Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

What Advice Would You Give Your Ex’s New/Current Partner?


Recently, Daily Mail headed to Washington Square Park here in NYC to ask people what advice they would give their exes’ new partners. As you might expect, replies ranged from funny to angry to bitter with a few well-wishes in between.

One young man in a set of shades clearly has a lot to say about his ex, who he made no secret of finding to be a lot of work. ‘Get ready for extreme high maintenance!’ he says. ‘Do not touch her hair, do not touch her make-up. Make sure everything is clean and perfect the way she likes it, or there will be some problems.’

‘He will cheat on you too!’ declared one green-haired woman.

Another young lady seems hesitant at first to dish on her ex’s flaws, saying that she doesn’t ‘want to be mean about him’, but is soon enough letting them fly. She goes on to echo the other interviewee’s sentiments, implying their her ex is high maintenance, saying that his new partner should be sure to make things ‘less about you and more about him’.

So, what about you? What advice would you give your ex’s — or exes’ — new partner(s)?

48 comments… add one
  • gigi June 21, 2016, 12:35 pm

    Keep your money completely separate at all times!! Wait, no just don’t do it, it’s not worth it.

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  • ktfran June 21, 2016, 12:50 pm

    I actually have no warnings or advice to give anyone about a long term ex. We’ve always parted amicably. The romantic relationship fizzled, but the friendship was still there.

    I wish them well and hope they find happiness with the right person!

    However, there is one guy that was more of a FWB. He was a master manipulator. I would warn people about him.

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  • TheHizzy June 21, 2016, 1:01 pm

    He’s said he loves the drama. Don’t let him make you into drama. You can be the most chill person ever and he just ties to stir it up. Be careful!

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  • Amanda June 21, 2016, 1:12 pm


    Run fast, and run far.

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  • Anonymousse June 21, 2016, 1:13 pm

    You can’t make him happy. I’m pretty sure he’s bipolar.
    Don’t buy anything that was made in China, ever.

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  • veritek33 June 21, 2016, 1:16 pm

    He’s your problem now. Good luck.

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  • Kate B. June 21, 2016, 1:19 pm

    Three years of anger management therapy was not enough. Do not use a dishwasher or a dryer, ever.

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  • GertiethDino June 21, 2016, 2:07 pm

    When he says, “I guess I’ll just kill myself then,” that’s manipulation. Shut that shit down.

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  • K June 21, 2016, 2:07 pm

    Be ready for him to disappoint you and cancel on things last minute. (Actually, that goes for the two most recent exes.)

    Get used to fighting and emotions running high. He is very emotional, and not in a good way.

    He’s going to spend most of his time drinking, smoking pot and playing video games, so if you are not a homebody and/or don’t enjoy those things, stay away.

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  • Lovelygirl June 21, 2016, 2:40 pm

    He’s super clingy and can’t stand to not touch you at all times. He expects traditional gender roles to still exist where you do ALL the cooking/cleaning/laundry. He’s extremely emotional and moody if things aren’t his way. Hes also very black and white. If you change your mind on something he will start a huge argument about your “inconsistencies”.

    OMG why did I put up with this crap?

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  • Diablo June 21, 2016, 2:49 pm

    Don’t try to make yourself over into some sort of “ideal feminist male” to placate her constant politicizing of every interaction, because no matter what you do, you’re a still a guy, and therefore, responsible for all bad things in the world. You might as well own it. It’s more fun to be a bad person by her standard anyway.

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  • Cheesecaker2911 June 21, 2016, 2:52 pm

    Basically, walk out now, and don’t look back. Don’t let him try to charm you into returning or thinking he’s “better”. He’s always going to be a mean, worthless pot head who drinks to much and wets the bed/chair/couch after doing so because he’s too freaking lazy to walk to the bathroom. When he say’s he’s a terrible boy friend, believe him. He will cheat on you, or is using you to cheat on whoever else he’s with. He will use you financially, and any other way he can. He will tell you he loves you, but again, he’s lying. He only loves himself, and even that is hit or miss sometimes.

    Run, don’t walk. Run. And for the love of all things holy, block him on every possible form of social media.

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  • Bonnie June 21, 2016, 3:02 pm

    He will manipulate you into staying with him while he is seeking sex with 18 year olds.

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  • Ale June 21, 2016, 3:05 pm

    You won’t be a priority. He is emotionally unavailable. He’ll make you feel sorry for asking him for his attention.

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  • Ron June 21, 2016, 3:25 pm

    I parted very amicably with my ex-gf based on geographical incompatibility. I’d have told her new bf to appreciate her, she was an amazing young woman. That was quite a few decades ago.

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    • Diablo June 21, 2016, 4:07 pm

      Yeah, I broke up with my last ex almost three decades ago, too, so i doubt that what i said about her is even true anymore, but that’s OK.

