Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

Sorry if this video is only of interest to my mother, but I wanted to share with you how cute Jackson is lately and how much he’s growing up. He talks (sort of…)! He walks! He knows stuff, like where his head is, and where his teeth are, and how to play the “Jacks-a-phone” (My mom taught him that one. She, of course, plays the “grandma-phone.” My dad taught him how to do the clucking thing with his tongue. And I taught him that farts are hilarious, but that part isn’t in the video, you’re welcome.)

Anyway, I hope everyone had a wonderful week. Last weekend, I was in Chicago for a very brief getaway — too brief! — sans family. I basically spent the whole time holed up in my friend, Chad’s, apartment, parked on his couch, watching movies and eating chocolate cake. I made one trip to M. Henry where my friends and I were treated like utter garbage — I’m only mentioning this so that anyone in Chicago stays away from that horrible place. It’s not like they need your business anyhow and they’ll sure let you know that if you do bother to go.

Anyway, I had dinner and karaoke plans Saturday night, but ended up co-hosting a spontaneous get-together at Chad’s home where I got to partake in one of my very favorite activities of all time: falling asleep during a party. Any time I ever end up at a party, whether it be an intimate dinner party or a big holiday party, there’s a very good chance that as soon as the clock strikes 11, I’ll pass out. I mean, I guess this isn’t unique to just parties. I pass out at 11 no matter where I am, but there is something specific about being surrounded by people having a good time — especially if they are people I love — that makes me feel so cozy and warm that I just can’t help but curl up and zonk out. I used to fight the urge or feel embarrassed when it happened, but these days sleep is so precious, I just embrace it when happens and I think my friends have come to find it endearing. Maybe? Or maybe they still think I’m a pain in the ass. Whatever! I like to sleep at parties, end of story.

So, that was my weekend — couch-surfing in Chicago, sleeping at a party, and getting in a fight with the manager at M. Henry. On Monday morning I headed back to New York, missing the inauguration (but I caught it on DVR later). When I got back home, Jackson was there with his babysitter and another nanny and a couple kids who were over for a play date. It was total mayhem, complete with the Chinese nanny singing loudly in Cantonese, but when Jack saw me, he broke from the group, ran over and threw his arms around me — the first time he’s ever greeted me with a hug — saying, “Mama! Mama!” and my heart exploded all over the place.

It may be bitter, bitter cold here, but I’m feeling pretty good this week — definitely better than I was a couple weeks ago. How are you?

128 comments… add one
  • lets_be_honest January 25, 2013, 4:07 pm

    Love those heart exploding hugs!
    So what happened at M Henry that was so awful? I heard the craziest story from a co-worker I hate the other day about her going to a restaurant and long story short, she was so annoying someone at the restaurant slashed two of her tires!

    Reply Link
    • lets_be_honest January 25, 2013, 4:09 pm

      Also, how do you find yourself handling these weekend trips? I so admire you taking them.

      Reply Link
    • BecBoo84 January 25, 2013, 4:28 pm

      Yes, I second this! More details on the M Henry fight, please!

      Reply Link
      • Wendy January 25, 2013, 4:34 pm

        You can read my Yelp review for the whole story:

      • the_optimist January 25, 2013, 4:48 pm

        Ha, I thought that was your story I referenced below (one of your friends posted a review as well)! What an awful experience!

      • BecBoo84 January 25, 2013, 4:54 pm

        Holy cow, that is horrible!

      • scattol January 25, 2013, 7:26 pm

        I see reviews but none by a Wendy NY in the last week. Is it under another name?

      • Wendy's Dad January 26, 2013, 7:00 am

        How come when I click on the link, I get 1033 other reviews but I can’t see yours? What did I do wrong?

      • Wendy January 26, 2013, 8:55 am

        I don’t know why my reviews never show up. Maybe because I occasionally use swear words. Here’s what I wrote for M. Henry:

        Back in Chicago for the weekend visiting some friends, we decided to brunch at m Henry. I arrived first and was to,d the wait would be 20 minutes. No big deal – I didn’t expect my friends to arrive for another ten minutes anyway. I decided to wait and gave the hostess my name. My friends arrived, we caught up with each other in the crowded lobby for half an hour and were getting very hungry. I asked about the wait and was told we were “next on the list.” The hostess proceeded to seat about four other parties over the next 15 minutes. When she wasn’t seating everyone in Chicago before us, she was spilling half a pot of coffee on my friend. Didn’t even apologize. I think she said, “Oops.” My friend, easy-going as she is, said’ ” It’s okay. Just get us a table.” Five minutes later, nothing. I asked how much longer and was told ten more minutes and that we were “next on the list.”

        Starving and irritated at this point, I decided to step outside and check the wait at nearby restaurants. Two minutes, I was a block away and got a call from my friend that my name was crossed off the list because members of our party had stepped away for a minute. When I called the manager to explain that we had been waiting AN HOUR and that I could be back faster than my friends could order drinks, I was told that “policy is policy.” When I complained about the wait – how I was told 20 minutes and it took an hour, he said that its hard to estimate waits. Really? Unless this is your first day on the job, you should have a general idea what a brunch rush is like and how long it takes to get people in and out. A ten minute difference in estimation, I can understand. A 300% difference? That’s called lying. Not apologizing for spilling a half pot of coffee on a customer? That’s called unprofessional. Giving away a table after a group of people have waited over an hour for it? That’s just being an a**hole.

        And I’ve had better pancakes.

      • the_optimist January 27, 2013, 9:57 am

        @Wendy: it shows up as a filtered review. Yelp has some weird system where certain starred reviews don’t actually factor into a place’s overall rating (*scamcoughscam*) which sucks. I’ve given certain places some pretty bad reviews, and, mysteriously, they’ve gone to the filtered section. It’s all rigged I tell you! Rigged!

      • scattol January 28, 2013, 12:13 am

        Clearly they already have too many customers. Go somewhere else and don’t miss them

    • Addie Pray January 25, 2013, 4:37 pm

      I was at M Henry last weekend! Small world. But we had good service … so I’m not ready to say no to M Henry yet. Though, imho, I think the Bongo Room has the best brunch. ….

      Also, I noticed this thing that my boyfriend does that makes no sense. Often we always end up choosing the same entre. He always feels that’s a waste – I guess a waste of an opportunity to try two different entres? There are usually a few items that look good to me so I say, fine, I’ll get this. … Except we never go halfsies or anything, so I never get why we can’t just order the same entre! Does anyone get him on this point?

