Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Happy (almost) weekend! What do you all have on tap? Today is Joanie’s last day of preschool, and after I pick her up, I’ll take her out for ice cream to celebrate. Tonight we have a sitter coming and Drew and I are joining some friends who invited us to sit in their VIP seats for the Philharmonic concert in Prospect Park. Tomorrow, we have friends coming in from New Jersey to hang for the afternoon, and Sunday is Father’s Day and I hope we have better weather than we did for Mother’s Day so we can be outside. I have to take advantage of Joanie being in school one more day and run some errands and take care of some things on my to-do list before we head out of town in a few days for my friend’s wedding. Hope you all have a great weekend – and a Happy Father’s Day for the, what, two or three dads who read the site! Here are a few links from around the web that might interest you:

For a Better Relationship, Try the 7-Day Love Challenge

Working Moms and Stay-at-Home Moms Are Not at War

This article has some info about an organization you might consider donating to if you’re interested in helping low-income women in states where abortions have basically been banned obtain safe and legal abortions: What Abortion Access Looks Like in Mississippi: One Person at a Time

I love Elizabeth Warren! Elizabeth Warren Just Unveiled a Plan to Close the Racial Wealth Gap

Women On The Most Intrusive Question They’ve Been Asked On A First Date

In romantic relationships, people do indeed have a ‘type’


I’ve got three letters for you today:

I met a guy, “Robert,” who I have fallen head-over-heels for. He is in a long-distance open relationship with a girl, “Rachel,” whom he has not seen in over eight months. He and I just started doing things together like hiking and going to the movies, and one day I realized I was in love with him; he admitted he was in love with me, too. I told him that I do not do open relationships and that I can be quite needy. He informed me that all his previous relationships had been closed and he got hurt in his last one, leading to his meeting Rachel, who was a one-night-stand first. He told me that he approached her a while back and wanted to close the relationship, but she was not interested. He is not interested in sharing a girlfriend, but she is seeing other guys. They have been together a total of two years.

Rachel has called me and told me she and Robert are in an open relationship. I told him this would not work, I can’t do it, and I would need to let him go. He begged me to stay, promising that he wants me and he will figure a way to end it with her. His family members all know Rachel, and while they don’t like her, they have accepted her. He wants to break it to his family first and then have them meet me, before they find out from her. So, in a few days I’m meeting his entire family. He still has not figured out a way to explain me to them, though. He says that he wants to be with just me, that we are a better fit, and that he cannot go back to sharing a girlfriend. He does not bat an eye when she goes out with her boyfriend every weekend, but he cries when I tell him I should go out and date, too. It hurts him to think about.

My question is: am I just being conned like every other girl out there whose guy says he will leave the “other” girl? Since I’m meeting his entire family, should it count for something? I should mention that she originally planned to move here in August to live with him, but he told her on the phone in front of me that it was no longer possible and that he could not live with her. Please give advice. — Not Into Sharing

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This week in the forums we’re discussing:

Does everything really happen for a reason?

Mother-in-law and beliefs

Can you really rebuild your relationship after being cheated on?

Left after giving birth

Strained relationship with brother

How can I be me again and trust my gf, without feeling any paranoia?

I don’t know how to help my husband

Is he trying to break my self esteem or something else?

Is my boyfriend (met from online dating app) really serious in our relationship?

Mother-In-Law No Longer Sending Birthday Gifts as a Message

Son-in-law’s estranged daughter sent me a concerning letter

Anyone going on awesome dates?

Follow along on Facebook and Instagram.

If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].


June Check-In

I just got back last night from my weekend in Missouri memorializing my close friend, Jared, who passed away in February. My aunt, who is moving from the area this summer, picked me up from the airport when I arrived on Friday and we had an early dinner and reminisced about my grandparents and talked about lots of stuff. Then I headed to my hotel where I met up with my BFF, Chad, who made the trip from Chicago. We hung out at the bar that Jared managed and met some people he worked with and then hit the hay pretty early. The next day we met up with about eight other college friends who were close with Jared and we celebrated his life into the wee hours of the morning, which he would have loved. Sunday was the day of his actual memorial at the arts center where he was a big fixture, and it was moving and sad and lovely and I’m so glad I went.

Jared was a prolific amateur photographer and constantly took photos of his friends/ people in his life. At the memorial, his brothers had set up a couple tables full of photos they found in Jared’s house, and on the very top of one of the piles was a photo I knew existed but hadn’t seen in years. It’s the first picture ever taken of Simone and me, twenty years ago this summer, when she was just a few days old, just after she showed up at my doorstep looking for a home. When she died in October, I looked everywhere for this photo and couldn’t find it, so I was really happy to see it among Jared’s collection, displayed so I could easily spot it, a little parting gift from my friend.

Needless to say, I’ve totally neglected this site for a few days while I immersed myself in all the big feelings of the weekend, and now it’s going to take me a few days to catch up. I have a bunch of emails to read and respond to, and since there’s no school today and I’m on mom duty, it may take another day or two before I have a fresh post up. Thank you for your patience – especially during this past year in which I’ve had a lot of personal stuff needing my attention and affecting the time I’ve been able to devote here. Joanie starts full-time public school (universal pre-k for the win!) in September, and it will be the first time in eight years I will have five days a week again to work on my own projects and not have a small kid at home needing me (at least from 8-2, anyway). I’m looking forward to being able to re-priotize this space in my life, as well as some other writing I want to do.

In the meantime: how are you? What’s new in your life? What are your summer plans?


I’m heading to Missouri today for my friend Jared‘s memorial this weekend. I’m sharing a hotel with my BFF Chad, who’s getting married two weeks from today to the best guy, so it’s a big month of emotional milestones. Hope you all have a great weekend, and here are a few things from around the web that may interest you:

Millennial Women Have Less Money Than Men, and More Financial Stress

Carolyn Hax: Husband I love won’t initiate sex — so no sex

Women Aren’t The Only People Who Get Abortions

I Can’t Hate My Body if I Love Hers