Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
I’m Jewish. I was raised Orthodox. I was the president of my shul for four years, a reform congregation. Judaism is a BIG part of my identity. Jewish holidays, traditions, and rituals are important to me. I have a friend whom I’ve known for 22 years who is Catholic. She attends bible study, chapel, and mass, all weekly. Her religion is important to her. She has NEVER wished me happy Rosh Hashanah, happy Yom Kippur, happy Hanukkah, happy Passover. I haven’t said anything to her because I don’t want to damage our friendship. We live next door to each other. It would be awkward if things went sideways.

My brother, who was my only sibling, and his wife raised their children Presbyterian. He’s now deceased and my sister-in-law, nephew, and nieces are all scattered. We all live many miles apart in different states. I have a limited but loving relationship with them. Once in a blue moon I might receive a Chanukah card. Holidays are bittersweet. What are your thoughts? — Bittersweet

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It’s Indigenous People’s Day so the kids are home from school with me today keeping me busy. Do you have a three-day weekend, too? What have you been up to? I just helped Jackson with his new puzzle, and I’m hoping I’ll have an hour later to finish this book I’ve been reading for the past week. Anyone have any recommendations for my next book? I’m in the mood for a memoir! I’ll be back tomorrow with a new column, and in the meantime here are a few links from around the web you might like:

Groom sexually assaulted a bridesmaid days before getting married. The craziest part is the bride still married him two days later.

Here’s Why [Maybe] You Never See Your Friends Anymore

‘Modern Love’ Disappointingly Delivers a Retrograde Version of Romantic Relationships

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I’m feeling a little under the weather today, with a sinus infection and foggy brain, so I’m going to let you all handle this one and if I’ve got more energy later I will chime in in the comments.

Over the past four years we’ve had huge issues with my fiancés daughter, “Clementine.” She’s 22 and not in my life at all because of death threats, stealing, lying, manipulating, and disturbing legal violations against others. She occasionally contacts her father, usually to request money, which he denies. It was a very rocky road to get to this point. Dilemma: We are planning a small destination wedding. Despite all the dysfunction we’ve crawled through, he still wants to invite Clementine to come (if she can legally cross the border). His mom — who’s hard enough to deal with — and other family heard about the possible wedding and also insist that Clementine attend. “Blood is thicker than water,” they say.

I have three young adult sons who get along with my fiancé great. He has one other daughter whom he hasn’t spoken with in three years. I’ve met with her three times, thinking she’d maybe open up to him but no luck; I do like her, though. There’s no point in inviting her to the wedding since she refuses to talk to her dad.

The thought of having Clementine anywhere near — let alone our sharing a week together for our wedding — makes me shake. I thought of just eloping to avoid the issues, but my sons and fiancé’s mom/dad/brother, etc. are super excited to go, so if we elope, I feel we’re punishing everyone. My fiancé doesn’t want to hurt Clementine’s feelings by not inviting her and thinks I should give her another chance. Any suggestions? — Feeling Shaky

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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.

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My boyfriend, “Robert” (32) and I (31, f) started dating in February, 2018. From the get-go, I had this feeling of doubt. During 2018, almost every month, I told him I simply couldn’t get rid of the doubt and then I broke up with him almost each month; we got back together a day or two after each break up.

In May, 2018, a lady friend from Robert’s hometown texted me saying that there were rumors that he and his ex (39) were still in contact, probably getting it on, but she had not seen them together and she had no proof. I confronted him and he told me that he would not entertain gossip. I broke it off as I believe that where there’s smoke, there’s fire.

In December, 2018, we broke up for ten days. I was mad because Robert didn’t make plans with me for the holidays. I was working and he went to visit family in another town (his excuse being that he asked me what my plans for the festive season were and, when I told him I’d be working, he didn’t see it necessary to make plans with me). However, we continued having contact during this period and I eventually told him I’d clear my head during my annual leave.

On the 29th, I went on leave for two weeks. During this time, I had no contact at all with Robert as I had no reception where I was. He did send me text messages which I later read when I got home. One said, “I don’t feel like living anymore.”

On the 13th of January, 2019, he begged me for us to work on our relationship as he said he saw a future for us. I agreed as I do love him, but the doubt was still there. During the year, we’ve grown closer (only one breakup for three weeks, which was in April, and we made up as we usually do). But by the end of September, the doubt was back and I told him I’m out for good and that this is the final breakup. He suggested we try couples therapy and I declined.

A few days later, a “voice” told me to google-search his ex. To my shock, one of the first results was a brand new photo of her and Robert at their baby shower. I was devastated!!!!! I confronted him by phone, he denied it, and, when I told him I could send him the photo, he confessed. Technically, I was not supposed to care as we had split up for five days, but I had a meltdown due to the shock.

I asked him how far along she was and he told me that the baby is due in a week. He said that they hooked up and had a-one-night stand during one of our breakups (this was not a justifiable reason for me as he know we always break up to make up). He said he wanted to tell me in August when she texted him about the pregnancy, but a few days later I was in a car accident, after which he helped me to recover and we were happy together and so he didn’t wanted to hurt me.

He asked me to forgive him and I did, but I told him that I will not be able to trust him again as I did not cheat during any of our breakups. Surprisingly, I feel sorry for him. I told him that he needs to prepare himself for the life-changing experience of parenthood and forget about me, and he said he will wait and see if the baby is really his.

I offered my shoulder to cry on as he sounds down in the dumps. I do love him a lot. But I do not think we will get past this situation. I specifically told him when we met that I don’t date guys with children because I don’t have time for baby mama drama. Please, please, please: your guidance would be much appreciated. — Having Doubts

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CIRCLE ICON DW 0127145

This week in the forums we’re discussing:

How do I properly communicate with women?

“Am I Not Trying Enough with My Best Friend?”

It frustrates me that almost everyone but me can probably get into a relationship

I “bit the bullet” and broke up with him, but it still hurts

6.5 years, need advice and thoughts!

Making a Relationship with a Girl

Is it time to just move on?

“You go to college to find your bridesmaids” Yeah, right!

“Should I Marry Him or Move On?”

“His Parents Practically Live With Us”

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

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