In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
We went to the mall and found a very nice but very expensive ring. I told him not to buy it, even though we were both excited. I told him that this was a very important decision and that if he were to buy it that it would mean that he is ready to propose in the near future. I just didn’t want to be disappointed since I found a job and was willing to move away from home for him. He decided to buy it anyway. I was excited and thought how wonderful it would be that he was going to ask me soon.
As soon as we got it home, he seemed to regret this purchase. He would not tell me how much it was, but I know it was expensive. I always told him it wasn’t about the ring, it was about the verbal commitment. He was very depressed and told me he had made a mistake, and that it was way too expensive. He stayed awake all night regretting the choice to buy it. In the morning he returned it. I felt bad, like he should have listened to me and waited until he was ready to purchase something or look for something less expensive. I decided to wait to move in with him since he then told me we were moving too fast.
He is 26 and spent a year at home not working after graduate school before deciding to go to school again. He had some time to find part-time work and save a little since he was living at home, but he didn’t. I was so ready to be engaged to him, saw a happy future, but I feel awful about the whole situation. He still wants to buy me a ring and propose, but I’m feeling rejected and unimportant. He is on break from school, but has only come to see me once, and our phone conversations have been stressed. I drive to see him every weekend, so I thought it would be nice for him to visit me once in a while, but he doesn’t seem to want to do that now either.
What is happening to my relationship? I told him it was ok if he was not ready for engagement, but he says he is. However, he is not showing me that I am important anymore by visiting and taking me out or being supportive. He seems depressed, sleeps most of the day, stays up most of the night. I don’t know what to do. When I ask for more time together or address the fact I’m concerned he is depressed, he feels I am pointing out his faults. When I don’t ask, he tells me the reason he doesn’t visit is because I don’t ask him to. I’m confused, and have become very depressed. Any thoughts? — Where’s My Ring, Already?
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.