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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy
I have a lovely daughter, “Laura,” age 26. I spent over $30,000 helping her to get a degree in dental hygiene. She has always struggled with anxiety, but when the pandemic hit, it became much, much worse. She quit her job and stayed home to homeschool her youngest sister and niece. She has been extremely controlling as she sees my husband and me as incompetent idiots. We do grocery pick-ups and I am not allowed in stores or even to go to the end of the road to get my mail. We are basically prisoners.

I have had a very difficult relationship with my two oldest children, which resulted in my having no contact with them, because I am a pushover and they used me until I blew up and then they walked. I am falling into that same pattern again; if I don’t allow Laura to live off us and let her set all these unreasonable rules, she will walk and I will lose yet another daughter. She knows I am afraid of that, so she dictates all, she spends my husband’s paycheck, we sit at home, she controls everything, and we are too afraid to go against her because losing another child is too painful. My husband and I are trapped. Is there a way to help her to get an independent life and thereby free ourselves without losing her, or is it too late? HELP PLEASE! — Afraid of Losing Another Daughter

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A Favor, Por Favor

Hi, everyone! You may not realize this, but websites and blogs are one of the many industries that have been affected by the pandemic over the past year and half+. Behavioral changes around internet use (working from home more instead of an office and a decrease in web surfing after getting vaccinated and wanting to get out more and make up for lost time) as well as a decrease in ad spending from companies tightening their belts have combined to make these especially lean times for bloggers and website owners who monetize their sites.


(This is a graphic that my ad network shared that shows the traffic trajectory of the thousands of blogs in its network. There was a huge spike in Spring of 2020 for cooking, entertainment, and home improvement blogs. Not so much for relationship advice sites though! And as you can see, traffic declined pretty dramatically across the board in 2021 – Dear Wendy was no exception to that).

I’m lucky in that my family doesn’t rely on my income to survive, but it’s still been a bit of a punch in the gut and a financial adjustment. When I hear from other bloggers that they are going through the same thing, it feels a little better. At least this isn’t all my fault, like some might want me to believe. Still, I’ve spent nearly 11 years running this site, I still enjoy it, I think there’s still value in it for others, and I’m not ready to let it go. If you aren’t ready to see it go either and you’d like to lend some support, it would be super helpful if you’d do any or all of the following:

1. If you’re on Facebook, please “like” the Dear Wendy page and then occasionally “like” and/or comment on my posts (or even better, hit the “share” button to re-post on your timeline). This boosts my rankings in the algorithms and gets more eyes on my links and on the site. Often this is how new readers find Dear Wendy. This is really a big deal and I appreciate it so much!

2. If there’s ever a post that particularly resonates with you or you think would resonate with someone you know, please feel free to send the link along.

3. Comment, post in the forums, and send me questions I can post and respond to on the site. Increased engagement not only fosters community, but also it boosts traffic, which translates to increased revenue (which makes it possible for me to continue dedicating time to running the site).

And that’s it! I know I have a lot of ads, but I don’t do sponsored posts, I no longer include affiliate links, I haven’t asked for donations in years – I don’t ask for too much. But what I do ask for is really important, and as always, I appreciate your support. Some of you have been around since the very beginning and it means more than you know that you’ve stuck around all this time. It’s been a thrill to share milestones with each other, to transition through life stages together, and to support one another through what has arguably been one of the most challenging periods of our collective history together. Thank you for everything, and I hope we can keep this up for a while longer.

ETA: You can also show your appreciation for Kate, long-time moderator of the DW forums, by voting for her pup’s doggy daycare Halloween costume contest. He’s the third one from top, dressed as the Pope.

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updatesIt’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now.
Today we hear from “Sick to my Stomach” whose three 20-something daughters won’t talk to her anymore since she got engaged in May to a man they don’t like, following their mother’s 10-year relationship with a different man who was an alcoholic and then their mom’s drinking binge, binge dating, and a DUI. The mom’s update below:

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12 comments