This has been an exhausting week that I am happy to see come to an end. Jackson caught a cold at some point over the weekend (that’s him above looking all sick and adorable) and he woke up Monday morning with a cough and runny nose. After getting covered pretty much head-to-toe in booger snot for three days straight, I caught Jack’s cold by mid-week, which just happened to be day one of scorching heat in the northeast (and I won’t whine too much about the heat because we have central air which is a real luxury in NYC and I don’t have to commute in the subway if I don’t want to, so basically I’ve got it as good as you can if you’re stuck in a concrete jungle during a 100-degree heatwave). But with no way to distract ourselves — no walks outside longer than ten minutes, and no play dates with anyone whom we might infect with our nastiness — these last few days have been loonnnggg. They reminded me of those early weeks of motherhood, except with a lot more snot. A lot more. (Confession: if there were ever moments before becoming a mom when I wasn’t sure I really wanted kids, it was the thought/fear of all the booger snot I would have to deal with that turned me off. I hate booger snot. Like, it makes me want to barf. I can’t stand even being in the same room with someone who has a runny nose, so it’s been a real test of … endurance? flexibility? getting through this week).
Anyhoo. I had to get that off my chest. Speaking of which, there’s seriously a big snot stain on my chest right now. I think I will change.
Okay, let’s change the subject. Let’s talk about … awkwardness (it was suggested in the message board as a topic). What are some awkward moments in your life you remember most? I have a whole bunch, most of which I don’t care re-living. But here’s one that is kinda funny in an embarrassing sort of way: So, for my whole life until I was in college — actually, probably even some time past college — I rocked myself to sleep. It was something I must have picked up as an infant to sort of self-soothe, and I just never outgrew it. Eventually, it was nearly impossible for me to get to sleep without getting on my hands and knees and rocking back and forth in bed. Crazy, right? Well. You can imagine how this probably went over when I started college and shared a bunk bed with my roommate who had no idea what she was getting herself into. I tried — I really, really tried — to stop my bad habit. But it was involuntary. I would do it in my sleep, without even knowing I was doing it.
It was probably about two months into our first semester in college and my roommate finally summoned the courage to ask me what the fuck I was doing. She thought I was diddling myself and I’m pretty sure she didn’t buy my weak explanation of, “That’s just the way I go to bed!” It was a long, sleepless year after that, and we did not end up living together again sophomore year.
P.S. Booger snot.
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Shell June 22, 2012, 4:18 pm
So I’ll admit, I’m pretty adverse to wearing pants when I’m in my apartment. Last summer, I was hanging out sans pants, when the time for yoga came around. Without thinking (clearly) I slipped on my flip flops, grabbed my mat, grabbed the keys and left my apartment. Got in the elevator, only to be courteously informed by someone that got on the floor below me that I was missing some clothing. All I can say is g-d bless the full tush underwear I was sporting and the kind woman who didn’t let me continue on my journey to the yoga studio. Awkward, mindless, whatever you’d like to call it, it gives me a laugh when I think about it.
rachel June 22, 2012, 4:21 pm
omg, Shell, that’s hilarious!
kerrycontrary June 22, 2012, 4:24 pm
Yeh this story made my friday afternoon at work better.
Brad June 22, 2012, 4:55 pm
Maaaaan! How come my neighbors never do anything like this? 🙁
Shell June 22, 2012, 5:17 pm
Haha, I’m glad it’s giving you guys a smile – I remember calling a friend right after to tell them I’ve hit a new level of awkwardness with this one!
Addie Pray June 22, 2012, 9:54 pm
Something similar happened to my best friend. Cortney, if you’re ever ready Dear Wendy like I keep telling you to, well now you know that I’m Addie Pray: so my dear friend Cort and her bf at the time got home late from the bars and, for whatever reason, her bf decided to go home, so he left. Cort then decides she’s going to chase after him and convince him to come back. So she leaves her apartment – in only a bra and underwear – and immediately realizes the door has locked behind her. So she runs down to the lobby hoping to stop her bf at the door but I think he had long gone. Only know Cort is locked out of the entire building. And it’s 3 am. and she has no keys, no cell phone. So she starts buzzing her neighbors. Finally one neighbor comes down and lets her in and then they call the on-call maintenance guy who comes with a key to her apartment. I think her neighbors gave her some clothes to throw on. Cort said she never spoke to her neighbors again and avoided eye contact for the next 2 years she lived there.
That’s my favorite Cort story. That is why she is one of my very best friends. Shit like that happens to Cortney.
I love you, Cort. Even though you do not do what I tell you, which is read Dear Wendy and don’t chase after boyfriends at 3 am. Let them go.
painted_lady June 23, 2012, 2:48 am
My uncle used to work as a flight attendant, and he had this co-worker who was on an overnight, and she got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Being half-asleep she opene the wrong door and ended up in the hallway. Which means she was Iocked out of her room. And she sleeps in the nude. So she ran next door, where her crewmate was sleeping and woke him to ask for a towel. This guy was also half-asleep and handed her a washcloth. So she ended up having to run downstairs, one arm covering her boobs, the washcloth over her ladybits, to ask the front desk to let her back into her room.
She stopped sleeping naked on trips after that.
rachel June 22, 2012, 4:21 pm
I’m a super awkward person and I put my foot in my mouth a lot, but for some reason I can’t think of a specific example right now. So, I’ll just read all of yours and see if it reminds me of something!
kerrycontrary June 22, 2012, 4:24 pm
One time I went to DC for the Fourth of July after my freshman year in college. My friend lived in the area so we were all staying at his house. We went downtown the mall, and I was wearing jean shorts and a white cami with a built in bra (this is when my chest was small enough to actually be supported by such a contraption). My friend and I went to McDonalds to get everyone food. When we walked out we could see it was going to be a huge summer thunderstorm so we started walking back towards our friends thinking we could make it into a museum fast enough. Well we got totally drenched. And I had to go back to his house, on the metro, with my soaked white camisole. I’m sure you can imagine that scene. Everyone just stared at my chest while I tried to cover up….Oh well. Makes for a good memory.
Brad June 22, 2012, 4:58 pm
“Makes for a good memory.” No it doesn’t. I wasn’t there so I can’t remember it. 😀
la-mer June 25, 2012, 12:35 pm
You mean… Makes for a good mammary?
*ba dum dum*
I’m so sorry I couldn’t help myself. Two days late on this thread and I still couldn’t help myself.
TheGirl June 22, 2012, 4:26 pm
I used to have a roommate that moaned in her sleep. Like, full on sexual sounding moans.
MissDre June 22, 2012, 4:51 pm
People say I do that.
rachel June 22, 2012, 5:01 pm
My boyfriend moans. It doesn’t really sound sexual, just odd, haha. It took some getting used to.
