My ex and I never really broke up. We have an 18-year-old child together, but his parents never liked me. About five years ago, he walked out of my life and started dating a woman he doesn’t love. The reason I know he doesn’t love her is because two weekends ago we met for coffee and he told me they fight all the time and he’s only still with her because of money. His name was put on the deed of her home to help keep it from foreclosing. He also said he wants out but doesn’t want to move back with his mom. I completely understand! That day we spent together was like we had never skipped a beat. Our conversation, and love for one another, was still there. He called me “honey,” which he always used to do, and he told me how beautiful I am. I can feel the love between us and now it leaves me wanting my family back together.
Should I try a speak with him about us? — Wanting My Family Back
He abandoned you and your then-13-year-old son five years ago to go live with another woman, and you’re actually considering taking him back because he called you “honey” and told you you’re beautiful? He’s using you for a place to live. He doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t abandon you without any explanation for five years. Love doesn’t meet you for coffee to tell you his woe-is-me tale about being trapped in a loveless relationship for financial reasons. That’s not love. That’s desperation. And taking him back — even thinking about taking him back — isn’t love, either. It’s loneliness. He is not the answer.
My ex-boyfriend of two years and I broke up about a month ago. He realized he wasn’t in love with me. This was a very big shock for me, as he’s a kind gentleman and always showed affection towards me. I miss the guy dearly. I would genuinely like to be able to keep a friendship with him. Also, he was a good example for my younger brother. Would it be weird to invite him out to dinner with us just to be able to keep some kind of friendship with him and my family? — Missing Him
If he has a new girlfriend, would you invite her too and be OK with her coming as well? If the answer is no, then you aren’t ready for a friendship with him yet.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at [email protected].
LW1 – MOA, MOA. If you’re on and off, “mostly off” that much, you shouldn’t be together at all. And “I chased her for 45 minutes.” WTF? All I could think of was Key and Peele’s Meegan sketches. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4bwef7
That video was amazing.
I don’t understand you, LW #1. You’re Facebook friends with everyone you’ve ever even took out for coffee, and yet you refuse to connect with your current girlfriend? Sheila thinks you don’t want her seeing what you’re up to on social media. I think she’s right. Might as well be “off again” again. Since you don’t trust her, why are you with her?
LW #2: Listen to Wendy.
LW #3: Lordy. No. Just, no.
LW1: I wouldn’t date Sheila, or wouldn’t have a Facebook account. Both are incompatible. Sheila is either a obsessive jealous person – what you imply – or you are a flirt. Anyway, it doesn’t work, does it? Leave the relationship and deactivate your Fb account: you will be much quieter on both sides.
LW 1 should definitely stay on FB and provide popcorn for the drama that is sure to unfold. Seriously dude I’m sure there are some redeeming qualities that keep you coming back for more but 3 years of mostly off is a major waste of time and energy. Cut the cord already.
LW3…..omgaf NOOOOO.
LW #1: Break up with Sheila, and don’t ever be ‘on’ with her again. It doesn’t matter if she’s over-possessive or you’re a flirt. Y’all don’t want the same kind of relationship.
LW #2: You don’t really want to be his friend. What you want is to try and get back into a relationship with him under the guise of ‘friendship’. Do yourself a favor and move on. He decided that the relationship was not what he wanted so respect that. Honestly, you are setting yourself up for a FWB situation that is not going to work out well for you.
LW #3: WWS. I know you think that y’all have a special love but you don’t. That guy is looking to use you as his escape plan from his current unhappy relationship. I’m going to guess that he probably used her to escape from your relationship. Please don’t be his escape plan. If he wants to end his relationship, then he should figure that shit out himself. Once he’s free to date then you can see if y’all’s special love is still there.
LW 1. Just no. You are an adult, yet you write a long post about facebook? Live in the real world – the one where you don’t actually commit to dating Shelia. MOA.
LW 2. It is way too soon in my opinion. You were together 2 years and you were the one dumped. It is time to focus on you and rebuild – not try to maintain relationships that will never be the same as when you were together.
LW 3. WES. He is using you to make his life easier. He will just take from you, and then leave you again when it is convenient for him. You deserve better. And BTW, your ex DID break up with you when he left you for someone else.
It might be time for an edition of “Really?” (formerly with Seth Meyers) Really, you don’t trust each other enough to be on social media, and you’ve been on and off for years, and she’s psycho-tagged every photo on your woman friend’s page, but you have some questions to ask about moving forward with this woman? Really? Really? Your ex broke up with you a month ago because he didn’t love you and you think maybe you want to invite him to dinner to be “just friends”? Really? Really? Your ex left you completely in the lurch to be with another woman he doesn’t love, but now he says things aren’t going well, so you wanna take him back because he talked sweet to you once? Really? Really? REALLY????
