In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
I broke up with my boyfriend of over 1 1/2 years in April. I love him very much, but I don’t feel like I’m in love with him. Meaning, I care about him and his feelings but want to date other people. I’m 24, just out of college, and he was my first and only boyfriend. He didn’t do anything wrong; for the most part he was a great boyfriend (which is part of the reason he’s having a hard time accepting the breakup). I was just bored. We share no common interests or hobbies and have no interest in participating in each other’s hobbies or interests. We’re two completely different people who fought all the time. We both admit that, if we had spent more time getting to know each other (we were “official” after our first date), we probably never would have gotten together.
When we were together, he had a low-paying job and could never afford to take me out. Now he’s got a new job making double what he made and wants to take me out all the time. I tell him not to do those things if he’s trying to get back together with me, but he says he just does them to make me happy and because he loves me. I must admit, I am enjoying these dinners and gifts only because I hardly ever got them when we were together, but it’s definitely blurring the lines, so I have to stop letting him do this.
Sometimes I feel like I will never find another guy who loves me the way my ex did. I’m afraid I’ll find someone else but end up getting hurt and want to go back to the ex, but it will be too late. So maybe I should ignore the lack of “spark” and “chemistry” and just be with someone who loves me more than I love him. Then I think, maybe I think that because I’ve never been in another relationship and have nothing at all to compare this feeling to. Advice? — Afraid to Miss My One Chance
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.