We’re trying something new this week and instead of ending the week with a weekly wrap up, I’m starting the weekend with a weekend open thread. What does this mean? Anything you want it to mean! This is your place to discuss whatever the hell’s on your mind, connect with other DW readers, get feedback on relationship issues you might have that don’t necessitate a full column, or just talk about what you’re up to this weekend. Here are a few conversation starters to get things going:
1. What was your most recent fight with your significant other about?
2. If you and your significant other have a song, what is it? (Drew’s and my song is above).
3. What are you doing this weekend?
4. Tell us a joke.
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MissDre March 18, 2011, 6:32 pm
I haven’t had a fight with my bf in a long while. But I feel like he’s being a bit distant over the past week or maybe two. Normally he’s the sweetest, most attentive boyfriend ever. I’m not sure if I’ve done something wrong, or if he’s just tired out from working 2 jobs (he gets up at 2:30am, 6 days a week, and works until 4pm). He always says yes to seeing me whenever I ask, and we still have fun together. But sometimes he just gets quiet for no reason. And he doesn’t text me goodmorning/goodnight very often anymore. I’m hoping that it’s just me being insecure, and that if I give him some space and/or alone time things will get back to normal.
Ps. This weekend I am going to the agricultural museum to see all the baby animals that were born this week. Baby cows, baby goats, baby lambs, etc. Very excited! (just wanted to throw something positive in my post)
HmC March 18, 2011, 6:51 pm
How long have you guys been together MissDre? I’ve been with my bf for 9 months now and I’ve recently noticed a decrease in lovey dovey texts… but I’m not worried because otherwise things are great- he’s very attentive and vocal about his feelings, initiates hanging out all the time etc. From your posts it’s clear that you’re a smart woman, so I’m sure that you understand that the health of a relationship is more about the bigger picture and how you feel around someone and what your gut tells you, than about any one arbitrary measure like text frequency. Also your guy sounds like he has a reason to be legitimately tired!
At the end of the day, relationships are supposed to be fun and fulfilling! But there’s going to be an ebb and flow of affection and enjoyment, even when there’s a great connection and mutual desire to be in the relationship. Ultimately, if he drifts completely away from you or things fall apart for whatever reason, you can deal with that when it happens and know that you can’t force these things anyway. 🙂
eel avocado March 18, 2011, 8:00 pm
I LOVE your second paragraph! So true. 🙂
eel avocado March 18, 2011, 7:55 pm
MissDre, I feel for you! My long distance boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is also very sweet and attentive…but was recently been quiet and distant as well. He was unemployed in the financial industry for about 2 years and finally got a full-time position. He is now TOO busy! He kept his part-time job (15 hours per week?) and is continuing to study for his MBA even though he now has a full-time job.
I spoke with him about the “quietness” and he blamed it on stress. I gave him his space for a few weeks and now things are better than ever. From what you wrote about your boyfriend’s schedule, it seems like it could be a similar situation. Talking to my boyfriend about it gave me peace of mind and let me know that there wasn’t anything wrong in our relationship. If giving him space doesn’t work, maybe you should consider communicating your worries to him?
And the agricultural museum sounds like fun! 🙂
Ally March 19, 2011, 7:27 am
My boyfriend sometimes goes quiet and distant, I think it’s because he finds it hard to express what is bothering him. I’m more of a talker so I can find his silence quite worrying. In the past I tried pressing him to talk about ‘it’ whatever it is, which just makes him annoyed – so I think giving him some space is a good idea.
I would also suggest that you tell him how you feel, not in a guilt trip kind of way, just express that you know how busy his schedule is and how tiring that must be, but when he’s so quiet it makes you worry about what is wrong. Maybe being quiet is his way of dealing or just relaxing, so make sure he knows that if something is bothering him he can talk to you about it – but if he’s just tired or stressed you’d appreciate knowing that too! Then you can allow him to be quiet and enjoy your time together without worrying that you’ve done something wrong.
Also enjoy the baby animals, how cute! 🙂
MissDre March 19, 2011, 11:02 am
Hi Ladies! Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months now. And yes, the bigger picture is what matters. Thanks for reminding me of that! After I told him that he could have the weekend to himself to catch up on sleep, his response was, “Why? Are you getting tired of me finally?” with a big smile. So, he will be coming to see the baby animals with me today and I feel silly for worrying. I guess he gets quiet, it’s really just from being tired. I’m doing my best to support his second job and let him know that I’m proud of him for doing what it takes to make his dreams come true!
Enjoy your weekend girls, and thanks again!
Hot Sandwich March 18, 2011, 6:43 pm
My boyfriend and I haven’t had a real fight yet. We’ve made playful jabs at each other, but that’s about it. Right now he’s in the big ol’ ocean so what little communication we have is mostly “I miss you” or “Today I did x.” I’m actually a little worried about when we have a fight, because we’re both so compromising. I’m afraid we’ll both agree to mutually unsatisfying resolutions.
Kristina March 19, 2011, 4:43 pm
I know what you mean about a mutually unsatisfying resolution. I’m a pacifist and I hate fighting in relationships because I grew up with the constant yelling and screaming from my parents on a daily basis. When it comes to relationships, I try hard to make sure I don’t agree to something I don’t want to just to get the disagreement over with.
AKchic March 18, 2011, 6:50 pm
Me and my SO? We’re lame. The biggest thing we fight over is the lights. Yes, seriously, the lights. I’m an insomniac and an admitted bibliophile. If I can’t sleep, I read. In bed. He can’t stand it because the light keeps him up. Some nights, I’m tired enough to sleep, but in too much pain (I also have a pain condition and take enough pain killers to make an elephant permanently loopy). On those nights, he’s more understanding and doesn’t bitch about the lamp being on, since I really can’t MOVE in order to go downstairs to the living room to read. But on those non-flare up nights – oooo, the snippy little arguments we get into. I swear we sound like a couple of old bitchy cats sitting on the porch after the sun went behind a cloud.
