“How Should I Tell My Girlfriend I Want to Travel Alone?”
We’ve traveled together a few times – mainly three-night trips. I enjoy her company and we haven’t had any major drama, just minor stuff like in any relationship. I do plan on traveling again with my girlfriend, but I’d also like to travel solo for a variety of reasons, including that I have many weeks of paid leave whereas she’s only started a new job and doesn’t have as much time off. Additionally, I have always been an independent person and traveling solo would give me a sense of autonomy and the freedom to choose what I want to do. It’s a break from routine and responsibilities, providing an opportunity for self-care, self-reflection, and relaxation.
Is it weird to travel solo while in a relationship? I know my sister would find it weird that I want to travel without my girlfriend. Maybe many people would find it weird. But life is short and when you get to this age, you feel a sense of urgency. So, should I tell my girlfriend first that I plan to travel on my own and, regardless of her answer, still book? Or should I book first and then tell her? I’d love to hear your advice, Wendy. — Travel for One, Please
No, it’s definitely not weird or even rare for people in relationships to travel solo sometimes. Now, if you only ever traveled solo and never traveled with your partner despite her interest and availability in traveling, that would be weird, but that’s not the case here. I think it’s a good sign that you are being considerate about your girlfriend’s feelings – you do not, however, need to weigh your sister’s feelings on this issue! – and want to know the best way to broach the topic of solo travel with her to minimize any potential offensiveness or awkwardness.
I wouldn’t book a trip without discussing it with your girlfriend, simply as a show of respect. You don’t need permission, but it would be nice to check in about dates and make sure they don’t conflict with anything the two of you have planned. It would also be considerate to check that you wouldn’t be going to a place she had her heart set on visiting with you (and if that’s the case, you could go somewhere else – that’s what I’d do — or assure her you’ll want to visit again, with her next time). Then, tell your girlfriend exactly what you shared here – that you enjoy traveling with her and look forward to future trips together but that traveling solo is something you enjoy for the freedom and autonomy it gives you and you want to take advantage of your generous vacation time to take some trips on your own. Let her know that her input is important and she should share if there’s any place she’d like the two of you to see together or dates or occasions she’d like for you to save for her.
Nothing you say indicates that your girlfriend is unreasonable and will have an issue with this or think you’re weird for wanting to travel by yourself, but if she IS unreasonable, have confidence that you aren’t doing anything wrong here. It’s perfectly healthy and normal to travel without your significant other – without anyone. Your girlfriend is free to be bothered, but if she is, you might want to consider whether you are as well-matched as you thought, especially if she doesn’t come around or if she stands in the way of this thing that clearly brings you joy.
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I’ve never understood seperate vacations when you have a spouse. If you’re so smothered by then that you can’t enjoy or have the same level of experience with them, then there’s a fundamental relationship problem.
I get a girls, guys trip. Bonding with friends that is sacred, but significant solo travel trips, where you exclusively and intentionally leave your partner behind feels like a relationship problem.
Just my 2 cents. In any event, you need to communicate with your partner. She very well might be offended.
It’s really just a matter of personalities. Some people thrive on their alone time and need to feel happy. You obviously aren’t one of those people. But I do agree that he needs to discuss this with his girlfriend.
In this case, he has weeks more vacation leave than she does. Should he just not use it?
Additionally, they may have individual interests in addition to their shared interests.
Should those individual interests never be explored unless you can convince your partner or a friend to go with you?
It’s not a relationship problem to be a person who has an abundance of vacation time and/or some travel interests that your partner might not share.
You sound so needy. Can’t stand to be alone even for a short amount of time?
If you’ve ever traveled solo you’d understand the appeal. I love traveling with my friends/ family/ partner, but my fave trips have always been on my own. Don’t knock it until you try it!
Yeah, look, I would break up immediately with someone who was weird about me traveling alone. We would simply never get to the point of being spouses. If someone is too insecure or jealous or clingy or controlling or codependent or just has SUCH a severely different values alignment here that they can’t exist for a few days or even occasional weeks without me, then *that* is a pretty serious relationship problem to me.
I never feel smothered by my parner, they are my favourite person in the world, but both of those are resting pretty hard on my partner’s ability to see and treat me as a whole entire human being outside of our partnership.
It’s fine to have a different value there as long as you are on the same page as your partner about it, but this is a pretty extreme position and positioning “people have different values as me” as “always a relationship problem” is pretty gross.
I’ve been married 25 years. My husband and I do a lot of travelling together, and we also travel solo and without each other with other friends. It has nothing to do with being smothered or not enjoying time/experience with each other.
We love travelling together! But sometimes the timing doesn’t work out for a trip together, or one of us wants to see something the other isn’t interested in, etc. Even when we’re travelling together we sometimes split up for solo adventures.
We both have done a fair bit of travel for our jobs so probably that experience informs our opinions: like if one of us has a conference somewhere interesting, the other sometimes tags along to see the sights etc. When that happens we’re necessarily doing different things on the ground since one of us is working! And sometimes it doesn’t work out so the partner goes alone. I guess we take the same approach to holidaying.
It’s not about being “smothered” by anyone. It’s about enjoying being alone. Have you ever traveled completely alone? It’s pretty exhilarating, especially when you are traveling abroad.
I love going on trips with my husband, but they are different kind of trips. When I am with him, we do relaxing trips or family trips. When I’m alone, I do adventures. We are both introverts and enjoy our alone time. That is one of the things I love about him. He DOESN’T smother me because he doesn’t whine when I want to go do something alone.
The guy is not really considerate of his girlfriend, he only pretends he wants to ask her but in reality he’s already made up his mind to book *regardless of her answer* and clearly regardless of reasons (maybe she feels stressed because of her new job and would like to have someone to comfort her and spend time with in the evenings, that’s what relationships are for too). That really sounds so selfish it would be wise for the girlfriend to consider if they are a good match! Also consider if he travels alone now, he will most likely not get leave again in several months, when his girlfriend is finally able to take holidays in her new job, so it means she will be forced to go on holidays alone too. She may not feel comfortable with this, it will certainly be more expensive, she will have every right to feel disappointed by such a relationship.
He specifically says he has “many weeks” of holiday and that he does plan to travel with the girlfriend again, so not sure where you’re getting the idea that he “most likely won’t get leave again” when she has time available. Or why that would mean she’d be “forced to go on holidays alone.”
For all we know, she’s into 3-day road trips and he wants to bicycle around Uganda for two weeks or something. In which case she might WELCOME him doing this adventure on his own — and also travelling with her doing what she enjoys.
He won’t know until he talks to her about it.
Why is there anything wrong with wanting to travel solo? It’s okay if he wants to have a “guys” trip but not okay if he wants to go alone. That is just silly. Everyone has their own preferences and there is definitely nothing wrong with having alone and couples time. I think the fact that your girlfriend has less vacation time than you lets you off the hook. It is more insulting if you both have the same amount of vacation time but you’d rather spend it by yourself. I agree with Wendy. Just be kind and speak from the heart using “I” statements and your girlfriend should understand. But like Wendy said. Don’t go off to her dream spot without her.
I am in my mid 50’s and I think about travelling alone all the time. I have yet to do it but I feel like it would push me out of my comfort zone and would broaden my horizons. It’s much harder for women to travel alone though then men.