From the forums:
My husband wants to tell his family that I’m pregnant. His thought is that it would be good news and we all need good news right now. My thought is that it is too early. Everybody still needs time to process what is going on with Grandma and the focus needs to be on her. Plus, I feel my husband’s mother has enough to deal with right now and shouldn’t have to have another thought in her head other than taking care of her mother.
Thoughts? — Newly Pregnant
Congratulations! And you are absolutely right in your thinking. Your husband may be well-intentioned with wanting to share your good news, but honestly, it comes across as kind of attention-seeking and trying to make a moment be about him when it clearly should be about his grandmother. Furthermore, it’s your body and you get to decide when you’re ready to share news about it. Three to four weeks pregnant is super-duper early; most OBGYNs don’t even want to see you to confirm a pregnancy until you’re around eight weeks along (or roughly six weeks past your missed period). Of course, it’s your choice when you feel comfortable sharing the news, but Thanksgiving is coming up right around what would be towards the end of your first trimester, and that could be a great time to make an announcement to the family, particularly if you have one of those cute sonogram pictures to pass around. If Grandma is still not doing well at Thanksgiving, people will have had time to process that and will welcome some happy news. And if she’s doing better, then your pregnancy will only add to the celebration.
Best wishes for a healthy and comfortable pregnancy!
From the forums:
A couple of weeks ago my husband told me that his mum and dad wanted to take us to the theatre for a Christmas treat and we were really happy because it’s unusual that they invite us to do something that doesn’t involve his sister (when they do things together all the time) but tonight his mum revealed that his sister was coming too because she “couldn’t invite us and not her.” This made me really upset because we are always left out of things!!! Not only that but for my husband’s birthday they gave him a mug with photos of my husband and her children but didn’t include me on it. Am I justified in being upset or am I just being dramatic?
Please help. These are just a couple of things that have upset me out of a long list and I feel like I’m going out of my mind. They may seem little things but when all added together they’re not. — Feeling Inadequate
I’m not sure I understand what the problem here is. You don’t feel very close with your in-laws, you don’t like the way they make you feel about yourself, and you don’t have to spend much time with them. Wouldn’t it be much more of a problem if you had to spend a lot of time with people who didn’t make you feel good about yourself? You say your husband is close with them, but you don’t mention his feeling hurt or complaining or asking anything more from you. You only talk about YOUR being upset, and not because you wish you were closer to your in-laws but because you feel like they prefer their daughter to you. Um, DUH. She’s their daughter. And it sounds like she has kids, too, right (the ones pictured on the mug given to your husband)? Hmm, do you think maybe spending time with their grandchildren is another reason your husband’s parents put in more time with their daughter?
You’re making this all about you and it isn’t. You’re seriously upset that your in-laws gave him a mug with a picture of him and his nieces/nephews and not a picture of you and him?! And out of your “long list” of things to be upset about, this is the one you wanted to share? And you’re wondering if you’re being dramatic? YES! Yes, you’re being dramatic and childish. If you truly want a closer relationship with your in-laws and you want to do more with them without your SIL present, why don’t YOU invite THEM to do stuff instead of waiting for the invitation from them? Quit complaining about being left out of things, and do the organizing and inviting so you can be in charge of who’s included and who isn’t.
I feel so stupid waiting for someone who is worse than when he was an addict. I really thought that he would appreciate me more and things would be better, but now I just can’t stand being around him. Maybe it’s just how recovering addicts act? Or am I overly dramatic? I need an outside opinion. — Waited for Sober
Yeah, I don’t think being disappointed that you waited years and years for a meth addict to get sober only to discover he’s arrogant, rude, cocky, lazy, irresponsible, emotionally unavailable, and cruel to you is being overly dramatic. You made a mistake waiting for someone to change. If someone has to change in order for you to be happy with him, he’s not right for you. Don’t waste any more time on this guy. Encourage him to do right by your son and to be a decent dad, but let go of any hope he’s ever going to be a good partner for you. That ship has sailed.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.