My brother and I had a happy childhood in which our father was always there when we went to bed and when we woke up. He never missed any holiday or event in my life. His mistress, though, has become more and more tiresome. She showed up uninvited to my and my brother’s university graduations and tried to come to the celebrations and introduce herself to us and our family. At my elder brother’s graduation, she was my father’s girlfriend; at mine, his “wife.” Of course, she is not legally my father’s wife, and my father has sworn there are no children between them.
His mistress has for the past fifteen years tried to reach out and connect with my brother and me, through Facebook and Christmas and birthday cards. She sent presents to both our weddings, signing as our “stepmother.” We have both refused contact and acknowledging her. I sent the present and cards back.
My father has said since his diagnosis that whatever my mother says is what he’ll do. I assume he feels guilty for the years of pain he caused my mother. My mother does not want that woman anywhere near the funeral or the hospital, and she has barred her from visiting or contacting my father. The hospital staff have been made aware.
Recently, the mistress ambushed me outside the hospital while I was with my young son, begging to see my father. I ignored her but that left me having to explain to my son what had just happened.
She will not be invited to attend the funeral or visitation or to see my father as per my mother’s request, which my father has agreed to. I have no empathy for this woman as it has been made quite clear to her over the years that she is not part of the family and her presence is unwelcome.
What my brother and I are concerned about is how to keep her from contacting us or our mother or other members of our family about information for our father. We don’t want to involve the authorities because it will become messy, but so far she is persistent and we are not sure how else to proceed.
Do you have any thoughts or advice on how to proceed? — No Love For His Mistress
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].