Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

Here are the kids on Halloween evening — Joanie was dressed as Marshall from her favorite show “Paw Patrol” and Jackson — yes, that’s Jackson—he had a huge growth spurt this past year! — was Bugs Bunny. We won’t talk about how much candy I have been stealing from their stash since Wednesday…

I took yesterday off from everything to catch up on some R&R after an eventful few weeks. I went to bed at 7 pm and didn’t get out of bed for 12 hours (and I actually slept for 11 of those hours!!). I can’t remember the last time I slept like that. Before I had kids, I’m sure.

Today looks to be a gloomy day in Brooklyn, but we’re going to get out there and make the most of it anyway. I considered canvassing in Staten Island but couldn’t find anyone to come with me and wasn’t up for going on my own (don’t judge—I’ve been doing lots of donating and helping to get out the vote in other ways), but I still wanted to do some kind of community service this weekend so Jackson and I are volunteering in Prospect Park today, raking leaves and helping to get the park ready for winter. Tomorrow we have friends coming over for brunch and the kids have a birthday party in the afternoon. Jackson’s school has its big annual fundraiser this evening and I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to go (the small talk at these things is draining for me unless I have a few drinks and I am not drinking much lately so I have to be selective about when and where and how I enjoy a cocktail or two). In related news, I have lost ten pounds since April and seven since Labor Day when I decided to get serious about my health and well-being (and then ironically I got shingles two weeks later!). Anyhoo.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend, and if you missed Friday Links yesterday, here are a few links from around the web I meant to post, but then I forgot to hit the “submit” button:

Long-distance relationships are more successful than you think

Are you staying in your failing relationship as a favour to your partner?

What women’s early voting numbers tell us — and what they don’t

Google Walkout Proves Women (And Men) Are Fed Up With Patriarchal Policies

Four women share their stories of pregnancy discrimination

Why some millennials think travel is more important than sex

21 comments… add one
  • JD November 3, 2018, 8:27 am

    Whoa he’s so tall! That happened fast. Adorable costumes.

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  • Kate November 3, 2018, 6:40 pm

    I’m on my way to a party. I need a couple drinks. Yesterday most of my company that’s still left got laid off. Like literally there are 3 of us who I know were told we’re okay, 5 tops. Will know for sure Monday. It was a massacre. Time to bail.

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  • Kate November 4, 2018, 6:48 am

    I’m pissed. I went to this party last night alone because my husband is on a business trip. I took the T (subway), on which I’ve never felt unsafe in the 22 years I’ve lived around here. Though maybe i should have.

    My friends walked me to the T when I was going home, and no one thought this might not be safe, we should come in. So I got to the platform and weirdly no one was on it but two youngish guys further down. I kept my distance, but they came up to me, acted like they were lost and trying to get to “Seymour Avenue.” I’m like,I don’t know where that is. Then it was “Seymour Balls Avenue,” so I rolled my eyes at them. They were like, oh, you’re so beautiful, blah blah blah, so we used a pickup line to talk to you. They offered me their joint, hugged me, asked me to go home with me, and whatever other bullshit, before the train came. They didn’t get on, which was weird, but they leaned into the car and harrassed an old woman trying to sleep.

    I mean obviously I’m fine, it’s just, fuck off, men. I’m not here for your amusement because I put on makeup and heels and went out. And I felt like they had the power because two of them and I had to go along with whatever they wanted.

    And how about that incel guy who shot up the yoga studio and killed two women and injured a bunch of others!!!

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    • Kate November 4, 2018, 6:55 am

      I guess I didn’t used to feel like I need a tall white man with me in order to feel safe and not be harrassed, but now maybe I do.

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  • JD November 4, 2018, 6:54 am

    Eww. Seriously let’s say they wanted to hit on you, which, still don’t do alone in a train station at night, but still how about a simple “hello, I’m bob, nice to meet you”.

    Sorry you dealt with that.

    My brain thinks it’s 7, or rather my dogs brain thinks it’s 7, so we are up. Now what to do this early on a Sunday. It’s raining hard, which is nice.

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    • Kate November 4, 2018, 6:57 am

      Me too, exactly. Walking dog now. He found a frisbee at the park and made me throw it. Going back to bed to watch SNL.

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      • JD November 4, 2018, 7:01 am

        Nice, I am back in bed too, husband watching the news. I hate watching the news on the weekend, don’t know why, it just feels like no work, no news in my mind. Wishing I could find something to binge today. Annoyed Shameless decided to wait until Jan for the next episodes.

      • Kate November 4, 2018, 7:10 am

        Did you watch the haunting of Hill House?

      • JD November 4, 2018, 7:15 am

        Haven’t managed to yet but put it in my list so maybe I can get to it today. We’ve been busier than expected today.

        My 90 Day fiance redorded wrong so I only got half of it. I think i can get that off rhebTLC app. This season looks like a train wreck so I’m interested.

      • JD November 4, 2018, 7:15 am

        I meant lately, not today. Coffee. Kick in!

