Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

There are a lot of overlapping resources in the links below, but most include at least something unique from the others and so I am posting them all here. Choose a couple to check out if you can’t read them all right now. If you can, please donate to any of the organizations listed in these links. That’s what we can do in the immediate short-term; there are lots of ideas and suggestions and resources for how we can continue to fight racial injustice in the long-term/ as an ongoing part of the rest of our lives and why doing this is necessary (if you need convincing). Stay safe, everyone.

How to Support the Struggle Against Police Brutality

Resources for Those Seeking to Help Anti-Police Brutality Protesters

Anti-Racism Resources

Where to Donate Your Money and Time to Help Protesters

Color-Blindness Is Counterproductive

How White Parents Can Use Media to Raise Anti-Racist Kids

For our White Friends Desiring to Be Allies

A few people to follow on Instagram for more resources and important perspectives:

@nowhitesaviors
@laylafsaad
@rachel.cargle
@ckyourprivilege
@thegreatunlearn
@ibramxk

Please share in the comments if you have other resources you’d like to share.

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Hello Wendy!

I am a long-time reader and fan. I would love to hear your take on some advice I read today. The current Dear Prudence sometimes misses the mark, but this seemed really weak. I am sex positive. I am a mom. I would never have loud disruptive sex in someone else’s home – repeatedly – and then ask to stay with them for the summer! I think the LW handled it fairly well, but I’m interested to hear your opinion. I admit it wouldn’t be my kindest moment if someone upset my child in a totally avoidable way.

For those who don’t want to click over, the letter this reader is referring to is posted here, and reads as follows:

Our house has thin walls. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend spent the holidays with us in our guest room, which is right next to our 4-year-old’s room. When they had sex, it sounded like a bunch of howler monkeys. Our daughter woke up and got scared because she thought someone was in pain. I came out into the hallway and could hear the thudding from the bed echoing. We let our daughter sleep with us that night. My husband “talked” to his brother. I assumed everything was taken care of since there were pink cheeks and no eye contact the next day.

The next night my husband was asleep downstairs when my daughter came into our room crying, saying the girlfriend was “screaming.” I was furious. I could hear the noise three feet away from their door. I slammed a fist on the door and told them to shut up or I would make them leave the house right then. They cut their visit short and never apologized. Our daughter had a few nightmares afterward, and I don’t want a repeat. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend need a place to stay over the summer. I told my husband that if they stay, they stay in separate rooms—the girlfriend can sleep on the sofa. Otherwise, I don’t want them in my house. My husband talked to his brother, and I got labelled as “controlling.” I don’t think any reasonable houseguest would act like this, especially the second time. What do we say here? — Bad Houseguests

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CIRCLE ICON DW 0127145

Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:

Graduation celebration possibilities?

Adult Bullying Support

Bothered by the relationship between my boyfriend and our friend

Take My Time or Rush College

How do I properly communicate with women?

Coronavirus/ Covid-19/ At-Home Support Thread

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

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updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Feeling Regret” whose girlfriend of nine and a half years broke up with him because he wasn’t ready to get married. He realized after they broke up that he was willing to marry her, after all, but she said it was too late. “I know I need to move on and look out for myself,” he wrote, “and it won’t help me holding on since she’s decided about it. I hope you can help enlighten me and help me slowly accept reality.” Did he accept reality? Find out in his update, below.
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On Wednesday I went for a five-mile walk – down to the Brooklyn pier and back. It’s been over two months since I’ve been on a subway or stepped foot in Manhattan, and I needed to remind myself there’s still a world outside my immediate neighborhood. There is. She’s still there. One day I’ll even be able to see some of it again.

It’s a holiday weekend here in the US, not that that really means much, right? But I hope you have a good one, just the same. Here are a few links you might find interesting:

Is There Any Safe Way to Socialize During the Coronavirus Pandemic?

Related: So you really want to see your friends? Here’s how to assess the risk

Also related:

“As it becomes clearer that the country’s pandemic-modified social configurations will need to hold for some time, people are starting to structure their lives in ways that are more sustainable for the long term. Single people are moving in together. I’ve heard of parents hiring quarantine au pairs to help out with kids who can’t go to camp or school. I know one family, long since decamped to a vacation home, that’s letting a colleague from a crowded group house move into its now-vacant primary residence. Me? I’ve formed a pod.”

Some helpful advice for parents here: How to Think Through Choices About Grandparents, Day Care, Summer Camp, and More

Our romantic relationships are actually doing well during the pandemic, study finds

I Have a “Quarantine Bubble” With People Outside My House. You Should Too.

What Single People Are Starting to Realize (About Dating During a Pandemic)

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