When I ask how long he wants to wait, he’s says he’s not sure – maybe five years. I’m 30 and he’s 35, so I feel five years is way too long for us. I’ve asked if we can try in one to two years, but he gives me a vague answer like “we’ll see.” Earlier this year both my sister and my niece had babies. I’m so happy for them, but it’s a constant reminder that we don’t have one. We are asked by friends and family constantly about when we’re going to have a baby, and I have to say “Oh, we’re not ready yet,” despite my feeling like we are. I catch myself pressuring my husband by bringing it up without any thought. I’ll start talking about making the guest room into a baby room, I’ll show him pictures/videos that my sister and niece have sent me and gush over their babies, I’ll mention how one day our kids will be doing this or that, I’ll wander into the baby aisle at the store, etc. I don’t do it intentionally and sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it until he gives me a look.

My family and friends tell me I should just push him to have kids, making it into an ultimatum—-or, worse, I should trick him into it (skip a pill/ruin the condom), which I really don’t want to do. I honestly want him to want a baby too. I want him to gush and dream with me. He used to enjoy talking about our future kids, but now he’s so hesitant about making it happen. I’m starting to get depressed and resentful because it feels like he doesn’t want kids even though he assures me he does, just not right now. It feels frustrating to see him be so aloof about it and not try to find a middle ground. I don’t want to ruin our marriage over this, though. I don’t want to force him or pressure him, but I also don’t know how to be supportive like he needs me to be when I feel so resentful.

I met Aaron at university, and we hung out every day for the next week. He introduced me to his friends and he took me everywhere he went. I immediately felt connected to him, and it was amazing being together. After a week we kissed and I was in heaven (he looks like my dream guy). For our first night having sex, he had prepared a romantic setting and it was amazing. He was such a gentleman. I didn’t know what to do afterwards, so I asked if he wanted me to sleep there. He said, “Whatever you feel like,” so I stayed to show him he was not just a one-night stand for me.

Beginning the next day, he transformed into someone else. He started ghosting me until he finally agreed to meet me before he left for a long vacation. I asked him directly about us, to which he answered: “I promise when I’m back everything will become clear,” and he kissed me goodbye. I counted the days for his return, but he didn’t even let me know he was back. I saw him a few days later at a bar where I was with friends. I was angry at him for disappearing, so I wasn’t so friendly. After a few days of silence I finally confronted him. He said he is not the relationship type but if I wanted, we could “meet” once in a while. I didn’t agree, so we hugged and said goodbye.

I cannot understand how someone who seemed so perfect changed completely and shut me off after having sex with me one time. I am angry at him for making me feel like we had something special. And I’m angry at me for still obsessing over him and looking at his and his now-girlfriend’s pictures on social media. But most of all, I feel guilty because my boyfriend really doesn’t deserve this.

I keep thinking of my mistakes and what I could have done differently so that he would have stayed with me. I don’t know if I lost true love or if this is just a hit on my self-esteem and ego that I need to get over. Truth is, I had never had a one-night stand or even been dumped before, so this was the first and only time I had to deal with something like this.