      • Copa November 5, 2018, 1:11 pm

        I really liked Haunting of Hill House! I’m not normally one for scary movies or shows, but Hill House was really well done and I thought it was an interesting way to tackle mental health/illness, too.

    • Kate November 4, 2018, 10:50 am

      Here’s the thing though, to belabor the point. This behavior isn’t “hitting on.” It’s just aggressive harassment and intimidation of whatever woman happens by. Hitting on a woman happens in an environment where it’s reasonable to assume she’s open to being approached, like a bar or club or party. There’s interest in dating or hooking up, and the guy actually cares if there’s mutual interest. Anything outside of that, like at work or on a subway platform or on the street, is harrassment. These guys didn’t stop after saying, “I don’t see no ring, so…” and me holding up my left hand so they could see it. They weren’t actually interested in me, they were interested in harassing women for kicks. They didn’t even get on the train, they were hanging out on the platform to smoke weed and bother people. They enjoyed having the ability to show power and intimidate. It’s bullshit.

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      • JD November 4, 2018, 10:56 am

        That’s a good point. I guess my thought was mainly the horrible wording. But ya you weren’t out in a place that would be reasonable, it wasn’t even, say a walk in the park. They just wanted to harass someone who was in no way open or interested in talking to them much less being harassed. I sadly have found even my ring in someone’s face does nothing.

  • Kate November 4, 2018, 7:10 am

    On another note, Rimmel has these$10 palettes meant to be dupes of the Naked palettes, and DAMN. I bought the Spice one, because Fall, and it was so pretty, and I don’t own Naked Heat, but there are several.


    I’m not that great with eye makeup, but I did a daytime look and then a nighttime look. The guy who shampoos my hair was going crazy over it, and he’s a makeup artist. Then my hairdresser came over and was like, omg your eye makeup, it’s so pretty. And at night my friend was like, your eye makeup looks amazing, I can’t stop staring at it.

    The colors are SO pretty, and so pigmented, you have to use a light hand. It stayed on too, with Milani eye primer which is a dupe for urban decay. This is maybe my fave palette ever!

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    • JD November 4, 2018, 7:16 am

      Ohhh!! If I didn’t have too many pallets already.

      I don’t wear eye makeup too often but I have a dozen at least cause sister works for Too Faced. I always want more though because they are so pretty!!

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  • Kate November 4, 2018, 7:38 am

    Here are a few other cheap things I’m super impressed with lately.

    1) L’Oreal Voluminous Lash Paradise mascara. I’m sure it’s exactly the same as one of their Lancôme ones. It’s absolutely perfect, and like 1/4 the price of Benefit They’re Real, which you need to buy the They’re Real Primer too to get the full effect.

    2) This work tote from Target. The straps on my Tory Burch bag I’ve had 4 or 5 years started to fray because of the stupid computer my bosses gave me which weighs 50lbs and is in no way a good option for travel. I said fuckit and use an iPad now instead of carrying that thing around.l and getting scoliosis. Until I figure out what bag to get next, this one is awesome. Very lightweight and holds anything and everything. It says “small,” but it’s not.


    And this lipstick is super pretty. Reminds me a bit of the rosy-browny colors we wore in the 90s. Their Fire & Ice is a beautiful red too, which has been around since the 50s, and I think is universally flattering. Even on me, a fair-skinned blonde, it looks really nice, while many other reds don’t.


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  • JD November 4, 2018, 11:05 am

    Since I was up early and bored I made everyone some breakfast burritos. We love our breakfast burritos in this house.

    Next I threw some brownies in the oven to have something warm and yummy for us to snack on today as it’s cold and wet out.

    Finally got the crock pot out to make some chicken and rice soup. I kind of winged it based on recipes I know so I’ll share it if comes out well. I used boxed rice, minus the flavor pack, chicken, obviously and added some half and half for a creamy soup (idea from another recipe). Of course some broth and seasoning. Hopefully it’ll taste good because we are eating it no matter what.

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  • anonymousse November 4, 2018, 2:51 pm

    Kate, that story is horrifying, but I’m glad to know you’re okay.

    Wendy, you’re kids are adorable!

    I keep wanting to get a crock pot (I’ve been gifted so many but always seem to drop them off at goodwill during moves) or a instant pot. I dunno. I go in phases of wanting one/cooking a lot and I’m afraid I won’t use it for long.

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    • anonymousse November 4, 2018, 2:51 pm


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    • JD November 4, 2018, 5:57 pm

      Soup turned out great. We are getting an Instapot for Xmas. Can’t wait. Grandma likes to buy that kind of stuff so I asked for that, and since my mom does her shopping it’s already done. I get exhausted with cooking by the weekend so usually throw something in on a Sunday. Excited for my Instapot though since I can be lazy any day since it’s quick!

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  • K November 5, 2018, 12:32 pm

    The yoga studio shooting is upsetting to me as I go to yoga regularly. Yesterday morning in class, a woman asked the instructor if she could lock the door, because of what happened in FL. The door leads right onto the street and someone really could walk in and do anything. Lately during the evening class I go to, it’s just been me and the instructor, and it’s from 7:30-9 pm, so I think I’ll start asking her to lock the door as well.

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