Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
I am having a Confirmation party for my daughter and do not want to invite my sister-in-law. I have known her for 20+ years, she has been very difficult for all those years, but I have always kept the peace because she is married to my husband’s brother. Two years ago she alienated me, as well as my children and husband, because (in her words) I don’t like and comment on her social media posts as much as I do other people’s and that really hurt her.

My mother got sick in 2017 and was given six months to live. My SIL never reached out once. My mother passed away, my SIL showed up briefly to her wake, she was late, she sat in the foyer the whole time, and she left early. She did not attend her funeral. It’s been six months since her passing and she has continued to ignore me as well as her nieces and nephews. I find this extremely hurtful, especially over social media (?!).

My husband feels I have to invite her and his brother, but I feel justified in not doing so.

Can you offer any advice or insight? Anything would be extremely appreciated. — Annoyed SIL

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I’m friends with a man at my church – he’s on the board and we both have served as volunteers there. I fell down one time and he helped me dress my wounds. Some time afterward he told me I had “soft, smooth skin.” A day or two later he made that same comment again. A few weeks later he called me to give me my astrological birth chart. He tells me I might consider becoming a “geisha” and helping men overcome their sexual problems (he himself has sexual dysfunction). He has also described my body as “beautiful” and asked me if I shave my underarms at night.

These comments have made me uncomfortable and I sent him a message telling him so. I know he has seen it, but he hasn’t responded. It has been at least ten days. Also, he is 27 years older than I am and I have never told him I wanted anything other than friendship. It’s hard to avoid him as there are activities we are both involved in at church. What should I do? — Had Enough

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Happy Friday, everyone! Hope y’all have had a great week. I started acupuncture on Tuesday to treat my alopecia, and I’m feeling optimistic about it. The acupuncturist I chose specializes in hair loss (she has alopecia herself) and has a 90% success rate. She said it may take six months before we can tell if my treatment is successful or not. Fingers crossed. In addition to bi-monthly sessions (which insurance covers – yay!), I have to overhaul my diet, which I’m actually ok with. I’m going to greatly reduce alcohol, processed foods, and refined sugars, and add more fiber and Omega 3. I’ll probably be asking for recipe suggestions and re-visiting this thread and this post for more ideas.

Yesterday I got to catch up with a friend who is visiting NYC from Houston for a couple days with her husband (she was my first friend I made here who wasn’t introduced to me by Drew), and today another close friend is flying in from Chicago to visit for the weekend. She was supposed to visit two weeks ago, but her flight was canceled because of the nor’easter cyclone bomb thing and she had to reschedule. Jackson is thrilled that she’ll be here in time to come with me to pick him up from school. I’m thrilled because her flight should land just in time for us to get a table at my favorite neighborhood restaurant’s very first brunch opening. We have a sitter for tomorrow night, but I’m not sure what we’re going to do yet. Any suggestions?

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

PS There’s a site-wide 20% off sale (plus free shipping) on full-priced items at Anthropologie today. I really wanted to get this dress, but it sold out in the print I wanted. Maybe you’d like one of the other colors still available. I’m on a pillow kick right now as I continue decorating our new place, and I bought one of these this week when there was an additional discount on sale items. It doesn’t qualify for today’s sale, but these do and they’re gorgeous!


Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Some men want women to message first on Tinder. Here’s why we don’t.

Related: She found Tinder on her boyfriend’s phone. Then she allegedly bought a samurai sword.

Ew, swipe left: “What Would Donald Trump Jr.’s Dating Profile Look Like?”

Mallory Ortberg, the advice columnist who is the current Dear Prudence, is now Daniel: “‘Mallory Is Not Gone’: Daniel Mallory Ortberg on Coming Out As Trans The beloved internet writer talks to Heather Havrilesky about his new identity.”

Yale neuroscientists debunked the idea that anyone is “normal”

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

Follow along on Facebook, and Instagram.

My girlfriend has given me an ultimatum: her or my good friend Greg. “Greg” and I grew up in similar neighborhoods with similar backgrounds. We met in college through our common interest in playing video games and a shared entrepreneurial mindset. He eventually graduated with a bioengineering degree and moved to another state for a great job opportunity. He didn’t love it and moved back two years later. By that time, I’d been in a relationship, had a 2-year-old daughter, had settled into a steady job, and had started a small business. Greg, too, had a girlfriend throughout this time, but he would always be flirtatious and have other women on the side. I told him several times he should just break up with his girlfriend so he would not feel so guilty and would have more fun, but he never listened.

Fast forward almost ten years later and I have a new love; I introduced her to Greg soon after we met a few years ago, and though she thought he was smart and ambitious, she was concerned about his treatment of women and the fact that he had a girlfriend of twelve years whom he wasn’t faithful to. Towards the end of last year they finally broke up, and he has been going through women like they’re nothing. My girlfriend used to be in a relationship with a man similar to Greg, who would always chase women or have women on the side when he was in a relationship. He triggers her to the point that she’s had panic attacks over his behavior.

We had a big argument recently and she said that, if I continue my friendship with him, I will become like him, and she said I have to choose: him or her. He and I have been close for about thirteen years now, he’s never gotten me to do anything I didn’t want to do and vice versa, he’s a calm, collective person and I have never even seen him angry. His one character flaw is that he’s a Casanova. I am not sure why I suddenly need to choose one or the other because she fears me turning into something I am not willing to be.

I want to choose her, but I know that I will be turning my back on someone who is a true friend and whom I have learned a lot from. My circle is small — there are just two other friends whom I trust and consider like family. What should I do? — How to Choose?

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