      Reply Link
      • katie January 25, 2013, 4:39 pm

        i am like that. ill never order the same thing as someone else.. or, ill try not to, i guess. even if you dont split them, a bite or two of the others meal is just more fun tastes to experience.

        my whole family is like that, actually… we coordinate what we order with everyone before we order so we all get to taste everything. usually we end up rotating plates around the table before dinner is over, lol

      • Addie Pray January 25, 2013, 4:43 pm

        ha, well I get that – if you end up sharing or at least tasting everything. but we never do. that’s not true, i taste his. then eat all of mine. then unbotton my pants. that’s how i do brunch, but i guess you know that since we’ve brunched a few times. 🙂

      • katie January 25, 2013, 4:44 pm

        you forgot downing a whole bottle of champagne… haha

      • Fabelle January 25, 2013, 4:48 pm

        I am like that too, which is one of the unexpected pros of dating somebody who’s not a vegetarian? (My ex was a vegetarian, like me, so often we’d want to order the same thing, but I’d neurotically change my order at the last minute/make him change his)

        I guess it’s partially because of the whole “let’s try each others'” (although I just countered my first statement by saying this? since I don’t eat meat & “trying each others’ ” usually doesn’t work….)SO actually, I think it’s just me feeling weird that the waiter will be like “Ew, they must be one of *those* couples who do everything the same! Even order the same dish!” when I know that’s a totally cray-cray thought. Maybe your boyfriend is secretly crazy like this?

      • Wendy January 25, 2013, 5:14 pm

        I wanted to try the Bongo Room. Next time!

      • scattol January 25, 2013, 7:20 pm

        I must have missed the memo. I though you were done with the boyfriend. Or is that a new one?

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 1:19 pm

        I wrote that just before he dumped me, ha. But now here is everyone’s day 2 update: last night he called and berated me for a long time, said it was my fault, said I was too excited about the mundane stuff and it put pressure on him, said he is really hurting seeing me so sad because he loves me so much and what sucks is he wants the same as me and he wants me but I’m too impatient and excitable – kept saying I’m too “excited” – and I was apologizing profusely and said j wish I had not been so excited to see him and that I will learn from this and not put pressure on the next guy and he kept going on and on…. And honestly I had not slept since Thursday and I was so tired from crying all Friday night and Saturday and it was so soothing to hear his voice even though he was yelling at me that I fell fast asleep. I woke up at 3 or so and has a text from him but it was just about his sister and an update about her. He sent me a text just now asking if I was hiking ( I think I told him on the phone that I was find to home today – But no still no interest on putting on pants and going anywhere). So I don’t know what that update means but there you go.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 1:23 pm

        Stupid iPhone changed my words! But anyway that’s my rambling update. I’m not sure it’s over. I don’t want it to be over because I feel so lonely. Rationally I don’t think Isis anything wrong, I just think we are in different places and want different things, but my heart is not up to speed with my brain yet. And right now I just want to do whatever he wants me to do to make it work. Though I don’t know what he wants from me because he keeps contradicting himself.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 1:24 pm

        I’m a mess.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 1:29 pm

        I need an intervention. I need someone to take my phone away so I cannot respond to Jason. Because what I know is right is the OPPOSITE of what I want to do, which is to beg him to let me try again and to promise I will do everything he says. Barf! But I don’t trust myself. I should get rid of my phone. That may be the only solution.

      • LuckySeven January 27, 2013, 1:33 pm

        Hey AP, so this is awkward because I don’t know you, but I wanted to encourage you to NOT CALL HIM! Call one of your friends, relatives, anyone instead, or stay on DW, or get rid of your phone instead. I also think that if he was really that smart and great he would not have broken up with you, over the lame excuse that you are too excited to see him. It stings, but you deserve a guy who is just excited to see you.

      • Classic January 27, 2013, 2:39 pm

        OK I’m kind of starting to hate this guy. I’m not qualified to give advice on romantic relationships because that’s the least successful area of my own life. But I know this isn’t right and you deserve to be treated so much better. Please let me know if there’s any way I can help. You are a powerful woman, don’t let this guy diminish you, take back your power and keep your chin up, Addie.

      • jlyfsh January 27, 2013, 4:59 pm

        Call a friend AP and have them come over. I mean he is way too old to be treating you this way. You might be excited, which I don’t think is a bad thing!, but he is lacking in communication skills. I’m really sorry AP you deserve better than this.

      • katie January 27, 2013, 4:10 pm

        Wtf? You’re “too excited”? Seriously? That’s not even a thing.

        Ap, you are very excited and happy and goofy all the time. If that guy has a problem with that… He deserves what he wants then. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of.

      • HmC January 27, 2013, 6:34 pm

        Just in an attempt to read between the lines here and provide an alternative viewpoint, the issue might come down to him feeling pressured… and in my experience people tend to feel that way when they just aren’t ready to move forward with the relationship for whatever reason. Honestly Addie, if that is the case he did you a big favor by bowing out this early and not wasting your time. You want a family/kids… can you imagine if he did this three years down the line? I know that must be a cold comfort now… it makes me sad to think of you hurting! But really I think if you guys truly wanted the same things and he saw you as his future partner he wouldn’t be saying stuff like this.

        Or, maybe after a pretty quick beginning he is starting to face the reality of a future with you and questioning that seriously in order to be sure that he’s going down the right path? I don’t like the yelling at you, but giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he just needs some space and time? You seemed to like him so much so quickly, maybe he just processes his emotions more slowly and it scared him a bit that you seemed to decide on him right away?

        Anyway I think you’re awesome and it’s his loss and even giving him the benefit of the doubt he’s acting like a butthead as far as how he’s communicating his emotions to you. If he’s still communicating with you and sending you texts, it sounds like you still need to figure out where you guys stand. I think you should try and do that in person, and only after you’ve really thought about what YOU want and what changes in behavior you need from him in order to feel comfortable with him.

