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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
I have been married for 27 years to a woman who grows more beautiful and sexy as time passes. After we had two children, my wife began a secretive affair with a wealthy married man that lasted ten years before I discovered her infidelity. I felt angry and betrayed and embarrassed that I was naïve enough to believe that her twice yearly two-week trips to see her mother in California were actually holidays spent in the Caribbean or Italy with her lover. I was angry and moved out with the children to a different neighborhood the next day.

I fully expected my wife to stay in our old flat and carry on her affair, but she knocked on the door to our new house the next day and wanted to talk it out. To make a long story short, she seduced me, and I forgave her. That’s been a feature of our marriage ever since. Once she was forgiven for her affair, she went on to have many more without being secretive, and she eventually began to distance herself from our marriage. She would run off with a lover for a week, stay a month, come back for a few weeks, and disappear for half a year. Our children became resentful, and this kept her away more. The final straw was a two-week trip to Australia with a lover that turned out to be for two years. She eventually came back a year ago and has been remorseful ever since. She feels ashamed by her past behavior although exactly what that was, she won’t discuss.

I would like the fun, sexy wife back that I married a long time ago. She’s still a stunner, confident and charismatic, but she’s developed a hang-up about sex and won’t even discuss the matter with me. I would like to begin enjoying life to the fullest again. Don’t recommend therapy. That’s something she refuses to consider, but she does religiously read your advice. — Missing My Fun, Sexy Wife

 
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updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from “Devoted Dad,” whose girlfriend of a year was asking him to move away from his kids to her town 45 minutes from them and to change his custody arrangement from 50/50 to having his kids only every other weekend, which would require his kids to switch schools and live with their mom (and her new husband and baby) primarily. He wrote:

“When I ask my girlfriend about her moving closer to me, she says she can’t do that because she does not want to live in the town where I started a life with someone else. I fear that my kids will feel resentful or abandoned. My girlfriends says that the way we take them back and forth to stay with me or with their mom is too much carting around and that they need a more stable environment. She thinks they should be at their mom’s house during the week instead of spending half the week with me. My girlfriend gets upset about why I didn’t move after my divorce and why I chose this custody agreement. I told her it was because I felt that I was doing the right thing by my kids, staying close and being involved, and there was never anyone in my life after the divorce until her. I never saw myself as a weekend dad, nor have I ever wanted to be.”

I told him that his girlfriend sounded awful and that he should stand his ground and absolutely not move away from his kids or change a custody arrangement that is working for them, him, and his kids’ mom. Commenters, of course, agreed with that advice. Did he take it though? His update below:

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updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today we hear from Fed Up with Flaccid, a woman who was questioning her relationship with her boyfriend of two years because of his reluctance to propose, his proclivity for kinky sex, and his erectile dysfunction (that he blamed her for, despite a medical diagnosis). A year and a half later, are they still together? Her update below:

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