Dear Wendy: It’s About to Get Personal

Okay, this is very complicated to me. My daughter’s dad, “Carlos,” and I were together for nine years before we split in 2017. He left and started a relationship with a person we both knew, “Ginger.” He says he didn’t plan it that way, but okay. Well, while he was with Ginger, I also started a relationship with someone we both knew. I didn’t plan it like that either — we were supposed to meet and have sex and go our separate ways. But okay. It developed into a relationship.

Well, Carlos and I got back together at the end of 2018 and we are still together. Now my problem is this: Ginger has a daughter and the daughter has a son whom Carlos got close to. I recently found out that he gave Ginger’s daughter money to help her out. The daughter got her own place a few weeks ago, and now Carlos goes around and hangs at the daughter’s home. He says he loves me and he knows where his family, time, and money are. He says in so many words that I shouldn’t have a problem with this because his relationship with Ginger is over forever. He says he wouldn’t have a problem with me talking to my ex. I don’t think that’s true because he went through my pictures on FB and expressed that he didn’t like that I had pictures of my ex when he doesn’t have pictures of Ginger posted. So I got rid of them. I don’t think he is right, but what do you think? And what should I do? — On Again

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“My Boyfriend is Raising His Ex-Girlfriend’s Kids and He Won’t Get Rid of Them”

By: Dear Wendy January 14, 2019 Columns

I just reunited with my first love after 30 years. He has never married but has two kids from a previous relationship whom he’s raising. That’s all wonderful, but here is the kicker: When he got into a relationship with the woman, she already had three kids who were from multiple men! They became “blended” and then had their two kids together. Well, that didn’t last long before she bailed and left them for a life of drugs and men. He stayed with all the kids. Now, fast forward to today: The oldest is 19 years old and has moved out, but that leaves four kids living with my boyfriend, aged 17, 14, 11, and 8. They all live in a two-bedroom apartment!

He claims he wants a life of his own and that he knows those “other” kids aren’t his responsibility, but no one will step up. The two older ones are rebellious and don’t mind him at all. He’s not a very good discipliner. One more kicker: The mother has since had two more kids (ages 5 and 3), and they all — and I mean all — call my boyfriend “dad”!!

I know that they don’t want the kids to be sent to foster care, but he just can’t handle them. I love him so much, but I refuse to raise that woman’s kids!! I would help step-parent his two, but I’m not taking any responsibility for the others.

I feel angry that he would keep all this up. I accused him of keeping all the kids together because he was waiting for her to come back! He said no — he claims there is nowhere for them to go, but I know they have other family. Am I wasting my time?? Am I wrong for despising these kids? — Reunited and it Feels So… Not Good

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Weekend Open Thread

By: Dear Wendy January 11, 2019 Weekend Open Thread

Happy Friday! This week I have done really only five things, at least three of which I am guessing at least half of you have also been doing: I started watching the R. Kelly documentary; I did a major Marie Kondo-style closet-purge (and I haven’t even watched her new show yet OR read her bestselling book); I made #TheStew (a recipe that has gone viral and for good reason – it is delicious!); I continued reading this book in an effort to meet my goal of reading 25 books this year (is it too soon to say I’m on track?); and I did this 1000-piece puzzle. Oh, and I finally seemed to have kicked the sinus infection that I had for two weeks straight (or, since last year!). Just living life in the fast lane, guys. What about you? Have a great weekend!

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Friday Links

By: Dear Wendy January 11, 2019 Friday Links

Here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Kristen Roupenian, the writer of “Cat Person,” the short story in the New Yorker about an uncomfortable sexual encounter that went viral last year and became something of a cultural lightning rod, has a new book coming out in a few days. The Cut has an interview with her, in which she discusses the book, becoming an overnight viral sensation, and how the cultural conversation around #metoo has impacted her.

It seems that older women, long invisible or shunted aside, are experiencing an unfamiliar sensation: power. “I Am (an Older) Woman. Hear Me Roar.”

I met my boyfriend 12 years after giving birth to his child

Sex comes before romance in modern relationships: Physical intimacy now kick starts emotional bonding, psychologists claim

I love this Modern Love essay: Tracking the Demise of My Marriage on Google Maps

The Weight I Carry: What it’s like to be too big in America

Knock Knock. Who’s There? Kids. Kids Who? Kids Tell Terrible Jokes.

If you have a preschooler at home, you have no doubt heard “Baby Shark” a hundred times, if not more. This week, the song debuted on the Billboard Hot 100 chart at No. 32, and at least one person thinks listening to this song may give you “a brief invitation to unaccountable happiness, in a terrible and ugly and often sad world.” I’m sure plenty of parents out there might disagree with that sentiment though… (for the record, I like the song. But not more than three times in a row).

Thank you to those who submitted links for me to include. If you see something around the web you think DW readers would appreciate, please send me a link to [email protected] and, if it’s a fit, I’ll include it in Friday’s round-up. Thanks!

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