        Hugs to you.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 7:28 pm

        Update No. 182: I think you’re absolutely right, HmC. He just called this afternoon and wants to get back together. So this is how the break up when: Friday night was “we’re in different places; you have a career, I don’t, I need to do well in these classes or else I’m screwed, it’ll take 4-6 years”; Saturday’s call was, “I’m sorry I made you so upset last night, it was killing me to see you so sad, but you gave me no choice, if you had just been more patient this would have worked out beautifully, why did you do that, why did you do that”; and Sunday was “if you can not show excitement over stupid things like riding the train together, i’ll give you a second chance.” <——– I feel sick to my stomach. This relationship is not right for me. But I am so weak. It's only been 2 days!

      • HmC January 27, 2013, 7:49 pm

        Yeah, it sounds like he just doesn’t “get” and appreciate you, and is now asking you to be someone else, and that is not ok. If you truly feel like this is not right for you, then just imagine the heartache and wasted time that are in store for you if you stay. It can either hurt now, or hurt potentially much worse later when you are even more attached and have lost even more time possibly open to Mr. Right.

        This is really tough Addie. I know it can be a thin line between wanting to compromise and make something work (especially in your 30’s), and feeling like the person doesn’t truly like you for you, which is really the most fundamental dealbreaker.

      • Wendy January 27, 2013, 7:49 pm

        He’s being a jerk because he feels so threatened by your light. He can’t — in his mind, and perhaps in reality — measure up to you. He can’t measure up to your career success, life success, financial success, and apparently, the expectations your project through your general enthusiasm for life (and, specifically, life with him). He feels weak in the shadow of your light and so he yells at you to gain some power. It’s totally effed up and you, of all people, deserve better. Screw him. HE LOST. Game over. He’s going to kick himself so hard when he comes to his senses and realizes what he just fucked up.

        It sucks that you have to hurt because this guy isn’t man enough to handle a woman’s success and doesn’t have the inner strength to find his own damn light. But this hurt is far less intense than what you’d feel if he pulled this shit a year from now or two years from now or after, god forbid, you legally committed yourself to him. He did you a favor showing his true colors early enough that although your heart feels shattered, I’m sure, your life can disentangle from his fairly seamlessly.

        His loss. Big loss.

      • HmC January 27, 2013, 7:53 pm

        Wendy, what the hell is up with guys being intimidated by successful women? This is freaking 2013, and I hoped for so long that this notion was a myth, but honestly I see it play out so often in real life! WTF

      • applescruffs January 29, 2013, 11:33 am

        No joke. “We’re in different places, I’m still going like a kid shot out of a cannon and you’re starting your career” blah blah blah. Newsflash, he owns a home and has a career, too. And still going like a kid at our age isn’t a good thing, it’s a “what’s wrong with you” thing. That’s not different places, that’s immaturity.

        Sorry. I’m projecting all over Addie’s thread.

      • CatsMeow January 27, 2013, 8:19 pm

        WWS. If he doesn’t appreciate you for who you are, then he doesn’t deserve your love.

      • katie January 27, 2013, 9:49 pm

        WWS. and seriously, again, i have to ask- you were too “excited” to do stuff like ride the train together? thats literally what he said? that is, again, the dumbest thing i have ever heard.

        people like that arent cool to be around. and i love how wendy put it- he cant stand your light. hes a dark gloomy dumb-face.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 10:13 pm

        literally. see we were supposed to get dinner friday. but then fri. he emailed that he had a change of plans – he needed to take the train home, get his stuff, get a hair cut, and he’d drive in and pick me up at 8. i said ok. then i thought about it and i though i’ll just go with him – it’s a 40 minute train ride and it’s fun b/c a) the train station is RIGHT by my office, so it’s so easy for me and b) you can bring booze on the metra. So I said, “hey, instead of going home and just goofing around can i join you on the train? i can go with you to your haircut then we can drive in together.” he was like “you don’t want to do that, just go home and relax and i’ll be there at 8.” and i was like “really i don’t mind, i love it when i get to take the train to the burbs!” (has only happened a few times in our relationship. so he was like “ok.” then my plans changed and i wasn’t sure i was going to make it, but then i could, so i got there. i bought a mini bottle of wine for me and a beer for him, and i waited by the platform. and long story short he was running let and we miscommunicated and i did not hop on the train when it took off b/c i didn’t see him and i didn’t want to be on the train out to the burbs without him! but he actually somehow snuck by me and hopped on the train a second before it took off thinking i was already on the train. … i was so bummed! but i said “ok, looks like we’ll just stick to the original plan, ill see you at home in a bit whenever you get there.” i was so bummed! but whatever, shit happens. ….. and i kid you not, this led to the break up. all the back and both during the day stressed him out. (he is not very easy going and gets flustered easily.) he was like “why couldn’t you have just let me meet you at home at 8 like i said, you insisted on wanting to ride the train with me, that is so dumb, who does that, it’s insane, and then you missed the train and i was bummed.” (i was like, “wait, which one, you’re pissed i wanted to come or pissed i missed the train <— very hard to get a clear understanding of what happened b/c he flip flopped a lot.) anyhoo, then from the train he's like "shit, now the train is delayed, i'm going to be so late." and i said "well i'll be home in a few, i can come pick you up wherever the train is then." and he flipped out, he's like "why do you want to do this, why on a friday night would you want to take a train when you don't have to, drive out when you don't have to?" and i said "well, because i like you and i haven't seen you all week and we are going out tonight anyway so it's not like i am going to go make plans with someone." and he said "no, it's because you're impatient and impulsive. you aren't riding for me, you're riding for yourself. go fucking ride a train all the live long day if you'd like, you have the time and the money, you don't need me." … and this started the break up. and he literally kept saying "you're like your 3 year old nephew 'train! train! drinks on train!' and you don't listen to me and you can't just stick to the plan i tell you, you're always trying to push it, just fucking go home and stop complicating things, but you can't just do that, you can't, you insisted on coming on the train." … and i was saying "is this really about the train? you were taking it anyway, i was just going to try to make it, then i couldn't, then i could, and oops we miscommunicated and i thought you'd call me when you got to the train but you thought i was on the train and no big deal! c'est la vie! i'll just take the bus home." and then he was like "you're always like 'no big deal' – nothing is a big deal to you, you have no fucking idea how big things are when you're overwhelmed, you don't get it, you just don't get it, you never got it, you're all set, you're done, you're ready to just play, you have no idea what i'm going through."….. Whoa. Ok. So this break up WAS LITERALLY ABOUT THE FUCKING TRAIN AND ME BEING EXCITED ABOUT HAVING 40 MINUTES TO DRINK ON A TRAIN ON A FRIDAY EVENING WITH MY BOYFRIEND. WELL FUCK! I'M SORRY!"