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 4:28 pm
Probably the two moments I felt the most awkward in my entire life were when I was 11 years old. I grew up in a household that severely restricted my television watching and what music I listened to. I was at YMCA day camp, and some girls had a Walkman and were talking about how much they loved some boy band. The girls knew how sheltered I was, so the one with the Walkman asked me, “Do you even know Such-And-Such song?” to which I lied – “Yeah, of course, doesn’t everyone?” (I was trying to be cool). She was like, “You can have a turn listening to it, then!” (I’m paraphrasing here) and put headphones on my head and played the song. I tried to mouth the words to it and bob my head… but of course it was obvious I had no effing clue. She called me out on it, “You don’t know that song!” and all the girls laughed at me.
The other time I felt the most embarrassed? I was in 6th grade. I had no sense of fashion whatsoever. I was in class, and I had a red-and-black cow print neck choker in my backpack, so I decided to put it on because it made me feel like I was Britney Spears (she wore a lot of chokers). A kid named Cody actually raised his hand in the middle of a lecture, and said, “Yeah, I’m sorry for interrupting, but I just HAVE to call out SweetsAndBeats on a MAJOR fashion violation!” And all the kids started laughing. The teacher told them to stop laughing but it kept going. I ran to the bathroom and cried.
**Updated for grammatical clarity
SweetPeaG June 22, 2012, 4:43 pm
Ugh kids are assholes!
I remember the time the middle school boys tried to “quiz” me because they knew I was kind of sheltered (like you) as far as the MTV and whatnot goes. They said to me “Oh, do you think TLC is cute?”… because OMG, if I said they were, that would make me such a big lesbo (rolls eyes). To their dismay, I did know who TLC was and I passed the test for the day. They also cornered me and asked me about whether or not I had started my period yet. Really? That was pretty gross and mortifying.
HATE (most) middle school boys. Why are they such little beasts?
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 5:14 pm
Kids really ARE assholes when there aren’t parents to chastise them. Vicious, with no empathy. I was intensely bullied in public school – like, kids would find me hiding in a corner of the recess fields and would kick me and if I tried to run away, they would jump on my back and wrestle me to the ground. Then my parents sent me to charter school after they discovered that public school didn’t have the resources to give me the type of education I needed, and the kids were emotionally cruel (but not as bad as public school). Then, in middle school, it got even worse. I was made fun of so bad during lunch period that I begged my English teacher to let me eat my lunch in his classroom. Then, one day, I came into the room to find that someone had carved into my desk, “SweetsAndBeats is fucking Mr. English Teacher”. It became a running joke… I was in my math class which was after lunch period one time, and the boys who sat around me were saying things like, “I can see white stuff on your teeth and in your hair… Mr. English Teacher got lucky, huh?…” even though there was very obviously NOTHING there and they were just saying those things to fluster me. I was an extraordinarily awkward and introverted person before going to college, but what I experienced as a kid was just plain scarring. I didn’t go to any authorities because frankly, they saw some of the stuff happening and didn’t ever stand up for me, and I figured that tattling would just make my situation worse. I didn’t tell my parents because my home life was very unstable and any additional stress could make my bipolar mother explode.
All this is why I have decided to homeschool my own children, if I ever manage to have any. I’ll take them to clubs and things for socialization, but I will not subject them to a big school where they can get bullied by kids and looked over by teachers. What I went through left me with NO self esteem, and a general fear of all my peers. I don’t want that to happen to my kids.
Caris June 22, 2012, 5:25 pm
Wow. I don’t get why teachers see things like this happening and don’t do anything to stop it.
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 5:43 pm
I really don’t know. You’d think they would take the bullies aside and be like, “What you’re doing is hurtful, please stop, insert-morality-lesson-here” but they never did.
GatorGirl June 22, 2012, 6:00 pm
I had lots of teachers in middle school turn a blind eye. I even got spit on once (really who spits on people) and when I freaked out and started yelling at the guy who did it, I ended up in detention! I too will be HIGHLY selective about school for my children.
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 6:07 pm
That’s awful! I can’t believe how warped the school systems can be. I know that teachers are stretched thin, but it just doesn’t seem right that such things happen so frequently, and without any justice.
painted_lady June 23, 2012, 12:10 pm
I hate bullies. HATE them. I honestly feel so helpless sometimes because some of the kids in my classes are so nasty and mean, and the talking-to thing doesn’t always work. Sometimes it makes it worse. You can’t teach empathy, and those kids don’t see, “My terrible actions got me in trouble.” They see, “That little wimp got me in trouble.” And so maybe it doesn’t happen in my class again, but it happens in the cafeteria where I’m not there to stop it. Or it happens after school, or on facebook or Twitter. Or those kids get sent to the office and they swear on a stack of Bibles it was the other kid doing the bullying, and then that kid gets sent back to class with the lesson that you can always blame someone else, and that I can’t control them. I can tell these kids they’re wrong, but I’m a teacher, not Superman.
I do as much as I can – kids eat lunch in my room, I pair them with the kinder kids in class, I get them into my afterschool program where I can handle things more directly…but ultimately I can’t stop it completely. It is so, so upsetting.
McLovin June 22, 2012, 5:54 pm
It’s horrible that any of that shit has to happen, to anyone. For what it’s worth SweetsAndBeats, I think you’re pretty awesome!
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 5:58 pm
I agree, and it’s part of the reason why I strongly support anti-bullying campaigns. Kids need to learn empathy and kindness from a very early age, and we should be vigilant in calling kids out the second they say something cruel. What helped me get over my past was doing my 4th Step (I’m a recovering addict, just in case you didn’t know). I looked at my memories, the situation, and learned what was really going on. I’ve forgiven all those kids despite never hearing an apology from any of them (sometimes I still wish… but I don’t hold my breath), because I’m sure they didn’t know what they were doing. And thank you, that’s very kind of you to say 🙂
katie June 22, 2012, 5:57 pm
sweets- all i can say, from a homeschooled kid who absolutely hated my life until i got to go to public school, is to not think that everyones experiences will mirror your own. i completely and totally hated my life when i was homeschooled… so maybe give your kids a chance at school before you just seclude them preemptively. they might love it! you never know…
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 6:02 pm
That’s a very good thing to think about! I do plan on having them go through preschool and kindergarten in public school (it’s good for both socialization and immune system fortitude). I’ll open my mind up to how they’re doing after that, to see if public school might be a better option for them. Maybe I’ll let them test the waters once they’re old enough to articulate their opinions?
katie June 22, 2012, 6:13 pm
i definitely think that letting them decide for themselves is the best way to go. and just to be open and honest with your kids about their life and if they are happy in general- then they can actually understand that if school life is terrible, they can feel free to let you know about it.
and also, those homeschooled “clubs” or whatever are not always what they are cracked up to be.. i hated those outings. not fun at all. it was like a bunch of small children cowering behind their moms because they were all too afraid to be anywhere else. so in a way it was cool because i got to do like everything i wanted too (no one else wanted a turn!), but still. no interaction with other kids, just the adults who ran it.
