“My Boss Didn’t Give Me a Gift”
I suppose I should be grateful that my boss acknowledged the day at all and that he is a good boss to work for the rest of the year. But I know this will hurt me next year if it happens again. Is there a way to communicate this to him, or should I take that day off as a celebration, tell myself it’s not personal, and move on? Also, my boss got me a bottle of wine for Christmas, but I don’t drink. I didn’t say anything in the moment, but in the future do I need to get the courage to tell him I don’t drink or do I just say, “Thank you” and bring the wine to family holidays to share as I did last year? — Hurt Assistant
There’s a scene in the show “Mad Men,” a fantastic period drama popular in the 2010s and set in the advertising world of NYC in the 1960s, where Peggy, a copywriter, accuses her boss, Don Draper, of not showing enough gratitude for her hard word, and he responds: “That’s what the money’s for.” LW, it’s nice to be appreciated and thought of, but when it comes to professional relationships, it’s the paycheck that does the heavy lifting. As long as you have a steady paycheck and a boss who is generally good, fair, and kind, you’re getting what you need from the professional relationship. Presumably, you have personal relationships in your life that meet your other needs.
Sure, it’s nice when a boss shows appreciation and recognition in the form of gifts and words of gratitude, but it shouldn’t be expected or necessary for showing up and doing your work. Don’t take the day off on Admin Day just because you’re upset that your boss doesn’t do enough to acknowledge the occasion. Be professional, show up, do the work, and collect your paycheck. This is a professional relationship that you risk jeopardizing by letting hurt feelings get the best of you. Don’t make it personal. You have a job to do, you do it, you get paid. If you like getting paid and working for a boss who is fair and kind and good, don’t mess that up, especially with the current job market.
If you think the resentment will get the best of you on Admin Day, schedule something to look forward to, like a nice lunch or dinner out with friends or a massage after work. When you get a bottle of wine for Christmas because your boss doesn’t know or remember that you don’t drink, say “thanks” and bring it to a holiday gathering as you’ve done before. Your boss clearly lacks some personal skills and general competence, but when it comes to your relationship with him: That’s what the money’s for.
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LW, Wendy is right, and please don’t take your boss’s behavior personally, or you will be out of a job. That’s what the money is for!
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One thousand percent – sure, those other things are nice but having had some truly awful bosses in the past I’ll say that having a good one is worth a lot more than an Admin Day gift or wine you won’t drink.
Thus is a made-up day that took off during the period when women were asserting themselves in the workforce. I remember because I lived it. I was embarrassed by the fake sentiments. I’ll bet bosses don’t go out shopping for their employees. Somebody else does it and they hand it out because it became a thing. Yes, a nice sentiment or thank you is welcomed by a hard working employee, but the not-so-great employee gets and expects the same. Do not say anything to your boss or react with disdain because your boss might be offended by your unprofessional attitude. Be thankful you have a good boss. Making gift-receiving a competition is a no-winner.
What makes you think that anything more that a thank you is needed? While what Wendy says is correct, gifts and gestures are nice, they are just that…. Nice, icing. Have you ever had a really terrible boss? Because no gift could make up for what that will take from you on the daily. ANY gift you get should be considered a nice to have, even if you regift it. Just say thank you and go about your business. If you can’t get past it? Go out, get another job and see if it fits you better. If it does, great! If not, look back on this as a learning experience that you will wish you didn’t have to live to understand and remember for next time someone tells you not to take work etiquette issues so personally.
I don’t think the boss lacks personal skills. If he did he wouldn’t be a good boss. A good working relationship is a blessing. Appreciate that.
And what did you give your boss on Bosses’ Day?
Honestly working in a law firm I kind of feel this lol. Some attorneys (like the ones I’m lucky to work with) are extremely generous over the holidays and know – $$ is a great great gift for staff lol. But some coworkers have bosses who… give them a box of chocolates or literally nothing. And.. it helps to be appreciated. Just saying.
I told my boss that I didn’t need praise or gifts, just give me my damn paycheck. What an immature woman she is.