Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
My best friend since high school just recently got engaged and I couldn’t be happier. Aside from her immediate family whom she told the day of, I was the first person to receive a phone call about the news. She’s been the most supportive friend and we could’ve easily split and gone our separate ways because her older brother (very recently married) is my ex. Not a casual ex, but an ex that I was with for four years and we had been talking about getting married ourselves … It was a heartbreaking breakup (he was unfaithful). She stuck by my side and she’s my ride or die. That being said …

It’s been a few weeks since she’s told me her engagement news and about two weeks since announcing it publicly on social media and she still hasn’t asked me to be in her wedding party. She and I would always spend the weekends together before school and work watching wedding reality shows and talk about ‘oh when you’re my maid or honor’ so naturally I assumed I’d be asked to be MOH or at the very least a bridesmaid. She’s not yet announced anything and I’m not about to ask her because I’d be devastated if she says ‘no’ or replaces me with her new sister-in-law (I don’t know about their relationship, if they’re friendly or whatever and I can’t pretend to know).

There’s also the fact that out of our group of friends, I’m the professional student single gal. I don’t have a job although I am currently looking and applying as I’ll be done with my master’s soon. I understand there’s a stigma that comes with having a jobless MOH or bridesmaid because of the cost of simply being in a wedding – not to mention as MOH you have to throw parties and such. I think she’d be understanding if those events were my big present to her and I gifted her a small token rather than a large gift off her registry. Also, how do I deal if her new sister-in-law is in the wedding party with me? I’m not sure she knows who I am and how I know the bride because according to family friends and mutuals, my ex (her husband) basically keeps me a secret like some crazy relative they keep chained in the basement.

Is it too early to be freaking out? I don’t have many friends and I don’t have siblings, so if/when my time comes to get married, there’s no doubt in my mind that she’ll be right by my side the day of as my MOH. With her new family situation and her brother’s stubbornness, I wouldn’t be surprised if he made his sister have his wife as MOH. – Master’s In Mayhem

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Friday Links

This has been a busy week in my household. On Sunday we took the kids to an NBA game (right in our neighborhood – at the Barclays Center – where the Brooklyn Nets play), on Tuesday we all took advantage of Kids Night on Broadway (a yearly event where kids get in free to participating shows as long as they’re with a full-paying adult) and saw Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (I’m not a HP fan so it wasn’t really my jam, but the kids loved it and the special effects were cool to see), we attended parent teacher conferences for both kids, Jackson started tennis lessons, Joanie got signed up for a skateboarding class, we hosted a couple play dates, and Drew and I even got out for some socializing with friends (sans kids). Tomorrow we have some other friends coming over whom we haven’t seen in ages, and Joanie requested I make one of my famous (well, famous to her) cheese boards. I’m also going to make some celery salad to go with it because I really know how to have a good time.

Hope you all have a great weekend – first weekend of Spring, yay! – and here are some links you might be interested in, including dark family secrets, impressive questions to ask in a job interview, and a vacation that sounds like hell to me:
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A long time ago in a place far, far away (in this galaxy, though), I worked as an assistant manager at a restaurant while also going to college. I had a *great* relationship with my boss – we were very different people, but our strengths complemented one another in a very positive and useful way that benefited both our careers. We had a very friendly relationship even outside of work, hanging out as couples with our partners multiple times, but our relationship was never anything other than platonic. In fact, I absolutely loved his wife (probably more than him!) and always wished we’d have had a chance to get to know each other 1:1. After a couple years, I broke up with my abusive ex and my boss started having serious problems with his wife. For the record, I think he was mostly at fault – though not entirely – something I made clear to him on multiple occasions. However, during this time, there were obviously no group-hangouts taking place.

Fast forward a few years and I’d moved across the country with my then-boyfriend (now husband) and started a new career. My old boss was a suggested friend on Facebook, so I hit the button. I got a message a couple days later explaining that his wife was under the impression that we had been in a romantic and/or physical relationship, and because he was trying to save his marriage, he couldn’t accept my request. Although I was a bit shocked because we had never even come close to anything like that (I was definitely never attracted to him in that way), I obviously accepted his response and didn’t reach out again.

That was a few years ago, but recently his wife’s page was suggested to me as a potential friend. It’s clear from her profile photo that they are still together, which is great for them and their kids. Although my head is telling me to ignore this, my heart feels for this woman that I once admired who probably still thinks her husband cheated on her all those years ago (and maybe he did – but certainly not with me). If I ever thought my husband had been unfaithful to me, I know it would be in the back of my mind forever.

