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In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
We have always had a good sex life. I know my husband used to masturbate before we met, and after we got married, he pretty much gave it up. He told me he really didn’t need to do it anymore and would rather have sex than masturbate. I found out recently he has begun to masturbate again. He told me himself when I jokingly asked if he did. I admit we don’t have as much sex as we used to but I’ve been tired, sick and also aunt flow came around. We have ramped it up here and there when we are both not tired and have the time, but with two little ones, there is no time in the morning or day and well, at night, my husband works an early shift (sometimes 1:30, 2 or 3 in the morning), so he goes to bed early.
I know everyone is going to say it’s normal, but he never did this regularly and then all of a sudden he is. It also makes him less in the mood if I’m trying to put the moves on him since he’s had his release recently. I feel like I am so totally unattractive that he’s rather do that than be with me. I would love to lose weight but it’s hard because I am a little depressed and have no motivation. My husband has no weight issues and has no desire to workout even when I’ve suggested it. During his days off, he rather do things like stay home, shop, go out to eat, etc. He is not an outdoors person but neither am I.
The last two days I have been numb after discovering what he has been doing. I want to say something but fear that I make him feel guilty. I admit that I do masturbate myself once in awhile but never let on that I do. Yes, I know: double standards, but I just feel sick that I’ve now found out that my husband has done this at least three times in the last week when he never used to do it at all!
How do I talk to him about this? Am I just overreacting? Help me be rational please! — Practicing Self-Love