DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Copa, she probably wants you to know. She probably gets some kind of kick out of it. Definitely don’t do anything to let her know that it bothers you, or that you’ve even noticed. Just keep on movin’ on…
Do you have another date planned with this guy?
I… don’t think she wants me to know. I dunno. It’s been a few years. I’ve, for the most part, moved past the hurt. I don’t know exactly what my ex told her, but she did at some point find out about me. I don’t think the situation was hurtful for them. They moved in together within about two months of us breaking up, got married soon after that, and have since bought a house, had a baby, and generally seem well matched and happy together. A couple years ago, she accidentally “liked” something of mine on Facebook and then proceeded to block me. I assumed she’d since stopped. I don’t know what the draw is about me (making fun of/judging me? but whatever, I have a really great life). Regardless, I just don’t think she’d want me to know she’s a creeper.
No next date set up. I just texted him a “thanks, had fun, would love to go out again” message, so we’ll see. I took it as a positive sign that he invited me to his friend’s party last night, but have stopped trying to assume I know what my dates are thinking (let us all remember the last dude who ghosted me after a 14-hour date).
It’s true, you never do know what they’re thinking. I’ve had guys ghost me after specifically telling me how much they like me.
In other news, last night bf specifically told me that he wants me to move to the UK and that he would support me on his salary while I look for a job. Lots to think about. So I told him we should both think on this a bit and discuss it more while I’m there in person, maybe talk about what this means to both of us and what sort of timeline he’s got in mind.
MissDre, you already have a lot to consider, but one more important thing is getting a VISA! I’ve lived abroad for almost 5 years and making sure you are able to get a visa is huuuuge, especially for the UK. I know a few different people who moved to the UK for grad school, and tried really really hard to stay after but just couldn’t find a company to sponsor them for a visa. You should look very carefully into the legal logistics of Canadian nationals obtaining a work visa for the UK. I know one Canadian who lives in the UK, but she was able to get a visa through her British boyfriend. Does your guy have citizenship, or was he transferred by his company there?
@lucia_la he’s just there on a work visa. His visa is valid for 5 years. I haven’t made any decisions yet, but if I do move there, my hope is that I’d be able to keep my Canadian job and work remotely. In which case, I’d just have to leave the UK every 6 months (I can stay up to 6 months at a time with just my passport). I’d be traveling back to Canada often anyway, to visit my family and check in with my work (if I’m able to keep my job).
But yes, if I did have to find a job there, I would have to find a company willing to sponsor me for a work visa.
Or if we get married, I can apply for a spouse visa, since he’s settling there and will like apply for PR. My understanding is that he doesn’t need to be a citizen, he just needs to have a valid visa.
@MissDre, not sure about the UK, but where I live if you use up all of your days (here it’s just 3 months) you have to stay out for a full 3 months before you can come back. Can you go right back into the UK, or would you have to spend a full six months out to reset your days? Also, here (again in Central Europe not the UK) you would be able to get a visa through your bf if he has permanent residency, regardless of whether or not you’re married. (PR though, not if he just has a visa).
I’m pretty sure in the UK you have to be married. I was looking at the visa requirements, and it says you need to show your marriage certificate.
I’m pretty sure if I didn’t have an extended visa I could still come and go. That’s what my bf did when he was in Canada. He only had a visitor visa, meaning he could only stay for 6 months at a time. But he was here for like a year. He would just drive to the US for the weekend to visit friends and every time he crossed the border back to Canada the time would reset.
Anyway lots of time to figure it out. I told him last night that I’d consider moving there next summer but that if I’m moving to a new country I want to be married.
So you’d want to marry him before moving over there? What’s your thinking on that vs. moving there, seeing how things go, and moving toward marriage at that point?
I don’t really believe in living together before marriage/engagement (for me personally, I don’t care what other people do). So even if he lived here, I still wouldn’t move in with him unless we were on the same page about getting married.
But also, I’m just willing to give up everything just to “see how it goes” … I own a house. My friends and family are here. I love my job. If he wants me to move, then I want it to be because we’ve decided to commit to a life together, not just because we miss each other and it’s convenient.
Anyway, I’m not planning on packing my bags and rushing off to get married. I want to enjoy our time together this fall (we have trips planned in September and November).
At Christmas he’ll be here and we’ll meet each other’s families. If things are still great at that point, we can talk about getting engaged and talk about a timeline.
