DREW: The fact that your main concern is “if he’s in it for the right reasons” leads me to believe you spend a lot of time watching “The Bachelor.” They’re always accusing each other of “not being in it for the right reasons.” Don’t be like the people on “The Bachelor.” They’re idiots.
Your ex-boyfriend is in it for reasons of his own. Granted, the Facebook posts are obnoxious. Is he writing them because he’s in love and must tell the whole world? Maybe. Is he writing them just to make you jealous? Perhaps. Has he made up a fake Facebook girlfriend who “lives elsewhere”? Probably. Who knows? Who cares?
You had your reasons for breaking up with him and they sounded like good ones. So here is my advice:
A) Stop worrying about your ex-boyfriend because he’s not your problem anymore.
B) Quit looking at Facebook and start enjoying your newfound freedom.
C) Whatever you do, don’t watch “Bachelor Pad.” It’s even worse than “The Bachelor.” And each episode is two hours long! TWO HOURS! Unreasonable.
DENNIS: The answer is: I don’t know. But then, I have a question for you: What does it matter to you?
Sure, it could be possible that you were the love of his life and utterly destroyed him when you broke up with him, and he simply latched on to the next girl who came along and is now clinging on for the rebound rollercoaster of his miserable existence. Sure, it could be possible that he found in this girl everything that was missing in you and is now breathing a huge sigh of relief that he can finally bathe in the glowing shower of rainbows and lollipops that true eternal love offers. Or, more likely, it’s somewhere between the two.
Unfortunately, there’s no way for you to know at this point (if ever), and it’s not your place to question what he’s doing. You have no vested interest in his life anymore, and I think it’s pretty obvious you’re asking these questions not to help him make the right decision, but to feed your own ego. Well, guess what? You’re the one who broke up with him, so just do him a favor and let him live his life without you questioning it.
ERIK: My favorite part of any relationship is the beginning, when everything is new and thrilling and a world of possibilities is open before you. It’s exhilarating! For that reason, I don’t think your ex is necessarily over you – I don’t think anyone ever really gets over a five-year relationship — but he’s so caught up in this excitement that he’s too distracted to mope. I know this is hard for you to watch, especially if you’re still struggling with it, but it’s important to remember that this is just novelty. He might feel like he’s found someone perfect for him, but it’s really too soon for him to possibly know that, whether it’s true or not.
It’s been five years since he’s had a new relationship, so he probably doesn’t remember how to handle this situation. I don’t think he’s just trying to make you jealous or that he’s in it for the wrong reasons. I think he’s just reuniting with a really great experience that he is no longer familiar with and doesn’t quite remember how to handle it. It’s easy to forget social graces in the moment. I think you’ll find yourself in a similar situation soon enough…though hopefully with fewer ridiculous Facebook posts.
BITTER GAY MARK: This is a tale as old as time. You know how in the end you just weren’t that into him? Well, Bitter Heart, it appears that feeling was more than mutual. I know, I know: it is all so very tempting to make all these nauseatingly gushy Facebook status updates all about you…but unless you seriously are his ONLY friend on there that seems more than unlikely. Look, I know you so don’t want to hear this right now, but maybe, just maybe, he truly IS deeply in love. Maybe after those dreary last remaining months of your flameless relationship, his new romance seems to burn especially hot and bright. Or maybe it’s all just the glorious highs of a rebound? In the end, it simply doesn’t matter — because now is the moment to stop wasting so much time wondering which it is. You ended this relationship, remember? You wanted to move on…I suggest you do just that.
* If you’d like to ask the guys a question, simply email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with “His Take” in the subject line and I’ll pass your question along to them.