Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

The New Long-Distance Relationship

Are little ‘t’ traumas hurting your romantic relationships?

Invest in Your Relationships. The Payoff Is Immense. (Small investments in our everyday relationships can offer huge benefits when we most need them.)

We’re A Millennial Couple That’s Having Less Sex & We Couldn’t Be Happier

Alabama’s new abortion law has women ‘in fear for our lives,’ rape survivor says

On the Front Lines of the War on Women

“SCOTUS was all teed up to quietly gut America’s abortion rights. Then Alabama happened.” Interesting analysis from Slate’s Dahlia Lithwick: Alabama’s Extremist Abortion Bill Ruins John Roberts’ Roe Plan.

For my fellow Gen-Xers: The NYTimes devoted a whole article about our coming of age, which is probably the most media attention we’ll ever get, so enjoy.

Elizabeth Warren Deserves Your Undivided Attention

After men in Spain got paternity leave, they wanted fewer kids

Quiet Enjoyment: On sleeping with earplugs, and the futility of trying to block out the world

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

1 comment
My last marriage ended in divorce after 38 years due to my ex’s cheating. He remarried a few years later and his new wife puts things on Facebook about our former marriage, saying they both came from horrid situations. She also refers to my adult children as her daughters. I have no contact with my ex as he put me through eight awful years of his chasing other women prior to my filing for divorce. I doubt he told his new wife the real reasons for our divorce, but I’m upset she posts things like this on social media. We have a few mutual friends, so I hear about these posts and they show me when she calls my girls her daughters. Do I confront her about this or what? — The First Wife

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CIRCLE ICON DW 0127145

This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Boyfriend feels insecure at the pool

Frayed family relationship due to domestic violence

What the fuck is going on in Alabama?

Too open with guys

My Muslim boyfriend

How to talk to someone you havent talked to in a while?

I think my daughter is lying (about being molested)

Should I tell his girlfriend my husband wants to get back together?

My parents are understandably upset and I could use some advice

Apartment Share Rule

No self worth – ruining my life

Good Friend or being fake?

Feeling Insecure in Relationship

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].

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My girlfriend, “Kylie,” and I have been dating for almost two years. I am almost 21; she is 20 and has a two-year-old son, “Ben.” Ben’s father is someone who bullied me when we were young and is a very bad and abusive person. Ben doesn’t see his dad much (though he does see his father’s family), and his dad doesn’t pay any kind of child support. Kylie and I have always primarily hung out without Ben. I do see him when I go over or stay the night, of course, and during the first few months of his birth I was helping her hand and foot to do what I could to make her job being a mom easier but I wasn’t doing father-like things.

When we first got together, we talked about what my role would be in Ben’s life. It was a quick talk and we decided we would just deal with it later, and now, almost two years later, we are finally there. Kylie just asked me if I could be Ben’s dad and love him as much as she does, and while I do love him, the title of dad scares me right now and I don’t know if I want to commit to a life-long role so early in my own life. I am happy and fine to be a father-figure and role model, but I also believe that in a sense her son should decide what I am to him as my own step-dad let me do. I also find it hard for me to think of myself as a dad due to not being financially stable and not being able to do more for Ben than I currently do. I don’t want to assume a dad role and not be able to provide what, in my head, are good dad qualities. My girlfriend expected me to already be at the dad phase as it’s been almost two years that we’ve been together; it’s just I’m having a hard time adjusting and accepting that life-changing role.

Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. — Not Quite Ready to Be a Dad

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Hey Wendy, first-time LW and recent fan, hoping you can help me with some advice!

I have been with my long-distance boyfriend, “Craig,” almost a year and a half. We both graduate with undergrad degrees in December (we are a little older than the typical college grad crowd) and talk about moving then and eventually marrying. I love him and he makes me very happy; he is truly the only person I feel I can be completely myself around, but we differ on one big issue: He wants biological children while I have zero interest in that.(I might in the future but right now cannot guarantee it and find it unlikely.) I do, however, want to adopt or foster (I am even graduating with a degree in social work partially to help ease the process). I have never ever had biological maternal feelings, and, to be honest, I have had every pelvic issue you can imagine and the thought of going through labor and destroying my body further honestly gives me panic attack-inducing nightmares. I also suffered from severe clinical depression, mental illness runs in my family, and I would hate myself if I willingly subjected my child to it via genetics.

Craig is very scared of the concept of adoption, thinking adopted kids are “used” children, and would be upset his own genetics wouldn’t be reflected in his children. I personally believe being a parent is about unconditionally loving children and trying to provide them the best opportunities possible, whereas he is really focused on the genetic part. I took him to see that Mark Wahlberg movie where they foster and eventually adopt children and it made him cry (good tears); it seemed to calm him down a little, but I still think this issue might be a huge fight waiting to happen. He has never said it would be a deal-breaker or that the relationship would not work out if we never had children, but I know it would upset him deeply and he might resent me later on.

I do not want to prolong a doomed relationship and think it would be better for us to break up and find new partners where we can both be fulfilled if this issue is a deal-breaker. I also do not want to move for a doomed relationship, as I will be choosing a law school based on where he ends up getting a job and don’t want to be stuck for years if we break up. I’d like to have a little more clarity on this issue before one of us uproots everything. What should I do and how should I go about it?

Any advice is greatly appreciated, thanks! — Hopeful Future Adoptive Mom

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50 comments