His Take

New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice. What do guys really think about having sex on the first date? Do they lose respect for a woman if she has sex on the first date? What does it even mean to lose respect for someone after you sleep with them? I get so confused whenever I hear a guy talk about how he loses respect for someone for sleeping with them on the first date when it’s…

What does it mean if a guy tells you that every guy has a fantasy girl-next-door that he wants to end up with and that you’re his? The guy in particular is not really the smooth-talking type and we have too much back-story for it to just be a line, but is he saying that he sees it as a fantasy or as true feelings? Without too much rehashing, this is someone I have known for 10+ years and have had crazy feelings for for more than half of that time. Since we have always been friends first and had major timing issues (living in different states/cities, being single at opposite times),…

I’m beginning to think I might intimidate men. My last boyfriend and I met in my apartment building after we’d each been living there for almost a year. We got to know each other when I struck up a conversation with him in the elevator, and again when we bumped into each other on campus. After we’d been dating for a couple weeks he confessed to me that he’d liked me for a long time but was nervous to talk to me, “because cute girls are scary” and “what if you were a bitch?” I was flattered he liked me for so long but sad that he felt he couldn’t approach me….

My husband and I are having a debate. He played football in college but was sidelined by knee surgery in both knees. One now is arthritic. About a year ago, his friend started a local rugby team. He is so excited and so happy to be on the team. He told me that if he was injured, he would stop. Well, he took a knee to the kidney and was peeing blood for a week and required an ultrasound, urine analysis, and seeing two specialists. But once he stopped having symptoms, he ran back to the team. He thinks that I am just lonely since he is out of the house three…

When it comes to dating, my problem is with disclosing the reason for my divorce. I don’t bring it up, but it comes up naturally in the conversation. Usually, when I’m asked why I’m divorced, I say “My ex hit me.” and move on to another topic. EVERY single guy says “I would never do that, blah blah blah” (even though I never ask “are you an abuser?”). And then EVERY single guy feels sorry for me. I do not want that. I’m not a victim anymore; I’m trying to move on with my life. I truthfully answered a question, and I want to move on from that specific topic. (Yes, I…

New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), or submit a question for advice. When is the right time to have the DTR (Define the Relationship) talk? Who should initiate it? How have your previous relationships evolved from the dating phase to the exclusive phase? I like to be pursued, so I’d rather he initiate it, but what are the chances that he waiting for me to initiate it? I’ve heard that the woman usually brings it up. Are there any ways one…

New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. If you don’t find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com. Why are (some) guys so weird about sex? I’ve only been with four other men and my boyfriend has been with more women than he can count, but If I ever say anything even vaguely alluding to the reality that I had sexual relations with other people before I met…