This weekend? Tomorrow is the standard AM grocery shopping marathon (four boys in the house under 11). Then we come home, I’ll work on some laundry, get the sidewalk shoveled again (we’re dealing with 4 inches of snow from yesterday and it’s all melting and freezing overnight) and putting down MORE ice melt. In the evening: Movie marathon with the kids with fruit and veggie trays. Sunday is the Equinox. The kids are going to help prepare an Ostara dinner.
Ally March 19, 2011, 7:31 am
Get a book light! Seriously, they are awesome. I can now read to silly o’clock, while the boyfriend gets his beauty sleep. 🙂
AKchic March 19, 2011, 3:10 pm
The kids keep taking off with them. And the cat. *laugh* I’ve had them before but they always end up “missing”. One even had it’s innards used in a science fair project.
It’s pretty rare that we have this particular tiff. Like I said, usually, I’m downstairs to read. Flare-ups are the only time we have problems, but he’s better about it then because I’m in too much pain to move and I’m medicated to boot.
WatersEdge March 18, 2011, 6:51 pm
Ok, so the argument that had me all crazy this week went a little something like this.
My husband didn’t invite me to his uncle’s funeral. He made the plans to go without me, then told me about them. We’ve only been married a few months and he forgets to think in terms of “us”. So I got upset because family is very important to me and I felt excluded. He countered that he wasn’t close with this guy and the funeral was going to be boring- he didn’t invite me because, why would I want to go?
Then, when he was out of town, he didn’t call to say good night (he NEVER does!- ugh). He did text me at 1 AM. So the next morning I texted and asked him what he was doing that he was still up at 1 AM but didn’t call to say goodnight. He took that text as an insult implying a lack of trust on my part and ignored it. I took his silence to imply guilt over doing something bad. I called a few times, because texting creates conflict sometimes, and he didn’t answer out of anger. As the hours passed and he avoided all communication, I went from being annoyed that he didn’t call to genuinely fearful that he cheated on me. When he finally did call, I lost it on him. I spent the whole day in a growing panic that he was refusing to talk to me until he got home because he cheated on me and didn’t want to tell me over the phone. He later said he didn’t realize he was being such an a-hole, he was just annoyed and didn’t want to dignify it with a response. I told him that he has no right to refuse to tell me where he is when he’s out late with strangers and that if he acts shady, then he loses the benefit of the doubt. We resolved it, for now. But him not calling at night when he’s away and me thinking he’s cheating on me due to my history of cheaters are two of our longstanding issues.
WatersEdge March 18, 2011, 6:54 pm
Oh, and our song is “You’re My Home” by Billy Joel. This weekend I have no idea what we’ll do. We DVR Jersey Shore and get drunk and watch it most Friday nights. We’ll probably go for a run and then out to dinner, then home to get drunk and see what’s up with Ron and Sam now. It’s my trashy, trashy vice. And I love it!
princesspetticoat March 19, 2011, 1:17 pm
Haha ooooooooh Ron and Sam. There’s a couple living in the apartment just down the hall from us that have ridiculous screaming fights every so often and we refer to them as Ron and Sam. But their apartment just sold so we suspect that, unlike their Jersey Shore counterparts, they may have realized that they probably shouldnt be together.
Desiree March 18, 2011, 7:30 pm
I doubt he misbehaved, but I understand the insecurity. Let’s just say there has been a shortage of trustworthy men in my life. My boyfriend, on nights out, always says he will call when he gets back, but then doesn’t call because he gets in WAY too late. I wouldn’t care if he told me he was going to be out late and therefore wouldn’t call; however, I become annoyed when he voluntarily promises to call (I don’t ask for it), and then doesn’t. If I wanted to wait for a guy to call who never does, I wouldn’t bother with being in a relationship with a “nice guy.” Other than this quirk, he is quite lovely, though. : ) I hope you can get your husband to understand on this issue.
thyme March 18, 2011, 7:51 pm
I KNOW! I have had this experience with lots of guys. Don’t tell me you’re going to do something if you’re not!
It’s like when he tells me he’s going to be home at 7, but doesn’t show up until 8. When I call him on it, he says he was really busy at work and he couldn’t be home that early and blah blah blah. OK, so then why did you tell me you’d be home at 7? He told me 7 because he thought it was the “right” answer. No, I want to know when you will REALLY be home, not when you would like to be home–so that I can plan my evening accordingly!
I tell him, “Next time, tell me 9, so that when you show up at 8 I’ll be happy that you are early instead of pissed that you are late!”
eel avocado March 18, 2011, 8:10 pm
Haha, I can relate. My boyfriend is chronically late. It’s one of his few quirks, so I put up with it because he’s otherwise an amazing guy and boyfriend. We’re long distance, so when he would visit, I knew to tack on an extra hour or two (to his two-hour drive) before I’d expect him. Now, he just texts me when he leaves his house!
PinkPanther March 18, 2011, 8:22 pm
Haha! My boyfriend is the same way. We were long distance a few years ago and I would do the same thing by adding time onto his drive time. It was actually somewhat amusing how good I got at predicting is actual arrival time.
Jessicaxmx March 18, 2011, 9:58 pm
OMG! I’m glad I am not the only one. Now I have it down to where if my boyfriend tells me he will be home in five minutes, I tell myself that he really means 20 minutes. I am so anal about time and he ISN’T. And sometimes it gets to me because I am always on time but he always runs late. At first it was cute but now it’s kind of annoying. He knows how am I about time I can tell he tries really hard sometimes. Sometimes it bothers me but I just rather not saying anything and get into an argument.
MissDre March 19, 2011, 11:07 am
ME TOO! I always add half an hour to whatever time he gives me. Otherwise it causes a fight. I’m mad that he’s late, he says “What’s an extra 30 minutes?” and we never agree. So I let it go. Gives me extra time to get my laundry done anyway…
Maracuya March 19, 2011, 12:29 pm
I feel bad because I am one of those people 😛 I’m slowly improving though!