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  • Portia June 21, 2016, 3:46 pm

    He’s got to deal with his insecurities and depression, you can’t do that for him.

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  • wobster109 June 21, 2016, 3:47 pm

    Do not take care of his schedule or life. Don’t swoop in to remind him to make that dentist appointment or whatever. I understand that when you care about someone, you want to help him out and make sure he’s doing ok. But step back. This is a guy who is sensitive to context. If you act as organizer, scheduler, and general handler of administrative stuff, then he will slack off and you will be doing everything. He will fall back into the routine of letting his parents handle things, except you are the parent. So step back and trust that he’ll handle it. He will.

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  • Stonegypsy June 21, 2016, 3:50 pm

    First Ex) His dad is the only sane person in his family. Don’t ever turn your back on his older brother, that guy is dangerous

    Second Ex) He was a terrible boyfriend, but he’s grown up a lot. Just, be prepared to listen to some conspiracy theories, and if you’re not cool with a *lot* of alone time, move on now. He is fantastic but he likes his space.

    Third Ex) He is absolutely the best, kindest, most generous human in the world. And if he tells you something, he means it and you can trust him.

    Last Ex) If it’s even a little easier for him to lie to you than tell you the truth, he will. He has no idea what he wants, and he will say anything he has to to avoid conflict.

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  • mjmaim June 21, 2016, 3:56 pm

    He needs to face his insecurities but he won’t because “emotions and shit” isn’t manly. So he will expect you to be everything he needs to make him a whole and happy person, because he isn’t already. Get ready to clean up after him as he gets drunk every night, and he’ll expect you to make him dinner and simultaneously get hot and horny for the drunken slob. But now matter how hard you try you will never be good enough. Get ready to do everything he wants, whenever he wants, because it’s all about him. And don’t dare ask him to do something you want….because he’ll pout and say that if you loved him you would do what he wants….and if he does do what you want, he’ll make the entire thing miserable and you will regret it. And don’t forget to smile!

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  • Bondgirl June 21, 2016, 4:33 pm

    Well, aside from telling her “good luck he’s your problem now,” be ready for everything to be ALLLLLLLLLL about him. And your feelings and concerns definitely don’t matter anymore. Even if he says they do. He’s lying.

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  • SpaceySteph June 21, 2016, 4:34 pm

    Fighting with you is not the same as fighting for you.

    My ex picked fights, leading to explosive arguments (frequently ending with him threatening to leave and me begging him to stay), and then of course made up and promised never to do it again. I thought we fought because there was too much passion, rather than because we were deeply incompatible. He was 20 when we broke up, so maybe he grew out of it.

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    • Portia June 22, 2016, 7:04 am

      Yeah, I broke up with the ex I mentioned at 19, so he certainly could have changed by now. Plus it was over a decade ago and he’s married with a kid.

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  • dinoceros June 21, 2016, 4:36 pm

    You might think his very loud laugh is cute now, but just wait. It’s going to get annoying real fast.

    He says he’s a feminist, but he thinks a high percentage of women trick men into impregnating them and believes all women are worse at communication than all men.

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    • veritek33 June 21, 2016, 4:46 pm

      Did we date the same guy? That laugh got REAL annoying real fast

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      • dinoceros June 22, 2016, 3:48 pm

        Haha. I thought it was so endearing in the beginning, then later…

    • Jess June 22, 2016, 1:36 am

      Ick, hate those types. “I’m a feminist” yet almost every action and word contradicts that statement.

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  • bittergaymark June 21, 2016, 4:38 pm

    Enjoy it while it lasts. Sure, he damn well truly may just about be the best fuck ever. But BELIEVE him when he says that he is NOT looking for something longterm…

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  • Ange June 21, 2016, 5:21 pm

    He likes to put holes in the wall next to women’s heads if they dare to try and go out with their friends.

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  • Stillrunning June 21, 2016, 6:05 pm

    Be prepared to listen at length to him talk about how smart he is and how stupid everyone else is. He’ll use the word “sheeple” a lot.

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  • Kate B. June 21, 2016, 6:25 pm

    He’ll make you feel guilty for not having sex when you’re sick. If you loved him, you’d do it, no matter what.

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  • Bcamber June 21, 2016, 6:56 pm

    If you are exclusive, he is cheating on you.

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  • Bryana June 21, 2016, 7:02 pm

    Know that his mother will always come first, and that you will be at the bottom of his list of priorities. He is and his mother are always right, and you better do exactly as they say and not have any opinions of your own. Be prepared to be a doormat. Keep finances separate, because he will spend it all. Ultimately, don’t waste your time. You can do better.