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 6:15 pm
So good to know 🙂 I was thinking more along the lines of doing sports, and learning skills like piano or painting or something. Also just going to the playground and running around, when they’re small, and going to youth groups at church when they’re older.
katie June 22, 2012, 6:26 pm
here were my experiences with those-
for sports, i remember being the “weird homeschooled kid” on a sports team.. the rest of the team knew each other because they went to school together, so i think i was like an outsider in their little world… but, at the same time, i remember having a girl from another school join our gymnastics team in high school, and we loved and accepted her. she wasnt treated as a weird outsider, but i there were a lot of awesome people in my high school.
and going to the playground was also always super awkward and weird for me, because i never knew any of the kids, and i also never knew how to really relate with them or play with them or to just start talking to them… so while i really, really wanted to join the game of tag, i didnt want to be met with a “no, your the weird kid we dont know!” so i never really tried.
i never did any individual skills like piano or anything…
i guess to me, being homeschooled meant that i was different and secluded from everyone else… and i knew that, i knew it very well, and i never liked it. and, i was also made fun of all the time when i was in junior high, and that was at a private christian school. that was terrible, but when i went to public school it was awesome.
so, there you go. lol.
Lili June 22, 2012, 6:37 pm
Being secluded is a horrible feeling 🙁 Sorry you went through that. And its hard to shake that sense of ‘i’m weird/different and excluded because of it’ sense of self doubt. Glad things picked up for you once you got into public school 😀
katie June 22, 2012, 6:56 pm
thanks!
yea it was pretty terrible. and for real, comparing the kids i met in private christian school, and the ones i met in high school, the ones in high school were so much better people… like, the kids in christian school were “good” as a front while the teachers and parents watched… but secretly they had as much sex, did as many drugs, and drank as much as possible… my theory is that the kids in public school had to choose for themselves to be the kind of people they wanted, it wasnt beat into them everyday in bible class, so it actually meant they acted the way they said, you know?
but yea. homeschooling was terrible for me. it might work for other people, but i definitely wish my parents would put me in school from the beginning and let me choose whether i liked it or not. i do like that there are options for kids who dont fit in well with a public or even private school system, but it wasnt for me at all.
SweetsAndBeats June 23, 2012, 12:44 am
Katie – sounds like you’re very much an extrovert. I’m sorry you had to deal with seclusion when you didn’t enjoy it. But thank you for telling me about all these things, because it helps broaden my view.
Anonymous June 22, 2012, 9:14 pm
Hey guys! I’ve been reading DW for forever without commenting, but I felt compelled to respond to this.
I absolutely agree with Katie about letting your kids decide. I think being out of school for those formative years (when the bullying starts) was really important for my brother and me. We were allowed to decide if we wanted to stay home, and we both chose it over going back to school.
We made amazing friends (homeschooled and not) through tons of activities (piano lessons, theatre groups, sports, science classes at community college, etc). We were fortunate enough to have parents who were dedicated to teaching us and also making sure we turned out to be nice people.
It’s not for everyone (and there’s definitely something to be said for socializing kids in preschool-kindergarten age), but we loved it and are now successful adults. (State college and now an Ivy league school is paying me to get my PhD! Thanks, mom and dad. 🙂 )
katie June 22, 2012, 11:12 pm
thats a great homeschooling success story.
i will also freely admit- as will my mom- that my parents SUCKED at homeschooling me. my math class was that “hooked on math” tape series.. and i listened to it in my dad’s office.. and i would absolutely not do it, fast forward the tape, and just play pac man on my dads computer. that was my schooling. it is no surprise that i suck at simple math really bad… lol
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 5:58 pm
Wow, that’s awful. I’m sorry you had to go through that. When I was growing up, there were a couple of kids in my class who would get teased now and then for, say, not running fast enough during PE or for having a crush on somebody, but never like this. (Although I went to Catholic school, not public school, I’m not sure if that makes any difference at all.)
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 6:06 pm
It might have made a difference, but I’m not sure. I see now why I was singled out – I had ZERO social skills, and kept to myself. I dressed strangely because my parents only bought me secondhand clothing and my mother never helped me dress myself. I was obsessed with horses, and was awkward looking (glasses, home-cut hair, gangly). I had imaginary friends because I didn’t have any real friends, and I now realize that that was because almost all the parents did not allow my classmates to interact with me because it was well-known that my mother was mentally ill. A few kids were allowed to hang out with me, but that was limited to a pool party for my birthday and the occasional babysitting situation where I was at the parent’s house. Kids never came to my house. But those kids never acknowledged me at school because I was the pariah, so I was back to zero. It was rough.
Lili June 22, 2012, 6:14 pm
Thanks for sharing this Sweets! I’m amazed to hear about your past because you’re such a compassionate person! WOAH, you’ve overcome a lot 😀 And especially thanks for sharing that about the other parents and your mother…Good reminder that when I’m a parent not to exclude the kid with the mentally ill parent even if thats whats common, it helps no one.
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 6:20 pm
It helps a lot to get it off my chest. I definitely still cannot talk about it in person because I get a little teary-eyed. It still hurts sometimes to remember just how lonely, scared, and shitty I felt as a kid. As for excluding kids with mentally ill parents… I totally, completely understand why the parents did that. I would never in a million years allow a child to be left alone with my mother, she’s too volatile and when she gets going, her moral compass disappears. Of course the parents did not know what abuse I was going through, but they did witness a few times at parent-teacher meetings where my mother went apeshit on my teachers. My mother also just did not “look” like a stable person. But it would definitely help such a kid to have friends, and places to go other than home, on occasion. I remember enjoying being away from my mother so much that I wanted to beg the parents to let me stay for the weekend (I never did because that would have gotten me into trouble, but still…). You might really help improve a kid’s life.
Amanda June 23, 2012, 12:03 pm
Sweets, thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you had to experience those awful things, but you are clearly a strong, compassionate, and overall wonderful person now.
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 6:36 pm
Kids can be so mean, and for what? Because someone looks or acts a little different.
It reminds me of the thread on the forum about the school bus supervisor who was called so many names by these kids on the bus, the video of it made national news, and people were so outraged and have formed a fund for her. What the heck! (er, that’s directed at the bullying…) Of course adults are not always much better sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this, I appreciate how honest you are with your past.
SweetsAndBeats June 23, 2012, 12:47 am
Yes, I’ve been seeing lots of articles about that supervisor. I really feel awful for her. It was painful to listen to the video. I hope those kids are punished… someone in a comments section somewhere suggested that the kids be sentenced to volunteering at an old folks’ home every weekend for a year. Most bullies are just brought into the principal’s office, slapped on the wrist, and made to promise that they won’t bully again (yeah, right). I think they should actually be punished somehow, and maybe even be made to attend a weekly class with their parents. Of course that would never fly, but I think it would work if this were a more perfect world.
