Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
My friend “Jane” has some major hygiene issues. She has excruciatingly bad breath and incredibly distracting chin hair that she might shave once every few months. I don’t know if I should ever broach the subject with her or how to tactfully do it if it’s something I should bring up. I see her every day at work and we occasionally get together outside of work. We bonded because we are both in our 30s and part of the very small population of female professionals amongst about 100 people. I don’t want to hurt her feelings or ruin our friendship. Any thoughts on what to do in this situation? — Your Breath Stinks!

[continue reading…]


Last night I was giving Joanie a bath when she said she had made another friend at school that day. “How did it happen?” I asked, and she gave the same answer she’s been giving to this question for the past few weeks: “We were standing next to each other in movement class and I said, ‘Do you want to be friends?’ and she said ‘Yeah!’ and so now we’re friends.’” After that, she told me that she got “nine shout-outs in morning meeting.” I asked what that meant, and she said that every morning the class stands in a circle and everyone takes a turn saying one positive thing about one other person in class. I asked what kinds of positive things her classmates – nine of them yesterday – say about her, and she said they all say the same thing – “that they like to play with me.” And so, friends, today I wish you the energy and excitement of a social butterfly in first grade who has the opportunity for the first time in a year and a half to make a new friend every day and a recess period in which to play with them. And if that fails, I wish for you at least one thing today that gives you reason to feel optimistic when so much in the world right now gives reason to feel otherwise.

Have a great weekend, and here are a few links you might enjoy:

Here Are Some Good Reasons To Divorce Your Husband This Fall

Related: Adele Got Brutally Honest About Her Divorce In New Song “Easy On Me” After Revealing Why She “Voluntarily Chose To Dismantle” Her Son’s Life (Have you heard the single yet? Adele released it last night and it’s gorgeous, of course).

Also related: “I Cant Wait to Get Divorced Now: Adele Fans Reconsider Their Relationships After Listening to ‘Easy on Me.'” (For the record, I like the song, but I’m happily married and planning to stay that way!)

Did the Pandemic Kill the Big Wedding?

Dating Apps Were ‘Getting Old.’ Why Not Try Something Older?

This HONY story made me – and tens of thousands of others – cry. G and Ant for ever!

My ex-husband and I have been split for over 10 years. Our two kids are technically adults now, with my youngest daughter, age 20, in college. He has always been a mostly emotionally and physically absent dad who got tired of having family responsibilities. The only time he paid child support was when he was married to his latest ex-wife, who was actually the one paying. (He has always made very irresponsible decisions with money, and I raised the kids mostly alone.) I am also good friends with this ex-wife, Jane. Added note, when he left us, he cleaned out our bank accounts, mine and both kids’. Kids lost about $1000 each.

The ex recently came into an inheritance when his mom passed – about $100k-ish. My college daughter got Grandma’s used but newer car, which was a relief as I was only able to provide a much older car that worried me. Ex gave my son 10k to even things up. He also paid off about 4k in student loans my daughter had, and he made many promises – even as recently as August – that he would cover her tuition going forward.

Now, eight months after this inheritance, tuition is due and Ex is broke. My daughter is super stressed and having anxiety and panic attacks. I am going to sell a car and try to help any way I can, but I am just disgusted with him. Again. My policy has always been to try to be civil with him and not badmouth him to the kids. They will discover in their own time what their dad is truly like, and my older son definitely has.

Here is the question: Jane thinks this current situation is somewhat my fault for not telling the kids what he is like and that he’s an a$$hole and a POS in the 10 years since he left and that I’m too nice and it has caused my daughter to think he is a stand-up guy. I always answered their questions honestly, like when they asked where their savings account $ went, I told them. Jane thinks I need to cut ties and tell them exactly what I think of him. I think she needs to butt out of this one because, while she loves my kids too, she has her own issues with him from their marriage. However, I’m also feeling tremendous mom-guilt because I kind of saw this coming, but I hoped he would do better. Who wants to say that you better get that money now because your dad will piss it all away? Even I thought 100k would last longer than eight months.

So, did taking the high road for 10 years backfire? I still would rather just state the facts of what happened and take what steps I can to resolve problems, rather than going scorched earth and telling them how much I hate him and what a POS dad he is. I already feel so guilty that they lost out in the parent-lottery. — Ex-wife of a Jack-Ass

[continue reading…]