Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

I get a lot of emails from people who feel burdened by a secret they’re keeping from a significant other. Often these secrets are about cheating, but not always. Sometimes they’re about applying for jobs in other cities or having been married before or having an STI. There have even been a few people who had secret children they hadn’t told their partners about. In my own social circle, I have a few friends who keep pretty innocuous secrets from their spouses, like taking secret days off from work to have a whole “me day” without feeling guilty about it (these are moms, obviously, who play hooky while their spouses are at work and their kids are at school or daycare). I’ve known people who have regular lunch dates with exes and don’t tell their current partners because they don’t want to deal with the jealousy.

Have you kept a secret from a significant other? Did you (or would you) ever share the secret? Why did/do you keep the secret?

(This post was originally published in 2017).


Hi! Happy June. It feels like summer here even though my kids still have four more weeks of school. (NYC public schools go later than anywhere else in the country. We start late, too, and then we have off all the major holidays of five different religions, which stretches the school year to the very end of June.) Anyway, we’re heading to Montreal as soon as school is out in a few weeks, so if you have any tips, let me know. What about you? Any travel plans this summer? Or summer bucket list plans?

Hope you have a great weekend, and here are a few links you might appreciate, including how to make friends and what beige flags in dating mean.

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I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now but have known him for about two years. When we met each other, both he and I were in a similar situation. He had emotionally, mentally, and physically checked out of his twenty-something year marriage and I had checked out of my seven-year relationship. He finally moved out of his ex’s home and now lives with his adult children (youngest is 18) – three girls and one boy. He has been in the process of divorce but nothing has been official yet. My concern is that I have already introduced him to my family and friends, especially all my kids ranging from ages 5 months to 15 years (5 kids total) and I have yet to be introduced to his children as his girlfriend. I love this man, I feel we do have a strong connection, and I can see OUR future, but this has been an unsettling thought. I have brought this up to him as a concern of mine, but all he can tell me is he does not know how to tell his kids. Please advise. — When To Check Out

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