Eagle Eye March 19, 2011, 8:59 pm
The worst part is that while he is always late (just add 20 to 30 min to any time approximations) he thinks that he’s habitually on time!
lee March 18, 2011, 6:56 pm
I don’t have a significant other and this weekend I’m going to spend it studying. Feel sorry for me!
I’d like to add that I just read the article Greg linked to in the porn post and that guy obsessed with Sasha Grey and Kasey Fox, I just– I don’t– I can’t even!
Stephanie March 18, 2011, 7:21 pm
same here! so much studying my brain hurts just thinking about it. well studying/thinking about my ex that i really shouldn’t be thinking about lol
is he an ex even if we never made it to bf/gf? we dated for six months long distance and were both monogamous for most of that tho we never discussed it
Desiree March 18, 2011, 7:33 pm
I think you can count that as an ex. Six months is a fair investment of time and (since you are still thinking about him) feeling.
MissDre March 19, 2011, 11:09 am
You’ll be laughing when you’re making your way to the bank as a result of all that studying 🙂 Way to go!!!
sarolabelle March 18, 2011, 7:33 pm
My biggest issue with my bf is that he seems to never want to come over to my neck of the woods. We live 40 miles from each other and he lives closer to the big city than I do, so if we ever do anything in the city I usually go to his place and then we go from there. He has been to my house 3 times this year and I’ve been to his house at least once every weekend so far in 2011. I don’t know….he does many other things that are sweet but I wish he would come see me more.
That being said, on Saturday we are going to a party of his neighbors and on Sunday I’m try to get him to come to me and then we can hang out at my place and go to dinner with my sister and her bf.
SpaceySteph March 21, 2011, 12:16 am
I feel your pain. Me and my dear bf live only 20 miles apart but due to terrible traffic it can take an hour to get between them at rush hour (which is more like rush three-hours around here.) I live closer to the city while he lives closer to work. During the week he rarely makes the trek to my side of town and I am faced with either not seeing him or not seeing my house.
We fight about it a lot. This weekend he stayed at my house Saturday night and even helped me with hanging some things in the garage so maybe he’s coming around!
LennyBee March 18, 2011, 8:12 pm
My guy and I never fight – we’re both confrontation-avoiders, so if we’re frustrated about something, we just mention it at the next opportunity (ie. when we’re both calm, and it won’t turn into a fight), then work it out. Most recently was his definition of “soon”. Every time I ask him if he’s working late (which is often, but not always), his response is “a little, I’ll be home soon”, and then he comes in 2 hours later, which is not my definition of “soon”. All in all, not that big a deal.
This weekend, we’ll both be working. Too much work to do during the week, so it spills over into the weekend.
honeybeenicki March 21, 2011, 1:33 pm
Haha we’ve had the “soon” fight, but its usually me. I’m a workaholic so sometimes my “soon” means I’m headed out the door right now and I’ll be there as soon as traffic allows and sometimes “soon” means I still have a project I’m working on that will take another hour or two and then I’ll be home. I try to keep in mind that my husband thinks “soon” is actually “soon” and I do my best to give an actual time approximation.
thyme March 21, 2011, 2:44 pm
Yes, THAT. My bf says, “I’m running late.” I appreciate him giving me that much, but seriously HOW “late” are you going to be? Like ten minutes or like 3 hours??
sesl March 18, 2011, 9:35 pm
Our last fight wasn’t a fight so much, but a kind of hypothetical argument that actually stemmed from a Dear Wendy post! I was thinking about the ‘I’m Jewish, My Boyfriend’s Catholic’ post and asked my SO how he’d feel if I wanted to raise our children Catholic. We’re both agnostic and super liberal academics so religion is pretty far from our reality and this was a purely hypothetical question, but I was curious. And we got into this intense debate about it where I became more and more argumentative about raising our children Catholic and he was against it…Anyways, it was totally resolved by the end and we actually came to a (hypothetical) agreement and it was a great conversation. Not even sure it counts as a fight…
We don’t have a song and I wish we did! Like it makes our relationship not real or something. He doesn’t have nicknames for me either, which I also tease him about and say it means he doesn’t love me as much as I love him. I obviously know this isn’t remotely true, but sometimes I wish he had a pet name for me or that we had a special song. How do people even get songs? I don’t know that I’ve ever had a song with a significant other.
And this weekend will be me reconnecting with an old roommate and the SO and I generally enjoying the end of spring break (we’re teachers).
sesl March 18, 2011, 9:36 pm
I don’t mean to imply that liberal academic types can’t be religious, but in my experience those things don’t usually go together. Sorry to generalize. Hopefully people will understand what I meant. Sorry if I offended anyone!
MissDre March 19, 2011, 11:12 am
Haha me and my bf get into debates over Dear Wendy letter too 🙂 I find it actually helps us get to know each other through opinions and ideas.
WatersEdge March 21, 2011, 8:26 am
I bring up letters, but whenever I mention Dear Wendy, my husband looks at me like “you and your internet community are all nuts”. he doesn’t even like cell phones.
Chantelle March 18, 2011, 9:50 pm
The last thing me and my boyfriend had a conversation about was when I asked him to say please/thank you when he asked me to do things for him. No voices were raised, no feelings hurt, just a quick conversation.
He said it bugged him cause it felt like I was mothering him. I said I only remind him because I don’t like to feel like a servant or unappreciated. I actually enjoy etiquette and think it speaks volumes about a person if they don’t possess proper manners. Other than that he has great manners, but I don’t want to ‘turn the other head’ at him not saying please when he asked me to grab him a drink or what have you but secretly resent it. Also, if this relationship is going to be long term I didn’t want it to turn into “Well, you never mentioned this before!”