        Sigh. I am really touched by the words of encouragement here. I'm so confused about this guy. He keeps getting so mad at me for things I really think are no big deal!

      • katie January 27, 2013, 10:32 pm


        well, yea, this is definitely about him, its not about you… i dont even think its about you being “too excited” or whatever the hell else he said- this is just about him and whatever issues he is dealing with. maybe he is scared of your success (ps, that reason is so stupid i cant even stand it), maybe he is so uncertain about his own life, maybe he feels directionless and like an adult child.. i dunno. but its about him. he took a normal interaction (very, very, normal, i would have done/said the exact same things as you AP- seriously) between you two and used it as a scapegoat for his own issues. whatever his deal is, and if you ever get it out of him/if you guys make up, just know that you dont need to change anything. this is about him.

      • Imsostartled January 29, 2013, 1:42 pm

        You can drink on the train?!!!!! That sounds pretty damn exciting to me, but then again I’ve also had someone say they were going to break up with me because I was too excitable. I’m so sorry Addy, don’t let him make you believe that your awesome personality needs to be fixed, because it doesn’t. Being excited about the small things is a GOOD thing. He should be happy that you wanted to take time out of your day, just to have some drinks on the train with him. I would find that super touching, NOT irritating, sure it sucks it didn’t work out, but hey, that’s life buddy.

      • jlyfsh January 27, 2013, 8:06 pm

        What Wendy said, I feel like you should print it out and read it to yourself every time you’re feeling weak. You deserve so much better, Addie, so much better.

      • MissDre January 27, 2013, 8:20 pm

        He told you to stop being excited over stupid things?? No, that’s not cool. Being a cheerful, positive, optimistic, enthusiastic person is an AMAZING quality and you SHOULD NOT have to alter who you are for anyone else. This guy is an idiot. I’m sorry that you’re hurting but seriously, that is NOT cool. You deserve better.

      • katie January 27, 2013, 10:02 pm

        seriously! it amounts to “youre too happy too much of the time”- what is that? who says that?

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 10:24 pm

        he gets annoyed when i get excited about the little stuff. he thinks it’s weird and i don’t know. i used to think he got mad b/c he thought i was BS’ing. is it just me or is this not the most fun ever: taking the train together; getting snowed in; eating pizza at midnight; marathon movies on a sunday morning; sharing the reader on the bus; … i dunno, when those things happen, i usually get a little excited. and when i say “excited” i mean i make a comment like “this is so fun, i’d take this over a fancy dinner any day!” or “seriously i wish i rode the metra every day instead of the el” or a “commuting is so fun together.” …. and that’s it. i’m not like a fucking annoying mary poppins idiot. … i think he just tries to pick on me. which he does a lot.

        like this: did you know when you say the word “the” before a vowel it should be pronounced “thee” instead of “thuh”? … I apparently NEVER do that. i say “thuh” each time. He is constantly correcting that. Like every time. I usually just laugh because he’s right but whatever my grammar is not the best. whatever. He seems to find the negative in everything I do. He also said he thinks I’m going to be a bad mother because I’m too impulsive – this was because one morning I decided to hang my paintings and I did them myself and he thought that was ridiculous because I could have dropped them or had to redo them. I am so impulsive that what am I going to do when we have kids and we have to make the right decision and I just do whatever I want without thinking! …

        My sadness has turned to anger a bit. …. I want to rant.

      • katie January 27, 2013, 10:38 pm

        rant away.

        that is so weird. being angry because someone else is happy is … not a good thing.

        also, thee/thuh?? seriously??? thats a thing? i just had to literally think about different words and say them in my head to even see if i did this or not (for the record: i dont. i say “thuh”. cuz thats how you say “the”).

        also, he seems to have control issues…? why does he care when you hung up your pictures? and who cares if you have to redo them? why is that the end of the world?

      • Rachel January 27, 2013, 10:50 pm

        Wow, Addie, I’m pissed for you. I don’t see anywhere in your list of stuff anything that he should have a problem with. Really? I love doing things like riding the bus with my boyfriend. And how in the world can he be angry that you are too easy going? Maybe he is just bitter about how stressed he is? But that’s his choice. He shouldn’t try to bring you down. I think Wendy said it best. This is his loss.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 10:53 pm

        Well, the thing is he has always been very critical – but I just didn’t notice or care because I am pretty receptive to criticism. I mean, I take it well, and I usually don’t get offended, and I dunno make it’s because I am not that confidant but when someone close to me criticizes me my first instinct is to try to understand what they’re saying and see if I agree and how I can fix that. I know I am critical of myself so I dunno I take criticism well. My first reaction is not defensiveness. And it’s too bad b/c sometimes I feel like I’m right but I want to give the criticizer the benefit of the doubt… and then after time I realize, “fuuck, i wish I had had the confidence to say “fuck off” right away. instead of letting them make me doubt myself.” So that’s a little problem of mine.

        There have been several instances over our (short) relationship that in hind sight were not nice. He never criticized me personally – never my looks, my weight, my clothes, make up, no make up, … which is cool b/c i can get pretty comfy in my attire, no make up, etc. It was mostly the stuff I did. He didn’t think I put enough thought into things. He was very critical about what I spent money on, what I didn’t spend money on, which cable provider I chose, my cell phone plan (i’m on a family plan – saves us all like $40 each!), the picture hanging incident (i didn’t wait for his help), my cooking (bad, no recipe, again I just do what I want without a plan, which is not how you do things), let food sit around too long, non-wastefulness (I’ll wrap up a piece of cheese to save it instead of just throwing it away, which pissed him off), not paying for more (we always split bills, but i make more than him so he thought i should pay for the meals and he puts the tip down), paying too much (he thinks i paid too much for a condo), being stingy (i’ll take the bus instead of a cab), etc. … There, now you know all the things he got upset with me about. But that was it. And again, one problem is me – I am really easy to criticize, because I usually find some truth in it and agree (yes, it was a little nuts to hang these big paintings – but look it i did it!; or yea, i didn’t do enough research before I bought that; or yea, i’ll go out of my way to save $10, but then I’ll buy a pricy table or whatever, that is a little odd but somehow in my mind it’s not. because one is an item i saved for and chose, and the other (taking the bus v. a cab or saving the morsel of cheese v. just throwing it out it more of a life style thing and a “don’t’ be wasteful” idea… but maybe it is odd to the outsider. W H A T E V E R. right now, i’m pissed. pissed b/c i was happy to support us until whenever, i was happy to turn one of those rooms into his study, i was happy to not go to nice places and not spend money he couldn’t afford and to eat in and whatnot. and … i’m just so fucking pissed.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 11:03 pm

        Damn, this is all so therapeutic. Whenever I get going on the rant, things are so clear to me. … But then I start to feel sad and confused and he calls and I am unsure again. It’s so hard to let go. Because, things are so great (when they aren’t not great)!

