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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread

Since the kids started back to school again in September, after a year and a half at home full-time, Drew and I have been trying to carve one weekday a week for a date day. We’ve gone to the beach, to museum exhibits, on long walks and lunches, and yesterday we went to a cemetery to scope out burial plots. And they say romance is dead. I didn’t think I cared at all about where I was buried until yesterday when I wandered through this cemetery and suddenly felt like it could be the right final resting spot.

Maybe it’s the age I am and the general feeling of settling into a stage that I know/think/hope will last a while. The excitement of the past 15 years (meeting Drew, moving to NYC, getting married, moving to Brooklyn, having babies, buying a home, living through a pandemic) is mostly in the rearview mirror now and while I’m not ready for things to be, you know, boring, I am ready for the excitement to be less “Big Life Moments” and more “cool experiences I feel lucky to have.” How does picking a burial plot relate to that? I’m still thinking on it, but I suspect it’s the feeling of being liberated from a big decision that was kind of hanging over us so that I can focus on the now, now. And I like the now, now. It’s good to be here. I hope I get to be here for a while (and that my need for a burial plot is a long, long way off, but it feels good to have the ball rolling on committing to something so I can be freed-up to enjoy my life in the meantime!).

Anyhoo, I hope you are enjoying where you are now, too. I hope the stress of the past nearly two years is lifting a bit for you or will be soon. I hope you and your loved ones are healthy and happy and looking forward to a holiday season that’s a bit more festive than last year’s. I hope that a balance can be found in your work life -for those whose jobs have been dramatically altered lately – that you’re satisfied with, if not immediately, then maybe soon in the new year. And I hope that this Thanksgiving in a few days (for us Americans, anyway) brings a reminder of all the things you have to feel grateful for, and that maybe it’s a little bit more than what you felt grateful for last year.

Have a great weekend, everyone, and here are a few links that might interest you:

I’ve heard this one before: He Cared About Me, So I Broke Up With Him

Why do humans keep trying (and failing) at monogamy? Here’s what science and history says

Interesting: The Home is the Future of Travel

Where Are Young People Most Optimistic? In Poorer Nations. (See also: richer nations already peaked; here in the US, the baby boomers ensured that their offspring’s generation would generally be worse off, unfortunately…)

Well, here’s one result of the pandemic I hadn’t considered: NYC Sex Clubs are Better than Ever

The grand slam of covid dating: This couple fell in love, moved in, had a kid and got engaged — all during the pandemic

8 comments… add one
  • Kate November 19, 2021, 5:22 pm

    I went to my great-aunt’s funeral a few years back (she was 100), and definitely got a good vibe about the plot, which has my dad’s grandparents, father, and brother in it too. I mention where it is to my husband every now and then so he won’t forget (North Fork Long Island, Orient Point Ferry, Cutchogue). Very beautiful and peaceful there.

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    • Kate November 19, 2021, 5:23 pm

      I’ll be cremated so they should be able to fit me in!

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      • ktfran November 19, 2021, 5:58 pm

        I think we’re going to do the cremation thing too. Although I’ve considered donating my body to science like my Grandpa did.

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      • Kate November 19, 2021, 6:05 pm

        My friend at work’s dad passed earlier this year and was a body donor. That is a cool thing to do.

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    • Dear Wendy November 20, 2021, 6:18 am

      That’s my preference too – donate whatever’s useful and cremate what’s left – but drew wants a green burial and I might go that route as well (the cemetery were interested in does green burials).

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      • ktfran November 20, 2021, 12:22 pm

        I’ve not looked into green burials. I’ll have to.

        If we went the cremation route, our plan was to have one of the nieces or nephew spread our ashes when we’re both gone.

        My parents are already completely set up. They’ll be buried with my older sister. I grew up visiting the cemetery and her gravesite regularly. It’s comforting. Grandparents and great grandparents are all there with her.

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  • anonymousse November 21, 2021, 2:20 pm

    I recently read this horrible article where an elderly woman donated her husband’s body to science and later found it had been used on a live feed on YouTube for a pay-per-view type class of not medical personnel people who paid to see a dead body dissected. Seriously. Not for any actual medical purposes, just entertainment and the morbidly curious. She was suing the company who did this and such.

    So yeah, green burial, cremation…I’m into it. I would love to be buried under a baby tree in a field somewhere. Anyone know if they preserve the body pre cremation?

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    • allathian November 22, 2021, 1:56 am

      I guess it depends on where you are. In my area, viewing the body is not a thing (I find the practice morbid at best) and caskets are pretty much always closed, and kept refrigerated until the burial/cremation, so preservation really isn’t a thing here.

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