I said I wouldn’t mention it in front of people but hope that he would work on saying it because it shows he respects me and appreciates the actions I choose to do. He said he would. In the end, I won’t have to mention it (his issue) because he’ll start saying it (my issue).
MissDre March 19, 2011, 11:15 am
There was an article that The Frisky linked…
http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/09/03/relationship-happiness-tips-for-couples/
The very first point on the list is: 1. Mind your manners. Please, thank you, and you’re welcome can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love him and don’t take him for granted.
So, you are totally right to expect manners from your SO!
Jessicaxmx March 18, 2011, 9:32 pm
Me and my boyfriend got into a little argument over an inside he told me that I didn’t get. He was saying that he picked an eye lash from a woman that works in his office and she got mad at him. I kind of gave him a blank stare and asked why I needed to know that, because I didn’t think it was funny. He said he thought it was funny and he got quiet after that. I explained to him that maybe it didn’t seem funny to me because I wasn’t there. I talked it over with my friend and I told her the way I said it and she said I sounded a little too harsh. I realized how harsh I was and called and said I was sorry, and I got him a little “Thanks for putting up with me card”. I am currently going through a lot of stress, including quitting smoking so maybe that was one of the reasons why I snapped at him.
On the other hand, we are both hanging out with our friends this weekend and I’m planning on having a Dexter Marathon with one of my co workers. Me and my boyfriend do not have a song yet and I don’t know a good joke 🙁
Amy March 18, 2011, 11:36 pm
I was recently dating a guy that at first I wasn’t sure about. He was not my usual “type” but we totally hit it off so. We had amazing dates full of conversation and chemistry. We talked on the phone for hours which I hadn’t done since high school (we are in our mid thirties).
Anyway, the last time I saw him we had a wonderful time or so I thought. We were excited to see each other and there was a certain easy of being together. The evening was full of passion and the kiss goodbye was indescribable.
Two days later we made plans to go see a movie. When I called him a few hours after we had originally made plans he did not answer. I have not heard from him since. It has been a few weeks now. While I am over him I guess I am not over the situation. I’ve been around the block a few times and I know this guy was totally into me. I feel like as soon as I started to like him more he got scared and ran far far away. Men!?!
callmehobo March 19, 2011, 11:02 am
Amy, what a jerk!
I’m so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now
MissDre March 19, 2011, 11:18 am
Sorry, hate to be a jerk and assume it was your fault (btw I don’t actually think it’s your fault, he is an ass) but is it possible you said anything in the heat of the moment that might freak him out? Were you texting/calling too much? Being too lovey dovey? I’ve made those mistakes in the past. I’m the kinda girl that forms attachments very quickly.
Good luck with your next date, and seriously if a man in his 30’s stood you up and never called you again, NUTS TO HIM! What a tool.
Amy March 19, 2011, 12:46 pm
Aww thanks! I wish I could say that I did something to scare him off but I am thinking that he scared himself off. A few of my friends say that anyway:) You are right, he is nuts!!
Kristina March 19, 2011, 4:52 pm
It’s pretty common that men get scared off when they start developing serious feelings for someone. Sometimes they come back after some time off and thinking, so long as the girl doesn’t get crazy attached during the meantime and gives him space. Just kinda something I’ve learned in my experience. The last guy I was in love with got scared when after 2 months he started falling for me, and after several weeks apart (I was a mess inside, but kept it together on the outside) he came back, and we started what was a great relationship. All I’m saying is, you never know what could happen.
SpyGlassez March 19, 2011, 1:47 am
Our most recent fight? It wasn’t even really a fight, more of a discuss-ment. My BF and I live with another roommate and we alternate weeks for groceries. It has happened that my BF’s last purchase week was a “big week” when we needed more staples, and our roommate’s week was a lighter week, and the BF and I had to talk about how things even out over the long run…but once we talked it over, he was okay again. We do have money stress in our relationship and household(he’s in school and laid off, I’m an adjunct teacher so no benefits or insurance, and our roommate works retail) but the BF and I love one another enough to talk things out.
We don’t really have a “Song” as such, though we both love “(I’ve had)The Time of my Life.” We joke, though, that several of the songs from the BioShock II game are “our song” because we played through that early in our relationship.
This weekend we are watching movies; we just watched “Howl’s Moving Castle” and are currently watching “Phantom of the Opera.” I have to say, I give the BF props – he never liked musicals before me, but I got him to watch Phantom and he fell in LOVE with it – actually he wants to watch the movie more often than I do now – and he also really likes the music for “Wicked,” though we haven’t gotten to see it yet.
I’m fresh out of jokes; sorry.
HolsteinHoney March 19, 2011, 10:15 am
My boyfriend and I just went through our first couple of miniature fights. We’ve been together for almost 6 months and all of it has been pretty wonderful. However about 2 months in he ended up getting a tonsil infection, tonsillectomy, and then c. diff from all the antibiotics he took. He was in the hospital for almost a week and then he was pretty much completely out of it for the next few. He’s almost back to normal now though, and so that has definitely helped things along.
Basically, what it amounted to was he told me he didn’t think I was there for him emotionally when he was in the hospital. Which I respect, however I am one of those people mentioned in the Japan thread. When I am going through something difficult I prefer it if everyone around me acts normal and when I am sick I want to sulk by myself. So I tried my best to bring him anything he needed but stay upbeat and not question him too much about what was going on. I figured if he wanted to talk about it, he would. However I definitely learned my lesson and I think we both grew from the discussion since we had never even had a disagreement up until this point.
Jessica March 19, 2011, 10:49 am
My boyfriend and I rarely have arguements… just discussions. This weekend it’s our 2nd anniversary so we are going to the market to grab some fresh seafood for our dinner. And tomorrow we play volleyball on a rec team with a bunch of friends!
as for a song.. we say this is one of ours..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVA9eEPkhvM
when we were doing long distance a year ago, the first weekend he came back, i played this and we had the best dance party to this song lol.
Have a great weekend!