If you were her, would you want to receive a message from me stating unequivocally that I was never involved with her husband in any inappropriate way whatsoever, or would that unnecessarily bring up unpleasant thoughts or feelings? Would it help bring peace and closure to that time in your life, or would it just rake up bad memories? At this point, I’m not interested in being friends with either of them regardless, but I hate to think of her struggling with those images for years when they’re not based on reality (especially if I could help to fix that). — Just a Friend

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I have been with my boyfriend for about two years. We are long-distance and see each other about once every month or two. We had plans for me to move to his location at the end of this year. In 2022, we went to Las Vegas for EDC (the Electric Daisy Carnival) with a group of our friends (originally his). One of the friends, “Colin,” began to seem flirtatious with me. The second morning we all got back to our camping trailer, and my boyfriend, along with a few others, went to take a shower. Me, Colin and another friend, “Kyle,” stayed behind. I did not feel well, so Colin gave me a shoulder massage. He was sitting on the bed and I was sitting on the floor. Kyle believes that Colin and I kissed. He told one of the friends camping with us the next day that he is not sure if he heard Colin and me kiss. Fast forward to a few days ago, and Kyle told my boyfriend that Colin and I made out and my boyfriend believes him.

I am utterly pissed that I am being wrongly accused of cheating. But I’m also heartbroken that my boyfriend has chosen to leave me for this without giving me the time of day to even have a conversation. He is also convinced I have tried to get with two of the girls in our friend group. Both of them are in committed relationships and both of them have drunkenly kissed me. My boyfriend never expressed that these things bothered him. But now that he believes I kissed Colin, he is saying I have spent our entire relationship trying to get with other people.

At this point I am so angry I don’t even know if I want to try to save our relationship. I think it’s a lost cause anyway, but I don’t want it ending on false accusations. So, my biggest concern is: How do I get him to realize I did not cheat? My boyfriend has been cheated on by just about every one of his exes, so there is a lot of residual trauma. I have also been cheated on and would never want my boyfriend to feel that pain because of me. I just want him to know the truth, whether we stay together or not. — Falsely Accused

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Friday Links

According to the astrologers I follow, this week was a doozy, and it definitely felt that way for me. How about you? The good news is that there will be an energy shift by the end of the day and things should start feeling a little easier very soon. Also, spring starts next week! And, I know it’s a controversial topic, but I love daylight saving time and am happy we’re back on it – at least for the next seven months and…maybe forever?

Do you have any plans this weekend? We might go see a Nets game on Sunday if we can score some last-minute discounted tickets. I’m going to make this delicious-looking braised pork recipe. And I’m finishing this novel by Celeste Ng, which is kind of a book about the pandemic (but it’s called “The Crisis” and isn’t actually about a pandemic), and it is amazing to me how some people have already processed enough of the experience to write and publish a novel. Anyway, have a great weekend, and here are some links you might find interesting:

I think most DW readers are familiar with and know the definitions of these terms, but just in case: Narcissist, gaslighting, love bombing: A guide to all the buzz-words around narcissism

After he lost both his teenage children in a horrible car accident, Colin Campbell, shares the phrase he heard over and over from well-meaning friends that always failed to bring any comfort and, in fact, caused more pain for him and his wife. Hint: instead of saying “there are no words” when someone is grief-stricken, say the word that will likely mean the most: the name of the person being grieved.

Speaking of “there are no words”: Divorced People Are Sharing The Moment They Realized Their Ex Didn’t Love Them, And I Have No Words

In Spain last week, a court orders a woman’s ex-husband to pay her $215K for 25 Years of housework during their marriage. She says she did the housework exclusively, allowing him all the time he needed to pursue a lucrative career and leaving her zero time to pursue a career of her own or any way to earn her own money. She says: “Clearly this was a case of abuse to be completely excluded financially (by my ex-husband) with nothing left after my marriage ended, so me and my daughters were left with nothing after all these years of putting all my time, energy and love in the family.” (The ex-husband has also been ordered to pay

I was supporting my husband in his work and in the family as a mother and a father. I was never allowed access to his financial affairs; everything was in his name.

Do you eat your dinner in front of the TV? We eat most of our family meals at the dinner table like civilized people, but every Friday night we go wild and let the kids eat take-out at the coffee tale in front of a movie or TV shows from the week they haven’t watched yet. Their favorites are “Young Sheldon,” “Abbot Elementary,” and “Ghosts.” Anyway, here are some funny tips for How to Eat Dinner Even Though You Already Watched All Your Shows.

We knew it would happen, and now here we are:
Three Texas women are sued for wrongful death after allegedly helping friend obtain abortion medication

and this won’t pass, but the symbolism is the point and it’s bad: 21 South Carolina GOP Lawmakers Propose Death Penalty for Women Who Have Abortions

Do you have a “best friend”? Apparently, the idea of one friend being at the top of the friendship hierarchy is a recent phenomenon.

Targeting Gen Z, Tinder now lets you specify gender pronouns and non-monogamous relationship types.I thought this was interesting: “The company cites a study of 4,000 18-to-25-year-olds showing that 41 percent are open to or seeking non-monogamous connections. Among those, open relationships (36 percent) and hierarchical polyamory (26 percent) are the most popular choices. Perhaps just as critical, a survey indicated that 73 percent of young singles of any gender say they want someone who is clear about what they want. Most people don’t want to waste time with partners who have incompatible intentions.”