His mother and I don’t get along, although I had tried many times in the past (before we had married), but my efforts were always thwarted by her drug addiction and her inability to stay on medication (she, too, is bipolar). My husband is also in recovery (eight years clean and sober – he got into rehab after we met) and I often worry that he might slip when he’s with her. My husband planned on living apart from me until he got himself sorted out with medication and therapy, and under a doctor’s advice it was best that we didn’t share a living space because the stress he was causing me was enough to hospitalize me.
He has been away less than a week. We were talking every day and things were looking up. I felt like he was on the path back to becoming the person who I love. But yesterday, out of the blue, he called and said that he didn’t want to come back. He said that he wanted to start over and when I asked why, his answer was that I was greedy for not wanting to sell my house (I suspect he wants me to sell to get him out of debt for overspending during his mania) and the town I live in makes him depressed. The only thing that would make him happy, according to him, is for me to sell and move into his mother’s apartment, or for us to separate.
His new plan to start his life over is to quit his cushiony, well paying job here, live with his mother, and her new boyfriend (they’ve been together for three weeks) will get him a job at the local mine. I have serious doubts that he will get that job – or that he will even enjoy manual labour. I feel that his mother might have even influenced him to think that the diagnosis is wrong.
My head is swimming. I am heavily pregnant and I was so excited for the future. I had thought this was a bump in the road and with time, therapy, and medication we would get through this. But now he feels that his happiness is hinging on him living with his mother. I feel like the carpet has been ripped out from under me. Just the other day we were talking like everything was normal and making plans for him to come to the next ultrasound.
He still wants to be involved with the baby, but now I am scared what sort of influence he and his mother will be on the child. What should I do? If he finally comes to his senses should I accept him back? Or should I try to untangle my life from his, knowing that he might not follow through with his treatment or even be swayed by his mother in the future? I tried to appease and offered to sell my house and move to another town together, but he firmly wants to live with his mother. -Pregnant and Heartbroken
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