“Is It Too Late to Have a Relationship with My Co-Worker?”
After we slept together, things seemed to be going down the romance path but then all of a sudden just stopped. I was hurt, confused, and disappointed. I decided to say something to him, and at first he said he felt the exact same way. He had developed feelings for me but was too scared to say anything and thought I was only interested in a casual, one-time fling. He then said he has met someone else and is pursuing things with her.
It is still very early with them, so my question is: Do you think it is too late for us? We have a long history together, and, while we also have clearly had communication issues, everything is all out on the table now. Am I foolish for hoping he will think about our conversation and give us a chance? — Hopelessly Optimistic
Sorry, but I do think it’s too late for you. Or, more accurately, I think it’s still not the right time. You work together, so there’s potential for a lot of discomfort (and worse) if you pursue him and things don’t work out. And because there’s already some history between you and nothing really progressed, that suggests that either feelings weren’t strong enough in the first place or one or both of you had hesitations about moving things forward.
The bottom line is you’ve expressed yourself already and, if this guy were truly interested in having a relationship with you now, he wouldn’t continue pursuing a relationship with someone else. Sure, he may think about what you’ve said and change his mind and break things off with the new woman, but pinning your hopes on that and waiting in expectation isn’t going to do you any good, especially considering you work with the guy. Your best bet is to accept that he’s moved on and that you should, too.
If things change at some point and you’re both open to a potential relationship together, you can be pleasantly surprised, but for now consider what you have to be a professional and platonic friendship only, regardless of your long history.
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My boyfriend is my coworker (same office, different team). We were both in and out of other relationships and always friends. Once we were both single at the same time, we hung out and thinks quickly escalated. After we initially hooked up, the romantic path just naturally fell into place. At one point we did verbally discuss the actual title, but it was implied long before that. Based on my experiences, I would say the timing isn’t right for this guy. You guys hooked up and he started pursuing someone else. If he wanted to be with you, he’d be focused on pursuing you.
LW, I too used to want to pin hopes and stuff on guys who just werent available for whatever reason. You need to chalk this up as in the past and leave it there. It is so easy to (endlessly) play the “what if?” game. But it usually doesnt end well for the person playing it, if ever. Also, you dont want to be the girl mooning over the guy at work who is obviously not returning your feelings.
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When you meet your special someone, they feel it too. They want it too. It isnt some epic battle to be together- you just are together because you both want it to be and it is the right time for you both, and you make each other happier than you ever were before. Look for that. Not with this guy.
Wow, this is spot on, couldn’t agree more! I pushed a relationship with a wishy washy man who wasn’t that into me. I ended up pregnant, had a couple more kids, then spent a miserable 30 years trying to make it work. A couple years after we finally divorced I met someone and it went exactly as you described in your second paragraph. I’m still surprised by it at times, and after almost three years together we are so happy!
OP, don’t be me. Release your thoughts for this person and the next time you find someone, communication is the key!
Wow, this is spot on, couldn’t agree more! I pushed a relationship with a wishy washy man who wasn’t that into me. I ended up pregnant, had a couple more kids, then spent a miserable 30 years trying to make it work. A couple years after we finally divorced I met someone and it went exactly as you described in your second paragraph. I’m still surprised by it at times, and after almost three years together we are so happy!
OP, don’t be me. Release your thoughts for this person and the next time you find someone, communication is the key!
Wow, this is spot on, couldn’t agree more! I pushed a relationship with a wishy washy man who wasn’t that into me. I ended up pregnant, had a couple more kids, then spent a miserable 30 years trying to make it work. A couple years after we finally divorced I met someone and it went exactly as you described in your second paragraph. I’m still surprised by it at times, and after almost three years together we are so happy!
OP, don’t be me. Release your thoughts for this person and the next time you find someone, communication is the key!
Wow, this is spot on, couldn’t agree more! I pushed a relationship with a wishy washy man who wasn’t that into me. I ended up pregnant, had a couple more kids, then spent a miserable 30 years trying to make it work. A couple years after we finally divorced I met someone and it went exactly as you described in your second paragraph. I’m still surprised by it at times, and after almost three years together we are so happy!
OP, don’t be me. Release your thoughts for this person and the next time you find someone, communication is the key!
I think this won’t work because he told you after he found out you were interested in him that he still wanted to pursue another woman. Don’t wait around because you will just be the filler girl until he finds someone new if things don’t work out with him and this other woman
If he’s actively pursuing someone else, your only decent choice is to butt out. If, and only if, his relationship with this girl ends, then you can bring it up again. But if he shoots you down a second time, move on.
It is too late, and it’s time to move on. He was letting you down nicely by telling you that he’s seeing someone else, that means ‘…..so I won’t be getting into a relationship with you.’ The cards were all on the table, he knows how you feel, and his answer was to start seeing someone else. I’m sorry.
It doesn’t matter if it’s early in their relationship or not, it’s really, really uncool to pursue someone who’s in a relationship. Don’t go there. It will only become embarrassing in the end, and especially since you work together. You don’t want be the star of office gossip about “that girl who won’t leave poor Bob alone.”
Dang dude yeah it’s too late he’s going out with another woman. He told you that so you’d get the hint that he isn’t interested in pursuing anything with you. Maybe he did have feelings for you, but has decided it’s not worth it. (You work together, obviously don’t communicate well.) Next time, when you meet someone you like and sleep with them, be clear about your intentions. If you want a relationship say so because getting turned down is better than whatever bullshirt you’re putting yourself through now.