In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
This year I started dating this 27-year-old guy and it got pretty serious. We have been dating since May. The night we got intimate I told him I was married. He wasn’t too happy to hear the news but he dealt with it. Throughout the months, I met his mother, some family, co-workers and close friends. I was at his house a couple times a week and I keep some personal belongings there for when I stay the night. Everything was great — we were in love and couldn’t get enough of each other.
Three days ago, I asked him why he never accepted my Facebook relationship request or post photos of us together. He said I was being a hypocrite since he never met my mother and I’m keeping him a secret (my mom was upset about my splitting from my ex and I wasn’t sure how she’d react to a new boyfriend). I went to bed pretty upset that night.
The next morning when he got off work as bar security he called and told me he couldn’t be with someone who’s married. He said that the real reason he hasn’t posted anything about us is because I’m not really his if I’m married to someone else. So he broke up with me. Three days later, he texts me (a couple minutes after ignoring my call to him) and says, “Good morning.” I say, “Hey, I miss you; I’m not mad or crying — I just want to talk.” He said he isn’t ready to talk. I sent him a Facebook message early in the morning explaining my situation and told him if he really loves me he would be there for me.
I’ve heard nothing else from him so far. Most of my friends are telling me there must be another reason he ended it. I didn’t think guys were this sentimental about marriage. I’m angry he waited until we were knee-deep in love. I can’t eat or sleep or do anything productive. I lay in bed all day and secretly stalk his Instagram and Facebook accounts. I just deactivated my Facebook so I won’t keep obsessing. I know I shouldn’t contact him, but I don’t know if he will miss me if he doesn’t hear from me.
It’s not like I’m still in a relationship with me ex. I got married to better my life and move forward. I hate I had to do it but it was my only option at the time. And now he has to judge me for it and throw away everything we built? I only have about 6-7 months left until I can get a divorce am I not worth the wait?
I hope he contacts me again and realizes his mistakes. Please, any advice would help. How can I have him see it’s not right to walk away from me like this? If he cannot stand with me during this stressful period how can we deal with more issues later on? Will he just walk away to protect his heart? — Married for Citizenship
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.