Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

What are you all up to this weekend? We spent Friday night in and watched the newest episode of “My Next Guest Needs No Introduction” with Tina Fey, and then we watched the newest John Mulaney Netflix special, but I fell asleep because I’m 84 and can’t stay awake past ten. Now it’s Saturday morning and I’m about to go to the farmers’ market and then we have a birthday party a little later and no other plans that I am privy to for the rest of the weekend. Drew has some secret plan for tomorrow that I guess I will find out about…tomorrow.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there, including my own!

38 comments… add one
  • JD May 12, 2018, 8:14 am

    Today husband and son are going to see some movie that I’d jab my eyes out if I had to watch. Tomorrow I made the “I’m not doing anything” rule. No one can complain, I’m not cooking, cleaning, driving anyone anywhere, pretending to be interested in watching my husband play in his pool league. (I do like watching him as the whole sport involves bending over). I will be doing whatever I want. I think that will involve this ridiculously unhealthy biscuits and gravy omelette and the little place a block from my house early before the crowds get there. Then my husband is smoking some ribs for me during the day. I have been craving them bad and we found some on sale the other day. I will likely hang around the house, watch ID channel non stop, take a long bath…
    I can’t wait although will be missing my mom this year.

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  • keyblade May 12, 2018, 9:44 am

    Happy mother’s day to those who celebrate. Maybe go spend some time with mother earth for those who don’t? I’m going to take my kids and make up some bouquets for my mom. I love her and I am grateful for everything she has always tried to do, though we aren’t the most compatible of people. Mother’s day reminds me that I have a great spouse who encourages our kids to appreciate me.

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  • Lucidity May 12, 2018, 11:30 am

    I will be secluding myself indoors all weekend, only going outside to garden. It has been 10 years since my mother died suddenly and traumatically, and this time of year is always difficult, as her birthday coincides with Mothers’ Day. I don’t go out in public, so as not to hear well-meaning strangers chirp “Happy Mothers’ Day!” and I stay off social media for several days to avoid all the gushy posts about how wonderful everyone’s moms are. I’ll be spending a lot of time reading, enjoying bubble baths, drinking wine, and pretending this holiday doesn’t exist.

    I’ve been really enjoying My Next Guest, and plan on watching the Tina Fey episode tonight.

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    • keyblade May 12, 2018, 4:56 pm

      I’m really sorry for your loss and how painful the day is for you. I hope you feel some satisfaction getting dirty in the garden. Quite frankly, your plans sound awesome. It’s kind of weird strangers would assume you’re a parent but people are strange like that. Anyway, good luck with it all.

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      • JD May 12, 2018, 5:02 pm

        I don’t think people say it like that. I hear it to just about everyone on mothers day. It isn’t to imply someone is a parent or not just is said all around.

      • Lucidity May 12, 2018, 8:59 pm

        Thank you, keyblade. My husband and I just took a bike ride, and that short bit of time spent in nature already has me in a much better headspace than I was when I wrote that comment. I think JD is right and people just wish it to each other for many reasons – in case you’re a mother, in case you’re celebrating it with your mother/MIL/mother-figure, because they’re being bombarded with marketing.

        I never wish it to anyone I don’t know – partly because I don’t know if their mother and/or children are living or what their relationship with her/them is like if they are, but also because they may be struggling with infertility. I never considered that until a former colleague who had recently had a miscarriage broke down in tears once at my old workplace after a client wished it to all the women in the room in case they were mothers. It must be so tough for those women.

      • dinoceros May 13, 2018, 5:04 pm

        I’ve only heard people say it to women. Maybe they don’t assume everyone is a mother, but it seems they only say it to people they think could be mothers. I don’t say it to anyone unless I know them and know that it’s going to be a welcomed statement. I’m plenty happy with a “Have a good day” from a cashier or whoever. Doesn’t hurt them to stick with that rather than “Happy Mother’s Day.”

    • Lianne May 12, 2018, 8:53 pm

      I’m so sorry about your mom. And how hard this time of year is for you. I just lost my mom almost two weeks ago and we had a tumultuous relationship and I’m grappling with it all. I’m sort of dreading tomorrow.

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      • Lucidity May 12, 2018, 9:05 pm

        I’m so sorry for your loss, Lianne. Having a tumultuous relationship adds so many layers of complex emotions to grief. I hope you have a good support system. Grief counseling helped me a lot – I highly recommend it if you find you’re struggling to cope with all the emotions that are coming up.

      • Keyblade May 12, 2018, 10:29 pm

        I’m really sorry Lianne.