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    • Sketchee June 21, 2016, 9:08 pm

      Wow Bryana do we have the same ex? <3

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      • Bondgirl June 21, 2016, 9:11 pm

        I’m genuinely curious if anyone in this reply thread has the same ex. Is that weird? lol.

  • Jess June 22, 2016, 1:34 am

    Hooo boy.

    #1 – Notorious momma’s boy. Watch out for nasty phone calls from ma.
    #2 -Raging alcoholic and had sex with my best friend; avoid at all costs.
    #3- Emotionally stunted and a cleverly disguised fuck boy.

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  • WARNING ! June 22, 2016, 3:47 am

    Con artist and will suck you dry financially

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  • Another Jen June 22, 2016, 12:17 pm

    Nothing is EVER his fault. Lost jobs, poor relationships with his son and daughter, bankruptcy, criminal record…every single thing that goes wrong is the result of people being out to get him.

    He will manufacture crisis situations to gain sympathy and further entrench your relationship. He will make you feel like you’re the only person in the world on his side and that, without you, he’ll drown.

    He will destroy your confidence, isolate your from your family, drive you to question your own sanity, and steal from you. He will become violent.

    It will happen by degrees and you might not notice it until you’re in up to your eyeballs.

    I hope you see the signs I didn’t. I hope you protect yourself and get out sooner than I did. I hope you trust your gut and your inner voice and don’t get caught up in his crazy.

    I wish all of his bad qualities were tattooed on his face, because he’s quite charming and fun at first and you won’t believe how fast he can dig in.

    I’m so happy he’s in my rear-view.

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  • bittergaymark June 22, 2016, 12:33 pm

    Wow. You ALL dated a real crop of LOSERS…

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    • ktfran June 22, 2016, 12:39 pm

      That’s kind of what I was thinking.

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    • SpaceySteph June 22, 2016, 1:00 pm

      Should say “WE” all. I see you up there, too.

      Also… yes.

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      • bittergaymark June 22, 2016, 1:20 pm

        Eh, mine wasn’t a loser — he just had no desire to ever settle down. A fact he was VERY up front with me about, actually.

    • bondgirl June 22, 2016, 2:43 pm

      Well if these prospective suitors came with “LOSER” signs around their necks, it’d be a lot easier to avoid dating them! But alas, life doesn’t work that way.

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    • dinoceros June 22, 2016, 3:48 pm

      Yes, yes, I did.

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    • Stillrunning June 22, 2016, 6:14 pm

      Sorry to say that’s how a lot of us learned who to stay away from.

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    • Kelly L. June 23, 2016, 9:32 am

      I think the nature of the question tends to make people think of their losers rather than their good exes.

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    • Another Jen June 23, 2016, 12:13 pm

      I actually married the loser…way worse than just dating him! Three years post-divorce, I feel like I walked out of a flaming train wreck with just enough scars to remind me not to be an idiot again.

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  • Unknown September 27, 2019, 8:27 pm

    Run. She is an emotional manipulator. She loves playing the victim. That’s how she sucks you in. She’ll tell some random sob story to make you feel like you need to save her. She doesn’t need saving. I repeat. It isn’t a cry for help. It’s a way for her to get in your head to control you. You are not her savior. Don’t try to be. The only enemy she has is herself. Whenever I’d make a joke she’d get upset. Any joke. They were offensive in no way. Literally. Like as innocent as a why did the chicken cross the road type of wholesome joke. She’d say “I don’t like that. Whenever you make a joke I feel like you don’t take me seriously.” I just wanted to make her laugh. Do you feel like you can’t even be yourself around her anymore because literally everything will upset her?She’d always find a way to get her way because she wasn’t used to being told “no”. Has she started isolating you from your friends yet? Telling you who you can and can’t talk to until the only person you talk to is her? But she does it in a clever way. She cries, making you feel guilty about having a social life. Yeah. Does she look at your phone every time you pick it up and watch what you type even though you’ve never cheated or gave her a reason to think you ever did? Yeah. It never stops. Whenever you’re angry does she somehow flip it around making herself the victim saying it’s because of a past relationship that she acts this way? Yep! She did it to me too. Does she not let you talk to your friends or go out with your friends demanding that she come with you if you do? Probably. If not, she will soon. Do you feel the relationship is moving too fast? Does she paint herself as a victim even to the point of implying that you would do unspeakable things? Do you find yourself having to reassure her consistently? Have you stopped having sex and only get consistently teased then made fun of when you want to go further? It makes you feel gross. Has her uncontrollable spending drained your bank account? Get out now. You might not see the damage it’s done as soon as you leave, but maybe a little while later it will hit you. I know she’s beautiful and has a way with words but don’t let her ruin you. She will drive you to an early grave. Get out now.

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