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It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I have an ex-girlfriend who still has loads of pictures of me and her on Facebook (a friend messaged me after he saw the pictures, asking if we were back together). Some of them are of me on my own and some are of us hugging, etc. She broke up with me six months ago. I saw her the other day and she was wearing a ring and a necklace I bought her, which I thought was strange. She is with someone else now. Do you think this is a bit weird? — Not Her Boyfriend Anymore
Do I think it’s weird that someone would break up with a boyfriend and then not delete all his photos from her FB page? No. Do I think it’s weird that someone might continue wearing jewelry she likes even though an ex gave it to her? No (especially if there’s any chance she picked it out herself). Sounds like she knows moving forward doesn’t mean needing to erase all evidence of her past.
I have known my boyfriend for three months now and everything was flowing smoothly until one day when I asked him what he thought of me (shoot me for asking that). He then said that I love being a leader and making all the decisions. I was so flabbergasted and hurt at the same time. I let it pass and also tried to make sure that I don’t decide for him, so now, before doing anything, I first check with him to try and make sure that I am not deciding for him but rather we are in agreement. After that, he said I bottle things up and snap at him using sarcasm. Then he said that, when we first met, I was outspoken but now I don’t have confidence in myself. This is the same guy who says I am too controlling. Well, how can I be outspoken when I need to watch what I say half the time making sure that I am not being sarcastic and controlling?? I love this guy with all my heart. Please help me. — Lost Confidence
You’re only three months into this relationship and you’re already second-guessing yourself all the time and trying hard to be whatever it is you think this guy wants you to be. M the fuck O A and just be yourself. If a guy doesn’t like you for who you are, he’s not the guy for you.
I am a 41-year-old widow with two grown kids wand a grandson. My boyfriend is 52, divorced, and has two kids — 16 and 20. I have been exclusive with him for 10 months. When he has family things on holidays, he doesn’t ask us to come, but he comes to all my family functions. I feel he wants both worlds. I don’t want that. I don’t feel I should have to be alone on holidays. Do I need to drop this relationship now? Am I being selfish? — Wanting More
No, you’re not being selfish, but, if you plan to drop the relationship without talking to your boyfriend first, you’re being unreasonable. Express your needs to him. Tell him you want to be included in family functions. If he ignores you or can’t give a satisfactory answer for why you haven’t been included and when you will be, THEN you should move on. It’s ok to want what you want, and it’s ok to move on if your needs aren’t being met.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.