      • katie January 27, 2013, 11:04 pm

        im pissed too. what an ass.

        and, lets be totally honest, he would have had a ***great*** thing with you, and not just romantically. you make awesome money, you just bought a condo, you are easy going, you want the same things he does, you love life, ect, ect, ect… and he somehow found a way to pick all those positive things apart into negative things. how sad is that? he is a glass-half-empty person, he must be.

        ill be very blunt- i dont like to be around those people. im like you- i want to be happy to just have a movie marathon on sunday, i want to be excited about small things that dont matter, i want to just be happy and content in my day to day life and not constantly be searching for more. someone who would pick that apart would quickly sink my soul.

      • Addie Pray January 27, 2013, 11:14 pm

        Ok but now I’m feeling bad. I don’t think he criticizes from a bad place. I think he’s really good. He’s just really overwhelmed by life and he has a lot of responsibilities. And most of the time he is right – I am a shitty cook, I always keep food and then weeks later i’ve got this old shit and I need to throw it out, he’s right I do do that!; plus I *can* be a little spontaneous, just like the “hey, let me buy this couch and i think i’ll carry it myself” or “hey, i’m gonna try to make the train!” … whatever. My point is, it’s not all his fault – he gets overwhelmed and agitated and likes to have a plan and stick to it, and I usually/often don’t have a plan. … Though I also like to plan, that’s true, so I get what he’s swing. let’s see what else: he can be incredibly sweet; he has the sweetest raspy voice; i picture him as a lonely 8 year old and it makes me cry; he doesn’t have a lot of friends or family with a positive influence on him; he’s been pretty much alone forever; family is very important to him and he cares about my family and knowing what’s gong on with them, etc. … And he is really motivated right now with his classes and he is so determined to better himself and do what he is passionate about, and I think that is so great.

      • MaterialsGirl January 27, 2013, 11:17 pm

        So I went over to AP’s last night and just wanted to point out what an awesome person she is and how lovely her condo is and her new big girl TV. Also, anyone that berates you for getting dish instead of… Comcast? RCN? I dunno? Is a dummy.

        This is a ferret!

      • quixoticbeatnik January 27, 2013, 11:40 pm

        Hey Addie, I don’t think I’ve ever talked to you – but I don’t comment much anyways – but I just wanted to say that I think you dodged a bullet. I felt compelled to chime in because my best friend just broke up with her boyfriend yesterday and I am her buddy to turn to. The dick tried to manipulate her into second-guessing her decision but I was there to be like “NO!” But I second what others said about speaking to friends and not him. I know you love him. But right now, this is probably good for you. This will help to bring up issues you didn’t see/ignored and you can hash it all out….at the end, if it works out and you get back together feeling better about everything, great, if not, well – his loss. You are one of my favorite commentators and I don’t understand how anyone can NOT love you! I’d better go before I get all fan-girly…..but hang in there!

      • Amanda January 28, 2013, 12:35 pm

        Addie, this guy seems really miserable and cruel. A potential life partner would never say that you would be a bad parent, among the other stupid things that he has said to you. You deserve so much better than this guy.

      • MJ January 28, 2013, 1:52 pm

        This sucks, Addie.

        I will say that I know people like your boyfriend. My dad, for one. My ex, for another. They think too much emotion and excitement is weird, especially when they are stressed (and they can’t handle it at all at that point.) If that’s the case, your personalities might not be compatible, and that is very sad and blah.

        One of the things I noticed when I started dating my bf is that I feel comfortable being completely silly, emotional, excited about random things, etc., and he likes it and finds it endearing. I think and hope you can find someone like that, too, because you are a crazy good catch (at least from what all the DWers who’ve met you say).

      • Diablo January 28, 2013, 5:59 pm

        Addie, I’m late seeing all this. First, so sorry you are in this situation. I’m going to respectfully say that you are giving him way too much credit here. I’m highly imperfect and i don’t think I’ve gotten as much criticism in total from my wife in 24 years as you list in this thread. As for your enthusiasm about the train or whatever, my missus still expresses joy if I offer to drop her at yoga, or go with her to get groceries. After all this time, she’s still like “Yay! we get to spend more of our day together!” And I am overjoyed that anyone would feel that way about me. Wendy is right – this guy doesn’t have the stones to stand in your light. You can do better. Hope you are doing OK.

      • anonymous January 28, 2013, 12:42 am

        My head hurts. My original comment was “You kids get married and you will outgrow this”. For long you’ve stated that you have so much in common and this relationship has been long enough that as much should have been sorted out.

        However the problem is clearly on his side. You are established and successful and he’s not. It throws back into his face his own failure and I could see how that would be hard for him to deal with. Who want to be reminded of their own failures on a daily basis. I doubt that it’s about you being more successful than him as much as it’s about him not being as successful as he wanted to be. He pretty much said so straight out. Pushing you away certainly will ease his pain but it wouldn’t fix his problem. Is that worth hanging around and work out? I don’t know. He’s had a few kick at the growing up can and it hasn’t fixed the problem so there is a real risk that it never will but it’s hard to tell.

        I am with Wendy though, it’s his loss more than it’s yours and good think it’s playing out early, not 5 years in.

        I would give it a bit of time, but not too much, and see if this can be worked out. After all if there is that much in common it might be hard to replace. It’s not a popular opinion here but people do change and working things through does happen. After all, remember these old folks that look like they were made for each other? They probably weren’t as much in the beginning and it’s their commitment that gave them the strength to adapt to each other. But when God was sending you to hell if you didn’t try it might have been an easier thing to do.

        Good luck.

