In a feature I call “Your Turn,” in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, I’m presenting the following letter without commentary from me:
One day my car wouldn’t crank, and this guy helped me start my car and take it to the auto repair shop. While my car was getting worked on, we went to dinner. While at dinner, I realized I really, really enjoyed talking to this guy and realized after a year and a half I was over my ex-boyfriend. After that day, we started hanging out more and more after work. We found out we had a lot in common, but we never were intimate because he claimed he had a girlfriend who lived in another state whom he had been dating for the past four years. I understood this and we kept it strictly friends hanging out and dancing, but I noticed that we were spending a lot of one-on-one time together like we were dating.
After seven months of a really close friendship, he tells me that his girlfriend from another state broke up with him and in that same moment he kissed me. I found it odd that in the two years we knew each other, he and his alleged girlfriend visited each other only a couple of times. Anyway, from that day on we started getting closer and closer. I asked him one day, “Are we together or what?” He said, “No, I am not ready for a relationship since I was in such a long term relationship.” So I said, “Then we don’t need to be kissing or being intimate with each other.” And he said OK.
Days and months went by and it seemed like our attraction for one another kept getting stronger. He even started admitting to our friends that he liked me, and all of them thought we were dating. When I started hearing him say these nice things, I thought he had changed his mind about not being in a relationship, so I asked him again, “Are we in a relationship?” He responded for the third time that we weren’t because the timing was so off for him since he was in a relationship with the same girl for so long. I proceeded to ask him was he not over her. He said he’s over her and he doesn’t want me to think that I was a rebound girl because that is not what I am–but he only wants to be my friend.
So I told him we can’t be alone with each other for a while — we can’t touch each other or kiss. He agreed and this time I am really hurting and struggling because I want to be in a relationship with him and I miss our time together. I am very angry with the whole situation because, even though he told me he didn’t want to commit to me, he still was pursuing me like he wanted to be with me. I feel like I was played. I have talked to him about all of my feelings and emotions. He still is coming to my desk at work and we are still talking to each other, but the atmosphere feels different when we are around each other now–like we are both trying to contain ourselves from jumping on each other sexually. I truly feel that he really, really likes me, but I can’t understand why he doesn’t want to commit to someone he really, really likes. — Really, Really Annoyed
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.