      • Dear Wendy May 13, 2018, 6:32 am

        Thinking about you today, Lianne, and everyone else for whom the occasion is less than happy for whatever reason. I hope you are being gentle with yourself – balancing grief with the demands of mothering a newborn (and a toddler) is not easy. Xo

      • Lianne May 13, 2018, 3:14 pm

        Thanks all. It’s been a good day thanks to my fam ❤️

  • keyblade May 12, 2018, 5:18 pm

    I suppose I never really thought about it because it’s always had some relevancy to me either as a mother or towards mothers/mils/mother-like figures. But I guess it makes sense if one is going to a store or restaurant because it’s an excuse for a promotional.

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    • JD May 12, 2018, 6:50 pm

      Can sting though for many people. That’s for sure. I spent mother’s day a complete cranky mess. Usually I am luckily with my mother and grandmother so I don’t express that as they deserve the day. Inside though I’m pretty miserable.

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      • Keyblade May 12, 2018, 10:32 pm

        I’m sorry it’s a tough day for you,.

    • Kate May 12, 2018, 9:01 pm

      I really wish people wouldn’t go around obliviously chirping about mothers’ day. Some people lost their mom last week. Some people lost babies. Some people don’t talk to their moms. Stfu everybody.

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      • Lucidity May 12, 2018, 9:19 pm

        Except Wendy! I realize I’m posting all this on a thread where she wished all the moms Happy Mother’s Day – but it was my choice to come here, knowing what weekend it was, so I hope nobody thinks I’m implying she shouldn’t have posted that. I do genuinely hope all you DW moms have a wonderful weekend celebrating and being celebrated.

      • Kate May 13, 2018, 4:59 am

        Yeah, I don’t mean Wendy. But people who assume foolishly that every woman is a mother, or has a mother that they’re planning some great day for. Have some sensitivity. I only say “Happy holiday” to people if, like, we’re all getting a day off. Look, the reality is a mom may have just lost an adult kid to an overdose or gun violence. A kid may have a mom who’s lost her damn mind and sends him an email out of the blue telling him he’s stupid and she cut him out of the will. Since you never know, don’t wish a stranger happy mother’s day because she’s a woman.

      • SpaceySteph May 14, 2018, 9:30 am

        So we went on a family walk and picnic yesterday to celebrate Mothers day and while walking, an older couple (maybe in their 60s?) walking a dog passed us and she said Happy Mother’s Day to me. Which I was pushing a stroller with my kid in it, so I guess that’s ok.
        But thinking of this conversation I just said “thank you!” but my husband replied “you, too!” And I was wondering if he shouldn’t have? But then I thought, well, she opened the door by saying it to me first where she could have said nothing.
        Idk, what do you guys think?

  • Keyblade May 12, 2018, 10:36 pm

    Thanks for the well wishes. I think it speaks to the community that so many have a space to acknowledge what’s going on in their mind and hearts around here. It’s certainly a complicated subject for a lot of reasons.

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    • Keyblade May 12, 2018, 10:38 pm

      I’m thinking about all the regulars who might have sadness or stress associated with mother’s day and I just hope it goes okay for everyone.

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    • JD May 13, 2018, 6:22 am

      Extra good thoughts for you today in a relaxing day doing what makes you feel good.

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  • JD May 13, 2018, 7:14 am

    Woke up very early, likely because I am sick so slept plenty yesterday. My step son heard my door open and came out to give me a huge hug and say happy mother’s day. It was really special for me today. I didn’t expect it. I have a lot of sadness today with some likelihood of us not being able to get pregnant and I really haven’t wanted to deal with reality today.

    Being a step parent is a different kind of difficult, especially to a teenager who truly wants his mom around (she can’t be bothered) and it feels so good to hear him say that. Maybe I’m not screwing up as much as i fear I am.

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  • Kate May 13, 2018, 8:38 am

    I picked up a Maybelline Camouflage concealer because I liked the sound of it. It’s full coverage and waterproof. I like Benefit Fake Up undereye concealer best, but what I did was put this camouflage stuff on some uneven skin tone I have on my forehead from old sun damage (I did spring for another $52 bottle of La Roche Posay pigment stuff to get rid of it), and dabbed a bit on the dark circles under my eyes before the Fake Up. I’m really happy with it. It doesn’t look like heavy makeup but it covers!

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  • Fyodor May 14, 2018, 9:44 am

    SOF and I prepared BOF breakfast in bed. Went walking to a local city square/park that had a bunch of shops. SOF, who was demonically-cranky in part because she was excited for Mother’s day and woke up so early, miraculously took a nap, which she has not done in years. We then took BOF out for middle eastern food, which she loves.