Christy June 23, 2012, 8:29 am
I went to Catholic school for 12 years and the kids in my middle school were assholes. Try having a back brace… (and no social skills)
(fwiw)
brendapie June 22, 2012, 7:59 pm
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I had a similar experience growing up and it still affects me. While I was never physically assaulted (aside from one incident where a girl tried to drown me at summer camp), I was teased from a very young age and it still occurs to this day. I was, and still am to a certain extent, very naive and grew up sheltered and not at all familiar with the world around me. Kids would do the same things those boys did to you, where they would ask me seemingly innocent questions in order to trick me and make fun of me. A couple I recall were asking if I was excited for the 1st of the month and if there were any weeds in my house (I grew up in the ghetto).
I could go on and on but I just wanted to say that bullying and teasing is a horrible experience for any person to go through. It has destroyed my self esteem and I find it hard to trust or open up to anyone. I have extreme social anxiety issues and I find myself at age 30 with no friends, career, or love life to speak of. I think if I were to ever have children, I would strongly consider homeschooling. Ultimately I would do what is best for my child and homeschooling may not be a viable option but I would strongly consider it. I just can’t imagine having a child and watching them grow up the way I did.
Lili June 22, 2012, 9:34 pm
Brenda, thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that all these cruel incidents happened to you and left such a mark. I just wanted to chime in to say don’t ever think you don’t have friends-you have the whole DW community as friends!!! we may not all live in the same city, but we’re here online, as fb friends an email buddies, text friends etc. basically whatever kind of friend connection you seek 🙂
JK June 22, 2012, 9:37 pm
WLS.
I really love the DW community. 🙂
brendapie June 22, 2012, 10:02 pm
You’re such a sweetheart! <3 I'm not as vocal as some of the other members of this group but I've been here from the start and I do feel very much invested in our group. I laugh, cry, get upset, get empowered, and pretty much feel like I'm somehow a part of everyone's lives. I've learned a lot just reading all the comments on Wendy's posts and on the forum. I still wish I had a bosom friend (<3 Anne of Green Gables) but I am very much grateful that I can be a part of this online community. =)
Addie Pray June 22, 2012, 10:45 pm
and i’m your friend too!
brendapie June 23, 2012, 2:49 am
Yay! I guess this means I should be more talkative and not lurk in the shadows so much.
Moneypenny June 23, 2012, 2:59 am
Hey Brendapie, this is random, but are you by chance in the Bay Area? I feel like on one of the threads you posted something on an SF related post… If so, I am too! We should be FB friends or something. 🙂
jlyfsh June 22, 2012, 10:10 pm
lili someone said it earlier today, but you really are so sweet! and i agree with you 100% the dw community really is great!
and brendapie i hope you know how awesome of a person you are!
brendapie June 23, 2012, 2:49 am
Thank you, that’s very sweet of you to say. =)
Amanda June 23, 2012, 12:07 pm
WLS indeed! Brenda, I’m going to repeat what I said to Sweets above. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you had to experience those awful things, but you are clearly a strong, compassionate, and wonderful person now. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you? You’re awesome!
SweetsAndBeats June 23, 2012, 12:41 am
It means a lot to me that you shared your story, too. It makes me very sad to read that other people went through such things. I very much relate with you on how even now it is hard to trust or open up to people in real life. I am always afraid that people will turn on me, or that they are just pretending to be nice to me one day so that they can make a joke of me the next. I, just like the rest of the DW community, am here for you, and you will be in my prayers from now on.
jackie_like_the_chan June 23, 2012, 3:51 pm
I just keep hoping that the world my own kids are born into is much more tolerant than the one I was born into. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I’m half asian and it makes for a very interesting life but it was pure hell growing up. I was in a small town and I was the only kid who wasn’t white and possibly inbred… I remember that they used to chant “are you chinese or are you japanese?” While squinting their eyes and chucking my smelly korean lunch in the trash. I never told my parents even when I got into trouble because I yelled back, it was rough. Even the teachers were cruel although they didn’t mean to be, one of my teachers would take me into the corner to repeatedly try to fix the way I pronounced my “r’s” and “l’s”. If/When I have kids I plan to educate them and make them aware enough to understand what tolerance is and also a few witty comebacks to the lovely question “What ARE you?”
Trixy Minx June 25, 2012, 1:15 am
Kids are not the only one who are assholes. I’ve had grown adults try and get me to make fun of a handicapped person that I worked with. I told the customer flat out that his comment was rude and he shouldn’t be mean to the person because of their physical handicap. I finished his transaction and walked away.
MissDre June 22, 2012, 4:44 pm
7th grade, right after a school band concert. After sitting for 2 hours throughout the concert, I got up, was walking around the school halls, chatting with people, when one of the kid’s grandma comes up and whispers to me, “I think you should go to the washroom, you’ve got something on the back of your shorts.” Uh oh… so I go to the bathroom and the back of my WHITE shorts are completely covered in blood. Like, not just a spot. I was soaked!
10th grade… wearing high heeled dress boots. Bent over to pick up a stack of text-books… I guess the heavy books made me lose my balance as I was getting up, I tripped and stumbled and went flying face first into a locker, smashing my nose and lip in front of a crowd of onlookers. I tried to get up and pretend like nothing happened while holding back tears.
Addie Pray June 22, 2012, 4:52 pm
I mentioned this embarrassing moment in the deleted thread. The truth is I’ve had a LOT of embarrassing moments, but this one I’ll remember forever, mostly because my sister loves to talk about it. I was about 8 or so, and I farted really loudly during prayer at camp. It was the fart that was heard around the auditorium! And everyone laughed and they knew it was me because I stood up crying and ran across the auditorium into the arms of my older sister who was a camp counselor. God, I hated that camp, and with that my parents didn’t make me go back ever again. In the end I think my sister was the most embarrassed, because she was a counselor there for several years in a row and I think they often asked her how her gassy sister was doing.
Addie Pray June 22, 2012, 5:04 pm
For those who care, I can fart on command. Really, any time, just say when, and I’ll fart for you. And I can fart really loudly or really quietly. I have complete control over my farts now. Don’t worry, they smell like roses. But, I don’t know how to burb. Like, I can’t do it. When I try, it just sounds like I’m gagging.
(Does everyone still love or did I go too far? This is one of those threads Wendy is going to delete by tomorrow, right?)
Addie Pray June 22, 2012, 5:05 pm
*burp. i don’t know how to *burp*.
rachel June 22, 2012, 5:07 pm
I still love you. It takes more than farts and boogers to gross me out. Though, um, I don’t really want to deal with them coming out of a child either, haha.