    • iwannatalktosampson January 25, 2013, 5:35 pm

      Quick confession – I hate brunch. I think it’s the dumbest meal ever. Well mostly I don’t like breakfast food. And I can’t even comprehend paying $10 for pancakes that cost 30 cents and taste better at home. So I always just end up going and ordering lunch at brunch. Except I like to eat two meals a day – at 2pm and 6pm. Soooo I hate brunch.

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      • Addie Pray January 25, 2013, 5:40 pm

        Blasphemy! Brunch is my favorite meal of the day. But you know my obsession with breakfast burritos.

      • jlyfsh January 25, 2013, 6:47 pm

        the only reason brunch is nice is that it’s appropriate to get a mimosa, not so appropriate to get one at breakfast though. try that maybe you’ll like it better 😉

      • painted_lady January 26, 2013, 9:42 am

        See, I generally make terrible pancakes. My mom as well. Maybe it’s hereditary.

        Also, my favorite brunch place in town has a crab cake benedict that might be the best thing EVER.

      • jlyfsh January 26, 2013, 11:21 am

        crab cake eggs benedict is one of the best things ever. although this one place where i live serves a crab stuffed portabella mushroom with hollandaise sauce that is even better. i could eat them every day.

      • painted_lady January 26, 2013, 1:42 pm

        Oh my god. I love crab. I’m not even picky about it – if real crab is unavailable I will totally accept imitation crab.

      • jlyfsh January 26, 2013, 3:06 pm

        nice to know there is another crab lover 🙂 i’ve definitely have my share of imitation crab, which strangely my grandmother has always called sea legs. people look at me just a bit strange when i ask them if they want any, haha 😉

      • FireStar January 26, 2013, 8:32 pm

        I went to Joe’s Crab Shack in Texas in the summer. Best 2 hours + of my trip. My husband took a picture of me and the huge bucket of crab and then just sat there watching me eat it all. SO good.

  • kerrycontrary January 25, 2013, 4:17 pm

    Kids running towards their parents with joy on their face = one of the best parts of life. Sounds like you had an awesome weekend. I’ve actually had really bad seasonal blues this week because of the cold cold weather. My heat went out one day (it’s back now) so all I’ve wanted to do is sit on the couch and watch TV instead of exercising. Thankfully my boyfriend’s company party is tomorrow night which is one of the most fun nights of our year (open bar, all of our friends, great band, huge buffet). I think getting dressed up (in my new dress!) and being around our friends will help a lot.

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  • ktfran January 25, 2013, 4:18 pm

    For a brief moment in Florida, my nickname was Superman because I too, use to fall asleep all cuddled up on a friend’s couch. I would “superman” it to the couch and was out within five minutes of walking through the door after a night out. Mind you, friends were still drinking, listening to music and playing rock band (this was after that first came out), and I would be soundl asleep until the guy I was seeing informed me it was time to go home. Wendy, you’re right, there is something oddly comforting about sleeping around people you love.

    Oh, and Jackson is a doll!

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  • Fabelle January 25, 2013, 4:21 pm

    Aw, he’s adorable! Also, I feel you on the falling-asleep-at-parties thing. Especially if I had any amount of alcohol, I usually can’t stay awake that late unless I’m out dancing. So house gatherings usually end in an early, public nap kind of way for me 😀

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  • Rosie January 25, 2013, 4:25 pm

    Ohhhh that little squealish squeak at the end is so cute!!!

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  • katie January 25, 2013, 4:27 pm

    i also have fallen asleep at many parties- i just really value my sleep, i guess. usually ill just need a small cat nap and ill get back up and be fine. but ive totally done that too! haha.

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  • the_optimist January 25, 2013, 4:36 pm

    Ok, curiosity got me. I had to look this M Henry place up on Yelp. The people who work sound very terrible. Who spills a huge pot of coffee on someone and then just bounces? That alone made me hate this place. Mind you, I’ve never even been to Chicago, but…ew.

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  • Addie Pray January 25, 2013, 4:42 pm

    Man Jackson is growing up fast!

    I fall asleep at parties A LOT. When I moved to Chicago my friends threw me a going away party at a restaurant. They have pictures of me sleeping on the table. I dunno why but I sleep best when I’m in the middle of chaos, lots of people, and tons of noise. It just puts me all to sleep. But alone in my quiet condo? No, can’t sleep.

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  • Classic January 25, 2013, 4:42 pm

    Hey it says “Jack’s Tricks” up there! Is Jack his Big Kid name? I have always called him Jackson up till now. He is just absolutely adorable. That part where he made your heart explode made me kind of teary– he sure loves his Momma.

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  • bethany January 25, 2013, 4:46 pm

    The first time my friend’s daughter ran at me for a hug yelling “Beffy!!” I almost cried. It’s the best 🙂

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  • TheTruth January 25, 2013, 5:16 pm

    Hey peeps. I’m going snowboarding this weekend… can’t wait. I had planned to go last Sunday, but on Saturday my work called and I had to fly to San Diego, then drive to Mexico, for work. Basically, my job is inspecting powerplants, it’s all travel, but when I am not working, I get to stay home, sit on my ass, and post smart-ass comments on Dear Wendy.

    Don’t worry, I won’t force anybody to listen to cute stories about my five kids (who are all way cuter than any of your kids… really… it’s a fact backed up by science and studies and stuff)

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    • iwannatalktosampson January 25, 2013, 5:32 pm

      You’re going snowboarding?! Where do you live? I’m going snowboarding tomorrow!

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      • TheTruth January 25, 2013, 6:25 pm

        Boise, Idaho.

    • Wendy January 25, 2013, 5:45 pm

      Nope, my kid’s cuter. And I will continue to force you to listen to cute stories about him, so deal with it.

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  • runner_gal_AB January 25, 2013, 5:38 pm

    Just tried to find the review and it has disappeared…

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    • Slamy January 25, 2013, 5:58 pm


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  • Jenny January 25, 2013, 6:19 pm

    He is so stinkin’ cute 🙂 I bet he doesn’t sit still much, huh? I’m getting pretty close to the walking stage with my little guy, which is equal parts exciting and terrifying. Thanks for sharing Jackson with us! 🙂

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    • Wendy January 25, 2013, 6:33 pm

      He never stops moving except for when he’s sleeping or when he’s sick…

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  • GatorGirl January 25, 2013, 6:29 pm

    OMG Jackson is so flipping cute. Seriously.

    So I’m going out of town for the weekend. I’m pretty excited. A pirate festival in Tampa. and I’m painting my toes cotton candy pink right now. It makes me smile.

