At that point, we were like ten months in. For two months after that he told me he was tired of leading me, that he didn’t want a relationship with me, and that he didn’t like how basically I moved myself into his place and overstayed my welcome. He then blocked my phone number, saying I called him too much throughout the day. He said we didn’t have to talk every day and spend every day together, but before that it had never been a problem. After two months, he was fine again, and we slowly started getting back together. I stopped myself from staying the night, but, though everything seemed good, I had a gut feeling something was wrong.
It turns out he had, in fact, been cheating on me. There was a girl that I thought maybe something had happened with, so I messaged her and asked if she had had anything with him in the past, and she told me to come over because she wanted to tell me face-to-face. I thought, okay, she is going to tell me about something that happened when he and I first started dating, but then she told me that they had slept together in early December, which broke my heart. Tony swears he was drunk and doesn’t remember it. He cried and apologized to me. I told him that if he wants me in his life, there will be a title or nothing. He told me he will not be pressured into a relationship that he isn’t ready for. I forgave him for cheating because, what can I say, we aren’t together. I can’t give up on him, but I don’t know what to do. I want to trust him, I want to believe he didn’t remember the cheating, and I want to believe he will never hurt me again, but he refuses to actually be with me.
P.S. We do go to family events together and his family loves me. — Loved By His Family
Here’s what we’re discussing this week in the forums:
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
From the forums:
By the end of the night, we were all extremely drunk — the drunkest I’ve been in a very long time. My childhood crush was kind of flirting with me, but he’s a flirty guy so I ignored it. Fast forward to my leaving/getting in an uber: I’m hugging him goodbye and he gives me a kiss on the cheek which somehow turns into a full-blown make-out. It only lasted a few seconds but I feel AWFUL about it. To make matters way worse, his girlfriend of five years SAW the whole thing and now they are not speaking (this happened two weeks ago).
I am not the type of girl who ruins relationships or cheats on her boyfriend. It was so stupid and pointless, and my boyfriend deserves a lot better. I don’t know what to do. Do I tell my boyfriend, too? I think about it 100 times a day and here are my pros/cons of telling him:
1. He deserves to the know the truth and decide if he still wants to be with me.
2. I won’t be keeping a secret from him (I’ve never kept anything from him).
3. There’s no chance of someone else telling him first
1. He could break up with me over something that meant absolutely nothing.
2. If he forgives me, there may always be this doubt in his head that I’ll do it again (we are SO happy and so in love and I don’t want to ruin that, ugh).
3. It’ll cause him unnecessary pain – at the end of the day I am so in love with him and that other guy means absolutely nothing to me.
I made such a stupid MISTAKE. Do I tell him or ride it out?
Side note: I realized through this event that I clearly don’t know how to stop drinking when I should and for this reason I have given up alcohol. I’ve not explained the reason to my boyfriend, but it’s one thing I can do to improve myself/learn from this.
Please help me, I’m consumed with guilt. — Consumed with Guilt
If Elizabeth Warren doesn’t win the presidency, she might want to consider becoming a relationship advice columnist (she’s good!): Elizabeth Warren Wants You To Ditch That Guy, Get A Dog, And Vote To Tax The Wealthy
Why killer whales — and humans — evolved menopause (Hint: Grandmothers help to explain an evolutionary mystery.)
A new book, “Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis,” documents the unique pressures on Gen X women. Here’s an NPR interview with the author. (We also discussed this a little bit in yesterday’s column.)
The High Cost of Having a Baby in America (The average delivery now costs more than $4,500—even with insurance!)
What do you all think about Harry and Meghan “stepping back” from the monarchy? I’m not much of a royal watcher, but even I find the news a little bit titillating. Here’s a good summary of what it means: Harry and Meghan Won’t Play the Game: Their decision to “step back” from the royal family reflects their distaste for the British press.
1 Billion Animals Have Reportedly Died in Australia’s Wildfires, which is so horrific and mind-boggling and we should all be terrified by the devastating effect climate change is having on our planet and committing to, at the very least, some small lifestyle changes to help reduce greenhouse emissions.
Related (because reducing our meat and dairy consumption is, by far, the most meaningful impact we can make in reducing our carbon footprint and decreasing the speed of climate change): The Meat-Lover’s Guide to Eating Less Meat