Lyra

I say I wouldn’t object because I plan to keep my last name purely because I want to have that as my legal name, even if no one calls me by it. It’s more a matter of keeping it for myself and knowing it’s there more than anything else. I think correcting people on your name is totally legit, I would just not do what my mom does and say super formally and in a weird tone of voice, “I decided to keep my maiden name after marriage. I’m Ms. X, not Mrs. Y.” I would say, “Oh it’s still YourLastName, I didn’t change it.” In my experience, the longer the explanation becomes, the more chided people feel and the more awkward it gets.

My mom didn’t take my dad’s last name which, in the late 70s and in their respective families, was unusual. As a kid, I kind of liked explaining to everyone that my mom had a different last name because it made our family seem interesting in a very uniform, boring town. At the same time, I think she didn’t want to take his name out of resentment for his family, and that’s led to problems over the years.

I’ve been considering the whole name thing recently and personally, I’m going to keep my maiden name legally, but not object if someone calls me Mrs. Boyfriend’sName (my mom objected strongly whenever someone called her Mrs.MyDad’sName and let me tell you, that was uncomfortable to be around). I’m in a career path where name recognition is important and while I probably won’t be published by the time I get married, I do have some academic achievements that I still want to be associated with. I also have serious trouble correctly pronouncing my boyfriend’s last name and would feel like an idiot if I mispronounced my own last name, even if no one would know I was wrong. I would like for everyone in our future family to have the same last name, but my sense of identity with my current full name is stronger. I think it’s an entirely personal choice, though, and there is no one right answer.