LW1 – I get why your apprehensive. It sounds like she burned you before. I think you need to decide if this is a real relationship. If you are committed and monogamous, then not having her be your facebook friend is weird. It sounds like you surround yourself with lots of beautiful women and you need to find out if Sheila is comfortable with that. You need to have talks about ground rules and expectations.
LW1: It baffles me that you said you’d been married for 15 years because you sound like a college aged kid. So does Sheila. You both need to grow up.
Oy vey.
LW1 and Sheila are a prime example of why I always say that old people ruined facebook. Right up there with crazy aunts that comment on your posts “You look great. Love you. XOXO Aunt Judy.” Like I know its you, Aunt Judy, your name is right. there.
If you were serious about being with Sheila, you would be her FB friend; there’s just no logic for someone to be FB friends with every person they know, except the one with whom they are in a committed, long-term relationship. But then you’re not really in a committed, long-term relationship with her, and that’s clearly not working for either of you. Also you should do yourself and your son a favor and delete your account, because if he isn’t old enough to be embarrassed by your web presence yet… he will be soon enough. There are other ways to share your father-son moments than facebook. Try a nice family newsletter email, instead.
And LW2, this guy is another adult acting like a child. Having his name on her mortgage is a reason to stay in an unhappy relationship, but sharing a son with you was NOT a reason to stay? Hell to the no. Your son is 18 so you don’t even really need to co-parent with this guy anymore. What you need is to be cordial at your son’s high school graduation (or whatever events you might both show up at FOR YOUR SON) and otherwise have no relationship with this dude.
LW1: I think her behavior warrants not being Facebook friends, but you shouldn’t be trying to maintain a relationship with a person you can’t trust to be Facebook friends with.
LW2: Doesn’t matter why he’s with her. He chose to be with her and not you. Move on.
Eh, I think some of you are way too harsh on LW1 — Shitshow, er… I mean Sheila has already proven that she can’t not STALK people on FB in a way that would seriously UNNERVE me. Shitshow clearly CANNOT handle FB. Actually, LW1, Shitshow Sheila can’t handle dating fyi…
I have a rule: If a person causes me lots of drama online, they do not get to cause me drama in real life. LW1, I’m looking at you.
LW1: All the advice to stop seeing someone that you don’t trust not to act like a stalker psycho is solid and you should take it.
However, it is trivial on FB to change your settings so that no one else can see your entire friend list; they would only see mutual friends. I know this because I have a friend who also has a bad habit of dating men who act like stalker psychos.
LW1 – Whether she’s just that crazy possessive (I wouldn’t put it past her) or if you’re just that flirty (could be possible, I don’t know), isn’t even the main problem here. Bottom line is, there’s no trust, and no amount of break ups and reunions will ever change that.
LW2 – he called you “honey” and said you’re beautiful. Don’t fall for this schmoozer’s act. He’s already walked out on you once, what makes you think he wouldn’t do it again?
LW1 When you can’t be Facebook friends with a potential girlfriend because she is so aggressively possessive of you the question you should ask yourself is why you would consider making her your girlfriend. This off and on business should be permanently off. Don’t remain friends. Don’t hang out. Don’t become her boyfriend. She’s proven, beyond a doubt, that she can’t handle a relationship with you.
LW1: Sheila is a cyber psycho stalker… If you can’t put up with that online, how in the world can you do it in real life?
(please, show this thread to her and let us know the results though)
LW2: I can’t even…
You’ve got to understand that Sheila wants you way more than you want her. She wants you so bad she is willing to try to drive every other even remotely potential future girlfriend away from you. She doesn’t want to be your friend on Facebook she wants to monitor all your female connections and make sure they know that you really belong with her. She is verging on stalking and Facebook is a tool she wants to use to do that.
You need to cut her out of your life for good. Don’t get involved in any more drama. Don’t take her calls. If you see her while out somewhere you say hi but nothing more. You are always to busy to stop and talk or to meet somewhere to catch up. She doesn’t respect boundaries. She doesn’t respect your or trust you but she wants you. She wants to possess you and she is willing to drive away any potential competition to have you.
Why are people so obsessed with Facebook in relationships?! Are you 10!? I dated my ex for 10 years and I never once even looked at his social media or was his friend. I just didn’t give a crap cause oh I dunno I am not in high school.