SGAC March 19, 2011, 11:04 am
1. What was your most recent fight with your significant other about?
I made last minute plans and wouldn’t be home for dinner and my husband didn’t feel appreciated. I also made reference to my in-laws divorce that acknowledged issues my husband didn’t recognize he had. It was our biggest fight yet, but we resolved that night.
2. If you and your significant other have a song, what is it? (Drew’s and my song is above).
Life is Like a Board – Rie Fu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik8J9L5rJnc
3. What are you doing this weekend?
We are going to an anime convention. We are totally geeky. Geek love is awesome. 🙂
4. Tell us a joke.
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!” Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!” Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. “Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!” The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my foot!”
Kristina March 19, 2011, 1:15 pm
I’m originally from Boston, but I live in Atlanta now, so it’s great that I’m going to Boston tonight to visit my family for the week. And I’m on spring break right now, so it’s great to have a little break from the intensities of school.
Emsz March 19, 2011, 5:49 pm
I’m cooking up a storm for my little sister’s birthday party tomorrow. I already made a traditional Dutch dessert, Rijstevlaai (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rijstevlaai).
I am also making pasties, brownies, shortbread and samosa’s, and my mother is making another cake, and two quiches.
My sister at this point could be a little more grateful, because tomorrow I still have a lot to do, but I’m hoping that her friends will be a little more appreciative 😛
Wendy March 19, 2011, 7:11 pm
You should share all leftovers with us, please.
Emsz March 20, 2011, 9:40 am
I would, but I don’t think they’ll keep if I send them overseas 😛
Emsz March 20, 2011, 1:10 pm
I made these: http://www.food.com/recipe/caramelized-chicken-wings-44888?mode=us&scaleto=4.0&st=null, and I highly recommend them. They are delicious!
Savannah March 19, 2011, 6:01 pm
Our song is Indian Summer by The Doors <3
belongsomewhere March 19, 2011, 6:22 pm
I just asked my boyfriend what our song was, and he pulled up “Nightman” and “Dayman” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I think this is accurate.
WatersEdge March 21, 2011, 8:42 am
why? are you guys masters of karate and friendship?
Jessica March 21, 2011, 10:01 am
hahahhaa.. yessss.. hilarious
princesspetticoat March 19, 2011, 7:45 pm
4. A man walks into a bar and orders four pints of beer. The bartender asks if he would like the pints poured one at a time but the man insists on having all four pints poured at once. The bartender then curiously watches are the man sits by himself and slowly drinks all of the four beers. The man returns to the bar on a regular basis, always ordering four beers, drinking them and then leaving. Finally, the bartender feels as though the man is familiar enough to him to ask him about this strange behaviour.
“Why do you always order four pints for yourself and insist on all four at once instead of ordering each one fresh?” he asks.
“Well you see,” the man replies. “I have three brothers and they all moved away. My oldest brother is off in Ireland, my younger brother is in Scotland and the youngest went to Australia. We promised each other that we would each have a beer in our respective countries each week to feel closer to each other. I always order four at once so that it will feel as though all of us brothers are together.”
The bartender is touched by the man’s story and, as the weeks go by, he happily watches the man come in each week and drink his four beers.
One day, the man walks into the bar and walks up to the bartender. “Three beers, please,” he says.
The bartender is rather taken aback and looks sadly at the man. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Did something happen to one of your brothers?” He asks, sympathetically.
“Oh, no! Nothing like that,” the man replies. “The problem is me. You see, I’ve quit drinking.”
Maynard March 19, 2011, 10:24 pm
This weekend I’m catching up on sleeping, going to the gym, and getting some things for my apartment so I can unpack. My new apartment is 2 floors in an old warehouse building so there aren’t overhead lights in the living room on the first floor or bedroom on the second floor. I only had one lap and put it downstairs so I haven’t had a chance to unpackt bed room… Which means I’ve been sleeping on the couch and finding clothes for work on a day-to-day basis. But I finally bought a lamp for bedroom so maybe I’ll actually put my bed together tomorrow. Baby steps
Also drinking a bottle of champagne by myself. Hooray.
Ally March 20, 2011, 8:37 am
Your new place sounds really cool! Hope the rest of your moving in goes well 🙂
Fairhaired Child March 20, 2011, 2:10 am
I dont know when my last fight with my boyfriend was- whatever it was it was probably something along the lines of apartment chores and having people over. Tech its my apartment and he’s just living with me (I pay all the expenses etc for the apt – he pitches in for groceries every now and then) – and I will point this out to him when he has people over and I’ve just done laundry and gone to work so my undies are out drying in the living room or something like that. I dont mind if he has people over without letting me know while I’m at work ( I work all shifts at the hospital so i’m often gone evenings and nights) – but if there are “personal items” in the living room or it is just messy in general I dont like when he has people over because I feel he should pick up first. (and afterwards) This hasnt been an issue in the last two months so I think we’ve finally worked it out enough.
We dont have a song. But our mutual best friend (the guy who introduced us together) and I have a song – which my boyfriend finds kinda funny but doesnt care. Our song is Fireflies by Owl City. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psuRGfAaju4
This weekend I’m currently at work, but my boyfriend and I did some nesting and cleaned the apartment like crazy and we got a “accent wall” together with a lot of old keys (skate, skeleton, car, clock) that I inherited from my Grandmother on my mom’s side – and my adopted grandparents (we adopted them because they were our old childless neighbors – so they babysat us a lot) – it looks awesome. And when I get off work tonight and sleep some during the day I’m going to my Aunts for Dinner and then she’s driving me to the airport super early in the AM to fly to FL to visit my Brother.
4. Off to Vegas:
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man.
‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
‘Where the heck are you going?’, said the wife.
The man said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on $800 a year!
Christy March 20, 2011, 2:14 am
Thoroughly unrelated to anything: Do you guys ever find that you can only say certain phrases as they were said in movies? I bring this up because someone quoted “Mind your manners,” which I only ever hear in the voice of the baby bunny (with an adorable speech impediment) in Disney’s Robin Hood. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Anyone have any other lines like that?
