veritek33
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That’s some good thoughts Kate. I can do better on the cleaning of the house – but I’d still probably watch shitty tv even when they aren’t around 😉
And I’m working on cutting out at least one of my jobs by the end of the year or at least scaling way back on the time invested in it. Paid of two credit cards and now I’m just down to two loans I need to pay off to be almost debt free (I don’t count the house or car.)
I do admit I’ve been a bit overscheduled and its’ my own fault. When I’m single I try to stay busy so that I don’t dwell on being alone. Perhaps that has been the wrong way to go about it.
So here’s a question – and I suppose anyone can chime in on this one.
Is there such a thing as being “semi comfortable” with myself and being alone? Like, I’m working on being, as ktfran said “extremely comfortable” with it, but I’m just not quite there.
For example: I’ve lived alone for almost 10 years now whether in my apartment right after college or my homes. (do we count the dogs? I mean they’re cool but they don’t talk a lot.) And I’d say 5 out of 7 days I’m totally okay with coming home to an empty house. I really like it even: I can walk around in my underwear, leave dishes for days, watch trashy reality tv whenever the hell I want to, etc. But I will say on those other 2 days that come every once in a while – man it sure would be nice to come home to someone that I can sit on the couch with or get a hug from or make dinner with or just have conversation with. I crave physical affection and sometimes I just wanna come home to a hug. The dogs are pretty good at the affection, but again, not much for words. The cat is just an asshole but he does cuddle from time to time.
So yeah – I’m semi comfortable with being alone. I can handle it – I’ve bought and sold houses and pay all my bills and I’ve learned how to fix things around the house and maintain my yard – so I don’t “need” a man/husband. It would just be nice to share those things with someone or have someone to tell when I have a really awesome, stellar day.
And yeah, I’ve thought about roommates. Just never found one I could really see living with.
Just a general question throwing it out there to the universe (and this thread). Please be kind 🙂
Jimmy- this will be the last response that I make directly you. Because waking up to see that you’ve written that you feel sorry for someone that’s dating me is like kicking me while I’m down. And I don’t need a caretaker, I don’t think you know much about me but I take pretty good care of myself but everyone needs a tuneup from time to time. Which is what I’m taking. Your advice has been more hurtful to me than constructive. And I don’t need that negative energy in my life. I wish you well and I hope you start your own thread where everyone writes exactly what you want them to
I so appreciate this forum and the ability to talk through these things with other people. And Wendy I appreciate you clarifying what can be written on the forums and what cant. And that you are the ultimate authority.
Anonymousse I would love to hear about your husband and kids. Thread is open to all types of awesome relationships 🙂
Cleo, ktfran, Anonymousse, Kare, miss mj- <3
Kate- yes, I actually got on a roll and vacuumed the house and now I’m unpacking more Sri from the garage. It’s making me feel pretty good to accomplish something today.
@laurel thank you. You articulated that better than I could have.
@muse right now I’m drinking peppermint tea from Celestial Seasonings because that seems to be my favorite nighttime tea. And I chose to go out to the garage and bring in a few boxes to unpack so that I have accomplished something. And also, I ran a mile!
@muse I won a gift card to the local spa so I’ll be going for a deep tissue massage next Saturday 🙂 I’m looking forward to it. Right now I am sitting on my couch with my two dogs and my cat and we are watching scandal on the DVR and enjoying this rainy night.
@jimmyjam you don’t know me. I don’t know you. All I know is that you seem to want to give advice and if I don’t follow it you like to gloat when something bad happens. Just know that I’m not taking any of this ambivalently and if you don’t like my avatar then talk to the bitmoji people because they made it. And telling me what I can and cannot write about on the thread that *I* started is kind of a dick move. As long as I’m adhering to Wendy’s policies about what can’t go on the forum I think you should just shut up about it or start your own forum. That said, if I took every piece of advice I was given on this forum I would be an absolute fucking mess. Because some of it is conflicting some of it is too complicated and so I have to take little pieces at a time. And if you want to gloat about what happened this weekend, that shows more about your character than mine. Because I did go up there with a bottle of wine and waited to see what would happen. Which was basically what you told me to do.
To Kate, muse, Kare, materials girl and Regina, I appreciate the kind words and the guidance and I’m taking it all in and trying to make a plan with what to do in the next coming days and weeks. I agree that getting back into a routine is a really good idea. My routine got out of whack during the month of October due to moving and traveling so much for work. But it is on me to get back into that routine and I need to work harder to make it happen.
Tinder teacher actually reached out to me today to see how I was doing. And so I told him about therapy and buying some new running shoes and we had a relatively short but kind conversation. So in the long run and he may just be a friend. For right now I’m just gonna take everything a day at a time and I appreciate the kind vibes directed my way
@ktfran and @kate yes, I’m okay with making dates with one or two people and going out a few times to see if it’s a good fit. I just know from experience one time I tried to have three first dates in one week and it was just too overwhelming. I need to be better about figuring out whether it’s worth pursuing after 1 or 2 dates instead of 10
Let’s see, the list…..
1. Create healthy boundaries with my mother
2. learn to take better care of myself mentally and physically
3. believe that i am loveable and worthy of love
4. believe that I am enough just as i am
5. stop being so hard on myself when things don’t go well
6. stop comparing my life to othersThose are the big ones. There are smaller ones too. The first step in taking care of myself physically was buying some new running shoes after my therapy appointment. I’m going for a run tonight – no excuses. Because I always feel better after I do.
I’m smiling because if confidence were so easy for me to have, I’d have it! That’s what I’m working on, and will continue to work on. I have a whole list of things to work on. That’s a big one.
And I’ve said before and maybe I’m the only one that feels this way – i don’t like dating/ going on dates with multiple guys at a time. It just feels like too much and makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps that’s to my detriment, but that’s how I feel. I just don’t like it and I don’t feel like I should have to justify that I don’t like it.
As for dating locally, I usually do, this was my first long distance. There’s not a huge dating pool in my town so I figured it couldn’t hurt to branch out. Trial and error. Shrug.
Again, thank you for the kind words and suggestions. I’m gonna start crying here at my desk because I’m a mess so I’m gonna go home for lunch. Rest assured I worked hard in therapy this morning and had some uncomfortable realizations and have a list of things I need to work on. And yes, dating just might not be a good idea right now.
