Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Anyone going on awesome dates?

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This topic contains 4,719 replies, has 74 voices, and was last updated by Copa Copa 3 days, 7 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 4,441 through 4,452 (of 4,720 total)
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  • #682375 Reply
    kmtthat
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Yeah, which is why I got really really pissed. He then really did genuinely try to help once he realized he was being an ass (and is usually happy to jump in) but at that point I was annoyed and just wanted him out of the way so I could do it. He’s been bringing up the future (marriage, kids, etc) lately so there’s a lot of conversations about how we are compatible and how we aren’t etc. so he took it and went OMG is this going to be how it would be? I think people tend to have a perception that if you work from home you have plenty of time for housework but if anything I have less time, because work hours blur into personal time way more.

    All that said, he’s cooking me dinner right now and is generally awesome, but it’s definitely something I’m keeping my eye on. And 100%, I would still get a maid! Working crazy jobs, it’s a huge help and takes a lot of pressure off of a relationship.

    #682405 Reply
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    Kate

    Can you say more about a lot of conversations about how you’re compatible and how you aren’t? The how you aren’t part seems unusual for two people in the honeymoon stage (I know you said you’re out of that, but it’s been less than a year?) Like, is there any chance at all he’s taking what he knows you want (marriage, kids) and kind of dangling it in front of you but making you feel you might not be good enough?

    #682407 Reply
    lucia_la
    lucia_la

    @materials girl, I don’t remember the name of the company but I’m sure you could find it on trip advisor. I definitely recommend it!

    #682408 Reply
    avatar
    Kate

    Or that you’re auditioning for it, kind of? Thinking about the ways you might not be compatible, is the negative always on you, like kmen is messy, or is it on him, too? Or it’s not even like that and just, “we should talk about finances, we should talk about division of household labor?”

    I know you’ve said he’s great, but if he’s critical of you, that would worry me.

    #682415 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    @dre, woohoo! Can’t wait to hear more.

    @copa, your date sounded like a lot of fun! It was so windy here, I’m impressed.

    @kmen, I hope he knows he was in the wrong and if you two are long term, he realizes that he’ll have to pitch in when things are crazy (and all the time). Or what Kate said.

    #682420 Reply
    veritek33
    veritek33
    Participant

    @kmen I hope things settle down and he realizes that was a real asshole thing to do. You seem very happy with him and I hope that continues and I hope he realizes that was shitty.

    @copa – yes, I’d like to give him another chance, with caution, if that makes sense? Sunday on our date he was like a different person than the guy I met last summer. He was flirty an complimentary and just seemed more interested than he was last time. I’m just a little guarded because I’m wondering why he is now and why he didnt’ seem to be last summer. Was he really bored and just texted to see whoever responded or is he ACTUALLY interested? Time will tell I suppose, but for now we have another date scheduled for this weekend! (And Dad is being discharged today so my life can go back to relative normalcy now!)

    #682422 Reply
    Copa
    Copa
    Participant

    So. Sunday I didn’t hear from Taco Guy at all, which at this point is a bit unusual (we now text daily) but didn’t concern me since we spent half of Saturday together. I sent him a good night text, and I finally heard from him again later in the day yesterday. He said he was sorry for the delayed response, and that his uncle passed away. It wasn’t totally unexpected — he’d been battling cancer for about two years, and Taco Guy told me on Saturday that he’d been admitted to hospice care on Friday — but obviously still sad. Taco Guy and his family are very close, and his uncle was only 57. And I don’t know what, if anything, to do since we just started dating. (As much as I’m on this thread all “OMG GONNA GET GHOSTED!” I guess I do consider us not-exclusively, not-seriously dating at this point even if I DO get ghosted.) I’ve already expressed me sympathies and let him know I’m here if he needs me, but I feel at a loss as to what I can or even should do.

    #682425 Reply
    avatar
    Kate

    @Copa, I don’t think anything is called for other than sincerely expressing your condolences, as you did, and then giving him a little time. There may be a lot of family time needed right now.

    #682427 Reply
    kmtthat
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Hmm, the how we’re compatible versus not is us both being very logical and liking to prep for any issues ahead of time when possible (so for example, we’re going to Europe next week and we talked a lot about how we like to spend vacation time, e.g. mostly planned or more unplanned? Fancy restaurants or more local street food?) So trying understand each other before issues arise so we can be considerate of each other’s boundaries/preferences. Since this argument, we agreed if one of us cooks, the other person cleans regardless of whose house we’re at, to work as a team if one of us needs helps, and he owns that he needs to be way more considerate of when and how we talk about things. If he had said “hey babe, looks like you’ve had a crazy week and the kitchen is pretty stinky. Mind if I help you clean it up a bit really quick?” things would have been a lot better. He’s not generally critical but idk, the kitchen was the hill he wanted to die on. If he wasn’t so considerate the vast majority of time I’d be more worried, but for now I think things are good.

    As for marriage and kids it is 100% him bringing stuff up shyly and hoping not to scare me off (he’s always been a full step ahead of me, like was ready to be bf/gf before I was, and was wanting to introduce me to his parents early on). I think I’m sort of struggling with it a bit as every guy I’ve dated had huge commitment issues that I could hide behind, and now that I’m dating someone who is very clear that he can see this heading for marriage I’m a little more nervous because it’s an actual possibility.

    Anyway, I love this thread, I feel like I have the collective wisdom of the hive and you guys make me think about thing carefully 🙂

    #682428 Reply
    kmtthat
    kmtthat
    Participant

    Aww Copa, I’m sure just knowing your there if he needs you is a big help. People all deal with grief differently, so just follow his lead.

    @veritek33 I’m glad things have been flirty and fun, and that you’re going into things cautiously. There can be plenty of reasons why a person is more interested the second time around, what matters is how you feel and what he’s showing you. Good that your dad is back home! I’m sure that’s a relief 🙂

    #682429 Reply
    avatar
    Kate

    Ah, ok, that overall sounds ok. If criticism were a pattern or if you were feeling judged, that could be a few different things going on.

    @Copa, also, I wouldn’t expect to be invited to a wake or anything, at this point, but maybe see what you have in your closet like a black dress or outfit just in case he asks? Again, seems too soon, but who knows.

    #682431 Reply
    avatar
    ktfran
    Participant

    @ver, I missed the post where you were going to go out with this guy. I’m glad you had a good time. I think it’s good to be a little guarded at first, but also, relax and have fun!

    @kmt, maybe you were both having an off day. Or maybe he was and took it out on you. It happens. I’m glad you worked it out. Have a great time on your trip next week.

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