After the last incident I had enough and said I wasn’t going to continue unconditionally loving him and that he would get what he gives. That was two months ago. A few weeks ago he sent me a flower heart emoji and wished me a happy birthday. I was mature and did reply with a “thank you.” Since then he hasn’t reached out. What do you think? — Pretty Face
The question to ask isn’t why this guy would have sex with you if he isn’t sexually attracted to you – you were an easy, available lay when he was horny and couldn’t or didn’t want to make effort to find someone else; the much more important, and likely more difficult, question to ask yourself is why you “unconditionally loved” someone who would put you down like that, disrespect you, and make you feel bad. The question to ask yourself is why you still care two months after you last spoke to him. Clearly, you have some self-esteem issues to work through. You deserve better than this bullshit. Breaking things off with this guy was a wonderful first step. The next steps are to block him, quit giving him any of your energy, and never again give your energy to someone who makes you feel bad.
He didn’t break up with you because your sons are “too bad”; he broke up with you because he recognized that your sons need something they aren’t getting from you—-something that he couldn’t give them and that you couldn’t give them while your attention was on him. He broke up with you because he’s almost 60 and, understandably, does not want to deal with young children. You don’t get that choice. These are your children and they need you. They aren’t “bad” – they’re just trying to get your attention. Meanwhile, you’re obsessing over some guy who’s old enough to be your father and who has made it clear he’s not interested in what you’re offering. MOA and focus on being a better mom.
After deleting my dating account (again), I’ve been toying with the idea of just throwing in the towel and just staying single. I know I have something to offer a woman, but I’m just tired of constantly putting myself out there and getting nothing in return accept heartbreak and suffering.
What do you think I should do? — The Final Blow
Honestly, if the final straw for you was being told that a woman you asked out is engaged, you are probably long overdue for a break from dating. I’m not sure what heartbreak and suffering you’ve been through since literally the only example you give is this engaged woman telling you she was flattered that you asked her out, but I have a feeling you’re one of those guys who feels entitled to dates, doesn’t want to have to work so hard to get them, and gets irrationally angry and aggrieved any time you’re rejected. Probably throwing in the towel and staying single IS a good option for someone like that. You could take the energy you’re expending occasionally asking women out and spend it cultivating some interests, doing some good in your community, and just generally making yourself a more appealing and attractive person. You might even find that the women start pursuing YOU once you make yourself more of a catch.