In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
We met online when he lived in NYC and I in NJ. I decided to move to FL temporarily to help out my mother who has a medical condition. I broke up with Joe before I left, but due to unfavorable circumstances with pet boarding on the airline, I needed a second passenger, so I brought him along on the condition that only if and when he found a job would we try dating again.
I feel like he took advantage of me while he was living with my mother. I caught him cheating on Facebook as well. I gave him an ultimatum but he ignored me, and, when the time, came I kicked him out. I dropped him off at a family member’s house in FL. Then, I made an effort to move on with my life. For the next eight months he tried to woo me again. When I realized he was working and his job gave him a rental, I thought things would be better.
Turns out that his contract will be over soon and he will be unemployed again. He wants to convert to my religion and move in as soon as possible. I feel like he is rushing into marriage because he hates his roommate and he wants me to be his safety blanket. I have a great job with benefits; I’m working on a college degree, have a car that is paid off, an apartment, savings and retirement plans and I just turned 27. I live in a luxury apartment because I can afford it. I work hard and get things done.
He cannot offer financial stability or a comfortable lifestyle like I can, but he can offer emotional support, some money with side jobs, great sex, and good company. Am I wrong for wanting him to at least be at my level (financially) though before we get married? I’m worried that, if I marry him, I will end up being the sole provider. He says my expectations are too unreasonable, especially when he’s about to lose his job and needs a place to stay.
Is it possible he’s just really damaged from war duty and needs an extra push back into civilian life? Should I marry him and and move him in right away while he goes to school and finds a job? — Luxury Living
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.