26, 2011, 11:52 pm
1. What’s the best thing about being single (or what you miss most about being single if you aren’t)?
I sometimes miss the carefree reckless adventures I used to take. Some of those adventures had elements of danger in it. I don’t indulge in potentially dangerous situations now because I know it would worry my husband.
2. How did you meet your significant other?
We met at a sci-fi convention. He was a guest as a webcomic artist featuring his Godzilla figures. I was with my live role-playing group as a renaissance gypsy fire dancer. He asked to take a picture of me in my costume with a Godzilla figure.
3. Are you satisfied with your adult friendships?
To an extent. I wish I had more of them. But I’m happy with the few I have.
belongsomewhere March 27, 2011, 11:39 am
1) I don’t really miss being single. I was incredibly bored with my life before I met my boyfriend. I was only single for a month and a half of college, and I hadn’t managed to make any friends, so I was lonely and bored constantly. In high school, I was always single, and so were most of my friends. I found my friends incredibly boring most of the time, and they all lived far away (it was a private school, so some people lived almost 2 hours away). I had no social life at all. So, being single was pretty shitty for me. I guess I was better at budgeting when I was single–I didn’t have to buy as many presents or go out to dinner as much, but I like doing those things!
2) I met my boyfriend during the first weekend of college. I go to small school in NYC, and there was a “jazz cafe” event for incoming freshmen and transfers. I was leaving my dorm, and I noticed that a guy I recognized from the “—- College Class of 2012” Facebook group was walking behind me. He caught up to me and said, “I should tell you, I’m following you.” He had figured we were going to the same place, and since I was pretending to be incredibly confident, he thought I knew how to get there (he was wrong, but we figured it out). We sat together at the event, and figured out that we had two classes together. We went out to dinner after the event, joined by another girl, at a shitty diner on Broadway and E 12th St (it was called Bon Vivant). During our meal, a cockroach scurried out behind me and he took of his shoe and killed it.
I had to leave for the weekend several times in the first month of college–first I went to a funeral, then my grandmother got sick–so we didn’t get to know one another very well until about a month in. During that time, he’d been hooking up with another girl, who unceremoniously dumped him. We started getting falafel together after class, and spent a whole Saturday walking around and chatting together. At night, we would watch movies and TV shows on DVD together in my kitchen (apartment-style dorms) VERY late at night. I liked him, and he liked me, but neither of us had ever had a girl/boyfriend before, so we were both afraid of making the first move. I fell asleep with my head on his lap one night, and another night I rested my head on his shoulder during a movie–I figured I was being pretty open about the fact that I was into him. Finally, one night, he hugs me and makes a move to kiss me, only to chicken out and plant it on the cheek. The next night, I lounged against his lap during a Veronica Mars marathon, and he leaned down to kiss me. We have been together 2.5 years!
BoomChakaLaka March 27, 2011, 2:01 pm
1. The best thing about being single is free time. You can just up and do anything on Fridays or Saturdays since you don’t have plans.
2. I met my significant other at a happy hour for admitted students to the graduate program we are currently attending.
3. Yes. When I was younger, it was tough to discern between fake and real friends, but now I see the difference. Now I only surround myself with real people and it allows me to have deeper connections with them.
AmyB March 27, 2011, 2:23 pm
I met my fiance on August 3, 2010, at the outdoor bar of the Italian restaurant across the street from my condo building. I was there alone hanging out with my friend who was bartending and he was meeting a friend who showed up over an hour late. By the time his friend showed up I had given him my number – we were in love within a month and are getting married on July 9!!
Septicidal March 28, 2011, 9:39 am
I miss sleeping in on the weekends. My boyfriend is a very much up-and-at-em person on weekends, and finds it physically impossible to sleep past 8am. And he’s incapable of getting up/moving around quietly, so I inevitably wind up unable to sleep in (and severely grumpy because of it). He also doesn’t drink coffee, which means *I* don’t have coffee on weekends. We looked into getting a Keurig or something similar, but they’re so expensive it’s just not worth the cost (especially since I’m the only one who would use it).
I fear I will never have luxurious weekends spent in bed cuddling with my cat, ever again.