Fairhaired Child March 20, 2011, 4:25 am
My one friend usually says “no one puts baby in the corner” when referring to some random task that i’m trying to do – my boyfriend heard him say “WATCH OUT BABY” when i was playing mario carts and he was offended as to why he called me baby and we both just laughed and said “because no one puts baby in the corner”
but yeah I’ve got other quotes from movies I’ve heard in normal conversation that immediatly brings to mind certain movies
Callifax March 20, 2011, 10:54 am
My boyfriend and I don’t really fight, but when we do have a tiff, it’s usually about towels. I’m a very flighty, absent-minded person, while he is extremely particular and organized, and I have a bad habit of accidentally leaving my towel on the bathroom floor or sink or what not, rather than hanging it up. I never MEAN to leave it there. I just forget. And it’s sort of that one quirk I have that really drives him crazy. And then I’ll get annoyed if, after weeks of very diligently hanging my towel up, I forget one morning and he feels the need to sarcastically remind me of it. Like: “Soooo where did you leave the towel this morning?”
But I guess in the grand scheme of things, fighting over where the towel goes is okay. It could be worse. 🙂
Caroline March 20, 2011, 1:53 pm
The last fight my boyfriend and I had was a few weeks ago. I hadn’t seen him in a week because he had been studying a lot for an exam he had, and finally he took his exam and had some more free time. I had other things to do and he was supposed to get dinner with friends, so we decided to meet up later that night. Well, I ended up not hearing from him until 1 am after texting him at least twice (and I really hate texting people more than once if I don’t have a response from them) and he had been with his friends having a crazy night. I was pissed, to say the least, and when he started telling me about the night he had I cut him off and told him I was mad at him. He groveled, although since he was a little drunk it didn’t seem 100% sincere. Anyways, we went to sleep, and the next day he apologized some more, sincerely, and we hung out all day, and he was a sweet, super boyfriend.
We don’t fight a whole lot, and when we do it usually has to do with politics since he’s uber-conservative and I’m really liberal, although I’m much more moderate than I used to be. I mostly just get annoyed with him when he takes his time. I am usually always on time, and he isn’t usually on time. But I’ve gotten used to it, so it doesn’t really bother me that much anymore.
We don’t have a song, sadly, although we both like classic rock a lot. A song that reminds me of him when I hear it, though, is “You’re Just What I Needed” by The Cars. My boyfriend really came along at the right time in my life and I just love him so much and appreciate him so much, even if he’s not perfect, because nobody is perfect, even me.
jessicaxmx March 20, 2011, 4:08 pm
I am the same way when it comes to text messages, I hate sending more than one without getting a response. Being with my boyfriend for a few months now I’ve gotten so used to not texting at all. He was brought up with the attitude “If you want to talk to someone, don’t text, CALL.” So, he always called me to hang out instead of text and I was always used to texting. I then realized he hardly ever responded cause he just doesn’t like to text. We call each other now and I can agree hearing his voice is a lot better than getting a little measly text. 🙂
Caroline March 20, 2011, 8:11 pm
That’s funny, because my boyfriend and I always text each other and hardly ever call each other. I have always preferred texting over calling because I am deaf with a cochlear implant and talking/listening on the phone is very difficult for me unless I know the other person well. My boyfriend prefers texting over calling as well, so it worked out for us! But we see each other a lot so it’s not like I’m missing out on hearing his voice, which is a very nice voice 🙂
Desiree March 21, 2011, 12:13 am
That one always gets under my skin–crazy night with the guys preventing my boyfriend from making it to our agreed upon meet-up. I try to be understanding, but I am pretty anal about that one.
MissD March 20, 2011, 10:29 pm
1. What was your most recent fight with your significant other about?
2. If you and your significant other have a song, what is it? (Drew’s and my song is above).
3. What are you doing this weekend?
4. Tell us a joke.
3. Cleaning, laundry…trying not to think about the divorce I’m going through. My husband decided a few weeks ago that he’d changed his mind about working things out after his affair…and is now back with (if he ever really stopped seeing) his mistress. We’ve been married 1 & 1/2 years. We had problems before he started seeing her, but I just assumed that in marriage, you work through problems (ours were basically caused by traumatic life events out of our control), not run away from them straight into someone else’s arms. I am totally heartbroken, and pissed. On a lighter note:
4. So a mushroom walks into a bar, takes a seat, and orders a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” The mushroom responds, “But why not? I’m a fun guy!”
Elle March 21, 2011, 1:14 pm
Lol, I read the joke 5 times before I got the punchline. Fungi, anyone?
ape escape March 21, 2011, 11:51 am
I’m not sure what happened this weekend, or how I feel about it, but lord I could use some anonymous support from the DW community. I think I was taken advantage of.
This weekend, a coworker had an extra ticket to a pro game — amazing tickets. Went to the game with him and his cousin, the seats were unbelievable and we had so much fun. Had a beer and a whiskey before the game…drank more beer at the game…went to a bar afterwards…pretty inebriated. Obviously shouldn’t have, but too drunk to drive and trusting both these guys, we all went back to Coworker’s house to play pool and whatnot. That is pretty much the last thing I remember. Next thing I know, I am waking up naked in Coworker’s bed.
Now, before any of this, I was definitely attracted to Coworker, but if I was sober, I would NOT have slept with him…I have a habit of getting myself into situations where everything remains casual, and I decided a few weeks ago that I am no longer looking for casual sex. When I woke up I was freaked, and told him so, but he said “it was definitely consensual…” Ugh. He didn’t even use a condom. (I got Plan B a few hours later.)