I can’t burp on command, but I do burp a lot if I’ve had any soda to drink. Like kind of loudly.
JK June 22, 2012, 6:33 pm
Baby farts are the cutest thing ever.My 1 year old does terribly huge ones (she takes after her dad in that ) and sometimes jumps at them, but usually just laughs. 🙂
Brad June 22, 2012, 5:11 pm
Yes we still love you and now when I fart I’ll just blame it on you and everyone will believe me.
iseeshiny June 22, 2012, 6:34 pm
I CAN’T BURP EITHER!
I can’t fart on command though. I would probably poop myself if I tried, although I have perfected the art of farting silently.
Lili June 22, 2012, 6:39 pm
So YOU’RE the one responsible for the silent but deadlies 😉
Haha kidding <3 you, farts and all 😀
McLovin June 22, 2012, 11:39 pm
My dog is always happy to take the blame for any farts.
Caris June 22, 2012, 5:18 pm
I can burp on command.
Sohara June 22, 2012, 4:56 pm
I am not good at name or facial recognition. I belong to a large organization (Toastmasters) where I’ll meet people at a conference, meet them again, introduce myself (hoping they’ll introduce themselves since I can’t remember who they are) and have them say “I know who you are, we’ve met 3 times.” Always excruciating. On the other hand, if I don’t introduce myself, they may start reminiscing about something we did together (which I may or may not remember) and then it gets even more awkward.
Two awkward events spring to mind. Toastmasters holds contests twice a year. One time I was at a contest and I introduced myself to a guy. I asked him if he’d ever been to a contest before. He looked at me like I’d lost my mind. He said “I guess I didn’t make much of an impression on you. We met last year at a contest. You sat next to me and we chatted for half an hour. I did a speech.” He was obviously hurt and upset. Fortunately, I have a great memory for stories. I apologized and ask what his speech was about. He said “My son and his trombone.” I immediately remembered the story, remembered talking to him and even remembered that he said he and his family were going to a marching band competition the following week. I think I saved myself on that one.
The second awkward moment was worse. I was at another contest, and I was talking to a woman. Another woman walked by and both of us recognized her. I said something about remembering her from last year’s contest and that she was really good. The other woman said something non-commital. I said “I really thought she should have won. I can’t remember who did win.” The other woman said “I did.”
Super awkward.
I said “oh. congratulations. ithinkiseesomeoneiknowoverthere. bye.”
Addie Pray June 22, 2012, 4:57 pm
Wendy, do you have equally strong feelings about eye boogers? Because sometimes when I’m sick I’ll wake up and my entire eyes are crusted shut with crusty eye boogers. Know that feeling?
Also, is it ok to blow your nose at the table? Because I think I do that. Or at least I can’t remember excusing myself to blow my nose, and I’m sure I’ve had occasion to need to blow my nose during a meal. God, now I feel like I may have grossed out people sensitive to snot.
SweetsAndBeats June 22, 2012, 5:17 pm
It’s considered rude to do any bodily functions other than consume food and breathe, at the table. My etiquette class said that you had to leave the room even if all you had to do was wipe your nose.
Brad June 22, 2012, 5:09 pm
So I think many of you have heard me mention that I was that really awkward and painfully shy geek in school. Well when I started high school my mother insisted I join a club at school, which I was not happy about. So I ended up joining the model UN club (because that’s a club that’ll make you a cool kid) because 2 of my friends were in it. Well long story short, I was at my first conference that had roughly 130 students in my room and I had to get up and give a short speech. Well I was pretty nervous about it since it was my first time ever doing it but I got through it pretty OK (not counting the tunnel vision…), or so I thought… Turns out nobody really listened to my speech. And the reason I know this because right after I sat back down the ushers started passing me notes from students (you had to stay seated at your table during session) that told me to XYZ. Yeah. I got about 20 of them…including one from the table of girls behind me, who always gave me really big similes the rest of the conference. Oh high school, how I don’t miss you.
Caris June 22, 2012, 5:16 pm
I think this happened when I was around 16… We were playing volleyball in gym class, it was mixed teams, and it was not only my class (it was boys and girls from 10th grade to 12th grade). We were doing some kind of competition. Anywhoo, I was playing and one of the balls was too low for me to get so I thought it would be a good idea to try to kick it. I kicked the ball alright, but I managed to hit my face with the ball instead of sending it over the net to the other team. It sucked. EVERYONE was watching -__-
Yesterday when I got up from my seat on the bus I hit my head with those thingies that hung down so ppl that go standing up can grab onto something.
A few weeks back I was eating with my friends at school and I ended up telling my friend that the only person missing was her bf. She had broken up with him almost a week ago and I had no idea. It was awful.
I was talking about baldness with 2 friends and we were discussing how if your dad is bald/ing then it was more likely to also be bald. So I ask the guy, so is your dad bald? And as soon as I finished the question I remembered his dad died from cancer about 2 years ago. He said something like: “I bet you are wishing the earth to swallow you right now. LOL” (does that phrase exist in English? )
MJ June 22, 2012, 5:55 pm
Yes, it does! Not many young people would use it, I don’t think, but it exists 🙂
McLovin June 22, 2012, 5:25 pm
I ordered the Balsac(k) Vinaigrette once at a very nice Italian restaurant. The Server just smiled at me and said “that sounds lovely, I’ll be right back with your order.”
*HmC* June 22, 2012, 5:54 pm
My favorite thing to order at this amazing local french restaurant is the balzac crepe. I can never order it with a straight face.
jlyfsh June 22, 2012, 5:32 pm
i am so awkward. i have many stories but two stand out in my mind.
the first when i was about 11. i had only started my period about 2 months before and was still using pads. it was summer and all my friends were going to the pool. i wanted to go that night so my mom took all of us to the indoor pool where we lived. i was sitting on a chair next to the pool talking to my friends who were swimming. they wanted me to throw something one of those things that sinks to the bottom that you have to see who can swim the fastest to get. anyway, somehow i forgot to let go when i threw it and i lost my balance and i fell in to the pool. i was fully clothed, soaking wet and mortified. and the worst thing was my mom laughed at me the entire time too! i’m sure if i had been in her shoes i would have laughed too but at the time i thought my life was over, haha.
then in 8th grade i got in to the national junior honor society and there was a ceremony after school one night. we all had to walk up, get our plaque and then walk up bleachers to our place in line, something happened after but i can’t remember what because while walking up the bleacher thingy to my spot my shoe got stuck. like stuck to the point where i had to stop, take my shoe off, and then rip it out, the bleacher even stole part of my shoe. i was mortified because the whole thing was RECORDED, haha. years later one of my friend’s parents hired me in my first real job and reminded me that he still remembered me doing that. i had so hoped everyone had forgotten that, but nope they had not.
oh! and then one time in high school gym while playing volleyball i hit one of the popular kids in the face and gave them a bloody nose when serving the ball. i was pretty sure life was over then too.
i’m probably going to be thinking of these awful awkward things i did for the rest of the night now, haha.
