You may have noticed that I have been posting less frequently lately. Maybe you haven’t noticed, in which case, WHY NOT, DON’T I MATTER TO YOU? If you’ve noticed but haven’t thought anything of it, great! If you’ve noticed and wondered why, I wanted to give a few quick explanations because I’m a Virgo and I can’t sleep at night if I feel we have unaddressed issues:
1. First, I am fine! Really. I mean, I am as fine as a person can be, I suppose, who has just seen the eye doctor and been advised that the new contact lenses she’s there to order ought to be bifocal lenses. And I am fine for someone who lives in a part of the world where it’s been winter for a million months and, let’s face it, we still have at least another month to go and probably more like six weeks if we’re being really honest about it. And I am fine considering all the freaking grief I’ve experienced since it was last warm. And I am as fine — ok fine-ISH — as one can be when she is the mother of a daughter who is three. Have you ever had a 3-year-old daughter? They’re insane. Even more insane than 3-year-old sons, at least mine is.
2. I’m fine, but I’m tired (see the final point above; If you also have a 3-year-old child AND are old enough to need bifocals, I bet you’re fucking exhausted too), and I have limited time these days. We had a part-time nanny who came three mornings a week for 6 1/2 glorious years, during which time I always had a kid who napped, so those three days a week felt like three full (or full-ish) work days, plus I had all the other hours my kids was asleep that I could work or just fuck around; did I mention this was glorious?! I didn’t realize just how glorious until we no longer had a nanny and, at roughly the same time because life is cruel, Joanie quit napping, and dear God, there hasn’t been a less fun combo since I got a mullet and glasses in second grade. Joanie goes to preschool two days a week and while I am grateful for that time, on those days I squeeze in most of my appointments and errands and things that are hard if not impossible to do with an insane 3-year-old daughter in tow — like, you know, walk down the block in peace — which leaves very little time for anything else, like updating this here site.
3. Even when I do find myself with time to work, I am feeling less and less interested in answering one more letter about where a couple should live because they can’t agree*, and much more interested in other kinds of writing projects. What, exactly, those other writing projects might be is something I’m still figuring out, but my therapist says I need to stop procrastinating and just fucking write and so I am (over the past week I’ve been working on an essay that’s probably fucking awful, but one has to start somewhere).
4. I forgot what my fourth point was, which sounds about right for someone who just ordered bifocal contact lenses.
5. All this is to say, I’m fine, I’m still here, I’m not shutting down the site any time soon or anything, but I will be posting less frequently and I didn’t want you to worry, even though the only person who might have even been a little worried is maybe my mom and I just saw her a couple weeks ago and she saw firsthand the insanity of my 3-year-old daughter and is reading this right now and thinking, Hmmm, you might not be as fine as you say you are, Wendy, because who fucking would? (except she would never ever use the F-word, even though she actually has had a three-year-old daughter — twice! — and one of them was me, so you’d sure think she would have been driven to drop an F-bomb at least once, but she denies it). I’m aiming for 1-2 columns a week, plus Friday links, updates as I receive them, an occasional Wendy’s Picks, or Women Discuss, and whatever else I feel moved to write about on a given day. Giving myself the freedom to do just this over the past few weeks has felt really good (and liberating) and so I decided to go ahead and make it a thing and tell you it’s a thing, so hey, this less-posting thing is a thing now.
6. As always, the forums are still alive and strong. I try to read most threads there and make comments when I can, and they are moderated as well by the rock star known around these parts as Kate. (Thank you, Kate!).
7. Unrelated to this at all, did you all watch “Leaving Neverland” on HBO this week? OH. MY. GOD. We probably need to discuss.
* I love writing advice and I still want to answer letters! I just don’t want to answer any more letters about anything I’ve already answered a million times already (and I’m sure you don’t want to read it either). So, if you’re having a relationship conundrum and it isn’t about how your new boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is having a baby or you discovered Craigslist casual encounter responses in your husband’s email or your mother-in-law is rude to you, please send me a note!