    Does anyone have any strong feelings on a beer and wine only wedding? Would liquor be missed? (and there is no option for a cash liquor bar since its at a private residence.)

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    • theattack January 25, 2013, 6:34 pm

      If we can afford alcohol, we’re doing beer and wine only. I think that’s really the way to go. Everyone who drinks will probably like one or the other anyway, and it MAJORLY reduces your alcohol bill. Adding liquor can double the cost of your alcohol. Some people do wine, beer, and one specialty cocktail, but who’s to say that people are even going to like the same cocktail that you pick out? Limiting it to beer and wine also lessens the possibility that your guests are going to get inappropriately hammered, which is usually a good thing. Go for it, GG!

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    • jlyfsh January 25, 2013, 6:46 pm

      i feel like most people can learn to be happy with wine or beer only. and as i’m sure you know by now you can’t please everyone 🙂 do what’s best for you and your fiance.

      one of my favorite weddings only had wine and beer and the bartender kept making me these red wine spritzers made with sweeter red wine and if you didn’t tell me i would have thought i was drinking a mixed drink and it was delicious.

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    • Anna January 26, 2013, 8:08 am

      I think beer and wine only is perfectly acceptable. If it’s a fairly casual reception/party, you can add that guests are welcome to bring their own liquor if they have a preference. It saves you money but doesn’t stifle anyone’s party if all they drink is jack and coke.

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    • MaterialsGirl January 26, 2013, 11:38 am

      The new coolest thing to do is have just beer and wine, then have a ‘special’ cocktail they serve during the cocktail hour. Perfectly acceptable

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  • jlyfsh January 25, 2013, 6:43 pm

    the first time my friend’s son smiled at me it was so great! he’s just so adorable and gave me the biggest hug good bye. and i get to see him in two months! he’s going to be 6 months older than the last time i saw him. he looks like such a little boy in the pictures she posts. i get to take him to the beach and i’m pretty excited! both to see him and my friend. and that it will be march and hopefully much warmer. it’s way too cold for how far south i live this weekend. i’m going to be hibernating until monday morning.

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  • theattack January 25, 2013, 6:43 pm

    Baby question!

    I’m throwing my 18 year old cousin a baby shower this weekend. It was all pretty last minute, and hardly anyone has RSVP’d, which really really sucks. The dad is out of the picture (thank God. he’s threatened my cousin because she wouldn’t get an abortion, and he’s the sketchiest mo-fo around), and she really doesn’t have any support. She’s due in a week and a half, so the baby could be here anytime now, and she still doesn’t have the essentials like a car seat or a stroller. She was looking at a travel system (stroller with a matching car seat that attaches and functions as a carrier), but it would really put a financial strain on me to buy it for her, and no one else has bought it for her either.

    People with babies: There are a couple of cheap car seats I could afford to get her. Would it be better to get a convertible car seat for when the kid grows into a toddler, or would it be better to get her one that’s specifically for infants? The designs look very different, and the convertible ones seem less infant-friendly in appearance. Any other tips? How much better is it to be able to attach your car seat to your stroller?

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    • Wendy January 25, 2013, 7:28 pm

      Get one that is specifically for infants. The Greco Snap-n-Go is great and it attaches to the stroller which is super, super handy and the baby can nap in the bucket part making it very easy to transport the wee one (this is VERY important).

      This is really an essential item, so even if you can’t afford it on your own, it would be wonderful if you could contact a few other fmaily members or close friends and see if anyone would like to go in on it with you.

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    • Skyblossom January 25, 2013, 10:16 pm

      We used a convertible car sear with our son and were glad we had it because he grew so fast that he would have been out of the infant seat within six months. We got a convertible seat for our daughter but when we tried to recline it into the infant position it wouldn’t recline far enough in the rear facing position because the car seat was so tall it hit the front seat. This meant her head was tipped to far forward (newborns can’t hold their head up) and we had to get an infant seat for her. If the car isn’t large you probably need an infant carrier but the downside is that the baby will outgrow it sometime in the first year and need a regular car seat. You will have the same problem with an infant seat on a stroller. She will need a new stroller when the baby outgrows the infant seat. We bought a stroller that allowed the baby to lay in it as an infant and then sit in it as an older baby/toddler.

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  • Nigeria January 25, 2013, 6:58 pm

    OMG. I want him, he is so precious!

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  • Addie Pray January 26, 2013, 12:37 am

    Addie Pray update, Addie Pray update: my boyfriend just broke up with me. About 15 minutes ago. He said he loves me very much but the timing just isn’t good. I completely give up. Over.

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    • LadyinPurpleNotRed January 26, 2013, 12:56 am

      Addie, I’m sorry. I’m sending internet hugs to you!

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    • jlyfsh January 26, 2013, 5:18 am

      I’m sorry, AP 🙁

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    • Wendy's Dad January 26, 2013, 6:59 am

      Bummer, Addie. I’m sorry for you. But more sorry for him. He’s missing out.

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    • Anna January 26, 2013, 8:09 am

      Awww I’m sorry!! Sending you hugs!

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    • Kerrycontrary January 26, 2013, 8:39 am

      I’m sorry! Break ups totally suck

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    • Wendy January 26, 2013, 8:56 am

      Oh no!! I’m sorry, AP, that sucks. I’m with my dad on this one though — it’s really a much bigger loss for the the other party in this case. Be good to yourself.

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    • painted_lady January 26, 2013, 9:47 am

      Well, and now we know for certain that his poorly spelled texts were an indication of a deeper idiocy. I’m so sorry, AP. He’s crazy not to get how awesome you are.

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      • Classic January 26, 2013, 11:38 am

        Oh AP I’m sorry, but don’t give up! You will find one that loves you even more and has better freaking timing and deserves an awesome lady like you!

    • AliceInDairyland January 26, 2013, 12:06 pm

      Sending love your way AP!

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    • Addie Pray January 26, 2013, 1:12 pm

      Thanks, guys. I’m a wreck. I did not sleep last night. Instead I lost 20 pounds in tears and snot. And there’s more! Geek Squad is at my house right now mounting a new TV while I cry on my couch and talk about the break up. It’s so sad that it’s comical. I don’t know how I am going to survive this. I’ll never meet such a funny, smart, interesting, adorable, cute guy – with the same values and interests and tastes and you name it. I just wish he wanted me in his life. This is so sad.

