Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Happy Friday! What do you have planned for the weekend? I want to take the kids to a family-friendly performance by a Zimbabwe hip-hop band tomorrow and to family day at the Guggenheim on Sunday but they are already complaining about both things, so we’ll see. I got a migraine last weekend that knocked me on my ass for 36 hours, so if I can remain pain-free this weekend, I’ll come out ahead regardless what we end up doing.

Hope you all have a great weekend, and here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

The Worst Dating Advice People Have Gotten From Their Married Friends

Can Marriage Counseling Save America? (TBH, I think it’s time for a divorce…)


“Many parents no longer want their children marrying people from a different political party — 35% of Republicans and 45% of Democrats, to be precise. Workers, like Richard, feel politics simply has no place in the office. And Americans at large dread the idea of Thanksgiving dinners with family members who might bring up President Donald Trump. Some on the right are even concerned we are on the verge of a new Civil War.”

— Welcome to the Fractured States of America

FYI: What Is the Best Pre-Sex Meal?

What I Wish I Knew About Finding Love Again After My Marriage Ended

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!
Follow along on Facebook,  and Instagram.

My colleague, “Maria,” and I are both married to different people. There was a spark between us and I found her very attractive. She made a move on me by inviting me to her place while her husband and kids were away. Even though I am very attracted to her, I did not take her up on it. Since then, she has made several advances which I have not pursued as I worried about the potential consequences of an affair. Her advancements went on and off over a 15-month period until she eventually stopped. All the time, deep down, I wanted to be with her and my mind was going crazy thinking about her, but somehow I resisted the temptation. She and I mostly work from home, but every so often we’re both in the office together, and I feel the spark again and my feelings reignite. Now I look back with regret that I did not take her up on offers. I finally spoke to her and told her I had feelings for her. She backed off, telling me she is happy where her life is right now. She also sounded angry when she rejected me. I kind of knew in my heart that she would turn me down as time had passed by. Now I feel embarrassed as I feel our friendship is over. Even though I look back at the opportunities I passed up, at the time I was happy with my decision. Why, all this time later, do I regret it? — Missed an Opportunity for an Affair

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Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

Are my standards too high?

Is he telling me the truth?

Nowadays cheating?

“My Boyfriend’s Family Dislikes Me”

Can’t stand father-in-law anymore

Did he sleep somewhere else or not?

Cheap friend

Partner doesnt want to have sex, says its because of stress but still loves me?

“I Told People That My Friend’s Husband Came On to Me and Now She’s Mad (at Me)”

Social snob?

How do I properly communicate with women?

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].


updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “The ‘Feelings Talk‘” who had been seeing a guy for a few months but was still unsure about their status. While they were apart over the summer, he’d text and call her but make no effort to see her (even when he was in her town!). She wondered how best to initiate a conversation about what his feelings for her were. Her update below.

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I love your advice and hope your no nonsense approach will help guide me through a sticky situation I find myself in.

My sister and I are estranged and have been for almost a decade. We were once very close, but the bottom fell out after a culmination of my feeling mistreated and being used and my subsequent frustration at my family for playing favorites. Distance has done me good, and through therapy I’ve learned where I went wrong in that relationship and have made peace with how things ended. She thinks she did nothing wrong and I should get over it, so I’ve accepted that things likely won’t change between us.

This past year while going through my first pregnancy I did reconnect with a few key family members and have slowly begun to rebuild my familial relationships. It has been lovely having support and a somewhat normal family experience. I even ended up seeing/speaking to my sister at my baby shower. It was fine, nothing major, but it left a lot of people hopeful we would reconcile.

I’ve since given birth and am immersed in being a first-time mom to a 3-month-old. Recently I received a text from my mother informing me that my sister was pregnant and having a boy. My first reaction was to be annoyed that my sister will very likely overshadow me/my son and it would have been nice if I could have enjoyed my family for a little longer before the focus shifted to her (because that’s how the dynamic usually goes). But after processing my initial pettiness, I realized that this is a big moment for her and she deserves people to be happy for her.

Then a secondary wave of thoughts and feelings came through. My sister told everyone in my family she was expecting several weeks ago but excluded me. Now I am stuck in this awkward situation where I know very personal information that I was not supposed to know. I feel rejected and left out but also like I shouldn’t have been informed because it is her right to have her pregnancy announced on her terms. For what it’s worth, when I was pregnant, I sent her an announcement in the mail. However, I should mention that she had moved and it got sent back before I resent it. It did take a bit longer to get to her. My understanding is that our dad told her before she received the announcement.

Now I feel like pulling back from my burgeoning relationships with family to avoid the topic of my sister’s pregnancy. I feel like wallowing in self-pity. I feel immature and petty for wanting to wallow. So how do I proceed? How do I eliminate these feelings of resentment and rejection? I want to be supportive to her, but my guess is she doesn’t even want me in the loop. — Resenting Sister’s Pregnancy

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