Ale
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
@MissDre you should bring it up. I get the feeling that you don’t want to bring it up because you don’t want to push him or because you don’t want to sound crazy for marriage. But this is a conversation that needs to happen, especially if you’re finally going to see each other.
I hate comparisons because I compare myself too much to others. I’ve seen a lot of my friends and family get married, including my 25-year old sister and I just don’t get why I haven’t found someone that wants to marry me. My two serious boyfriends were commitment phobes. So I get what everyone is saying about comparisons and timelines. I feel like I’m a catch and yet the two people I have been in love with have ended up kicking my ass. And it’s the worse when people tell you “but you’re so pretty/smart/nice, you’ll find someone in no time”. Well, I have found people before and guess what, they didn’t want me.
And now the whole thought of starting over with someone and have the same doubts about timelines, marriage, moving in, kids, etc, etc, “does he want the same, what is he thinking” just creeps me the hell out. I don’t want any of that. Why can’t relationships be easy?@LadyE exactly. I thought I was weird because I wasn’t getting mani pedis with a girl squad to get over someone. My girls squad is actually my mom and my grandma, we go out to lunch or coffee and we spend a good time together.
@Ange I don’t think LadyE is expecting this friend to walk her through this.
I don’t want people to walk me through anything but it is nice to talk to someone sometimes. I’ve heard my best friends fears and feelings about a million times now. I know them. And I would never be like, oh yeah you’re single get over it! Or “it was only six weeks” that is not a very empathic response. If they come to me for help for the millionth and one time I will be there. And that is why I expect them to be the same with me. But I guess we are all different.Same here, sometimes my only outlet has been DW. And I feel the same, even if I’m feeling like crap I check in on my friends constantly.
@Copa, no she’s actually been single for about three years.
@LadyE I had been thinking about posting about it too! My best Friends are guys too. One of them is incredibly supportive, even stayed up talking to me on the phone one time that I couldn’t sleep, he called me at 2 a.m. and we talked until 5 a.m. He is awesome and cares a lot.
Yeah I feel abandoned by my best friend. She constantly posts about her outings and actually never asks me to come. She has changed a lot this past year.@LadyE that’s curious, I don’t have a “girl squad” either. I’ve been bummed about it lately because I feel that my woman friends are not as helpful as my guy friends.
My best girlfriend has been my friend since age 15. We had a roadtrip about a month ago and she saw me texting with my ex, never asked anything. After that I told her about our big blowout and she didn’t even mind. That was a month ago and she hasn’t reached out to ask me how I am or anything. Funny thing is I would be all over her if she was the one going through a breakup. That really has me down lately because I really don’t want to talk to her about all of this because she doesn’t care. But I’ve always been there for her.I know this is all exhausting and seeing what’s out there is really depressing. I know it and I really don’t want to go there since I recently became single. I am really dreading the whole dating process and getting back out there because I know it will be shitty. I get you on that. But what Kate says is true. You don’t need anybody to validate that you’re worth it. You ahev your worth, you’ve never been worthless. You know what you are and what you deserve and you’re not going to settle for less than that.
I think it’s good that you are thinking of taking some time for yourself. During this time you should also focus on working on these issues. I feel like you get your hopes up way too soon and end up dissapointed because you were expecting something else. You need to take it slow, breathe, enjoy the process. This may sound like shit especially coming from a person that doesn’t want to touch a man with a ten foot pole. But I’m actually enjoying being alone right now, having all the time to myself and my cats, dreading men because I’ll know it will end some day. This is not forever.Well, I thought that he had said that. There is a lot of difference between saying “I know your worth” and “I really like your profile and see possible compatibility in terms of beliefs”.
LadyE, this guy has continued to push even though you have told him that you are not ready. Yes, one has to show interest. But not in spite of what the other person says. So you go and tell him that you are not ready and he pushes the question about US, and about how you will make the time for him? That is not interest, that is plain possessiveness since the beginning.
You have to learn the difference between someone who is bullshitting you and someone who isn’t. Whoever guy that tells you that he knows your worth is bullshitthing you, because he doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know your worth and you most definitely don’t know his. He could say he sees a potential but not push it.@LadyE you really need to see the red flags and be a little more skeptical when you meet someone. A guy who is 42, and keeps asking about “US” eventhough you’ve repeatedly told him that you’re not ready for that kind of conversation, is clearly not a guy who has his life together.
I didn’t see your update before posting, yeah don’t. He’s needy.
Well if you seriously, absolutely can’t, then don’t engage with him. Just tell him that you are not ok to pursue something right now, and stop talking to him. He might be ok with being friends and if you’re cool with that, then there is no harm in getting to know him. However that almost always backfires.
If you feel like you’re not ready to be dating again, then don’t, and you don’t sound ready because you compare new people with your ex. And also, take things slow. Taking things slow also means not having expectations about other people. How do you know that this guy sees your worth? That sounds like really high expectations to have from someone you met once.
I love your update Veritek. Especially the CrossFit Games part! I hope to go some day. Good luck on your third date! And hopefully your dad is getting better each day.