I didn’t know how to take it at the time…so I “played it cool”…we went out to lunch…hung around for a few hours, hunky-dory. Now I feel awful and used. WTF do I do/how do I begin to handle this? 🙁
ladiejoy March 21, 2011, 12:18 pm
Wow, that sucks! What an ass for not even using a condom during a casual encounter! That’s like rule #1. And I don’t like his blowoff of “it was definitely consensual” when you expressed concern, though I don’t know what else a guy in that situation would say anyway.
So this is the deal. We’re treading in murky waters here, because the fact of the matter is that you simply don’t remember what happened. From what you describe, including your initial attraction to him, it sounds like a typical drunken hookup, likely consensual as he claims. But we just don’t know – he could have totally taken advantage of your inebriated state and thought it would be an easy lay. Maybe it was a combination of the two. You were smart to get Plan B, for sure.
Because you don’t know yourself, unfortunately there is little you can do other than try to avoid a situation like that again. I know, easier said than done. But I think it’s best to simply use this as a lesson for the future – and he would be wise to do so as well. And, just to make it MORE awkward, I’d ask him privately if he’s recently been screened. If he’s in the habit of having unprotected sex in casual encounters, that would be a bigger worry. You have a right to ask about that since it can affect you.
I also would pay close attention if you’re out in social situations again to see if this appears to be a pattern of his… If he appears predatory in nature, then you can at least warn other girls that may end up in your situation. If, however, it seems an isolated incident then you could possibly assume it was a drunken encounter between two people attracted to each other and maybe it will make you feel better about it all.
Hell, we all make mistakes, and I know I’ve had some one-night stands that were a bit fuzzy afterwards, so I just sort of dusted them off and forced myself to stop worrying about them. Nothing constructive comes from driving yourself crazy about something you can’t change.
But then I’m the type that likes to give people the benefit of the doubt if I am not sure about a situation, and I’m damn good at compartmentalizing.
Good luck, I hope it all works out and you get to feeling better.
Rachel March 21, 2011, 12:37 pm
Wow. I’m so sorry this happened to you! What you need to keep in mind is that no matter what he said, if you were so drunk you can’t even remember what happened, there is NO way the sex can be considered consensual. I think it would be worthwhile to have a talk with this guy to see if you can get any of the details out of him, and to let him know that what he did was NOT okay. Especially w/o a condom! Then I would avoid interaction with him completely. And for goodness sake, get tested!!
PFG-SCR March 21, 2011, 12:45 pm
I’m so sorry this happened, but there seems to be some red flags about this guy and the situation. 🙁
Do you typically blackout when you drink that much or do you think you could have been giving a date rape drug? Regardless, even if you weren’t drugged, you were too drunk to give legal consent.
Elle March 21, 2011, 1:12 pm
Something similar happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Well, barely similar, since I only made out with the guy. But he never called afterwards, I would see him in social situations, and he would avoid eye-contact and ignore me. Now it’s back to where it was before the ‘smooching’… We’re just colleagues.
The way I processed it (even though I was sober and definitely gave my consent) – I’ve known him for about 6 months, and he never made a move – like ask me out, take me on a date… That pretty much said that he’s not interested in me. And I just thought of the incident that I was convenient for him at the time (We were the only single people left at the end of the party). It doesn’t make me feel any better, but it helps understand why he didn’t get in touch afterwards, and why nothing will change.
(Yeah, what is the protocol in these situations? I think a simple message “Hey, I had a nice time last night, see you around” is polite, and it also tells the other party that nothing’s changed.)
Maybe next time don’t drink so much? And if you do, take a cab? Trust people less? You’ve known this guy for a while, and yet he didn’t have any problems taking advantage of you when the opportunity presented itself. And since you know he can’t be trusted, you should get yourself tested. (If sober you always does it with a condom, I’m sure drunk you insisted on it, but he was a complete jerk about not using protection and disregarding your request.)
You should not feel guilty about this. Chin up, go out there and face the world! And make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Golden_Key March 21, 2011, 2:02 pm
I am so sorry this happened to you. It’s true that you could not have legally consented if you blacked out–however, that might not help you sort out your feelings on the situation. To me, the part that makes him stand out as more predatory was him not using a condom, especially since it seems like you normally use one (from you mentioning getting Plan B). It seems even less likely that you “consented” to sex without a condom, so personally, I don’t buy his story completely.
I doubt you will be able to fully trust this guy again (and I don’t know why you would or should), so I would limit your contact as much as possible. I don’t think any kind of lasting relationship with this man, including friendship, will make you feel less used or better about the situation in general. Instead, you would probably resent him and those negative feelings could perhaps even get turned inwards.
Good luck dealing with this really horrible situation. Remember that this is not your fault, and do your best to avoid this guy. I understand why you wanted to play it cool originally, but I really think that continuing to do that will hurt you more in the long run. I don’t really have anything else to say except that I am sending a virtual hug your way.
Elle March 21, 2011, 2:48 pm
@Golden Key – I completely agree with you.
@LW – you do have my complete sympathy for what you’re going through. I should have mentioned that first. But I’m of the mindset that what’s done is done, can’t turn back the time, so where do we go from here? (Where’s the ‘undo’ button?)
Try to take your mind off it. Go to a movie, spend time with friends. Whatever you do, don’t be alone. I went over to my friend’s house with a 10 minute notice (she’s awesome!), then I dragged her out to dinner. After a few hours, I felt a little bit better. Of course, as soon as I was alone again, all those thoughts came back. Then work happened, and I was able to distance myself a little bit more.
In time, you’ll get over it. That’s all you need. Time. You’ll feel better a week from now. Two weeks from now, even better. Just make sure you get there.
Best wishes!!!!!
ape escape March 21, 2011, 3:49 pm
thank you…I feel your virtual hug and it’s fabulous 🙂
yes, I am a religious condom-user, even when intoxicated — except for this time, apparently, at which point I very strongly doubt that I was in any way coherent or even aware of what was happening. OH! and I forgot to mention, on that note, in the morning when I was berating him for his lack of protection (he “didn’t have any;” which, first of all isn’t an excuse and secondly, what kind of guy in his mid-20s doesn’t have a single condom at the house? Really?) I told him I would be getting the plan B (because/especially because) I am not on the pill…
Like a true “gentleman,” he ended up giving me cash to pay for the Plan B pill. Classy.