Kristina June 22, 2012, 5:44 pm
Going clubbing with your mom, dad, and older brother = awkward. It was my idea and I was 16 or 17 so I thought why the hell not. My family has done lots of crazy things together, but this is one I would never do again. It was so freaking awkward to have my dad right there while older guys were hitting on me and dancing with me. The dumbass teenager in me thought I could go make out with a guy in another part of the club–only to have my dad follow me and pull me away.
On my 16th birthday, I was so happy to be able to get my driver’s permit, that I went down to the town hall with my mom to get a copy of my birth certificate. When they gave me the copy, I noticed that my name had been changed since I was born. I didn’t know that Kristina wasn’t my birth name, and to find out from seeing my birth certificate and not from my parents was super awkward. I asked the clerk if it was a mistake because I was so sure that my name had always been Kristina.
My mom used to take me to bars when I was underage and order me drinks and we would hang out and chat and eat. One time, I had quite a few drinks in me, and I was trying to get over an ex, so my mom is trying to make me feel better and laugh. She asks me what one of my favorite things to do in bed is, and I stupidly answer. She then uses that opportunity to talk about her sex life in great detail with my dad. Oh so awkward. I just can’t undo my ‘knowledge’ on that now.
Oh, I have so many awkward moments I could think of.
SpaceySteph June 22, 2012, 6:10 pm
So now I’m dying to know what your birth name was!
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 6:22 pm
me too!
Kristina June 22, 2012, 7:19 pm
It was Kriste – yes that spelling (pronounced Kristi) but my dad hated it and so my parents changed it eventually. It’s not a major change but it still shocked me enough to find out years later.
Amy June 25, 2012, 2:55 pm
My grandpa thought his name was Jesse – after his grandfather. His mother would never give him his birth certificate but finally when he needed it in order to start collecting social security at age 65 my grandma insisted that his mother give it to them. My great grandma sat my grandma down and said… “Well – there’s a story with this birth certificate…”. Turns out my Grandpa’s name was Ronald and then his parents changed their mind about that name and wished they’d have named him Jesse. But he never officially had his name changed until he was 65 years old!!!
*HmC* June 22, 2012, 5:50 pm
I was thirteen years old, super lanky and rail thin, with a face full of braces and acne. I was painfully shy, like I *literally* felt pain being around too many people. So when my parents sent my sister and I to Summer camp, and I felt safe enough to begin coming out of my shell and making friends, I felt so incredibly happy with my progress. I even got myself a little boyfriend, we’ll call him C- and he was the most popular guy in camp. I was an extremely naive and innocent thirteen year old, so at that point our “relationship” consisted mostly of making each other lanyards, passing each other notes, and telling other people that we “like liked” each other. I was floating on a dream.
The camp had this huge pool, and I had always been an excellent swimmer but too afraid to learn diving. With my newfound confidence intact, I began to love diving! I would practice and practice in the deep end of the pool, always excited at how much more vertical and precise I could make each dive.
One day I was practicing my dives, and a group of kids was splashing around in the opposite end of the pool. I dove in, and I must have angled myself too horizontal or something, because instead of shooting to the bottom of the pool, I shot across the bottom. Before I even knew what was happening, my face was full of weird material. And skin… omg… someone’s crotch! Me and the crotch struggled frantically to get away from each other, and I caught a glimpse of a male’s testicles for the first time in my life(!) … I pulled my face away hysterically and, ouch, my mouth hurt! And I couldn’t pull away! My braces were stuck to someone’s bathing suit! I made it to the surface for air, bathing suit crotch still in tow on my braces. And I met the eyes of my “boyfriend”, who was shrieking that my braces were caught on his balls!
I don’t recall exactly how I finally disentangled myself. It was all kind of a blur of balls and braces and his horrified face at that point. I know that when we finally unattached ourselves, he went screaming out of the pool, super pissed off and pink with embarrassment. It was only after he was gone that I noticed the kids around us laughing their asses off. So I ran away too, back to my cabin. C and I had a few awkward conversations until the end of camp- we never discussed the incident, and sadly, our “relationship” didn’t make it.
rachel June 22, 2012, 6:38 pm
I think you win.
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 7:25 pm
I agree. I was trying hard to not laugh out loud at work but it just made me near-tears. Sorry, HmC, I know it’s at your expense…
*HmC* June 22, 2012, 7:39 pm
Well I’m (nearly) over the mortification at this point, so the story might as well be used for entertainment purposes!
MertleJ June 25, 2012, 12:34 am
I was laughing so hard I just woke my husband up! You know when you are giggling like crazy and then kind of choke on it because you are trying to be quiet? Yeah, that happened.
Balls and braces ftw!
Ravage Maladie June 24, 2012, 4:21 am
Well, this is the first post that had me doing my ugly laughter shriek (in an empty room), so I concur, you win.
MsMisery June 25, 2012, 1:23 pm
Oh, that story is the best/worst!! Borst?!? Agreed- you win.
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 6:21 pm
I can think of a couple of incidents that were particularly mortifying, at the time.
I went to an all-girls’ high school. So that meant that already shy me felt even more stunted in my interactions with guys. I also sometimes took the bus home from school (the county-transit kind), which also stopped near the local all-boys’ school. So yay, I could actually ogle some guys for once! Well, one day when I was a freshman, there was a large group of guys on the bus, and then I had to get up to get off. Of course I wanted to looks cool and all, walking past them. As I was walking to the front of the bus, it hit a huge pothole, which sent my flying down the aisle. Well, I managed to save myself from landing on my face by running full tilt down the aisle, and I grabbed the bar at the very front to keep myself from hitting the window. As I was running I just remember the bus full of these guys pulling their feet back out of my way. Oof.
My second story was when I was 21 and it was my first day of a summer internship. A group in my department had taken me and another intern out to lunch. We were all walking back through the office when we passed the restrooms. I was at the front, and decided to stop in to the ladies’ room. But instead, in front of everyone I would be working with, including the bosses, I walked right into the men’s room. I didn’t realize it, and thought, this is funny, why is there a urinal in here? Then one of the managers walked in (who was part of the lunch group) and and said, um, I think you’re in the wrong bathroom and laughed, and everyone else laughed, including me, but it was really embarrassing. The luckiest thing was that there was *nobody* in the bathroom, so I didn’t accidentally walk in on someone actually using that urinal. That would have been even worse.
Kristina June 22, 2012, 7:27 pm
Oh my! Whenever I am in a new place and going to the bathroom, I always double check to make sure I don’t walk into the wrong one–it’s never happened to me, but I would be mortified if it did. And I hate when a restaurant tries to be all funny by renaming the restrooms to something like “Blokes” and “Shellys” because then I freak out I’ll walk into the wrong one.
