veritek33
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Oh Ale, I’m sorry. I found out something similar after a break up and it just fucking sucks/hurts. Fuck that guy. You’re so much better off.
Trust me Ale, it’s easy for me to say – but I know how easy it is to obsess over “is he miserable without me?” Because duh, we want him to be miserable without you. If it makes you feel better to know that stuff, then by all means, I just found that for me personally, in the long run, it wasn’t beneficial.
@Ale maybe you function differently than I do, but I don’t find it helpful to have friends let me in on what my exes are doing. I have a friend who still looks up my ex on social media (i have him blocked) and let me know that he got engaged/married/sold his house etc. and I had to tell her – I really don’t need or want to know this stuff. It’s not helpful to me in any way.
So maybe it would help if your friends aren’t reporting back to you about him and him seeming sad? Maybe I’m reading too much into that, but I personally never found that kind of stuff helpful in moving on.
I’m really glad your anxiety is lower now. I felt the same way after a couple break ups. (I constantly felt like I was “auditioning” to be a wife for two of them – never good enough to be cast as one)
@Ale this might be extreme and maybe i’m paranoid – but do you think he could ever get dangerous? Like I’d be inclined to change up my routine and even change the locks in your place. Go to the gym at a different time and def tell the staff he is not to be around you or have contact with you. Changing your locks or at least beefing up your security seems to be a good idea too. He clearly isn’t respecting boundaries and even though it all seems minor now, it seems like it could escalate at any time.
I sincerely hope it DOES NOT escalate, but those are just some thoughts I had this morning. Wishing you peace and calm.
@Ale I’m sorry. But I’m glad you’ve reached the anger stage – that helps with getting over them. I have an ex that wanted to be friends almost immediately and it just fucked with my head and I finally had to go no contact for a few months. We ARE friends now, but we aren’t friends on social media and we only see each other about 3-4 times a year. This guy is just being a huge douche canoe and doesn’t deserve your time or attention.
@amokamokamok If that’s shallow then I’m shallow too. I went on a date about four years ago with a very nice guy, but his mouth was awful. Like bleeding gums and awful breath – neglect of dental hygiene. Crooked teeth are cool, but I think drawing the line at basic hygiene is okay.
@copa – It was the guy from last summer. I also had a guy I went on two dates with a year ago reach out. I think some people are just going through their phone and seeing who answers….
I’m sorry Copa, I know it seemed like you really liked him. But if there’s no response then he’s clearly not your person. Which sucks, but frees you up to find someone else!
The guy I went out with twice week before last was out of state until yesterday and started texting with me again. I think I’ll do a third date to see how I feel. The only happy update I have is that I finally replaced the Ray Bans I had stolen in the Cancun airport last April. I’d held onto those for 6 years before they were stolen so I was kinda embarrassingly sad when they were stolen. Anywho, I saved up the cash and replaced them and I sat in the sun and just enjoyed wearing them yesterday like a dork.
@Ale that’s not cool of him. He needs to give you space. I’m friends with one of my exes, but that only came after a long period of no contact and stopping using each other as FWB. We still aren’t friends on social media but we occasionally get lunch and catch up with each other. That’s 2 years out from the break up though.
I think you should definitely pursue the personal training! If I were in better shape and had more time I’d love to get my L1, but i’m thinking that’s a few more years down the road.
@Copa – It was a nice date but I’m on the fence. He invited me over for homemade pizza and drinks. It was nice and I do enjoy his company and conversation. I’m not sure how attracted to him I am or if I’m just self sabotaging. I might go out a few more times to see if my feelings change, I’m just sort of blah about it all right now. I finally got my dad healthy and out of the hospital and now I’m focusing on me again and it just makes me anxious.
@Ale I had a thought this morning while I was getting ready. (Yes I think of internet strangers and how to send them positive vibes while doing my hair) I know you need distractions right now, so maybe now would be a great time to get your L1 training certificate? I think I remember you mentioning you wanted to do that? I know crossfit helps keep me distracted from a lot of things on my mind so what better time to get your L1? Either way, I’m rooting for you!
KMTTHAT is right about Karmic timing. I found out recently my ex of many years ago lost his job due to his drug usage. It was only a matter of time but it took four years to finally happen. I don’t really wish unemployment on anyone, but apparently dude needs some serious help.
That same ex and I went on a big trip two months before we broke up and I paid for it up front but he paid me back within a month. What is it about big trips leading to break ups?
I’m so sorry Ale. Nothing we say can make it feel better, but I hope you find ways to take good care of yourself and heal. Good thoughts being sent your way.
@copa not sure yet! My small/big town is notorious for everything being closed on Sundays and he’s on call so we might do something in his town that’s alcohol free. The weather is supposed to be nice so I’m open to suggestions! There’s a cool walking/biking trail and lots of ice cream places.