    My city has a bunch of universities so between graduation and mother’s day the place was completely lousy with people out with their parents. It was fun seeing all the excited young people and proud parents.

    Happy (belated) mother’s day to those who celebrate and a glorious mid-May to those who don’t.

    SOF-Spawn of Fyodor
    BOF-Bride of Fyodor

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  • JD May 14, 2018, 2:23 pm

    I am officially old. I pulled my back terribly while drinking water. Can barely move. Ugh.

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    • ktfran May 14, 2018, 3:38 pm

      If it makes you feel any better, the last time my lower back gave out, I was bending slightly to grab some smoked salmon off a table….

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    • ktfran May 14, 2018, 3:39 pm

      Also, I’m glad your stepson wished you a happy mother’s day!

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      • JD May 14, 2018, 4:19 pm

        Aww thanks. It made my day.

        My husband pulled his last drying off from a shower. So weird how it can happen with the smallest movement.

    • Fyodor May 14, 2018, 4:22 pm

      Yeesh. I’ve found it really helpful to try to find the pressure/pulled point (often at the base of the back or intersection of back and glute) and work it with a lacrosse ball against the wall (or even use my fingers)

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      • JD May 14, 2018, 6:41 pm

        I have one of those roll things. Might try it tomorrow. Way too tender today. Would take something strong but they leave me hungover feeling and I have to be up at 6 for school drop off. So putting money aside for the kids car when he turns 16. I used to say no way work for a car but then I turned into the one doing the driving to activities. Heck yes you can have a car. ?

      • Fyodor May 15, 2018, 8:48 am

        Yeah, when I was a teen, my parents were adamant that teenagers didn’t need their own cars. Then by the time my brother was seventeen (and I was in college), they got sick of all the shlepping and gave him their old car when they bought a new one. We live in a world of profound injustice.

    • Ange May 14, 2018, 7:26 pm

      I have thrown mine out bending over slightly to pat my cat, bending over slightly to pick up a softball and a couple of weeks ago leaning slightly to the right to pick up my phone so I feel ya. Be careful about loosening the muscles though, sometimes they’re bunched up to protect an aggravated spot and if you massage them out the aggravated area can get worse. Best to see a physio or something like that first.

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  • Dear Wendy May 14, 2018, 4:42 pm

    Hi! Sorry no new post today. Everything is fine, but two weeks ago I spilled water on my MacBook and last week brought it to the Genius Bar and was told I needed a new one, so I ordered a refurbished one that I received Friday night. It was a pain working on Drew’s desktop all week bc I’m not used to it and I have to be tethered to the desk, so I was looking forward to getting back in my routine this week now that I have a new MacBook. And then this morning as I was checking email, I got a notice that a new software update was available, so I clicked to download it and my laptop totally shutdown. it took hours of fiddling with it and talking to support on the phone to finally get it back up and running. Ugh. Work day totally shot. At one point I was so frustrated I walked away and ran errands for a couple hours while Joanie was still with our sitter. I think that helped preserve my sanity. Everything seems to be working ok now, and hopefully, I’m done with technical snafus for a while.

    Hope you all had a decent Monday!

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    • SpaceySteph May 15, 2018, 9:18 am

      See my husband always gives me crap for turning off the auto updates thing on my computer, but I am always skeptical of it breaking something and want to at least control WHEN it might happen.

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      • JD May 15, 2018, 9:29 am

        My bosses daughter knew someone once who did some update and lost their data so now she wont back anything up nor update ever then complains when her computer has issues and he expects me to fix it because “you know Macs'”. I have a Mac, I am not an IT person. Sigh. That child drives me bonkers. She is afraid of the damn Sun I swear. (Ok I am being an ass but she pretends to always have some issue to manipulate her dad into her way.) So of course she got a new computer even though she didn’t need one. Guess what the Apple tech did, back up her info and update the computer but still got a new one anyway. Then he said he’d sell her old one and she cried because her info is on that one…and the new one. Never ending. No idea why that sent me into that spiral. hahahah

    • Dear Wendy May 15, 2018, 10:15 am

      And today I’ve been up since 4 am with a coughing, wheezing, sneezing, miserable 2-year-old in allergy hell, so I called our nanny and gave her the morning off and have been hanging with Joanie, giving her homeopathic allergy meds every two hours and lots of love. Just got her down for an early nap, so NOW my work week can begin, finally!

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      • keyblade May 15, 2018, 10:25 am

        Oyi! Poor Joanie. Allergies aren’t fun 🙁


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