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      • Anna January 26, 2013, 1:14 pm

        I know exactly how that feels. 🙁 Message me on FB if you just need to talk to someone! It will go straight to my phone as a sit here watching HGTV on my couch and hiding from the cold.

      • Wendy January 26, 2013, 1:17 pm

        He must not be that smart if he gave you up.

      • Addie Pray January 26, 2013, 1:23 pm

        Good point, thank you, Wendy!

      • jlyfsh January 26, 2013, 3:08 pm

        Just remember all the people you have that love you and will always be there for you. Invite friends over, buy lots of wine and chocolate.

        And I agree with Wendy, he can’t be that smart.

      • mandalee January 26, 2013, 3:46 pm

        Oh, Addie! I’m so, so sorry. That really does suck, but it really, truly is his loss. Be kind to yourself! I’d say lots of wine, chocolate and comfort food stat.

      • bethany January 26, 2013, 8:10 pm

        I’m so sorry 🙁 big hugs!

    • HmC January 26, 2013, 1:57 pm

      I’m really sorry AP.

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    • Amanda January 26, 2013, 4:18 pm

      I’m so sorry Addie

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      • ScrambledMegss January 26, 2013, 4:40 pm

        Aww I’m so sorry AP, Wendy’s right – he can’t be that smart if he let you go. Wish I could send you some poutine

      • Firestar January 26, 2013, 5:06 pm

        And ketchup chips. Sorry hon…have your best friend bring over cheese, crackers and lots of wine.

    • CatsMeow January 26, 2013, 4:53 pm

      Addie, I’m so sorry to hear this. If you need anything at all, let me know. *hugs*

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    • Trixy Minx January 26, 2013, 7:04 pm

      Whhaat? Aw Addie I’m so sorry.

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      • Lumpie January 27, 2013, 10:28 am

        Oh Addie! I’m so so sorry. Big warm hugs to you.

  • MaterialsGirl January 26, 2013, 7:35 am

    So sorry to hear about m Henry. I love their sister, m Henrietta and have had nothing but good service there, but ill watch out.
    Love the Jackson video. Sooo cute.

    Just so you know, I too fall asleep at parties, bars, wherever. My friends call it ‘Minnesota bedtime’ since another of our friends who happens to hail from my home state exhibits the same strange phenomenon. Clock hits 10 and we’re both out cold

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  • Anna January 26, 2013, 8:21 am

    Is it just me or do vacation weekends wear you out? I spent all last weekend in North Carolina because I had a job interview there. When I got back to the frozen hellscape known as Ohio, I passed out for an entire day and then had to go back to work for 3 nights. Now it’s a normal at-home weekend and I’m still worn out. I guess my weekend would have been less tiring if I had flown but plane tickets cost $300-$400 and I was able to drive round trip for $120. It was cool driving through the mountains of West Virginia and Virginia, and I absolutely fell in love with NC. It’s so beautiful there and Raleigh doesn’t have that big city vibe that scares me.

    Anyway, I passed out at 8:00 last night after staying up all day hoping to get the phone call I’ve been waiting for. Needless to say, no phone call. So of course I woke up at 6 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I’m so on edge about this because I really really really really want this job and I think I have a good chance of getting it but I’m trying not to get my hopes up in case I don’t get it. Now I probably won’t hear anything until at least Monday. I HATE THE WAITING GAME! I just want to know whether to buy champagne and dance around my apartment or curl up in a blanket feeling like a failure. *sigh*

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    • Trixy Minx January 26, 2013, 7:03 pm

      Good luck!

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      • Anna January 27, 2013, 4:53 pm

        Thanks! I’m still dying here waiting to hear if I got it. I’m going to run out of alcohol and room to pace in circles soon. And I’ve had the munchies for like 3 days straight even though I haven’t smoked weed in 2 months (just in case said job drug tests, which it would appear that they don’t. What a waste!). I think it’s because I’m so nervous.

  • painted_lady January 26, 2013, 9:52 am

    Nope. Not just interesting to your mom. This is fucking adorable.

    You GUYS. I’m at a conference with my high school kids, and I have my own gorgeous hotel room! I’ve never stayed in one by myself, and while I should be going to workshops, I think I may just order room service and go to the gym.

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    • Rachel January 26, 2013, 11:23 am

      Haha, one of my favorite things about conferences is staying in nice hotels. You should definitely order room service once, it’s fun.

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    • Pamplemousse Rose January 26, 2013, 11:59 am

      It’s okay to not attend something every session at a conference. A friend of mine says everyone has a threshold of how many sessions they can skip without feeling guilty. I think for him, the only thing he feels he must attend is the opening reception 🙂

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      • Eagle Eye January 26, 2013, 12:07 pm

        Yes! I can do 1.5 days, then I’m done, I figure that’s plenty and everyone knows whose on the last day that they’re audience is going to be small.

        Sanity first!

  • Lemongrass January 26, 2013, 4:31 pm

    Adorable video! my little guy opened his eyes from his sleep as soon as jackson made some noise!

    Well this has been the most eventful week of my life! Getting settled has definitely been up and down. On one hand I am so thrilled and in love with my son and on the other I can barely keep my eyes open and my hormones are all over the place. Plus it’s been taking time to build up confidence in myself as a mother. I haven’t left the house since we got home and I’m really hoping we can make it out for a walk today. Little bit of cabin fever! I do have to praise my husband though, he has probably spent more time with the baby than I have, taking care of him so I can sleep. He’s been amazing and I am so lucky to have him.

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    • Amanda January 26, 2013, 4:47 pm


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    • LadyinPurpleNotRed January 26, 2013, 4:52 pm


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    • Classic January 26, 2013, 5:01 pm

      Congratulations! So happy!

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    • Firestar January 26, 2013, 6:10 pm

      Congrats! All the best for you and your little one.

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    • Pamplemousse Rose January 26, 2013, 6:25 pm


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    • Trixy Minx January 27, 2013, 2:44 pm


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  • FlyingAvocado January 28, 2013, 12:12 am

    I have a tradition of falling asleep at our family Thanksgiving. Every year. And every year, my mom takes a photo. She has an entire album of me sleeping. Also, as I child, I fell asleep in odd places. There’s a photo of me, I was 9, asleep under our kitchen table. I’m sprawled across 3 chairs. People ask if it’s real…it totally is. 🙂

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