Golden_Key March 21, 2011, 4:17 pm
Glad you got the hug 🙂
Good for you for letting him have it about the condom issue. He 150% deserved a talking to about that. The not having any excuse is such bullshit. From all you’ve mentioned, it seems he’s shown his true epically douchey self.
Also, from your post below, I’m glad that you were already thinking about getting out of this work environment and thus far away from this guy. Good luck with leaving/finding a new job!
Caroline March 21, 2011, 3:36 pm
That is terrible! I’m sorry that happened to you. You sound like a smart person, and I commend you for getting Plan B. The guy doesn’t sound like someone you can trust, but then again if you don’t remember the night it could have been consensual. I was wondering, what about the other guy you were with? You said all three of you went back to Coworker’s house to play pool. Is it possible that he was around when you and Coworker had sex? Maybe you could ask him what happened and see if his story matches up with Coworker’s.
Of course, you should probably only ask him if you trust him to be honest with you. If he’s really close to Coworker and feels more of a bond/friendship with Coworker than with you, he could lie so that it seems like Coworker was telling the truth.
Good luck with this situation. Remember that you have so much love and support, no matter what happens 🙂
ape escape March 21, 2011, 3:52 pm
Caroline, I wish that was an option…The other guy we were with was Coworker’s cousin. And that night was the first time I’d met him. Definitely not possible to get the story from him…
ape escape March 21, 2011, 3:38 pm
Thank you, everyone. My two best (girl)friends live 3 hours away and I would normally lean on them hardcore right now, but this is not something I can comfortably talk about on the phone…Your words are extremely helpful as I try to make sense of what happened.
I am definitely of the mindset that I should not have let myself get into a state that I couldn’t effectively say NO to what happened. I need to more seriously evaluate my choices (which is to say, every single drink should be a conscious decision as to whether I am really able to handle the consequences or not. Or, at least to have a good plan for the end of the night, as to how I will keep myself safe getting home and everything.) I definitely do not think I was drugged, at all…just too much booze. (Yikes.) However, I need to consciously refrain from assigning ALL blame to myself, nor ALL blame to him either. I mean, I think he was definitely worse, but I have to take a little responsibility too.
I am not sure if having a conversation about potential std transmittal will do much good. I already have my annual lady-doctor appointment in 2 weeks, at which point I will get tested (as always). I have used condoms RELIGIOUSLY over the last year, and I pray that this time I got lucky, but until then I can’t agonize over what the results will be. (If I do come back positive for something, you can bet your bottom dollar he and I will be having a Discussion.)
That said, we work at the same company. I am a long-term “temp,” and we do not work *together*, but I still see him every day. I was already thinking about moving on from this gig for LOTS of other reasons, but I think that especially now, I need to GTFO as soon as possible.
sarolabelle March 21, 2011, 2:52 pm
I just thought of a good idea for a column Wendy could write but didn’t know where to put my idea.
A good article I’d like to read is something like “how to show bf you care or appriciate him without looking needy or desperate”
HmC March 21, 2011, 4:05 pm
That does sound like it would be a good article idea. 🙂
As an aside, and not to pick on you or anything but just because your comment reminded me… it kind of irks me sometimes when women agonize over how not to “seem needy or desperate”. How about this- don’t actually *be* needy or desperate! Realize that a romantic relationship can be a wonderful part of an otherwise fulfilling life, but it should never be your whole life! We’re all so blessed in so many ways, with educational opportunities, our own unique abilities and talents, and loving support systems that have nothing to do with romance. Celebrate those! The right guy will be worth a bit of introspection and worrying, but not too much… in the end things will work out how they’re going to work out. There’s so much you can’t control when it comes to love, so focus on what you can change and let the rest go, and enjoy your life because being happy yourself is the point, not making a man happy at all costs.
sarolabelle March 21, 2011, 5:05 pm
I definitely agree but I think the line between being a sweet and caring girlfriend and being a pain in the butt needy desperate girlfriend is thin in the eyes of a man. It might even be better if she let one of the guys write this article!!
MissDre March 21, 2011, 9:46 pm
@sarolabelle
does your dude have a favourite candy? my bf absolutely loves sourpatch kids. so for no reason at all, i went to Bulk Barn and filled up a huge bag of them for really cheap.
is there anything else you could do to help make his life a little easier any certain areas? my bf is working 2 jobs right now. he wakes up at 2:30am, 6 days a week, and works until 4pm. he’s tired all the time, and quite often doesn’t take the time to pack a lunch. so i spent a week cooking a bunch of different crock-pot meals, dished them out into individual containers, and froze them. so he’d have 3 weeks worth of lunches and wouldn’t need to worry about what to eat. he was blown away!
on the flip side, sometimes the nicest thing you can do for your guy is to give him some space and time to himself. when he’s out with his boys, don’t call or text. don’t bug him to listen to you talk about your day. don’t automatically expect him to come see you just because he has some spare time. let him do his thing.
MissDre March 21, 2011, 9:37 pm
@HmC
“it kind of irks me sometimes when women agonize over how not to ‘seem needy or desperate'”
sometimes, you just gotta fake it til you make it. if a girl has been insecure for a lot of years, she may not know what steps to take to break the pattern. some pointers can be helpful, and hopefully once she gets into the routine of putting herself first, it’ll become first nature.
HmC March 21, 2011, 11:54 pm
I hear you, and I didn’t mean my comment in a judgmental way. In fact, maybe that stuff irks me so much particularly because of my own occasional over-analytical inclinations. Believe me, just because I say (and completely believe!) something does not mean I practice it perfectly. 🙂
MissDre March 22, 2011, 9:07 am
Same here!