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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

What does my married colleague want?

Encounter with an ex

Am I being unreasonable?

Partners Lies

Toxic or normal

Lied about my age

Did he move on?

Am I at fault for my breakup? Will he come back after blocking?

Accident happened and don’t know what to do at all

I’m about to move out but my budget makes me scared. Can you help me?

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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I met a girl about eight weeks ago and we really hit it off. On the second date she told me that she had previously planned a trip to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania with another guy. Climbing that mountain was her life’s dream. She was training five hours a day. She had only met the guy once before for a couple days and wouldn’t see him again until the trip. She explained that he was a “sugar daddy” whom she had met on an app. It was her first.

The trip of almost three weeks required her to be having sex with him and essentially acting as his girlfriend. She wants monogamy and I do also. She said she’d understand if I slept with someone else over the same time period but didn’t want us to automatically be “open.”

I flip-flopped emotionally trying to get my head and heart in the right place. She helped but had a harder time understanding why it was so difficult for me. I value the intimacy of sex with one person as a very important part of a relationship. When someone “devalues” sex by sleeping with someone else, it really pains me.

She left on the trip a week ago. She’s texted saying she has just had to numb out and put up “castle thick” walls. She says all the right words and totally avoids any comments or descriptions about him or their sex life, but I’m so distraught. I don’t know if I’ll be ok when she gets back. I might not even be able to approach intimacy.

Thoughts? — Not Her Sugar Daddy

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Roe has been overturned. Women’s bodies are now more regulated than guns are. Our reproductive rights have been stripped, and even rapists’ victims, the daughters of incestuous fathers, mothers of unviable fetuses, and pregnant people whose pregnancies risk their lives will now be forced to give birth in half this country or come up with the expense and time to travel to a state that still recognizes women as fucking humans capable of making decisions for themselves. I am sick as I know many of you are. Here are a few things we can do:

1. Donate to abortion funds, especially in the South.
2. Donate to clinics moving to states that will continue to have abortion access, and support clinic workers.
3. Volunteer to provide practical support.
4. Get and share information about self-managed abortion.

Please add any other ideas in the comments!

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I plan on moving shorty after my youngest graduates high school. He is 15 now and I also have a 17-year-old, both boys. I moved in 2013 to Illinois from Wisconsin so they could be closer to their dad. I have no family and no close friends here.

My boyfriend lives in Georgia, and I want to move there after graduation. My mom and sister act like I’d be abandoning my sons though. Their dad will still be in Illinois, and although they are welcome to move with me, I doubt they will because they don’t want to leave friends.

I have been visiting my boyfriend a few times during the year for 3-4 weeks at a time, and my mom makes it a big deal because I am leaving my sons with their dad. The backstory is their dad isn’t very involved – he is “just there” and I am expected to do everything for them. They are supposed to go to his house every other week but don’t always stick to that plan.

I feel it is unfair to give me the guilt trip, considering I have given up so much for them already, and I want to live my life when they are grown. Once again, they are welcome to move with me. Am I being selfish because I want to visit my boyfriend and then move to be with him? — Sacrificial Mom

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18 comments