Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

More Women Are Considering Proposing Themselves

Love Is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm: An Interview with Psychotherapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity

The truth behind these relationship stereotypes – and others – might surprise you.

What I See: Gloria Steinem, Shoulder to Shoulder With Women of Color

Have you been following the story of Cyntoia Brown, who at 16 was the victim of sex trafficking and killed a man who picked her up? She was tried as an adult and sentenced to spend her life in prison. The Tennessee Supreme Court recently affirmed that she can be released after completing 51 years in prison, and most reasonable and compassionate people are rightfully fucking pissed (especially considering that men like Brock Turner who was convicted of rape got a measly three months in jail because more time than that “would ruin is life.” Talk about white male privilege! Here’s an article about why Cyntoia Brown deserves clemency.

Daughter of ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ composer defends song amid controversy. We discussed the song bit this week in this thread.

Working to Ensure the ‘Year of the Woman’ Is More Than Just One Year

Researchers Found One Way That Long-Term Marriages Get Happier

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.


It’s been a long time since we had a Your Turn column, where I let you take the reigns of giving the advice, so here you go:

I’ve been married to my husband 32 years and he has been sexting with a group of women. He’s also been watching porn videos. I found out it has been going on for two years or longer. I caught him one night and asked to see his phone; there was a complete wrestle for the phone because he wouldn’t let me have it though he said he wasn’t doing anything. He bruised both my arms very badly, holding me to keep me from getting the phone. He did admit later that I was right about what he was doing and said he needed the intimacy of it because we don’t have sex anymore. My husband says he has never cheated on me with another woman p, but I don’t know if I believe him on this.

I am 70, but I am a very attractive women. Because I suffer from depression, my doctor put me on cymbalta and I have no desire for sex anymore. I had seen a doctor and got on bioidentical hormones, but my husband then said we couldn’t afford it so I had to stop them. I was totally devastated when I found out what he had been doing. He asked me to forgive him, and I told him I did forgive him but I could not forget it and we agreed to go to a marriage counselor to work on our marriage.

Unfortunately, I have just found out that my husband was sexting with my sister!! I told him that I could never get over that. I love him, but I can’t stay married to him. He said: “You’re going to let this break up our marriage?” He says it’s only role-playing, that’s all. I feel like they’re both telling lies and he is trying to turn it on me. I hate this! I didn’t want a divorce, but I know I can’t get past this. I just can’t. What do you think about what he has done? — Can’t Get Over This


updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “My Mother My Self” who was pregnant again after suffering a traumatic stillbirth and who worried about how to mother a little girl since her own mother was no longer alive to give her advice and help. Her heartwarming update below.

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What are you all up up to for the Christmas/winter break this year (assuming you get some sort of break)? Here in NYC, public schools don’t let out for the winter break until the week of Christmas (next Friday, the 21st, is the final day of the calendar year and then school resumes on Jan. 2), which is a week shorter than most school districts around the country and what I was used to growing up. Instead of maybe enjoying an extended vacation somewhere, or one week at home and one week traveling, you have just a week to pack everything in with your kids that you want to before they’re due back at school. So we choose to stay put. Jackson stopped believing in Santa this year, but Joanie hopefully still has a few more years of magic left, and I find it much more enjoyable to have Santa visit us in our own home rather than look for us at the grandparents’ where we then have to figure out how to get gifts home, along with car seats, luggage, stroller, etc. through overcrowded airports amid other cranky travelers.
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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Relationship/Dating insight and opinions?

I can’t make big decisions – how do I know he’s “the one”?

The Most Clueless Bridezilla Ever

Married, got hit on

He said he was smarter than me

Racist decor in my parents’ house

Can’t stop thinking about her

Discovered my best friend’s new boyfriend has a criminal history. Do I tell her?

How to deal with a clingy friend?

Parents not liking me dating?

Husband’s Indirect Questions

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].