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In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
My boyfriend is incredibly sweet, caring, and an all-around fantastic guy whom I’m truly in love with. We have a connection I never really believed I would find, and I feel so lucky to be with him. But there’s one problem: things between the sheets are not great. We were each other’s firsts, so I expected it to be rocky in the beginning, but now it’s been almost six months and I have only had one orgasm [that includes six months of third base before we started having sex.] I have tried talking to him about it, but fear it only makes him more self-conscious. I have casually mentioned that I do research to learn more about what I can do to please him sexually in hopes that he will do the same. I have even offered to teach him what to do, but he just says “sure,” then never acts on it. If this were someone else’s letter and I was reading it I would say that he just doesn’t care – but honestly that’s not his personality at all. I really think that he is just anxious about not being able to please me and therefore avoids it. I don’t want to make him more uncomfortable by trying to get him to talk more, but I also don’t want to be unsatisfied forever. I really think there is a good chance of me marrying this guy, but I’m worried these problems will continue forever. I don’t want to break up, but sometimes I wonder if another lover would be able to do the things he can’t seem to figure out. What should I do? — Confused Lover