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 10:43 pm
Ohh, I hate that too! I always have to pause when the bathrooms are labeled something else. Or they just have some picture on the door, and I have to stare at it to get a clue if it’s the men’s or the women’s room. Why do places just make things so difficult sometimes?
Ravage Maladie June 24, 2012, 4:28 am
Ugh, I know. How am I supposed to understand?
“Hello customer! Well indeed, in our universe a rectangle equals the male form and an artfully shaped triangle equals…you! Whoops, got you there, didn’t we?”
Laura June 24, 2012, 12:01 am
Oy; there’s a restaurant/pub in Pensacola that tries to be “funny” with their bathroom signs, and they have the labels backwards (Men’s on the Ladies’ side, and vice versa) and then very tiny underneath they have little arrows indicating the bathroom is actually on the opposite side. So people walk into the wrong bathroom all the time. Like myself. And then you see urinals and are all confused. And then you give awkward nods to the guys walking in…
And now that I think about it, this is way worse for females because really, if a guy walked into the ladies’ room, what’s the worst that he would see? Someone applying makeup?
Moneypenny June 24, 2012, 1:14 am
Yikes!!! That would be so awkward to walk into the men’s room and see guys at urinals. Not something I need to see when I’m out for dinner, thanks.
Laura June 24, 2012, 5:40 pm
Yeah, I was so very embarrassed walking out and then when I went to go tell my ex, he laughed because he knew and wanted it to be “fun” for me. SOOO different for girls!
JK June 22, 2012, 6:50 pm
I´m loving all these stories.
I´m sure I´ll remember a lot more during the weekend (I´m a very awkward person), but for now:
A few months into dating my husband we were invited for a holiday get together at the house of some friends of my inlaws, a prominent political family from that district. I´m really shy, so upon meeting people for the 1st time I usually try to blend in as much as possible. So there´s like 30 or more people all sitting around a huge table, eating, drinking, being merry… when the chair I was sitting on split in half, and I ended up sitting on the floor, with a sore butt, one of those horrible silences, everybody looking at me, and (once they realized I was intact-except for my pride) laughing. ANd ever since then whenever wesee any of those people it´s “the” story that gets told.
Another: when I was living in NZ my mother really missed Argentina, so she would always somehow end up as a trnslator/host for any argentinians that ended up in NZ. One time (I was 13) there was a delegation of gymnasts, the whole group, my siblings, mum and I were going to take a day trip to Rotorua. The tour bus went to pick up my siblings and I at my grandmother´s house, while they were waiting I went from standing still to being flat on my butt in the middle of the driveway,and in full view of the whole busload of gymnasts.
Amybelle June 22, 2012, 6:55 pm
I’m a nurse, and was working at a small community hospital when I was pregnant with my twins. The wife of one of the doctors that I was friendly with was also pregnant, and he and I would talk about pregnancy stuff all the time. I had just found out that I was having twins, and we were talking about that when I said “I kind of hope they’re not identical because identical twins creep me out”. He says “I’m an identical twin” Awkward!
Lindsay June 22, 2012, 7:07 pm
To fulfill a phys ed requirement in college, I got stuck with jogging class. Somewhere along the line, I sprained my foot. Mostly likely because I ran in flip-flops to catch a bus one night, and then the next day, ran several miles in class. Anyway, I was out of class for a few weeks. When I got back, my teacher made us play tag, for whatever reason. I was “it,” but because my foot was still kind of stiff, I was super slow. I chased people for a while but was never able to catch anyone, even some of the people who were normally slow-pokes. Finally, the teacher chose someone else to be “it” when she realized I was never going to tag anyone. It was like middle school gym class all over again.
SpaceySteph June 22, 2012, 6:16 pm
I don’t remember any scarring childhood stories. Probably blocked them all out.
Last year, after I’d been dating my now-fiancé for about a year, we were at happy hour with a bunch of my coworkers who are also pretty good friends. Someone mentions a movie and my fiancé says “Oh I want to see that!” And I was like “we saw that in theaters!” “No we didn’t.”
“Sure we did. We went to the one up in town, right near the Ikea, and you were telling me about how you wanted to make retractable wolverine claws for Halloween one year and…” I had a clear mental picture of the building, the parking lot, everything. But as I’m talking I see this look of disbelief on his face, that I live in such a rich fantasy world that I have made up such a detailed story that NEVER HAPPENED. And that’s when I remembered…
That was a date with the guy I dated right before I started dating him. Everyone at the table laughed at me. And to this day my fiancé will say things like “Are you sure that wasn’t with the last boyfriend?” every time he doesn’t remember whatever I’m talking about. Whoops.
JK June 22, 2012, 6:39 pm
I do that to my husband whenever he insists he saw a certain movie with me, and I´m damn sure it wasn´t me (for the record, my memory is A LOT better than his!) As long as the movie came out more than 10 years ago it´s OK. 🙂
Laura June 24, 2012, 5:38 pm
I did that with my ex, and it was regarding this aquarium that I’ve been to with TWO other exes…oops. Although, thankfully, I didn’t have that memory lapse in front of others. My ex also liked to say the same “are you sure that wasn’t with another boyfriend?” when he didn’t remember something I was talking about.
JK June 22, 2012, 7:49 pm
This actually happened to a friend of mine (really): she was getting onto a bus, ith a bag in each hand, wearing one of those floor length elastic waist hindu skirts. When going up the steps (some buses here have really high narrow steps) she stood on the hem of her skirt, causing it to drop, showing everybody on board her underwear. Since she couldn´t fix it with her hands full she threw one of the bags on the floor, fixed the skirt, got her ticket (totally embarrassed), and was on her way to a seat, when the bus driver called after her” You dropped something”. My friend thaought he was teasing her about the skirt, so she started swearing at him.. until the bus driver said no, you dropped one of the bags you were holding. So a double embarrassment.
Trixy Minx June 22, 2012, 7:51 pm
One time I told a customer that I thought was hot that the cocks were down x aisle instead of caulking.
Moneypenny June 22, 2012, 10:45 pm
Oh my goodness. That sounds like something I would do.
Trixy Minx June 23, 2012, 12:56 am
It was terrible. He just looked at me and when I realized what I had just said my face turned beat red.
Slamy June 22, 2012, 7:24 pm
this happened a few years ago. this is the story of when i learned not to pee in the pool. i forgot that i had taken an AZO tablet, which turns your pee a bright bright orange color. i’m swimming with my ex-bf, and i dont want to get out to pee. so, i think i’m being all stealthy, and i just go for it. then my ex points, with a horrified look on his face, at the HUGE orange cloud in the water.
we left immediately, and i’ve never peed in another pool since.
ImAnonymousNow June 22, 2012, 9:15 pm
You look gorgeous in that picture, Wendy. Your hair is wonderful!
