Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Weekend Open Thread and Links

Tamara Shopsin for The New York Times

Happy October! I think it’s a promising one. What plans do you have for fall? Jackson turns 10 this coming week, which feels like a big milestone, and both kids are getting excited for Halloween and are planning costumes. (Last year neither one was excited and Jackson didn’t even do a costume, so it feels like a real win that this year there’s a little more optimism and enthusiasm.) Our cat, Miles, is 16 and declining pretty quickly, so I’ll be trying to get in some cozy, hygge time with him while I still can. And I’ll be making lots of soups, my favorite.

Hope you have a great weekend, and here are some links you might enjoy:

Divorce Can Be an Act of Radical Self-Love

Haha: How to Be Friends With Someone Who Exercises on Vacation

How to Rekindle a Long-Distance Friendship

Why you make better first impressions than you think

Mick Jagger went to a dive bar in Charlotte and literally everybody missed him (I saw him once with the whole band along with Martin Scorsese, walking out of a movie theater on the Upper West Side as Drew and I were strolling by, after the release of the Scorsese’s documentary about the Stones).

Wow, this is such a perfect analysis of the moment we find ourselves in, the Internet/ Social Media Age:

I’ve come to believe that, in the Internet age, the psychologically destabilizing experience of fame is coming for everyone. Everyone is losing their minds online because the combination of mass fame and mass surveillance increasingly channels our most basic impulses—toward loving and being loved, caring for and being cared for, getting the people we know to laugh at our jokes—into the project of impressing strangers, a project that cannot, by definition, sate our desires but feels close enough to real human connection that we cannot but pursue it in ever more compulsive ways.

— On the Internet We’re Always Famous

Related: Instagram For Kids and What Facebook Knows About the Effects of Social Media

18 comments… add one
  • ktfran October 2, 2021, 9:36 am

    Headed to my hometown this weekend, in the car right now in fact, for fam pics. My mom has wanted them for ages. Since we’re all done having kids, we decided now was the time. Unfortunately the weather is shit, but my sis was proactive and our backup plan tomorrow morning is at a local brewery.

    In other news, for the first time in prob my entire life, is excited about the Super Bowl halftime show.. Dr Dre, Snoop, Mary J, Eminem. The thought makes me smile.

    Happy weekend.

    Reply Link
  • Kate October 2, 2021, 12:17 pm

    I was on our team meeting on Tuesday and my friend I work with texted to ask if I could help her with something. Turned out to be hair and makeup for a black-tie wedding today. Like, whoa. I can barely do my own hair and makeup. I could make you look good for a zoom meeting, but a formal wedding??? I was like, have you considered drybar? She had not. They didn’t have any appointments before 5:45, but somehow my personal blowout stylist had an opening. My friend should also have made an appt at Sephora or benefit for makeup, but too late. She literally does not own any makeup. So I have to schlep across the river to try and do her makeup in a 20-minute period at 5pm. She couldn’t do it before the hair appt because of soccer. And we’re both blonde and fair-skinned, but I don’t know if we have the same tones. This is going to sub-optimal, but at least her hair will be on point.

    Come on, ladies, by 30 (not to mention 50!!!) you should know how to get yourself glammed up for an event.

    Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy October 2, 2021, 12:25 pm

      Oh, wow. No pressure, Kate!

      Reply Link
      • Kate October 2, 2021, 5:13 pm

        Phew! It went all right. My lightest bb cream and concealer worked on her, and I used Nars Orgasm blush, Naked 3 palette (the pinky one), and a pink lipstick that’s supposed to look good on everyone. Her hair looked awesome! And she sent me a gift card to the salon, which she totally did not have to do.

      • Dear Wendy October 2, 2021, 5:29 pm

        Nars orgasm blush and the Naked palette are classics, but how could you not use Clinique Black Honey?! J/k. I’m sure she looked great and is very appreciative.

      • Kate October 2, 2021, 6:31 pm

        I got some black honey this week from Amazon! I like it a lot for daytime. Another one that’s really nice for fall and I think looks good on a wide range of people, is this Rimmel by Kate Moss lipstick in 08. It’s really soft and pretty and feels moisturizing. Kind of in the same “your lips but better” 90s vibe as black honey.

      • Kate October 2, 2021, 6:32 pm

      • Dear Wendy October 2, 2021, 6:49 pm


    • Copa October 4, 2021, 8:47 am

      I think that Rimmel color is called Rosetto. Assuming it’s the same one I’m thinking of, it’s a long-time fave of mine and I’ve also bought it for my mom and sister!

      Reply Link
  • golfer.gal October 3, 2021, 9:45 am

    The article about divorce spoke to me. I’m not ashamed that I left my ex, even though I have been made to feel I should be by some. I’m proud of myself for getting out of a marriage that had turned abusive and dangerous. I’m happier and more at peace than I’ve been in months. Maybe years. It was refreshing to read about others who share that experience.

    I am settled into my new townhouse, my lawyer is putting the final touches on a settlement proposal that should entice my soon-to-be ex to leave quietly, and I spent some of the weekend with the gorgeous guy I am seeing casually (but exclusively). I also may have ordered the Burberry quilted jacket I have wanted for years in order to facilitate Hot Girl Fall. My dog and I are going to have a quiet day at home, maybe make some bread, and have Sunday dinner with my family.

    Reply Link
    • Kate October 3, 2021, 2:03 pm

      Good for you, girl!

      Reply Link
    • ktfran October 3, 2021, 7:32 pm

      Congrats!!! On the divorce and impending settlement. On feeling good. On treating yourself. Yay you!!

      Reply Link
    • Copa October 4, 2021, 8:51 am

      I skimmed that article. I grew up in an unhealthy household with parents who should NOT have stayed married. It was bad and it’s the reason I’ve long felt divorce can be a great thing. Maybe my opinion carries less weight having never been married myself, but I’d never want to put kids through what my sister and I had to deal with.

      Anyway, I’m glad to hear you’re putting yourself first and feeling good and happy.

      Reply Link
    • MaterialsGirl October 12, 2021, 2:45 pm

      I’m so happy for you golfer.gal!

      Reply Link
  • Hazel October 3, 2021, 2:52 pm

    Spent all weekend gathering and preserving fungi, processing veg from the poly tunnel and veg garden and never has it felt more essential to have all the basics in place. I have no idea how things are going to go next in our country, and as a self employed person have little to fall back on.I got zero help through the pandemic. But I definitely will not go hungry for a long time yet.Lucky me.And yes I absolutely do appreciate that privilege.

    Reply Link
  • LisforLeslie October 4, 2021, 8:00 am

    My nephew turned 10 too. I sent him an excessive amount of candy from Dylan’s and an entire comic book series that crosses MCU and Star Wars (my local comic shop even gave me a sweet ass discount since that was like 25 comics). Little dude loves to read, and is always drawing his own comics.

    Reply Link
    • Dear Wendy October 4, 2021, 8:03 am

      Sounds like a great gift! Jackson likes to draw, too. We got him some new fine-tip markers he’s been asking for. He stopped drawing for most of the pandemic but really likes his art teacher at his new school and, I think, finally feels inspired and motivated again, so that’s been really nice to see.

      Reply Link
  • Bittergaymark October 4, 2021, 10:15 am

    Wendy: So sorry to hear about Miles. I am going through a similar thing with Clem — my best friend the cat — whom I look after almost every weekend. Honestly? I am having a really, really hard time accepting the inevitable. So much so that I ugly cried all the way home last night.

    Reply Link

Leave a Comment