Kimothy June 22, 2012, 9:26 pm
When I was about 14, one day I was late for school and on my period so I hastily packed some pads in my bag’s side pocket. In class the teacher went out for a few minutes so the boys grabbed peoples bags and started chucking them about. It turns out the zip on my bag wasn’t very good and it burst open as they threw it and my pads flew across the room in front of everyone.
I had an awkward moment just a few minutes ago. we’ve got quite a small house with a lot of people in. My room is directly across from the bathroom(as well as two others right next to it) and the toilet is straight in front of the door. I walked out of my room to go downstairs and BAM face full of my flatmate’s friend peeing. He hadn’t even bothered to close the door too at all – who does that in someone else’s place?
brendapie June 22, 2012, 9:55 pm
My K-8 school didn’t have a structured PE class so I was very uncoordinated when doing any athletic activity. High school was the first time I was taught how to play sports but I pretty much failed at all my attempts.
One day our coach set up an obstacle course in the gym, timing us and evaluating our technique. The first step was to do push ups for a minute. Not too bad right?
Well I had never done a push up in my life until that moment and I had no idea what I was doing. I got in position and started lowering my body but I locked my elbows so pretty much only my hips were going up and down. So I was pretty much thrusting in front of my whole gym class.
Everyone was laughing and I had no idea why until after the fact. My coach could barely hold his composure and just said nevermind and to go ahead with the rest of the exercise. I was MORTIFIED and I can still hear my classmates laughing in my head.
sobriquet June 23, 2012, 2:12 am
Gym class stories! I transferred to a new high school at the end of my junior year and lacked a phys ed credit, so they stuck me in PE. Each morning we would meet in a health class to watch channel 1 news (do they still have that?) before going to the gym. Well, I hit it off with a guy a couple weeks after moving and he happened to be in said health class. Unfortunately, one day the health class teacher was out sick and so the entire class sat inside the gym watching us work out. Like, they sat in the bleachers and stared at us while we did stretches and ran laps. Humiliating! Later my new boyfriend commented on how I couldn’t even touch my toes. Sweet guy, that one.
Nina June 22, 2012, 10:05 pm
I was mercilessly teased during my school years. When we used to have gym class and change, everyone saw my underwear. This would have been normal, had I been able to wear my own underwear. My mom wouldn’t let me have my own underwear, and I was forced to wear her large granny panties. Naturally, everyone could see them when I changed into my gym clothes. I tried to roll down the top to make them less noticeable, but as you can well imagine that didn’t work very well 🙂
Whats another story? I have so many! When I told my mom I had my first period, she started bawling and ran downstairs to tell my 16 year old brother (who was none to pleased to hear this new information!). Then she proceeded to call my entire family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends…) and share the news. Did I mention it was about 10 at night? Haha.
sobriquet June 23, 2012, 1:16 am
I got a temp job working in the Capitol (in Austin) when I was 20 years old. I was working as a receptionist for the state representative from El Paso. It was kush job that involved a few free lunches and lots of sudoku playing. Most of the time it was just me and her two male employees in the office. One time I answered the phone and said: “Hello, you’ve reached… cough cough cough cough’s office, how may I help you?” I totally forgot her name! It was the most awkward moment of my life, especially when one of the dudes wheeled his chair out of the conference room and looked at me like I was a complete idiot. Cringe worthy.
Also, once, I queefed while a guy was going down on me and followed it with an awkward apology. So, there’s that.
CatsMeow June 23, 2012, 12:38 pm
WOW I have so many embarrassing stories. Many of them involve falling – like the time I fell off the stage when giving the maid of honor speech/toast at my best friend’s wedding (I’ve told that story here before), or the time I fell off the bed when trying to hook up with a guy for the first time (not sexy).
BUT I’ll tell you guys something even better. When I was 19, I had JUST broken up with my first boyfriend, and I was also going through what I now call my pseudo-rebellious stage. I had a huge crush on this older guy who was in a band, and he lived with a couple other dudes in this house. And it was SUCH a party house – people would stop by randomly all the time and just smoke weed and drink and whatever. Sooo like I said, I was recently broken up, and I ended up spending the night at this guy’s house. Apparently, my mom woke up and realized I wasn’t home, so she started freaking out. This guy happened to live on a street that she drove on to get to work, so when she saw my car there, she stopped. She went up and started BANGING on the door. My crush didn’t know who it was, so he got up and answered the door in his boxers, saw my angry mother, stood there like a deer in headlights for a minute, and then without saying a word just turned around and then went back to his bedroom and woke me up. He was like, “Dude go get the door, YOUR MOM IS HERE.” And I just went, “No!!!” and we argued back and forth. He had to MAKE me to talk to my mom. I have no idea how long she was standing out there on the porch, which was undoubtedly covered with empty beer cans and such. I don’t even remember what I said to her to calm her down, but I think I lied and told her that he has bunk beds and I slept on the top bunk! (I’m pretty sure she bought it, right?)
I found out later that when she had woken up and realized I wasn’t home, the first person she called was my ex. “Hey, Cats didn’t come home last night – is she with you?” She didn’t know we had broken up. AWKWARD on sooooo many levels.
Orca June 23, 2012, 3:49 pm
In high school I was at an out of town swim meet and staying at a small hotel with a pool / jacuzzi. I wandered out to that area alone late in the evening when it was all dark and quiet and peaceful and slipped into the jacuzzi and stepped on a BODY! With my relatively new lifeguard skills, I reached down into the bottom of the jacuzzi and tried to grab ahold of the body and couldn’t get a grip – slippery – until I finally got a grip of the the person via the tiny strip of fabric at the hip of his Speedo swimming suit and pulled up a gasping, snorting boy of my own age! He was fine. Apparently he had just been goofing around sinking down there to see how long he could hold his breath, etc. I simply hadn’t seen him when I came out to the pool. So we both sat down in the jacuzzi and looked at each other……..but what could you say after I had practically ripped his swimsuit off? Eventually he got out and left…… Awkward…..
Traci June 25, 2012, 10:54 am
This happened to my best friend but it’s too good not to share. She was in the middle of getting a divorce from her husband and had found an apartment to rent. For all of the reasons you can imagine, she wanted to get moved quickly. We had thrown stuff in garbage bags, boxes we didn’t tape or label and even laundry baskets and just thrown them in our cars. We needed help with the big stuff and because of the short notice there weren’t a lot of guys (dads, brothers, etc.) to help. Her soon to be ex wasn’t a real treat to be around but he wasn’t a monster either and he and one of his friends (who is actually a really good guy) agreed to help. Emptying out the last few garbage bags from the back of his truck, the husband’s friend dropped one and it split open and her vibrator rolled out and right onto his foot and we all happened to be standing right there. It was so awkward yet so funny that even my best friend laughs when the story is told.